Teutonic turd peddler Roland Emmerich (who previously directed Independence Day, Godzilla, and The Day After Tomorrow) has done it again. His latest movie, 10,000 B.C., according to analysts, is headed for nearly $40 million at the box office (though it’s important to note that the same analysts overestimated Semi Pro by $5-7 million).
But the best part is the early reviews:
Almost worth sitting through the first half for the revelatory moment when you’re forced to ask yourself: Is nearly the entire cast suddenly being attacked by what look like cracked-out ostriches? Why, yes, yes they are. -E! Online
I have to give Emmerich credit for creating a film that’s been funnier than ’27 Dresses’ or ‘Over Her Dead Body.’ –eFilmCritic
A tedious bore in which grubby people stand around muttering in a variety of badly chosen accents. –CinemaBlend
Oh my god: the silly, it burns. It burns! All the “tellings” and the dreadlocks and the too much narration telling us about the tellings and the people with the dreadlocks and the hero who’s The One who’s gonna save the world by being a hero and the… the how it ends. –FlickFilosopher
Hooray for Hollywood – where success comes to those who should be homeless.
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I’ll play my gigli game. Everytime something ridiculous happens inject yourself with heroin because you should be dead for watching this [[[word not created for level of badness]]].
No Raquel Welch in a fur bikini means no Charlie Bronze.
I can’t wait for 2012. Not his next movie, but the actual Apocalypse so I won’t have to see this shit made anymore.
I have to go pick my niece up from school. Kindsly refrain from pun wars until I return in 25 minutes.
They were talking about it on NPR this morning (my alarm clock is wicked smaht) and they kept referencing giant angry chickens. Thanks for the half asleep crazy giant chicken dreams NPR. Now I need to see it to resolve my giant angry chicken fears/hunger
About 5 years ago I woke up to my radio saying "This is Kurt Cobain and if I wasn’t dead I’d be listening to EDGE 102.1" and for half a minute I thought "Wow it’s nice that a big American rock star would do a commercial spot for a Canadian radio station" then I realized that it’s even nicer if he rose from the dead to do it. Then I stopped being a dumb ass and had a cup of tea.
Michelle, I’ll be happy to help with your therapy because fortuitously, the nickname for my penis is "giant angry chicken"…mostly because of irony and the soul-devouring sadness of my early sexual
experimentationexperiences.Damnit, 25 minutes without a pun war? What the hell am I supposed to do for nearly half an hour? I know, I could pick up a fake Brooklyn accent. Or, even better, I could kill myself for referencing a Domino’s Pizza ad…
I did have a dream two nights ago about sleeping with a Frenchman in the Amazon rainforest. Then a group of spiders combined into one giant spider and chased me while I was swimming in the river. So, either I need to buy an atlas, or I need to stop eating kraft singles right before bed. I don’t know if that helps comfort you, Michelle, about your chicken dreams, but at least know, it could be more psychologically damaging.
It’s no wonder the English feel superior. Their language has been around for quite a while. Frankly, I’m surprised it didn’t catch on in more places.
Did you see the size of that pussy?
Quick, pun war. Go!
Is this the part of the afternoon where everyone looks away and tries not to make eye contact with me?
By the way Lance, I applaud your use of alliteration and assonance; "Teutonic turd peddler" is so much more poetic than "German shit merchant." You truly are a renaissance man…by which I mean that Danny Devito was reincarnated as your thumb (little know fact: Frank Reynolds is completely CGI).
AGB, I can make eye contact with you, but only peripherally as I stare at your boobs.
This is the part of the afternoon where my buzz kicks in.
Thanks Rot. Nothing makes a girl feel more special than boob staring.
How come I get looks of discomfort when I get caught chest checking a girl?
(little know fact:
FrankRyan Reynolds is completelyCGIGAY). fixed!The Antipodal Undead commands: Quick, pun war. Go!
If I want to watch a movie about homo erectus, I’ll
re-rentrent Caveman-On-Man II: Take It In Jurassic.Are you body checking her Pauly? because that might not be such a good/bad idea,
Gotta watch those hockey references around Canadiens, eh?
Thanks guys, that does help. Nothing helps you get over a fear more than having sex with it. Isn’t that right Clowny Clown.
Pauly insousciantly intones: This is the part of the afternoon where my buzz kicks in.
Same here. To prepare for student conferences, I mix up my favorite mid-afternoon drink: champagne, orange juice and some adderall I "found" under one of the desks. I call it a Mimosa Nervosa.
[www.youtube.com]
prepare to crap your pants off
If I want to watch retarded white men with bad hair existing in a false environment I’ll watch BioDome.
Too high-brow Michelle. I had to read that three times before I got it.
(well known fact: I HEART Ryan Reynolds) C’mon the guy has a 12pack and a face like an angelic Chevy Chase.
AGB, I never really figured out how not to cross that fine line between making eye contact and the piercing stare of a madman. Fortunately, boobs are not judgmental.
So does Jessica Biel Soylent
I never really figured out how not to cross that fine line between making eye contact and the piercing stare of a madman
That’s why I don’t wear sunglasses because it makes me think I’m watching a weird art film that uses a filter so I can make judgemental faces at whatever I see. Then people want to beat me up, which is no good because people with ridiculous aesthetics usually know how to throw a punch.
