Kansas is all abuzz with news that a film crew is roaming around claiming to be shooting a documentary about “American culture”, when they’re actually shooting a “Borat-like prank”.
Luckily for the upcoming Bruno movie, there aren’t many local journalists who get HBO or who’ve watched a movie in the last 20 years.
Here’s a story about a crew getting kicked out of the Wichita airport ("Witnesses say it almost looked like pornography"). Here’s another from Topeka about a pastor who initially gave the production company permission to film, only to figure out something was up ("one of them was dressed ‘biblically’) and bar them from his church’s Easter play. From the video (sorry I can’t embed it):
Could it be that this is the same film company [as Borat]? Who knows what the crew was up to. But one thing Pastor Smith knows, “I don’t want anyone to go through what we just went through. Or worse. Thankfully, God protected us."
The reports said the crews claimed to be from Germany (Bruno supposedly works for Austrian Gay TV), so, though none of the local news people have mentioned it yet, these were almost certainly segments for the Bruno movie.
I’m pretty sure all local news reporters are either really old or borderline retarded. Getting the news from your local network affiliate is basically like talking to your grandma after she comes home from church. Coming up at six: I heard from Edna that the Jacobs boy just graduated from law school.
Big thanks to sharp-eyed tipster Daniel for this one.
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Maybe Nommy kicked Bruno’s ass! That would be righteous, in a religious way.
I would kick Bruno’s ass if Nommy’s slavedriving she-devil won’t unchain him from his desk. Of course, I’m not gonna go to Kansas to do it. Can’t we get him down here in the 504, so I can whup his ass on my home turf?
Mmmmmm… Gay Day at Film Drunk.
Either youtube or my computer really sucks today. I’m gonna go with youtube because my computer sucks everyday.
If the crews told the locals they were from Germany, they should consider themselves lucky an angry mob didn’t form with pitchforks and torches. Many Kansans are still fighting World War I.
I can’t wait for all teh douchebags running around doing Bruno imitations. I still
laugh my ass offseeth with rage every time I hear a "High Five"!SG, I’m pretty sure seeth has another e in there somewhere. Whether it’s seethe or seeeth I really can’t reeecall.
Burnsy, everyday is Gay Day here at Filmdrunk. Just ask
chodinFek’lhrJacktion!PaulyBurnsyanyone.Erswi, give the guy a break. He’s a science geek, not a spelling geek.
You aree coreect EERSWI. Theeree is an eextra ee in seethe.
Dor sho gha! What the qovlpath is gay about having a ship full of dishonoured Klingon souls that like to have roller-rink parties with disco music and a mirrored ball?
I plan on getting around to Borat and Bruno impersonations when I’m done with L’il John. YEAAAAAAAAAA!!! WHAAAAAAAT!!! HUH!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAAAAAAAAT!!!! OKAAAAAAAAY!!! SKEET SKEET SKEET SKEET!!!
Having a ship full of dishonoured Klingon souls that like to have roller-rink parties with disco music and a mirrored ball is what’s gay about having a ship full of dishonoured Klingon souls that like to have roller-rink parties with disco music and a mirrored ball.
Any other questions?
YEEEAAAAAHHH BAAABBBY YEAAAH! Lets shag!
Any other questions?
Well, as long as we’re sticking with the gay theme…
How many licks does it take to get to the tootsie roll center of a Tootsie pop?
I may not be able to spell seethe, but I can spell Strongylocentrotus purpuratus.
That will get me some chicks.
Lance, suggestion for a caption for the banner Pic.
"Freddie Prinze Jr. prepares for a night on the town"
I really want a denim pirate shirt.
Gooney Goo Goo!! It’s ma house. Now THAT’s a fire!
SG- That leather suit was the balls.
Well, first you’ve gotta kill yourself a denim pirate Burnsy.
There are plenty of denim pirates in Vegas. Look for them at clubs sipping Cosmos and sporting frosted tips.
*Chodin flaps his arms and lands on the telepone wire with the rest of the crows.*
Man, are my fucking arms tired!
Then the quest begins. To Canada I go.
Yeah, kill a denim pirate. Then you’ve gotta dance naked in front of the mirror with your dick tucked back.
