Thankfully, it appears my earlier report about Patrick Swayze may have been premature. Now that a somewhat credible source has weighed in, things might not be as grim as they once seemed.
"Patrick has a very limited amount of disease [pancreatic cancer] and he appears to be responding well to treatment thus far," Dr. George Fisher says in a statement. "All of the reports stating the time frame of his prognosis and his physical side effects are absolutely untrue. We are considerably more optimistic."
The actor’s rep adds: "Patrick is continuing his normal schedule during this time, which includes working on upcoming projects. The outpouring of support and concern he has already received from the public is deeply appreciated by Patrick and his family."
That’s strange, it’s almost as if The National Enquirer had embellished, or even exaggerated their coverage of this in order to garner cheap publicity. But that almost seems… irresponsible, or even… sleazy. No, I don’t believe it. I’m sure it was all an innocent mixup of some sort. Perhaps their writers passed up journalism school in favor of, say, Barber College.
In any case, let’s hope he gets over this quick – there are still so many ridiculous pictures of him that it would be a real shame not to be able to make fun of him again soon. For God’s sake, look at this one!



Man, we all really took it in the ass on this one.
I thought it’d be bigger.
Nobody puts Swayze in a coroner’s lab!
Yeah, I thought about it for 3 minutes, and that’s the best pun I could think of. I was going to say something about Steve Jobs, but then I realized nobody (who matters) cares about Steve Jobs.
How do you enter a word into the American lexicon?
I would like to enter “swayze” as synonym for “cool but in a strange way.”
As in: Fek totally swayze’d that last post.
When I masterbated in the shower it felt kinda “swayze.”
Note to self: do not shower at the YWCA.
Like: Pedophelia is Swayze?
DO THE DUDE…ER DEW!
masterbated = masturbated
Pedophelia could be Swayze to you, I don’t judge man. That wouldn’t be very swayze of me.
Whew, thank God!
*Chodin wipes brow*
I stand by every shitty thing I said earlier this morning!
You guys are obviously terrible human beings. Me, on the other hand………
You guys are obviously terrible human beings. Me, on the other hand………there’s a dick.
Fuck this, he is still going to fucking die.
Someday.
First the blind singer from Roadhouse dies, now Patrick Swayze…you know Sam Elliot may die one day but his moo-stache will live forever!
It’s just as well…..his career was already dead anyways.
You guys are obviously terrible human beings. Me, on the other hand………
Couldn’t convince Al to post the horrific things you wanted to say?
Whatever dude…IMDB says: The Beast (2008) (TV) (pre-production) (attached) …. Charles Barker
Powder Blue (2008) (post-production)
and his performance in Donnie Darko (2001) as Jim Cunningham (based after my father) was filmdrunktastic!
Zog mean, um, Zog happy Patrick Swayze not dead yet.
Zog not understand sentence Zog write above.
Dammit! Usually the National Enquirer is oh so per-swayzive!
Oops. Lose a turn. (callback)
I based my 7th grade year after the teachings of Bodhi from Point Break when I went to Cocoa Beach middle school. What do got compared to THAT? Jesus & Christianity?
Oh no, the doctor mixed up the files. It’s Patrick Stewart who has five weeks to live.
NO! Not Captain whatshisface from Star Hike
Zog, whoever you are, I only utilize Al during 8-5 CST M-F…..and this Friday and Saturday, but for different purposes. My sorry emplyer has banned my internet access as some sort of spiteful punishment. Are we going to let them win? I think not! Took me 1 day to find a way around it and get my filmdrunk on….sorta.
And, Steel Dawn was better than Red Dawn. I base this on absolutely nothing, however, I stand by my claim.
Patrick Swayze’s reanimated corpse will star in Dawn of the Dead 2- Havanna Nights.
ATTENTION: Swayze’s publicist, job well-fucking-done! Swayze is back on the goddamn map!
Too bad it’s a map of New Jersey
As of 12 minutes ago, Swayze’s doctor says that the timeframe is off and that he is responding well to treatment. Also, he has a series in the works.
[tinyurl.com]
Soylent: Nice.
One time I too “exaggerated” my own cancer to get out of going to church- kept saying, “Oh the cancer, oh fuck my goddamn cancer! Oh, my fucking cancer” and then my Mom said, “Shut up fag”.
Turns out it was ONLY a cold.
Patrick Swayze just called me. I told him that we think the Inquirer has done him wrong. He responded "AVENGE ME! AVENGE! ME!"
When did this get updated? Goddamninit.
My P.E teacher once told me girls can’t take a whole fist, I reminded her yes they cancer, and if they have luekemia they won’t feel a thing from the waist down anyway.
Puns are free of charge
Just want to state, for the record, that Zog is one funny motherfucker. As you were…
RED DAWN is amazing.
what’s a pancreas?
I hate to say this but no one survives Pancreatic Cancer. It killed my Grandmother in about a week and she was of above average health, just like Swayze is. It kills everyone who gets it, and most people do not live past a few months after contracting it.
I hate to say this but no one survives Pancreatic Cancer. It killed my Grandmother in about a week and she was of above average health, just like Swayze is. It kills everyone who gets it, and most people do not live past a few months after contracting it.
I’m glad pancreatic cancer is a proper noun now that Patrick Swayze has had it. We should probably work on getting it its own holiday.
Alright. SIX weeks, maybe seven!
