DAILY ROUNDUP: MARKY MARK IN PAYNE
03.11.08
Marky Mark and Mila Kunis join cast of Max Payne – A movie based on a video game based on every bad cop movie. Uwe Boll is not directing. Yet.
Clip from Hitman DVD – A chick with a tattoo on her face? I sense an "I’m F-ing Mike Tyson" YouTube video coming on…
Super High Me is giving it away for free – It’s like your mother in that regard. Boosh. I still say Super Jaíme is a better idea.
Singer signs for Superman sequel – I’m going to go out on a limb here and say the bad guys’ plot will involve kryptonite somehow.
First pics of Benicio as Wolf Man – From the director of Hidalgo and Jurassic Park 3. I am Jack’s total ambivalence.
Affleck is Back – Ben Affleck and Gone Baby Gone production team will adapt Marcus Sakey’s The Blade Itself, Gone co-writer Aaron Stockard to adapt. I’d rather see him adapt his wife’s encounter with Gary Busey. Possible title: Last of the Coyote Men.
Redbelt gets a poster – With all these MMA movies coming out, I think it’s important to note that Busey began this trend.
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Good God that Wolfman movie is gonna stink worse that week old baby shit. Hopkins looks like he hasn’t seen the green side of a salad in a century and I’ve never been sold on The Bull as that good of an actor.
He thinks he’s in Payne? How do ya think I feel having read this?
Apparently, Marky Mark gets paid per scowl.
Pictures from the Wolf Man set?
*Chodin thumbs through photographs of a blood-soaked Benicio D*
Wait a second…are you sure this movie isn’t about Darfur?
I don’t know that "begins a hairy moonlight existence." sounds that good. He’s already kinda hairy. Shouldn’t he get teeth and fangs or something? They’re not even trying.
Check out Hopkins in the Del Toro pics.
" You know what you look like to me, with your good bag and your cheap shoes? You look like a rube. A well scrubbed, hustling rube with a little taste. Good nutrition’s given you some length of bone, but you’re not more than one generation from poor white trash, are you, Agent Starling? And that accent you’ve tried so desperately to shed: pure West Virginia. What is your father, dear? Is he a coal miner? Does he stink of the lamp? You know how quickly the boys found you… all those tedious sticky fumblings in the back seats of cars… while you could only dream of getting out… getting anywhere… getting all the way to the FBI."
"Look, here’s some money, now leave me alone, ya bum."
Lance, why are you reporting on a Bret Hart DVD?
Benicio looks like I did that one time I was dared to earn my "red wings." I too, woke up in a park with no clue how I got there.
Sorry Jack! wrong Hitman.
That was Wrestling With Shadows.
Affleck is back, in POG FORM!
I don’t mind them getting away from the comics in the Supes franchise, but that kid can’t be his. Superman’s super ejaculate would pass right through Lois’ womb and blow a hole through the top of her head.
Luch, as a masked wrestling expert, were you disappointed that neither Shadow 1 or Shadow 2 appeared in that movie?
Actually jack! it would blow out her back like a shotgun.
Jack!
I’m still waiting for the sequel. I was disappointed.
So Mamet is directing an MMA film…which will undoubtedly consist of a convoluted plot punctuated by homoerotic violence. They should go ahead and just call it The Bukkake Kid.
Shouldn’t a facial tattoo on a woman with an
exoticBrighton Beach accent look like something other than an inch-worm?By your logic Jack and Luch, if I once came so hard that the chick blew it back outta her nose would that make me a super? Cuz if so, I’m still not.
globo jenkem . . . other words of sadness here.
The Bukkake Kid.
Sweep the leg. The third one.
If a man can’t breathe, he can’t fuck.
only if it kills her erswi.
Is he on the set of The Dark Knight?
Sweet! I had hoped that Singer would sign on for the next Superman flick. Who does he get to play the funny minority computer genius? Mencia? Rock? Sandler? Perry? If it sucks half as bad as Returns did, the fanboys are gonna string him up like a, a,……harp! Yeah, harp.
