This is the trailer for JCVD, in which Jean Claude Van Damme stars as a fictionalized version of himself. We may learn there’s more to him than getting boners on TV and finding new reasons to do the splits.
In the French-speaking world, Van Damme is well known for the picturesque aphorisms that he delivers on a wide range of topics (personal well-being, ecology, etc.) in a strange mixture of French and English. [9] He is especially well known for his use of the English word aware when speaking French. While delivering an interview for a French channel, he used the English word "aware" in order to introduce the notion of self-awareness as a key of success. [Wiki]
For instance:
- You don’t need a flash to photograph a rabbit that already has red eyes.
- If you work with a jackhammer during an earthquake, stop, otherwise you are working for nothing.
- If you phone a psychic and she doesn’t answer the phone before it rings, hang up.
- A cookie has no soul, it’s just a cookie. But before it was milk and eggs. And in eggs there’s the potential for life.
- I am fascinated by air. If you remove the air from the sky, all the birds would fall to the ground. And all the planes, too.
So apparently, all this time Jean Claude Van Damme has been like the French answer to Jack Handey. It just goes to show, you shouldn’t judge a book by its cover (it’s still okay to buy pornos that way).



Maybe a cookie doesn’t have a soul. Maybe. But that white stuff in the middle is pretty good.
That’s what she said.
I had tacos for dinner last night, so I’ve got a mean case of the splits.
Maybe he’ll finally explain what that weird knot on his forehead is too.
Say what you want, I still think Jonathan Brandis would whoop his and Steven Segal’s asses.
SIDEKICKS!!!
Oh, even dead he would still win. He’s that Damme good. Har Har!
i suck
He is talented. Have u guys heard that he ever appeared on the hot millionaire&celebs dating club SEEKRICH.COM ? I heard of it around that site when hooking up with the guys there recently. That sounds amazing, I know.
Jonathan Brandis is on hot millionaire and celeb site Seekrich.com? Last I saw him he was on Seekrigormortis.com. He’s moving up in this world!
I saw her profile on millionaire personals site on “millionairefriends.com” last week. It seems she turns to online dating scene for true love.
Really weelyn? You twat.
weelyn and digiwarehe have no souls. They’re just bots. But before, they were developed by some asshole and douchtastic knowledge of spamming software. And in assholes there is the potential to stomp some face in.
Shit, that sucks.
Burnsy, your Koko B. Ware avatar over on WL is bad-ass. Many kudos to you. It made me go google my fav wrestler from The Day, Brutus "the Barber" Beefcake. Memories . . .
I went to a JCVD clinic once.
Let’s just say that they drew a lot of blood.
They also broke a lot of necks with little effort.
Steve, It’s just because I long for the days of the Birdman’s music career. Piledriver!
JHC, Ernie Reyes (circa Red Sonja) would beat the hell out of Jonathan Brandis. Just sayin’
Brandis is dead, OK? Nothing you guys can do could bring him back. He’s likely in hell battling the Beverly Hills Ninja. But who would win between Three Ninjas and Surf Ninjas? I think that’s a question we can all wrap our kung fu grip around.
If you phone a psychic and she doesn’t answer the phone before it rings, hang up.
This is brilliant! I want this on a bumper sticker for my Saturn Vue.
Mind = blown
Bruce Leroy would whip all their asses b/c he is the TRUE Master!
When I say "Who is the Master?", you say . . .
To be honest BS, I think a puppy could’ve whipped Brandis’ ass. SeaQuest was a pretty good show. At least I think I remember that one episode as being pretty good. I was masturbating quite a bit
this morningback then, so it’s kind of fuzzy.New yIngtagh, posts!
Yeah, Darwin the Dolphin WAS pretty hot.
I want the soundtrack to The Last Dragon. Then I’m going to mash it up with the soundtracks to The Last Starfighter, The Last Castle, Last of the Mohicans and The Last King of Scotland. When I’ve made millions from the albums sales, I’ll release a limited edition DVD that mixes the soundtrack with episodes of Lost and blow everyone’s fucking minds.
I know somebody else prety special who had the initials ‘JCVD’. That’s right, it was Jesus Christ 495
wait for it…
No excuses. Cheltenham is off today – made 320 of the Queen’s pounds profit yesterday, which was nice – somehow, there’s just myself, the cleaner and the company cat in the office now for the rest of the afternoon; the phones have been quiet – too quiet. Yes, mes amis, you have my undivided attention.
I’ve got to take issue with the okay to buy pornos that way, judjing a book by it’s cover remark. I remember buying a copy of Club International because it had Gail McKenna in a red swimsuit on the cover. Was she anywhere inside? Was she fuck. Good issue though that one.
CB, you have got to start speaking English up in here. I can’t understand a Van Damme word you’re saying.
H’mm maybe you are right. Both mine and VD’s ramblings could have a Double Impact on the Mother Tongue.
Note: Mother Tongue isn’t a VD movie, yet.
I would reach out and slap you for that horrible pun, but the fact that you’re across the pond makes you a Hard Target. Also, I’m a pacifist.
Yeah, let’s not turn this into a Bloodsport.
Doesn’t JCVD have a contract with Universal? Soldier would have been a good movie for him to be in. Not a lot of talking.
“If a kid in a wheel chair were to runaway from home, wouldn’t he just be called a rollaway?”
-JCVD
“Do blind people see their dreams, or do they just dream of seeing?”
-JCVD
“If my dog is color blind, how come he is always barking at minorities?”
-JCVD
I’ve often wondered what a blind person dreams about. I’m going to go capture and interrogate one.
I’m gonna capture a Gideon. Call up the desk at the hotel, "Yeah, I don’t seem to have a Bible in my room." doo do do do
I’ve always wondered how a blind person really knows when he’s done wiping his ass.
It’s easy Donkey, you wipe with your bare hand and then sniff it. Don’t ask.
I am never touching anything braille again.
Good call. Not because it got shit on it or anything but because blindness is highly contagious. You’re lucky you can still read this. The first sign si taht lal hte ttelers satrt to tge midex pu.
I’ve always wondered how a blind person really knows when he’s done wiping his ass
Also what happens if you’ve got one of those stubborn twats that require the equivalent of a dambursting amout of water to flush? Are the guide dogs trained to alert the blindee to the presence of a bowl cobra?
this looks pretty good, if only we could’ve done a movie like this for patrick "dalton brodi" swayze
empty jenkem balloon :(
I will see this even if it’s subtitled.
Whatever new drugs JCVD takes is making him tarded. Check out his newest comments on jcvdistarded.com