Seriously, they say the survival rate on discovering it early is still only 20%. If he survives this he really will be one tough SOB.
Good luck.
Cocaine, a pancreas is the organ in the body that will kill you if it ever becomes cancerous.
4% of people with pancreatic cancer survive more than 6 years after the tumor starts.
GRRRR, ISLETS OF LANGERHANS!
SPECTACLE ROCK IS AN ENTRANCE TO DEATH.
I like maple syryp on my pankreas. Those french pancakes right?
Does anyone ever get cancer of the heart? Seems that would be pretty deadly too.
You can get a tumor in your heart, but they rarely go malignant. Cock cancer is what you should be worried about (well, besides pancreatic and colorectal).
Dom Deluise is currently battling penile and prostate cancer.
Seriously.
At least Swayze doesn’t have SIDS. There’s very little warning with SIDS.
Robo, I understand that it’s dangerous to go alone.
PAY ME FOR THE DOOR REPAIR CHARGE!
did you guys see his profile on ‘Rich kiss.com’? Is he lonely? He has a nice profile with hot pics. And more he’s a certified millionaire there. Is he looking for new dates seriously there?
Dom Deluise is currently battling penile and prostate cancer.
I’m not sure if that’s bad or good – on the one hand penile cancer is scarier than blankets made of spiders. On the other hand so is the thought of Dom Deluise having sex.
Daaaaaaaaamn, Lanky!
Blankets made of Spiders is the best metal band name ever.
idiotspambot asked: Is he looking for new dates seriously there?
I believe he is, in fact just this afternoon he was overheard saying "Holy shit, do you think I’ll live to see June? Well, what about May, then?"
I’m sure it didn’t help his prognosis that Dom Deluise hadn’t seen his dick since the wrap party for Cannonball Run II.
SO! Did you forshak-hut dweller think He had forgotten Kurgan’s special surprise? HE HAS NOT!
(Do not click on if you value your eternal soul.)
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Wow, Fek. Where did you dig up a picture of Simon Cowell, Jeneane Garofelo, and Jim Carrey?
Dude! That’s Chod, DB, and Doc Leisa! WTF?
I stand corrected.
Oh, wait…that *IS* Simon Cowell! The Mighty Fek’lhr confuses Simon with Chod all the time.
The one thing Fek’lhr cannot reconcile in His mind is…why fucking pancakes?
Nice, Fek, I’ll call and raise you this classic:
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Fek, I think Cowell would be nicer to Heather Crapbag.
That "Beaker" caption made me pee a little in my (sassy) pants. Thanks peet.
I used to date "The Living Ham".
Stinky, you have forced His hand:
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Everyone keep in mind, this is Stinky Peet’s fault, not His!
Fek: I fold. But only because I have a long list of people whose faces I now have to Photoshop onto that magazine cover.
is it just me or does hung dong from the tard family photo look like some kinda thai serial killer? what’s BTK translate to in thai-nese?
Good night! Go to bed.
4872
Later Fek. I just repped you well at the other place.
4073
*In fact, the hairs on the back of erswi’s neck stand up, and he startles at the slightest movement he notices in his peripheral vision, "Surely Klingon ships don’t REALLY exist!", he tells himself.*
what’s BTK translate to in thai-nese?
Royale wif cheese.
Dude, I swear you have to be the only other guy in Iowa that gets that reference. I say "Royale with cheese" all the time, and no one even bats a fucking eye!
For example, one of our common vendors at work (and neighbors two doors down) is a place called "Embroidery Royale". I call them "Embroidery Royale with cheese", and NOTHING! NOTHING!!!
Maybe they would find the joke more funny if I wasn’t standing over their hacked up body with a machete in one hand and masturbating with the other.
What’d they call a whopper?
I dunno, I didn’t go to Burger King.
Wow! I like him. He does good actor. I saw his profile on cancercompanions.com. Will he find love before afterlife? Can he cum before he succumms? I don’t know. Who cares? Amazing!
GET ME A ROYALE WIFF CHEESE!
Man, we all really took it in the ass on this one.IT’s a SEXY AND MATURE 40+ woman seeking her Mr Right on SeniorWoo.com under the name BurmeseLover
The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the iniquities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men. Blessed is he, who in the name of charity and good will, shepherds the weak through the valley of darkness, for he is truly his brother’s keeper and the finder of lost children. And I will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and furious anger those who would attempt to poison and destroy my brothers. And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee
Excellent news. Torres banged a hat-trick in for me last night. Had him as captain. Double points. I’m now ranked at 689 0f 1,656,026. That’s the top 0.05%. You better believe i’m feeling good about myself. Oh, the Lord Patrick of Swayze update is ok too, i guess. Looks like i wasted an evening forging his signature one hundred times on some of his publicity shots. He’s still got the cancer though, right? I’ll play the long game, then.
Today i am the Guns of Navarone. I’m a mushroom cloud laying motherfucker, motherfucker.
CB: On a long enough timeline, the life expectancy of everyone drops to zero…
I need more spank bank pics, Fek and Stinky. those might last me this weekend though.
Kurgan: [www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com]
your welcome.
So are we allowed to say this guy’s a crappy actor yet?
shhhhhhh, although he is, he is revered for being such….
that was weird, but he is a beloved bad actor. I am trying to do 2 things at once, obviously not well.
Thanks Eib! you da man, er, woman…whatever you are, you’re it!
[www.fatchicksinpartyhats.com] is blocked by my server. Awe!