Charles Bronson will now introduce some links by catching a fish with his bare hands. GRR, BEAR HANDS!
First Look at Notorious B.I.G. Biopic
Jamal Woolard looks just like Biggie. I mean, they’re both fat at least. Notorious P.I.G.s you might say. *Cricket Sounds*
Shane Black is back
The guy who wrote the first two Lethal Weapons, The Last Boy Scout, and The Long Kiss Goodnight (and directed Kiss Kiss Bang Bang) is working on a new movie called The Nice Guys. He’s written some of the best one-liner filled action movies of all time. Sadly, the best thing I’ve ever come up with is, "Yeah? More like BORE-egon."
F-Word compilation from Harold & Kumar 2
I haven’t watched this yet because I don’t want to ruin the movie. And because I hate minorities.
Ice Age 3 Poster
They’ve still done nothing to explain what the fuck a Dinosaur is doing in a movie called Ice Age. I’m going to a make a movie called Vikings, starring a hip hop dance crew. Why? Because fuck it, that’s why.
Metal Gear Solid becoming a movie
I’ve never played this video game, so I’m just going to assume this a stupid idea.
Tintin Movies
Peter Jackson and Steven Speilberg are both doing Tintin movies. Based on a comic book about a Belgian reporter and his dog? Shit, why not six movies?
Dark Knight goes IMAX
“The Dark Knight will feature four sequences filmed with IMAX cameras. This marks the first time ever that a major feature film has been even partially shot using IMAX cameras, marking a revolutionary integration of the two film formats.” I hear they’re developing similar technology in the porn industry – to be shown at CLIMAX theatres across the country. *sad trombone*
Jim Carrey Writing a Self-Help Book
Jim Carrey is writing a self help book for depression sufferers who want to beat the disease without drugs. Step 1: Become fabulously wealthy. Step 2: Do whatever you want. Step 3: Crush anyone who ever even slightly wronged you. Step 4: Mojitos. I feel better already!
Worst Irish Accents in Cinema
In honor of St. Pat’s day. Though I prefer drinking until I piss myself.
Regal Entertainment to allow red-band trailers
The country’s largest theater chain will allow R-Rated trailers to play in R and NC-17 movies. However, masturbating is still prohibited. Fascists.
[Thanks to BGavin, RoboPanda, and Deaners for the tips]
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Shane Black > Jack Black
Shane Black rocks my cock. Although for sheer mad bastard screen writers I still love Verhoeven. I advise you all to read Hollywood Animal, his autobiography.
I mean,
GRRRRR LIBRARY CARD!!!
I bet you that the makeup department on the Notorious B.I.G. movie just slugs Jamal Woolard in both eyes until one of them start to point southwest.
I was trying in vain to find the "Fucked a squirrel to death" clip from The Last Boy Scout, or the "Sock ‘em in the jaw and yell ‘Pop goes the weasel!’" clip from The Long Kiss Goodnight.
I like how in the imdb page for Notorious shows Jamal Woolard playing Notorious B.I.G, and who, you might ask, is playing Christopher Wallace?
Gravy
I like how in the imdb page for Notorious shows Jamal Woolard playing Notorious B.I.G, and who, you might ask, is playing Christopher Wallace?
Gravy
The only people going to see Notorious are the same people who saw Soul Plane.
That’s right, Black People.
I’m not fucking joking
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0472198/
DO NOT WATCH THE NOTORIOUS B.I.G. MOVIE IN THE GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA.
Tupac fans are going to be stabbing like mother fuckers.
Why did Mr. Milo cross the road?
Fuck you, die slow motherfucker.
My four four make sure all your kids don’t grow.
Biggie Smalls is from a couple of towns over from me. They have a
monument to him in the middle of the towna lot of black people there.Pauly…that’s fucking amazing.
Ain’t one-a you mother fucka’s got sickle cell or sumthin’ ?
There’s a pizzaria right outside the IMAX theatre by me called PIMAX.
And I’m gone.
Biggie Smalls
is from acoupleoftownsover fromme.They have a monument to him in the middle of the town a lot of black people there.This isnt even funny. But I’m like a graffiti artist and Jack! is my urine-soaked ghetto brick wall.
Biggie Smalls and Junior Mafia are some mark ass bitches
Biggie Smalls and Junior Mafia are some mark ass bitches
His dick was stuck in the chicken?
and
Remember when i used to let you sleep on my couch
and you’d beg your bitch to let you back in yo house.
I swear i did that once. It’s that fucking SQL server BULLSHIT!!
We mother fuckin’ Thug Life riders.
West Side till’ we die.
I don’t know any B.I.G. lyrics. Can I make fun of him for being
fatblackdeadblack? And fat?1 Pac, 2 Pac, 3 Pac, 4…
Wait, we were quoting 8 Mile, right?
No need to ask erswi, that’s why I fucked your bitch, you fat motherfucker
When you get that Pauly, don’t go back and hit add comment again. Just refresh until it comes back on.