Nah, I just shot it real fuckin hard on the down stroke and instead of swallowing she blew it back outta her nose. She said it burned like all hell coming out though. Does that count?
[he taps his face] Bukkake here.
[he taps his chest] Bukkake here.
[points to floor] Bukkake never here. Understand?
Did she die since?
Did she at least go into a coma?
The Man of Steel-
Starring Brandon Routh as Superman
Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane
Michael J. Fox as The Trembler
He’s so shifty, not even Superman can get a hold of him.
Umm, I don’t know. Maybe. Haven’t talked to her since right after high school. Let’s say she is dead, just for the sake of argument (also I gave Fek her address so YES, probably dead).
Mila Kunis will bring the sophistication of That’s ’70s Show and the humor of Family Guy to the ultraviolent bad cop genre, something that’s long overdue.
Thanks Pauly. Next time I’m watching a bukkake film, all I’m going to have going through my head is "You’re the best around, nothing’s ever gonna keep you down!"
Fuck all that, I just hope she brings her tits. Those are long overdue to be seen on screen as well.
Oh man, Mila Kunis was in American Psycho 2 or some nonsense. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked
Oh man, Mila Kunis was in American Psycho 2 or some nonsense. Suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuucked
‘scuse me
I think Marky Mark being in the Max Payne movie is kind of superfluous. Like a third nipple.
What was Marky Mark ever good in? No punchline here, i’m dead serious. His best work is barely passable. Can anyone name a good performance?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jUvyhNXhznQ
For those of you who have forgotten just how "Fresh" Marky Mark once was…
That would make Mila Kunis a sixth toe. Though as has been pointed out, her nipples, however many she has, may have redeeming qualities.
*makes farting sound*
What’s the matter, smartass, you don’t know any fuckin’ Shakespeare?
Hmmm, Three Kings – that may be his best performance.
Pauly, is that the guy from Double Dragon?
I liked his preformance in The Mighty Ducks when they had a montage while Good Vibrations played in the background
I knew it would be you, Chod.
Pawry, es dat duh gay fwum Buble Dagen?
The Bukkake Kid; "whacks off….whacks off some more."
Double Dragon? I thought he was from Contra? WTF?
Fuck Pauly i forgot about the Depawted. My bad.
Fine, other than that. Ready go.
Oh shit yeah, the Depawted was weally gweat. That hair. Spectacular
He was kinda faggoty in it. I know that’s really hard to do when working with DiCrappio and MAAAAATTTTT DAAAAAAAAAMMMMOOOOON, but he sure as shit pulled it off.
And there was The Perfect Storm. Thought he was good in that too.
I’m trying to fill out my timesheet (for the past two days) and can’t find a code for "screwing the pooch reading FD". Little help?
The Bukkake Kid: Oh, Daniel-san! You all wet behind ear!
ohh and Boogie NIghts
Al, I put it down as code 69. Then when the Office Mangler asks me what 69 is I kinda giggle and walk away. Try it.
Dang and Basketball Diaries too. Why, he’s a regular thespian
He finger fucked that chick on the rollercoaster in Fear
"marketing"
erswi – when the manager asks me what code 69 means, I’ll say "wait for it…"
Michelle07- Boogie Nights was a good flick but was he really good in it? I say no. Want to impress me? Try it without the prostetic.
He was barely passable in Perfect Storm.
Michelle, if I keep racking up all these hours for "marketing" and "general development" they’re eventually gonna wonder what the hell it is I’ve developed. Other than a slack-ass work ethic.
Al, you little minx, just write in "Code Red" so that when your manager asks "Did you order the Code Red?" you can scream "YOU’RE GODDAMN RIGHT I ORDERED THE CODE RED!"…and then run, because you’ll probably get fired.
