I think they first showed up on Latino Review and USA Today, but these are the first two pictures of Ray Park as Snake Eyes from the upcoming G.I. Joe movies.
Ray Park is pretty much the butterface of Hollywood, always playing characters like Toad in X-Men or Darth Maul in Star Wars – all the big movies want to be with him, but only if he has his face covered. But this time it’s to his advantage – no one wants to be seen doing a Stephen Sommers movie. I heard he tried to get the 2girls1cup chicks to be in this and they were like, "No way, that’s degrading."
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/of-course-seltzer-friedbergs-new-movie-has-a-gangnam-style-scene-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/aaron-seltzer-jason-friedberg-set-for-fastfurious-parody-superfast-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/new-movie-trailer-fro-ripd-starring-ryan-reynolds-jeff-bridges-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/bam-margeras-music-video-is-the-worst-thing-ever-150x150.jpg)
Lance, you know nothing abut Snake Eyes’ legendary fighting style. The gun is for shooting your enemies and the sword is for doing really cool poses that show off your amazing delts.
GRRRR….PHALLIC WEAPONRY WIELDED BY A GUY DRESSED LIKE A SEX-PLAY GIMP!
Don’t forget the fact that he’s 4 feet tall.
Who was it that said that Wesley Snipes was cast in this role originally until he discovered there was no wardrobe for him? That was some funny shit.
Wesley Snipes could play Snake-Eyes newly created nemesis. A deeply religious, vampire-hunting ninja named Cross-Eyes
Wesley Snipes could play Snake-Eyes newly created nemesis. A deeply religious, vampire-hunting tax evading ninja named Cross-Eyes
HELPED?
They’ve already cast Paris for the sequel as Snake Eye’s love interest – Lazy Eye.
Is that a Timex on his left wrist?
Forest Whitaker as a streetwise drug kingpin that bankrolls domestic terrorists bent on the destruction of America’s love of designer baseball caps – Tired Eyed Leroy
It’s actually Wonder Woman’s bullet-deflecting bracelets. They’re BFF’s.
Alright Dicktuckers, I’m out for the day yet again. This’ll make 4 days outta the week that I’ve been out in the field rather than tied to my desk. Later taters, Erswi specials all around.
What up Drunkards?
Ha! The joke’s on you. I’m typing from the airport anI’m flying to Miami for the weekend.
Tell them oi’m coming! Tell them oi’m FAHKING COMING!!!
Lance I hate to correct you but I’m pretty sure that’s Ray Parker Jr.
who ya gonna call?
I’m glad they got the light reflection off the sword. It lets me know it’s sharp.
Is that his rank, an IFF indicator, or his girlfriend’s name in morse code on his shoulder?
I thought the White Ninja was the good one and the Black Ninja was the bad one.
‘Remember kids, Whites are good and Blacks are bad. Now you know, and knowing is half the battle…’
Don’t forget that Ray Park also played the Headless Horseman in Sleepy Hollow!
I was actually originally cast to play the part, but [insert joke about me getting tons of head here].
The red marks on his arm are from Storm Shadow’s clan. It’s an I Ching symbol. See, Snake Eyes was invited to study with Stormy’s family ninja school, the Arashikage clan, after the two became close during the Vietnam war. Snake’s proclivity for the dark arts won him over with the Hard Master and the Soft Master (who, incidentally, was blown up by Monkeywrench with a rocket launcher as he tried to save the life of Billy, Cobra Commander’s son). This is the point where one realizes they are a sad and anonymous 33 year old whose autistic savant properties revolve around being able to recall every panel from every G.I. Joe comic ever created.
That being said, I can’t fucking wait for this movie. I’m going to go put on my Crimson Guard uniform now and masturbate to my fanfic drawing of Scarlett punching Lady Jaye’s donkey.
WRONG! DO IT AGAIN!
The red marks on his arm are from Storm Shadow’s clan. It’s an I Ching symbol. See, Snake Eyes was invited to study with Stormy’s family ninja school, the Arashikage clan, after the two became close during the Vietnam war. Snake’s proclivity for the dark arts won him over with the Hard Master and the Soft Master (who, incidentally, was blown up by Monkeywrench with a rocket launcher as he tried to save the life of Billy, Cobra Commander’s son). This is the point where one realizes they are a sad and anonymous 33 year old whose autistic savant properties revolve around being able to recall every panel from every G.I. Joe comic ever created.
That being said, I can’t fucking wait for this movie. I’m going to go put on my Crimson Guard uniform now and masturbate to my fanfic drawing of Scarlett punching Lady Jaye’s donkey.
Holy Hell! Someone put a lot of effort into trying to explain the red marks on his shoulder, only to not make the cut. I don’t know who it was, but I kind of feel bad.
and, now I’m over that feeling. Haha!
"I heard he tried to get the 2girls1cup chicks to be in this and they were like, "No way, that’s degrading."
Holy Shit. Can Lance be nominated for the COW?