ANDY GARCIA WAS A SIAMESE TWIN
04.15.08
Strangely, movies often have a strong effect on dog-buying trends – see: Dalmatians, Jack Russell Terriers (The Mask, Frasier), etc. It’s something they should’ve considered before greenlighting Beverly Hills Chihuahua.
The live-action “adventure comedy” will feature the voices of Andy Garcia, Placido Domingo, George Lopez, Salma Hayek, Edward James Olmos, Paul Rodriguez, Cheech Marin, Piolín, and… wait for it… Drew Barrymore (naturally). So… I was all set to make a joke here, but then I wikipedia’d Andy Garcia to see what nationality he was, and came up with this:
García was born as one of two siamese twins, in Bejucal, La Habana Province, Cuba.
A Siamese what now? I thought it might be the work of a Wiki prankster, but according to a bunch of other articles I pulled up, it’s true.
Andy Garcia was born with a conjoined twin the size of a softball attached to his shoulder. It was surgically removed, and Garcia has no memory of it. [Source]
So, um, yeah – Chihuahuas, now there’s an annoying breed of dog! I mean, am I right or am I right?
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It was surgically removed, and has gone on to direct such films as Bad Boys, Pearl Harbor, Transformers, and The Island…. in the last of which, it told Scarlett Johansen not to take her top off.
I wanna kick this movie against the wall. Just to hear it yelp.
I can’t get over the fact that the most disturbing thing about this article is still the poster!
Cherry Garcia was Andy’s twin.
This is when we look at Hollywood and ask, "Are you even trying anymore?"
Will Edward James Olmos be a dog that got shot in the face with a shotgun by a cranky Mexican farmer?
I’m going to be very disappointed if there’s not a Rottweiler voiced by Danny Trejo in this film.
FUCKDROP THE SHITLUPA!!!!!!!
( * Y * ) – To which Hollywood replies "No, why should we?" And Hollywood makes a valid point.
With Spanish fast becoming the national language, nearly ready to overthrow Vietnamese within the next 6 months, does anyone really not know how to pronounce Chihuahua?
Donkey, Danny Trejo will play a dog with a knife name.
…does anyone really not know how to pronounce Chihuahua?
Chee-Wow-wa!
Dor sho gha! What’s next, a vampire Pomeranian???
It’s just The Ruins but with Chu hua huas
OK, playing hackey sack with Andy Garcia’s dead conjoined twin or Mannequin 2: On the Move?
My Siamese twin looked like a 4" penis right between my legs. i miss him.
You know what else is fresh? They could have a bulldog and a shih-tsu mix and it would be called a…
*punches self in the throat*
Joker, that’s when I take a tied and taped up Tim Allen from my trunk, press a gun to his head and say, "Hollywood, you better stop…" click the hammer back, "…or else!"
Dog tsu!
Tim Allen is a snitch, (*Y*). And I think even Hollywood knows that snitches end up in ditches.
I just want there to be an Irish Sheepdog exactly like the one that used to beat the hell out of Wile E. Coyote in those cartoons.
Judging from the poster, I’m assuming this is a shot-for-shot remake of Apocalypto. Except with believable characters.
Andy Garcia was born in Bejucal, La Habana Province, Cuba with a conjoined twin the size of a softball attached to his shoulder.
Andy escaped to America in a small raft, while his surgically-removed sibling made the journey inside a discarded Big Mac container.
Pauly, so the day Tim Allen disappears, I should invest in corn that year, right?
swear to god, my grandfather had the same thing. It was a lump on his back and they said it was an undeveloped twin. I never saw the lump, I guess they removed it but he was born in, like 1890. So I don’t know if they were even capable of doing that kind of surgery back then. http://www.finickycritic.com
(*Y*), that and DVD sets of Tool Time.
I’m a little disappointed we don’t have two Andy Garcias, actually.
Stoney is it your birthday?
Stoney is it your birthday?
If there’s a gift involved, yes. Otherwise, no, it was a few weeks ago.
The lump was tossed into the sea and found three years later in Australia, where it grew up to be Anthony LaPaglia.
Wow, is it already the end of times? Hmph.
My conjoined twin lump gots my back, no matter what.
Pauly, is that the
Garbage Pail Kids Movie posterguy from Double Dragon?I’m just so glad that we’re finally far enough out from the memory of the terrible iron-fisted rule of the "Yo Quiero Taco Bell" dog that we can finally start laughing at Chihuahuas again.
Erwsi, it’s
AboboAdam Bomb, that’s how my head feels.Oh, it’s a card. Got it. I thought it was the poster when I first looked at it. Alright, hands in the air, who has the GPK Movie on VHS?
::erswi’s hand goes up first::
Eh, I’ll wait for [i]Dog Movie[/i], starring Ice Cube, Shawn Wayans, Marlon Wayans, Keenan Ivory Wayans, Robert Guillaume, and Anna Faris.
GRRRRRRR ITALICS
I don’t watch Lost, but Jorge Garcia looks like he ate his siamese twin.
Lance, for the love of Flying Spaghetti Monster, please post soemthing else.
Yeah, if Lance doesn’t post something 4 Fast, I’m gonna be 4 Furious.
Fooo sho
*Chodin shows up to the construction site with his thermos full of piss*
Howdy ya’ll.
ay caramba!!
Double Durst!
This story has too many holes. Was Garcia the growth or the ‘bigger one’? Was the surgery performed by a doctor or did Gary Busey remove it with one bite, chew twice, then swallow? This post has been up so long I resorted to Gary Busey jokes.
If I was sitting on the couch and all of a sudden my dog looks over at me and is like, “Hey, we should go see that Beverly Hills Chihuahua movie?” – despite the fact that my dog had just spoken perfect English to me, I’d still say “fuck no” and then call him a homo for saying such a stupid thing.
I would let this movie lick the Jif off my nuts.
And you’d be right Chod.
I here by dub this film Suck Factory.
If our mouse (we don’t have a pet mouse, he’s just tiny vermin that likes to watch tv with us) turned to me and said that I’d tell him we’d meet him there and give him a tiny ticket. it’s the only way we’re going to get rid of that little guy.
On another note, he really enjoyed Across The Universe last night.
Michelle, he’s not alone in that regard. I just watched it a coupla weeks ago and I really liked it. Weird huh?
Not the mouse, Across the Universe.
Chihuahuas are like the Michael J. Fox’s of the animal kingdom.
If Andy Garcia’s conjoined twin had been the size of a baseball instead of a softball, he would have been hailed as the next Roberto Clemente in Cuba.
New post, siamese softballs.
If you care, there’s a new post.
"During his last year in high school he became ill with mononucleosis,[3] which convinced him to pursue a career in acting." That makes sense. In high school I was diagnosed with leprosy which led me to pursue a career in skin modeling.
Zog love movie about hors’d oeuvres.
I once heard a story about how a chiuahuah got so excited that its eye popped out. I’m pretty sure it was on TV.
The removed conjoined twin’s last words:
"Say goodnight to the bad guy" and "it’s not a tumor!"