I didn’t like Perfect Storm but I loved his performance in Boogie Nights…mostly just the part where he sang "You’re a wiiiinner a nooobodyy’s fooool" and that time he was ready to go again right after missing the money shot w/ Juliane Moore. Other than that I guess he was just so-so.
Al, you could tell them you had diarhea for a couple hours this week. If the "69" thing doesn’t work
I’m salary/commission so I get what work I have and do it all in the morning so the rest of the day I can filmdrunk and sneak of to smoke pot and drink liquor.
Rot, I’m not nominating that one because people are going to start thinking we’re having an affair, but once again a colleague just asked me "what the hell is so funny?".
Al, tell your co-worker "YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TROOF!"
If anyone questions what I have been doing all week, I just pull up the latest CoTW thread. Then I throw the wad of cum in their face that I kept in the palm of my hand for such an occasion.
is anybody else getting the "Marky Mark Ringtones " banner ad? What are they his lines fro the departed?
You may want to switch to a more easily transportable container Pauly. I’m thinking something with a lid.
from*
sorry i had to work all day and i don’t know what tha fuck is going on.
SMB, It’s kind of hard to open a lid with jizz all on your hands, knowhattamean, Vern?
I just created a category for "Website Mainteanance". That should shut ‘em up, and it’s not really lying, is it?
If I had a Marky Mark Departed Ringtone, it would be : "Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe fuck yourself."
Mine would be the shuffling of his plastic covered sneaks right after he capped Damon.
Too obscure?
There’d be several ‘motherfuckers’ in that ringtone too.
Al, not for nuthin but if you’re gonna make up a payroll code at least make sure you spelled it correctly. Just lookin out for ya mate.
*Pauly’s sitting in the dentist’s office lobby, suddenly his phone rings with his new Marky Mark Departed ringtone*
Like a 12-year-old’s dick.
Like a 12-year-old’s dick.
Like a 12-year-old’s dick.
Al, just roll with it. Let the Drunkards think what they want because if we can’t have an imaginary affair on the interweb, all those DARPA geeks would have sacrificed their virginity in vain. And then the terrorists will win.
I have an imaginary internet orgy going on with my hand, my monitor, my mouse, my keyboard, and redtube
How is that imaginary?
I meant imagery
Rotwangchung, I don’t recall saying anything about "imaginary"…
Rawr. I guess I have to call my old business teacher from high school and apologize for scoffing when he told me that good typing skills would get me laid. And yes, I scoffed. Not many sixteen year olds could pull that off.
*Chodin wanders into the children’s playpen- just starts fucking kicking toddlers all over the goddamn place.*
Who missed uncle Chodin!?!?
I did. Chodin tell these people Marky Mark can’t act and all but two of his films sucked out loud.
Say what you will about Marky Mark, but I actually bought "The Big Hit" on DVD. It’s funny because it’s stupid.
I dropped The Big Shit
*Chodin emerges from the ball pit- continues to fucking kick more toddlers.*
I fucking fell asleep in there!!!
I’m going to see Serj Tankian in concert tonight.
Just thought I’d share.
Go back to fucking kicking toddlers. Give one a throat punch for me.
I’m going to watch The Departed in super fast motion to the sounds of the Benny Hill Yakety Sax theme.
*Chodin grabs the tallest toddler by the hair…pauses for a moment and then fucking throat punches that little bastard as hard as he can.*
I like to throw shit at kids as hard as I can when they’re not looking (coins, ice cubes, batteries, etc. etc.). That way they won’t tell on you. Little fucking snitches.
I like to throw bullets at them. Then they can’t tell on you.
Like you just chuck bullets, or are you bustin’ caps?
I like to make the scariest faces possible and then when they throw a shit-fit I just play it tre’ cool.
TRUE STORY: This one time I was at the store picking up a Hallmark card (probably to apologize for something) and there’s this little kid sitting in his Mom’s cart. With the Mom’s back to me, I start making really fucked up demon faces at this kid and he starts to freak the fuck out, little do I know, the shithead had learned to talk (moderatley). The kick fibs on my ass, but when the Mom goes to look at me, I’m just playing it cool like I’m really into the Hallmark card I had chosen….and the kid got in trouble.