Would you fuck me? I’d fuck me. I’d fuck me sooo hard! . . . It puts the lotion on its skin!
Mommy is going to look so beautiful, Precious! Look, here’s she goes…WHEEE! Down the slide and into the water!
(how many of ya read the book?)
Bruno, the denim pirate, looks like he could tie a Windsor knot with his tongue.
Goodbye horses, I’m flying over you…
He’d fit right in with all the fucking foreigners that have relocated here in the last 10 years. Around these parts, he probably wouldn’t even get noticed. You honestly can’t shoot a gun without hitting a Russian, Vietamese, African, or Arab that doesn’t speak English. Unless you catch them in line at the grocery store in front of you and the checker shorts them on their change. It’s fucking amazing how well they speaka de engrish then.
Yu steew owe me too dollah you cracka ass bastahd!
I’d appreciate it if you wouldn’t give me too much shit about my spelling and grammar today. I’ve got a hella hangover and my irratable
bowelboss syndrome is fuckin’ killing me.Where’s that fag-hating turtle?
J, I want my two dollars!
Hey Pauly… yer avatar… that the guy from Double Dragon?
*insert pun war inducing comment here*
You, alright! I learned it by watching you.
Ya know, I wouldn’t mind seeing a gay porno if it had a montage to Let the Bodies Hit the Floor. Shit, did I say that out loud?
Sorry, I’m phoning it in today.
Pauly, I said the same thing to my Dad when I was 13, but it’s because he caught me snorting lines off a hooker.
None of you read the book?
For a couple years, up until the Borat movie, my friend thought that Borat, Bruno, and Ali G were 3 different people.
Oh fuck, sorry Fek. I read the book but it’s been at least 15 years ago. You went right over my head with that one.
Dear Pauly,
Your friend is a fucking moron and you should kill him.
Sincerely,
All Filmdrunkards
Testing, testing…
This one’s for you Fek.
[youtube.com];
He’s the same friend who thought that Gilbert Grape was Arnie Grape and the little retard would call us "Gilbert" thinking he was calling us stupid. I also get him to believe that almost ALL movies are true stories. He’s fun to keep around.
I paid her $2 Topeka under her skirt.
Okay, so I see that I have to let you all know what a person who is actually from Topeka Kansas thinks about all of this. Wise men like yourselves know that you can’t judge those from an area until you’ve actually heard from real people who are from the place in question. After looking at this and thinking it over, I have came up with an opinion, which may not be right, but just seems to best fit. So, without further ado, I present to you Nommy’s thinking on this, a true KANSAN perspective……
Hey, let’s climb up utility poles and steal cable tubes and maybe some copper wire that we can sell for scrap! Church? Yeah, they usually got some pretty nice audio equipment to rip off too! Plus, if you ask nice, they’ll even give you gas money. For a place where the zip code always begins with 666–, we sure got a lot of goddamned churches. Next time the school board fucks with my son’s science books, I’m going to inject all of the lightbulbs at these places with gasoline and vasoline. See if you want ‘His’ light to shine on you ever again. Hey, there’s something in your eye. It’s my dick.
Wow, deep.
*Tear
I had always struggled with a way to share the true Kansan’s perspective… I think you’ve done it perfectly nomUmentAl.
*Starts slow clap*
Nommy is one no-blinker-using driver away from a real shooting spree.
Rotwangchung delcares: Pauly, I said the same thing to my Dad when I was 13, but it’s because he caught me snorting lines off a hooker.
He was probably pissed because you were using and excessive amount of coke.
Nom, I’d love to have gone to school where the biology teacher has to explain that Jesus rode a dinosaur.
I had a bunch of prospective clowns lined up for my home remake of a classic horror movie, but I couldn’t decide Wichita should use.
Worst. Pun. Ever.
Nom-will you be my life partner?
Rot-Unfortunately I can’t watch that until I go home :( But I will and report. :D
I take your bong rip, and I CLEAR IT OUT!!
[youtube.com]
Donkey… Wildcats or Jayhawks?
Jesus never rode a dinosaur, but Gary Busey did.
I’ll be in a meeting for the next hour so unfortunately Nom’s not gonna be able to respond to this thread again for a while.
