SIMON COWELL IS A SLOW LEARNER
03.04.08
Famous gynecomastia sufferer Simon Cowell is currently in the process of developing a musical biopic with Paramount Pictures. Who will it be about, you might wonder – Mick Jagger? Nikki Sixx? 4 Non Blondes?
The man the world loves to hate is to produce a film about opera singer Paul Potts [Editor's Note – what kind of idiots name their kid "Paul" when they know his last name's going to be "Potts"?], a mobile phone salesman who won the UK show Britain’s Got Talent in 2007 and went onto [sic] sell three million copies of his debut album One Chance. [IGN]
What a brilliant idea! If it makes even half the money From Justin to Kelly made, the producers will be almost negative $4 million dollars richer (seriously though, From Justin to Kelly‘s production budget was $12 million and it grossed less than $5 million worldwide). And that doesn’t even take into account what a looker this guy is.
I know American Idol is popular and all, but let’s be honest, everyone who watches it has Down Syndrome.
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You are the vulgarian, you fuck!
http://maxim.com/StupidFun/Topafrorockingwhiteguys/slideshow/1493.aspx
gotta love the white man fro!
How could anyone watch American Idol and not be a chick or a fag?
Can’t happen.
You pompous, stuck-up, snot-nosed, English, giant, twerp, scumbag, fuck-face, dickhead, asshole.
Time to dust off my screenplay for "Down With the Brown," starring that chick who shit herself on Flavor of Love.
I know American Idol is popular and all, but let’s be honest, everyone who watches it has Down Syndrome.
No my not! My are specials.
::wipes slobber from chin with bib that reads Daddy’s Little Baller::
I would prefer Baz Luhrmann to direct a psychedelic musical about Pol Pot titled Moulin Khmer Rouge.
I dont watch american idol. Does this mean Im not a chick? Cause I can show you my boobs.
"Gitchy gitchy ya ya oh for the love of mercy please don’t kill my entire family!" would make a catchy refrain.
Time to dust off my screenplay for "Down With the Brown," starring that chick who shit herself on Flavor of Love.
I think that title is already being used to finish up the 2 girls 1 cup trilogy.
Rotwangchung,
you’s a funny mu fucka!
I’m a "Paul".
:(
Alright then Eib, let’s see em!
Moulin Khmer Rouge > Bruce Leroy doing A Fish Called Wanda lines
Oh, you English are *so* superior, aren’t you? Well, would you like to know what you’d be without us, the good ol’ U.S. of A. to protect you? I’ll tell you. The smallest fucking province in the Russian Empire, that’s what!
You bastards. I’ve been sitting on the last thread waiting for comments for a half hour. Sonsabitches! Bumpuses!
Actually Fek, I believe London would currently be known as Far West Berlin. It rolls trippingly off the tongue, no?
Will his girlfriend/Mom be kidnapped?
Justin Guarini was hilarious on Kids in the Hall.
puppies!!! vastly superior to every idol contestant and winner
Erswi, they would be too much for you, sir.
The sequel to Moulin Khmer Rouge will be Strawberry Killing Fields Forever.
"Nothing is real, and nothing to get hungabout…mainly because we ran out of rope, so we’ll just shoot you in the head and throw you in a ditch…la la la…"
Michelle, i just realized youa ren’t on the Filmdrunxicon female list. Do you want me to add you?
Sure Fek! Is there a tee-shirt involved too or should I just leave the one I have that’s covered in blood? Technically there’s a film on it.
Eib, I’ve not yet met a pair of breasts that are too much for me (i’ve got pretty large hands).
Burnsy whispers seductively: Justin Guarini was hilarious on Kids in the Hall.
Only if he played the part of "Reg."
Do the British purposely fuck their teeth up as part of their culture ala Swahili Tribesmen piercing their nutsacks with bones?
"Oi, dis little buggah’s ’bout to tuhn sebenteen, get da chisle and me ball peen hammah."
Is it hot in here? damn
Michelle, what film?
To Reg!!!
Is there a tee-shirt involved too
Only for our annual Filmdrunk wet t-shirt contest (funny how the shipement of white tshirts never comes on time…they always end up going topless!).
its a trap!
Eib, you just became 58% sexier to me. No, 60%.
JHC, that’s pretty damn funny. A single kudo to you.
I like the sketch in which Justin Guarini and the bearded lady go to the strip club.
Carrie I guess?
Rot, how do I get that other 40% of sexy? I must know!
http://dirtyhairy.blogspot.com/2008/01/filmdrunking-by-mighty-feklhr.html
Qaplah! We officially have another female!
They’re going at a rate of 20% per, Eib.
I like the sketch where Buddy Cole roofies Justin and then fucks him to death….with panache*.
*"Panache" is a French-Canadian anal lube made with bits of real diamond. It’s often used with a foil prophylactic called "The Goldschlonger."
Simon should do an all-female version of this. Call it American mIdol.
I was tarded yesterday.
I’m re-tarded today.
YAAAAAAAAAY I feel so official/sticky
Or he should just make them wait and call it American Idle
Favorite Simon Cowell Anagram:
I’m Swell Coon.
I don’t watch American Idol.
I don’t want to go to hell for breaking the Second Commandment.
Oh yeah . . . the second commandment . . . the one that says . . . ummm . . . something about cows or gold sheeps or something? Is that right? What was it again?
What about if they all dressed like vikings and called it American Heyerdahl?
Too obscure?
Wait a second, Thor Heyerdahl was the Kon-Tiki guy! Shit, I just ruined my own joke!
new post assholes
I think I was thinking about Leif Ericsson, as I am known to do from time to time. Sorry, guys. American Ericcson just doesn’t work into the previously established joke pattern.
What bex said!
What Fek said!
What erswi said!
To be fair to Cowell, he is exceptional at giving the plebs what they want and making millions from them. Didn’t take him long to crack America, did it?
What did he say!?
i enjoy american idol greatly, my dear sir, and i’ll have you know that when i lick the images of the contestants, the notes they sing taste like static electricity. coincidence? NOT LIKELY
Good day, sir
I SAID GOOD DAY SIR!
*slams door, eats the lapels off of jacket*
Shouldn’t Cowell be producing another album of standards sung by Robson Green? God damn it Cowell get with the program.
Could it be Mick Jagger?