I think this kid will kick your ass, Chod
http://poststuff5.entensity.net/031008/media.php?media=jab.wmv
*The kid fibs…*
*Chodin wanders into the children’s playpen- just starts fucking kicking toddlers all over the goddamn place.*
Who missed uncle Chodin!?!?
It was even funnier the first time I read it and didn’t see the word "kicking".
Robo…the idea of fucking anything “all over the place” IS pretty fucking sweet.
We’re coining that tomorrow.
I’m going to see Serj Tankian in concert tonight
I have no idea who that is because I’m not very hip anymore, but have a lovely time.
Pauly: that kid’s a fag. I’d fuck him across the room and back: all over the place.
coining that tomorrow. doing that tonight
Just fucking. that kids is a fag. I’d grab him by that pony tail and sling him into a wall.
I dated a quadruple amputee for a while. Man, did I fuck
himher all over the place!I’d pick up the wall and smash it over his fucking head like a painting.
I like to drop-kick kids in a jumping castle
*in the far reaches of space, drunken fumes from a gaseous Klingon are smelled*
Thanks Al. He is the lead singer for System of a Down. I’ll have a beer (or 4) for you.
True Story: My Grandma use to baby-sit kids and she had a black kid named Heath, and for some odd reason he was afraid of water. So i would lure him outside and spray him with the water hose and watch him freak out. Seriously, he would freak the fuck out. Like Jaon Vorhees was about to murder him. I couldn’t stop laughing. He would do that cry where it sounds like you can’t breath like "no..no…st…op..it" I’m smiling just typing this. but he would fall for it every fucking time.
Joan Vorhees is the SCARIEST MOTHER FUCKER KNOWN TO MAN!!!
Jaon is her brother.
Pauly, I’d grab that kid by the back of the neck and make him fist-pound the top of my hand, then I’d swing that shit around and bash him in his fucking face.
I’d hang him from my Bow-Flex. Ala Chris Benoit
Chino – OH! I know who THAT is (I’m not THAT un-hip). Right on. Have at least a six-pack for me.
…but right before you did that, I’d watch Wrestle Mania with his punk ass.
True story: There was this kid that was a couple of years younger than me at my baby sitter when I was growing up (I was probably about 9 at the time). He would be fine for a really long time, but then out of nowhere he would walk in the room and start talking shit about my brother and I (in really vulgar terms).
So I would toss him on the couch and my brother and I would sit on him and smother him with pillows until he almost suffocated. We always knew when to let up because he would start thrashing around like a fish out of water.
When we let him go, he would start screaming, "SHA-WON! SHA-WON!" (our sitter was Sharon). She would get off her fat, dumpy, upper-middle-class-wannabe, Days-of-Our-Lives-watching worthless ass and waddle downstairs to see what was happening.
My brother and I would just sit and watch cartoons and pretend like the kid wasn’t even in the room. We never got in trouble, and this kid would get put in the corner for screaming and cussing (that he did so often).
Last I heard about him he got into a high-speed chase with North Liberty police on his motorcycle. When they did manage to stop him (he crashed), he tried to go for the gun in the squad car and they blew his fucking head off.
I guess if I had known the cops were going to kill his ass ten years later anyway, I might have just killed him at the babysitter and spared him the misery, but such is life.
Oh, yeah, the kid’s drunk pederast father sued the North Liberty police for excessive use of force. He lost.
Ywes! He is absolutely georgous. I love this amazing man. He is a certified millionaire member at Richromances.com. I sent a wink to him over there last week
Fek…that ALMOST made still being at work worth it.
Drewpopo99, waht the fuck you fag!? We’re talking about killing kids and you have to go off on some tangent about winking?