Just apprising everyone of my schedule because I know how much you all care.
Bubb- Is Carlton shitting in your av pic?
Gary Busey rode the dinosaurs into tarpits and meteorites to make them extinct, then he said, "Here’s your fucking evolution, bitch!"
Gary Busey rode Jesus who was riding a Dinosaur.
I lean more Wildcats, but I went to Pittsburg state, so I don’t really give a crap about either.
Borat sang "Throw the Jew Down The Well" at a Country/Western bar here in Tucson.
Gary Busey didn’t just part the Red Sea, he folded it into the origami unicorn from Blade Runner.
(I missed the thread where this started so that’s my first Busey-ism….and it didn’t hurt nearly as much as I expected….in fact, I kinda liked it…)
…cause it’s known to give a brotha’ brain damage, and brain damage on the mic don’t manage…
So Pauly is from AZ huh? Congrats on ASU getting picked number one school for hottest chicks in the country. Check it out on gorillamask. Personally I think LSU got robbed being put at number 10.
YouI can’t throw a frisbee on the LSU Quad w/o hitting a super hot chick. Of course, I can’t throw a frisbee worth shit so there you go.Donkey, I hate to break it to you, but Pittsburgh isn’t a state.
So, my degree in Funkonomics isn’t real?
That’s alright Jack, Pitt State isn’t a real university. I grew up about twenty minutes from there, so I should know.
So Pauly is from AZ huh? Congrats on…
…my whoreEx fucking the entire state.
I don’t either. But K-State has less queers.
whoreEx?
Because she (something something) packages?
It actually wasn’t a typo. There is a Pittsburg State University in Southern Kansas. It’s about twenty miles south of Fort Scott (not a real military base) and thirty miles west of Joplin, Missouri (Not a real Jazz musician).
I saw that erswi. I think Arizona was in there as well at #21. But yeah mile of hot birth canal there at ASU.
I’ve always wanted to see a Latter-day Saint do LSD.
So Pauly is from AZ huh? Congrats on…
…my whoreEx fucking the entire state.
That’s why it’s called "The Grand Canyon State".
Heather, how’s the puss this morning?
Any way you cut it, LSU chicks are fucking HAWWT! I had priapism that lasted 5 years while I was attending.
Zog know thing or two about evolution. In beginning, coyote roam free and stupid. Very easy Zog catch. Later, coyote learn Zog hiding spot. Zog work hard to trick coyote, but Zog figure it out. Now, coyote hide inside people house, but Zog figure out trick – Zog dress like female coyote and say thing like "Hey big coyote, come up and see Zog sometime".
This one time, at college, I got raped.
In the anus.
By a man in bear suit.
Pitt State is the Harvard of Southeast Kansas, MSSU is the MIT of Southwest Missouri, and Crowder Community College is the Yale of the surrounding colony of trailer parks…all of which explains why local schoolboards are still debating whether or not gravity is the result of physical laws or angels sitting on our heads.
Loose as ever. How’s your gorgeous face?
Jack, I don’t think that bear suit anal raping comment followed those fundamentals you told me about.
This one time, at college, I got raped.
In the anus.
By a man in bear suit.
When he was done, did he take a look at your grades and start screaming "B’s! B’s! No, not B’s!" ?
Jack’s probbaly telling the truth. Ugh.
OH BAM, STINKY!!!!!!!!
all of which explains why local schoolboards are still debating whether or not gravity is the result of physical laws or angels sitting on our heads.
I think my angel just farted. It smells like cotton candy in here.
By the way, my last comment is hilarious….if you live within a six block radius of where I grew up……..otherwise..er….Stop judging me!
Hey Donkey, please please please tell me that you’ve been to Pat’s Lounge. I’m still being treated for some kind of rash that I personally believe to be of extraterrestrial orgin.
A bear made sweet, passionate love to me, and then was shot in the forest by hunters. I still mourn to this day.
The gorgeous face is pristine, thanks for asking. Your parents started to get kinda’ kinky during Trivial Pursuit last night, but luckiily I was wearing the gimp mask for protection.
Yes Rot, I’ve been there…
My therapist thanks you for ensuring that I’ll keep visiting her for at least another year after digging up that repressed memory.
