TYLER PERRY COCK PUNCHES B.O.
03.24.08
No surprises this week – Horton Hears a Who stayed at number one, raking in $25.1 million, while Tyler Perry’s Meet the Browns (which didn’t screen for critics) was right behind with $20 million, averaging nearly $10,000 per screen. Once again proving that Tyler Perry’s butthole is basically an ATM machine.
Drillbit Taylor, meanwhile, landed in fourth place in its first weekend, finishing behind a half-assed horror flick starring Joshua Jackson (Shutter). Sample Shutter review:
“The main problem is that they spelled the title wrong. The first vowel should be an I.” -Fearnet
Oh Snap! Sample Drillbit Taylor review:
“Imagine Curly Sue, but McLovin-ized.” -UGO
Double Snap! Wait, what the fuck does that even mean?
[Based on weekend estimates]
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I can’t imagine Curly Sue but i can imagine Sue Curley; i’m godfather to her second child.
Is the day after Easter a fucking holiday, too? Did I miss something? I felt like Will Smith driving to work today all by myself.
WHERE THE FUCK IS EVERYONE? HELLO!
I think we’re all just a little tired of this Jesus no-show bullshit.
According to TBS, Tyler Perry’s House of Payne is the top ranked cable sitcom in history. That makes perfect sense considering I can’t even name another cable network sitcom.
Madea is really a man? so just like in "The Crying Game", all this time i’ve been jerking off to a man? i wouldn’t feel so bad about it if i had known they were men in advance, but now i just feel like i’ve been lied to, you know?
Designing Women?
OH GOD I’M GAY!!!!!
In related news, I’m eating the world’s largest mug full of cereal eaten with a plastic spoon at 9:00 AM in this particular office. Woo Hoo!
Would it be considered hot if Madea and RuPaul had sex?
That would be automatically disqualified for negative hotness Burnsy. That would be approaching abolute zero non-hotness levels. I just threw up in my mouth a little bit. Thanks. Dick.
I really hate that Tyler Perry feeds movies to ‘The Community’
It’s clear that they didn’t screen that movie for critics because there wouldn’t be enough crowd interaction. Supposedly half the experience of a Tyler Perry movie is the jokes randomly yelled at the screen by the crowd.
i suppose it would be nerdish of me to point out that you can’t just say add an ‘i’ to the title of the movie. that would be kind of like i, robot. you’d also have to change the t’s to d’s.
ZING
Who is this Tyler Perry and why does he hate us so?
i’ve got nothing to add here, except to complain that there wwill be blood and no country for old men still have not reached my local theater
empty jenkem balloon indeed 8==D:’(
Tyler Perry’s butthole is basically an ATM machine
That’s the same thing all the male escorts down in Hotlanta told me.