Its’ all good Gravy, Grav-ey
I’m suprised they actually hired a fat dude to play Biggie. It seems that whenever Hollwood wants to portray portly people of color they use fatsuits or hire Cedric the Entertainer.
1 Pac, 2 Pac, 3 Pac, 4…
Wait, we were quoting 8 Mile, right?
Funny you mention that, because the guy who played Papa-doc is playin 2 pac in that movie.
erswi- I was going to tell you these are Pac lyrics not Biggie but i remembered your pointing and stabbing motions with the butter knife and decided to leave it alone.
Carry on.
I love when white dudes quote gangta rap lyrics (thta’s right, I said gangsta).
Oh, and I know you all are white for 2 reasons:
1. You have computers
2. You can spell
HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE:
you mean to tell me that jamal woolard is Gravy? Gravy is Jamal woolard?
That guy’s a gangster? His real name’s Clarence.
That guy’s a gangster? His real name’s Clarence.
I have a masters in ebonics and I still can’t understand what the fuck Biggie was saying in any of his songs.
Speaking of rap and St. Patties: I’m blasting some House of Pain right now. (The Irish rappers not the Tyler Perry show)
Is DP-ing the new Black?
Double Penatrationing or Director of Photographing?
Yo check it,
I used to be down with B.I.G.
But then I got hooked on tha F to tha D. (Filmdrunk Nigga)
So now I’m on the internets like every day
Talkin’ bout fighting Uwe Boll and whether Jacktion!’s gay.
YEAAAAH!
I was playing some Biggie at my last Klan meating. You should have seen the looks I got. They must have been Pac fans.
Klan meating?
Oh yeeeeeeeeeah!
Yea, c’mon
I’m a white middle class nigga target demographic.
In a stable job and an income tax bracket.
I neva leave my crib without a prophylactic
It don’t matta though cuz I’m here helpin’ get lance some traffic.
It don’t matta though cuz I’m here helpin’ get lance some traffic.Cuz quite frankly, a sex life, well, I lack it.
Fixed.
If you were to put out a album, Luch. I’d cop that.
If that motherfucker TOM wouldn’t have deleted my Myspace page….
white middle class nigga
Has to be my favorite line.
Theres more where that came from.
*zzzzzzzzip
Black from the waist down beotches!!
(Frostbite)
Maybe if your lyrics didn’t promote racism and hatred, I wouldn’t have deleted your fat ass, bitch.
Tom, are you bitch-made?
That list of Irish accents could have been much better. How about the shitty Irish accents from Cruise and Kidman in Far and Away, or Michael J. Fox in B2TF3. Props for mentioning that clown in Heroes. Horrible horrible horrible accent. What a douchy motherfucker for doing that accent with a straight face. What a douchy network for not firing him. It’s a douchy, douchy world.
Wow, Tom is like Beetlegeuise!
I’m sittin’ at my deak workin at my computa’
Callin Luchador a fat "hijo de puta"
His grooves lacked bass, and his voice broke glass
So I did the right thing, and I deleted his ass.
Douchy was my wife’s maiden name.
That’s how you bust a rhyme.
Your rhymes are just busted.
His grooves lacked bass, and his voice broke glass
Sorry I upset you, whiny bitch
Apparently my lyrics dont have enough fish?
BATTLE!!!
The "glass" in question was the rhyme for "ass", not "bass" which is pronounced "base" and represents the low range counterpart of treble.
I’m sittin’ at my deak workin at my computa’
More like sittin at computa’, workin’ yo "deak"
While yo momma shows the football team who’s a REAL freak
Here’s a bean bag chair, be my guest and sit
While I go Bob the Builder and de-con-struct yo shit!
Sorry I misheard you but I didn’t have no choice
With the dick in your mouth I can’t hear the inflection in your voice
So in a few minutes when youre all done swallowin’
I’ll point you to a dark corner your lame as can wallow in.
Please Luchadork, don’t pick on my spellin
It might make me cry, there’s just no tellin
Real brothas spell right, everybody knows
Spellin comes as natural as pimpin’ ho’s
And in the 5 minutes that your explaining "bass" took;
A million more kids just left your site for FACEBOOK
(BOOSH!)
*high fives Fred Durst
I’m surprised you ain’t picked on my momma already
By the way, thank yours for the sex and spaghetti
She was out of parmisean, so she crumbled some cheddar
I’m not quite sure which clam sauce was better
*the crowd is heard collectively*
OOOOOHHHHH!!!! DAAAAAMN!!!
OH NO HE DI’INT!!!!!
I’m surprised you ain’t picked on my momma already
By the way, thank yours for the sex and spaghetti
She was out of parmisean, so she crumbled some cheddar
I’m not quite sure which clam sauce was better
Wow, that sucked.
Parmisean? Is that like the french version of parmesan?
"Parmisean" is what a mongoloid says when he’s trying to get passed Sean Faris.
It’s Tom’s version of losing a rap battle badly.
Pauly, I got that and I’m laughing.