My parents have looked at me for 24 years. I think they’re basically impervious to gorgeous by now, so a mask wasn’t really necessary. Plus, Trivial Pursuit is for people who can’t get through life on their looks. So my parents would never play that.
My parents like to play Quarters with NyQuil.
Disproportionate amount of Kansas natives on Filmdrunk. Interesting.
Who wants to come over for Trivial Pursuit tonight?
My parents liked to play "We’ll be home when we get home, now watch your little brother and stay out of the Triple Sec. I’ve marked the bottle."
hey pauly is that the guy from double dragon?
*Chodin removes his fuzzy earmuffs*
Huh? Wha? The mask was for my own protection- I’d be damned if I was gonna’ let your Mom splash shit all over my face, EVEN if it helps her “finish” quicker.
You never played "Find the Zig-Zag man" JHC?
My parents are dead.
Donkey, that place is the only strip club I’ve ever been to where 1) they didn’t sell alcohol but you could bring in your own styrofoam cooler of PBR and 2) I actually gave a stripper a buck to not give me a lap dance. True story. (this was a while ago, so the rules may have changed, but the thing I loved about Pat’s was that it was located near the state border so that it existed in a kind of null zone where the laws of God, man, and possibly physics didn’t really apply). If you lined up the girls that worked there in just the right way, their caesarean scars would form a mobius loop that would rend a hole in the space-time continuum and open a portal containing an infinite number of monoliths from 2001.
“My parents are dead. ”
So you play ‘Sardines’ ?
I play "solitaire" mostly.
Maybe Pauly. What is it? We tend to call things by different names ’round here. For example, Homecoming is called Hog-Calling.
And at Christmas, I listen to the record player and cry.
We played Sardines at Mizzou. Yeah I went to Mizzou.
Empty baloon :(
I can’t follow that with the funny….
Whats a record player?
If you want to call the unholy monsters that work there "girls" Rot, then that’s your prerogative.
Going there made me the most disinterested in touching girls since we played "cootie tag" on the playground in first grade.
It’s pretty easy, JHC. You just go through your parents’ shit until you find the stash of weed.
Is it a Fischer Price record player where you listen to "We are family" by the Pointer Sisters and drink egg nog from a giant egg nog can and hug yourself to sleep?
Holy Shit, there’s enough of us from Kansas on this site to form a Volunteer Regiment and ride into Missouri to burn mosques. It’s a nice place to live if you don’t go to church, and since we slaughtered all the redskins.
Some days, it hits all hits me again, and I feel totally numb. Those are the good days.
At Christmas, my parents perform “Let’s Almost Get A Divorce” at the dinner table.
AI play Battleship with myself. I can’t ever win. :-(((
Pardon? Are you inviting me to play with you, Pauly?
My parents used to love playing battleship.
It’s a 2 player game, Al.
My parents used to love a lot of things.
Does anyone have a level 19 cleric handy?
Hey! There’s that fag-hating turtle!
LOLTH IS CHASING ME! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I remember I used to come home from school, and the house would smell like chocolate chip cookies.
I know a deaf, dumb and blind kid who sure plays a mean pin ball.
My mom loved to bake. She had her own cookie recipe. She never wrote it down. To think, I’ll never those cookies again.
When I came home from school, the house would smell like whiskey, hate, and the semen of many strange men.
And that was just last night.
That too bad you’ll never those cookies againg Jack!
‘Tis a cruel, cruel world.
^ PD‘s already fucking hammered. w00t!
My parents used to love Double Dragon, Pauly.
I’m the sole beneficiary on my Dad’s life insurance policy.
Just sayin’…
I’m still kinda drunk from last night, Crap. I "tied one to a rocket".
I mom loved double-teaming. No dragons that I know of.
Zog parents dead too, Jacktion. They delicious.
I thought I caught my mom having sex with a ninja once. Turned out it was just a cat burgular.
*Pauly cracks open OE, pours some out on the curb*
I’m sorry to hear that Jack!
I thought I caught my mom having sex with a ninja once. Turned out it was just a turd burgular.
FIXED!
*Chodin drops to his knees and begins to lick the OE off the asphalt*
Fucker, this ain’t King Cobra!
New post!
My parents loved new posts.