Dude. Why is Serj playing concerts by himself? Is that the reason System of a Down broke up? Lead Singer wanted all the Fred Dursting attention? Tsk Tsk. True Story: I always had a good eye for bands, could always tell who was going to be big one day and who wasn’t. I saw System of a Down before they got big. I thought they sucked. Only time I recall where I was wrong about a band.
Serj Tankian? Is that the guy from Double Dragon?
Oh, yeah, the kid was as high as hell, too. The autopsy showed amphetamine, methamphetamine, cocaine, and marijuana in his blood. WTF?
Fek, does Jolt Cola show up in an autopsy?
Well, looking back on I suppose when that fucking kid snorted his Pixie Stix it should have given us cause for concern.
You telling me you guys haven’t already fucked somebody all over the place? Just hopped right the fuck on and fucked them around the room while biting them on the back of the neck and snarling?
I can’t be the only one here who’s had the rabies before.
Well, I did fuck that kid
a few timesafter tha muthafuckin po-lice killed his ass.Fellers, this lil’ pard’ner is dun about to roll on home for the night.
*Chodin stands up and for no reason at all walks bow legged out of the town hall meeting.*
System has not officially broken up. They are just doing side projects. I think with Daron kinda taking over on the last two albums, maybe Serj just wanted to do his own thing. Who knows. I am holding out hope that they do something together again but I am not holding my breath. They are my favorite, though, so I really hope they
cumcome together in the end.Yeah well I’m at home dicking around and doing nothing whatsoever. How’s it going for the rest of you dicktards?
I’m gonna look at some porn and go whack off.
I’m pre-funking for the show. Drink On!
Maybe I’ll just do what Fek is doing.
I’m prep-cooking for a dinner party tomorrow night. Am I the only
saneboring person in here?Chod, that Double Dragon comment made me choke on my Colt.
And no, I’m not blowing a young horse (that would lump me in with the rest of you maniacs). Before anyone asks, a Colt is a cigar.
I’m with Fek on this one.
Lies! Colt is the ninja name given to the middle child in "3 Ninjas". What we have here, folks, is a pedophile.
You have some sort of problem with pedophilia, Nom? Because where I’m from, it’s perfectly legal. Expected, even. Just ask any one of the boys I have tied up and gagged in my laundry room.
What are you making Al?
Or is that too boring and not kid-touchey enough to ask?
::nom pulls tape recorder from his jacket pocket, and clicks the stop button:
That’s all I needed to hear…
Nom, you ass that the garage door opener
No, Colt is a fine malt liquor what you get from da refridgamater.
No, Colt is a fine malt liquor what you get from da refridgamater.
Well, that does explain why she was sliding it down her throat. Although, it being the kid from 3 ninja’s still makes more sense. Who wouldn’t blow him?
I’m making feta and bacon-stuffed chicken breasts (hehehe, I said "breasts") and an roasted autumn vegetable medley, all of which require marinating and assorted "treatment" in advance. Who want’s to come to dinner tomorrow?
Nom, I used someone else’s voice when I
admittedsaid that, so the joke’s on you.BTW Robo, don’t be surprised if the cops show up at your door in a few minutes. I used your voice. So I guess the joke’s on you, too.
I’m writing on the poststructuralist literary criticism of the nineteenth century realist novel and its relationship to the development and professionalization of science. In other words, I may take the easy way out and swallow my tongue.
That sounds delicious…maybe we can use it to lure all the kids Nom just let out of the garage
I’m having a corndog and some some sizzurp for dinner tomorrow. (Imma pour a lil sizzurp out, RIP Pimp C)
What makes you think the cops weren’t already here, Al? I’m fucking them all over the place right now. GRRRRRR NOLLE PROSEQUI!
I’m drinking coffee and getting ready to go to bed (jerking off). Am I the only person in the world that drinks coffee (and jerks off) before bed? Later fuckers, gotta go jerk off.
::looks around the office and realizes that the building is empty and everyone has left for spring break::
Zzzzzzziiiiiiiippppppppp…….