I want to nominate that but I don’t want Tom getting credit for the setup.
Don’t worry about it, Luch. Anotha day, anotha nom.
I keep saying it in my head and I keep laughing.
I had to say it with the "fat tongue" voice but once i got it…GOLD.
Awww, how come no one told me my dick was hanging out of my shorts?
ummm……hey
I’m going to post something else because if I were to die tonight, I don’t want ^that to be my last post.
<——Drunk Cat acknowledges.
where the hell is everyone? oh probably drinking huh?
I’m drinking but I’m still at work. Cuz we on West Coast time, Son!
Me too.
Im here! Im here!
1,2,3,4. Beer, weed, coke, whores.
That battle could have used a lot more audience participation but we’ve got a clear winner. We’ll see Luchador next week in the semi-finals.
This just in! He is drunk!
I do believe Luch can single-handedly save the rec centre.
Yes, fuckers, that’s how you spell "centre".
Centre is my favourite way to spell center.
I can bust a rhyme while I stand in front of the bulldozer.
Centre? How colourful.
That was mighty neighbourly of you, Fek.
Al, are you stalking Him? Forget it! He doesn’t want yer frigging speakers!!! IT ISN’T HONOURABLE TO TAKE SPEAKERS FROM A LADY!
But when they’re offered in gratitude of such a chivalrous gesture, is it not dishonourable to NOT accept a such a gift?
SIX, count ‘em, six "u"s up there ^, people.
Hey, BTW, I can’t find you in Facebook.
Internet-1
Fek’lhr-0
(BTW, you might have an easier time find me, "Matthias Lilleg".
GRRR…MATTHIAS ANDREW LILLEG!!!
Did someone say Matthew Lillard? I hate that douche.
Al, if it is centre, wouldn’t you call them fuckres?
Oh thank you, Chino, my screen DID need a cleaning, though not necessarily with BEER…
To you, we alternate placement of "r"s and "e"s seemingly willy nilly, but believe you me, there is a
devious Candian hostile takeoverperfectly good reason we adhere to the Queen’s English.We’re afraid of her. And she’s a bit senile now.
No worries, it’s no bothre. Hey, this is easy!
It seems we are in need of a visit from Her Royal Highness.
We are not senile, but we do wonder why the man in the television never smiles when we wiggle our toes at him.
Crap, I just got busted by the Queen. A thousand pardons, Your Royal Highnessness.
In celebration of St Patricks Day being over, we have launched a nuclear assault on Ireland.
You potato-loving bastards! If we can’t have your land, then no one can!
It’s not over yet here on the west cost, My Lady, but nuke the micks.
Chino, please tell me you’re not drinking green beer.
So, HRH, how do we feel about Prince Henry being pulled out of Afghanistan? Or more importantly, Paul McCartney having to pay Heather Mills $50K in alimony?
Green beer? Hells no. White wine? Oh yeah, baby. Missed you at the pillow fight.
St. Patrick’s Day was over hours ago in the UK.
Ireland will be over any minute now.
HRH, you fucking crack me up. St. Patrick’s Day just ended for me. smiley face with a smiley on top. D;D
B
ar
ly
a
l
ive
I had a great St. Patricks day! Lots of hot, very drunk co-eds here for spring break. They seemed to get confused and were getting their tits out at the bar for more shots. Then one of them projectile-vomitted over the cheering crowd.
Good times.
Lance better put up hangover bear today. Qapl….BARF!!!!!!!!!
Looks like just me and Fek survived… Lance should give us his phone number so we can give him wake up calls. And also leave ‘encouraging’ messages…
Hey, a good Scot never drinks more than what he is willing to pay for the next day!
Unfortunately, He is Irish/German. :(
I’m going to have to start ‘work’ soon. However, we get Friday and Monday off for Easter. Praise Jeebus!
St. Patrick’s Day – 1
Filmdrunk – 0
Wait…
Barly Alive?
SWEET!
What the crap is going on here? I’ve been doing actual work all morning because my weekly Tuesday morning meeting made me get my yearly patriotic alcohol poisoning on Saturday instead of yesterday. Now let’s see some action, fellas.
Well thank god Lance hasn’t posted any new threads today. Am I right fellas?
Based on the evidence Brendon > Lance in the drinking stakes.
Or should that be the other way round…? Shit.
Anyway: WAKE THE FUCK UP LANCE!
This is like when I was a kid and I’d have to wake my "uncle" up and help him out mommy’s window so dad wouldn’t come home and go to prison again.
*dog walks in
What’s that boy? Lance is in a well? No? He tried to do what to you?!? Why do you have a poo stache. OMG I’ll kill him. Lance, WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?!?
Hey fuckers! I’m not hungover, just got caught having to do work this a.m. I too partied Saturday night, so I am completely ready to get some nominations from the fuzzy brained, woozy, nauseated folks that will saunter in around 3.
So Tintin’s dog is named Snowball; If there isn’t a porn adaptation made I’ll be disapointed.