NIC CAGE IS A HITMAN WITH A HEART
03.31.08This the trailer for Bangkok Dangerous, a Pang Brothers-directed remake of their own über popular Hong Kong flick. Nic Cage plays a hitman who goes to Thailand on business and ends up growing a conscience.
His character was a deaf-mute in the original, but they took that part out because Nic Cage’s face doesn’t move anymore. Having him tell a story solely through expressions would’ve required a much larger CGI budget (or a forehead double). I think a better solution would’ve been for him to wear the bear suit the whole movie. And instead of falling in love, he could just punch chicks.
Also, I can’t believe they’re making an action movie set in Thailand without Tony Jaa. Tony Jaa and Nic Cage in a bearsuit? Talk about the ultimate buddy action flick! GRR, NOBODY PUTS BABY ELEPHANT IN THE CORNER!
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/bourneleagcyteaserposter-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/02/Spider-Man-150x150.jpg)
Hiring a deaf guy to hunt and kill people is like hiring Nicki Hilton to review buffet restaurants.
I wonder if he falls for a stripped with a heart of gold…
DId I mention if he goes through the turnstyle at the airport sideways he’s going to BangKok? I did? Eff you man.
Sounds about as good as Shanghai Surprise and we all know how that turned out.
–
surely.
*Michelle jumps out from behind a giant pile of rubble
"SUPPLIES!!!"
NIC CAGE IS A SHITMAN WITH A FART
FIXED!
Jose Canseco thinks the martial arts look like shit.
Awesome – another ‘book doesn’t match the cover’ story.
‘This Summer, Nic Cage stars as Bob Stringer, Dentist with a personality’.
‘Coming soon, Nic Cage stars as Steven Leafson, artist with good financial planning skills’.
‘Next Friday, Nic Cage stars as Billy Macintire, Elvis impersonator with velvet allergies’.
Wow, shitty news day huh? Makes me not even want to share my breaking news with my nearest and dearest (imaginary) friends.
This title just isn’t going to resonate with American audiences. How about Slapdick Hazardous?
DUDE! No cockteasing!
Oh good, I’m glad I didn’t miss it. It kept me up all night, erswi. What’s your news?
TW, you do realize that your new av is not me but a guy I bust a cap in, right?
Alright, fine.
<—- gonna be a daddy.
Congratulations.
Congrats.
YAY!!! Congratulations Erswi. That’s really awesome.
Congratulations on the getting to have sex too!
I know. He just looks so evil to me. I left you in the background, too.
Congratulations, erswi! You’re gonna love it. It’s the best!
Thanks, and yes I did get to have sex (with a woman!) so yay me.
YOUR BOYS CAN SWIM!!!!!!
Yes they can Fek, I was as surprised as anyone to discover that (after all the abuse they’ve taken in the past). Due date is between Dec 6th and 14th.
If the baby comes out looking like a Klingon, The Mighty One knows nothing about it.
Speaking of pregnancy, if your wife is gonna cheat…
http://www.ebaumsworld.com/video/watch/236198/
–
Cheating Wife
This Yankee fan finds out that his wife cheated on him with Arod.
Dec. 8 is a good birthday. ;)
BTW, how did you find out so fast? Did you have a gynecologist, lab workers, and Ms. Cleo on call while you were snuggling?
Now that the pleasantries are out of the way, I have two questions-
mineyours?BOOSHDA!
Erswi, that’s just beyond awesome.
My wife has been taking fertility treatment for a while so she goes in every week. At the estimated time of conception she had as many as three possible eggs so we’re hoping she doesn’t pop out a litter of pups. But Fuck It. Whatever happens is hella cool with both of us. (Except the kid coming out looking like a Klingon, I’m watchin you Fek).
Tony Jaa kneeing Cage in the forehead in a match to the death. Who will break first?
I am so glad I didn’t say anything about the kid looking like Kimbo Slice…
JHC,
yoursmine.Congrats, man! The next few months are gonna be fun…
It’s gonna be a girl. We’re all having girls eventually and they will be whores.
Erswi, It’s not mine. I pull out.
Congatulations to erswi on his future fatherhood. At least now I have something to keep you from calling child services on me. It’s called blackmail, and it makes the world go round.
Congrats erswi, keep her off the pole.
Thanks nom, that means a lot coming from you. Even though I am above reproach and have nothing to be blackmai . . . fuck me, I can’t even keep a straight face trying to say that.
Yeah if’n we have a girl, keeping her off the pole and out of the Girls Gone Wild videos is of utmost concern. If it’s a boy, that little fucker is free to do as he pleases. It’s an unfair world ladies, sorry.
Hey Pauly, is your avatar from Dou…::slaps himself across face::
If you have extras Erswi, I’ll take a boy. Neither of my two girls, which I love to death, are gonna be pro baseball caliber athletes.
Just hope if it’s a girl, she’s ugly, then people will like her for her personality.
Pauly’s new DOuble Dragon avatar in new post!
I’m looking to breed with a 6 and half foot Amazonian woman to create the ultimate athlete. Daddy’s little freak will have Daddy laughing to the bank.
I’ll put your order down with my wife J. If we have more than two I’m almost certain you’ll be receiving a
next day airstandard ground shipping package .With my athletic ability and razor sharp good looks, and her height and retard strengff, anything my kid touches he will destroy!
..sorry about that….itchy finger.
What I was going to say is that I didnt know Gene Simmons had a movie coming out! Are there any Kiss songs in the soundtrack?
And isn’t it great how he really looks like that actor Nic Cage? Wow.
Gene Simmons is probably a better actor. Less of a ham at least. Ever see him in that Tom Selleck movie? I believe the casting director got a job as a gravedigger immediately following the movie’s release. She runs a donkey show down in Tijuana now.