Rot, what you said up there about science weirdly turned me on. Maybe it was the swallowing your tongue part, I just don’t know. Brainy guys are sexy.
I am so sick and tired of the brainy guys getting all the hot action. Is there no chicks out there who are attracted to us unbelievably good looking guys? I yearn for the day when people are judged not for their superficial ‘intelligence’, but scored solely on how great looking they are. *sigh* Suicide? Not an answer, it’s a question.
Brainy guys are sexy? Yeah, I graduated high school with a 4.3 out of 4 average and couldn’t even get my finger moist. You chicks are a study in contradictions.
Yeah. Those bastard brainy guys! What are we mad about? I wasn’t listening.
Al, you’re obviously a woman of intelligence, distinction and class. So, this probably means no anal. Still, I know big words if that helps.
(I’m sooooo sick of working on this shit, but I’m under deadline pressure which means I’ll be here in my office until some ungodly hour)
What is gonna take for us unbelievably funny and talented guys to get some vagina?
Jacktion! "What is gonna take for us unbelievably funny and talented guys to get some vagina?"
Check to see if your local dollar store still has aqua dots in the toy section.
"What is gonna take for us unbelievably funny and talented guys to get some vagina?"
Shadow puppets.
"Funny" and "brainy" are BOTH must-have qualities, guys. Nom, if you’re that smokin’ hot, sure I’ll fuck ya, but I won’t respect or call you later.
Fuck it, I’m going to bed. Shadow puppets are never the right answer. I learned that the time I fought a black bear when it was trying to steal my cubs. Or maybe it was the other way around.
Al, I assume if we sleep together, I’ll be getting brain. So really, I just need to be funny.
Respect? Who the fuck wants a woman’s RESPECT?! Prostatular Orgasms or Bust! I mean, AND bust. AND.
Al, I assume if we sleep together, I’ll be getting brain. So really, I just need to be funny.
Well thank god I decided not to make that joke. I would have came across to be slightly slower than jack. Also, it wouldn’t have been funny.
Well Jack also has that strong-jawed, ebony haired look going for him. That’s right, don’t think that if there’s ever some sort of Film Drunk convention that I won’t be looking right through you and imagining your avs. Fek might want to re-think his in that event.
Incidentally Jack, my employer thinks I’m on drugs because of you in that Ice Age thread.
You’re saying you’re not on drugs?
Well, in my av I’m a wild-eyed, wild-haired academic with a cybernetic hand.
Yeah, that’s about right.
I’m not saying anything, erswi. Nothing at all.
And in my av I have a very bushy moustache and a drink in my hand. Appropriate? I’d say so.
Holy Flerging Schnidt! Up there, that there canadian placed a "u" in two seperate words…..and for once they were supposed to be there. Cool. But, in all fairness, it would be nice if you guys would do like on municipal buildings and use V’s in place of the U’s. That way they are clearly marked, and no one gets hurt.
Pardon? "V"s have much sharper corners than "U"s, Nom. Higher occurrence of eyes being taken out by those pointy "V"s.
But since I’m Canadian and therefore ridicvlovsly polite, I’m happy to oblige.
Psst – Nom – we’re all alone in here again. What are you wearing?
What am I wearing? What am I WEARING? What I’m WEARING is thin on patience for canadians and their rogue U’s.
Then I’ll endeavour to keep you in the Canadian loop by inviting you to my neighbourhood and promising you that the cheque’s in the mail.
Oh yeah. Well, come to Kansas. We can hop over to Misseri and maybe ride a motor-sickle down in the crick.
Who knows about Marky Mark? I just feel very curious that I found his profile on richmingle.com. What’s going?
wrydarling, would you like to have “Magical Sex”?
I fuck you, you disappear.
I can’t believe Lance hasn’t found a way to snuff that shit out. All you gots to do is give admin priveledges to someone. StoneSoup? RoboPanda?…..no, JWiaDH!