So, why is the guy in the poster with the poor grasp of positional advantage attacking the big cat with a tv aerial? Isn’t that anachronistic?
Maybe he was trying to steal the big cat’s cable. Cats hate that shit.
"I can has caveman?"
Charlies Bronze inquires: Isn’t that anachronistic?
Absolutely. Everyone knows that sabretooth tigers were employed as bottle openers…at least that’s what I learned watching "The Flintstones." Well, that and something about how seething homosexual desire can be repressed by working in a quarry.
I drink your coconut milkshake!
AGB acronymously observes: …people with ridiculous aesthetics usually know how to throw a punch.
True, but don’t forget that you can take them down pretty easily with my personal martial arts style: taintstab-fu. Eyes may be the windows to the soul, but a taint is the doggie-door to pain.
I’m lactose, so I’ll pass on your milkshake.
When someone is clothed in unbreathing polyester, I am not inclined to go anywhere near their taint. It’s one of the rules I live by.
It puts the lime in the coconut and shakes it all around or it gets the hose again.
Soy un-acronymously observes: cave women do infact shave armpits and legs, thus concluding Eastern European women are less hygenic then 12,000 year old cave dwellors.
How exactly did this caveman get into such a precarious position in the first place? Dude, you’re only 3 feet higher than the ground. Personally, I’d take my chances that I’d get that burning sensation in my ankles from dropping too far than face the cat with huge teeth.
They make Him work today. :(
I’m no historyologist but I think there was a hero before this caveman, and that would be the founder of NO MA’AM.
Independence Day is The Day After Tomorrow?
My hystoryologist put a speculum up my but. My black cherry was history at that point.
A tedious bore in which grubby people stand around muttering in a variety of badly chosen accents.
So, in other words, it’s like the 90% of Amsterdam that isn’t the red light district?
They make Him work today. :(
Well who else is going to pilot The Barge of the Dead over The River of Blood?
As we speak, I’m convincing my friend that this is a true story.
Charon?
Pauly- Is that a guy from Double Dragon?
Does he have a CDL license?
Fred Flintstone had some big feet. I wonder what shoe size he was.
It’s actually Phlegyas who ferries the boat across the river of blood. Charon ferried people across the river of woe.
<———— Dante geek
Hells yeah, SMB. That’s Abobo.
I’m going to go find my vhs copy of Clash of the Titans and check that. Might help if i still had a vcr.
"When some guy hits your eye so hard you want to cry, that’s Abobo"
"When the you seem to be fine, then he fractures your spine, that’s Abobo"
Donkey Hodey stubbornly states: It’s actually Phlegyas who ferries the boat across the river of blood.
I thought it was Jack Putter that ferried Lt. Tuck Pendleton through the blood in his body.
<———— Joe Dante geek
"When you know you’re in pain, but you cannot be screaming sennnoooooooore. S’cus’a me but you see that your face meets the knee of Abobo"
Anal fissure equals a bloody Abobo when you a poo poo.
I knew i had seen him 10,000 times but could not place him. Thanks.
What’ s the B.C. stand for in this movie? Beyond Crap. Bueno Caliente.
Maniacs Soylent, the B.C. stands for Maniacs. It’s a movie about Natalie Merchant
I want to make 10,000 AD. It will be three hours of cockroaches and darkness set to a soundtrack of Pink Floyd and the Scissor Sisters.
Was the year Christ was supposedly born B.C.-0-A.D., or had dashes been invented yet?
michelle i see your clowny clown clown, and raise you Bingo the Clown-O [www.youtube.com]
Is this back when they had crap gods like Jeff the God of Biscuits?
Was the year Christ was supposedly born B.C.-0-A.D., or had dashes been invented yet?
JHC–shouldn’t you know that. Or are you a fraud…beware false prophets!
And of dog
How the fuck should I know? I’m no savior. I just play one on the interwebs. Anyone willing to put their faith in me, send me a P.M. with credit card information and salvation will be yours. and a flat screen t.v. will be mine…..
and a flat screen t.v. will be mine..
not with my credit card number
Sorry JHC, i only trust Nigerian Royalty.
GOD IS A SUPERSTITION!!!!!
Sorry JHC, i only trust Nigerian Royalty
WHAT!!?? I don’t trust any ni…….. oh it only has one ‘g’.
oops.
Goddammit SMB! How many times do I have to tell you that racist shit won’t fly around here?
Huh? What? I can’t fuckin’ hear you…. Hold on SMB.
::saunters over to co-worker::
Sorry SMB, I thought Nigerian meant something else.
Check it out, Pauly and god are bigots.
I fucking knew it.
Is that saber tooth tiger a critic? Because it’s snarling, not darling.
This is for my peeps [nintendo8.com]
Where the hell is Custer’s Revenge?
Custer’s Revenge was on Atari.
Is my love for the Rotten avatar wrong?
There is no racial bigotry here, SMB. I do not look down on niggers, kikes, wops or greasers. Here you are all equally worthless. And my orders are to weed out all non-hackers who do not pack the gear to serve in my beloved Corps. Do you maggots understand that?
SIR. YES SIR!
I could swear they made an NES port for it… either that or I spent waaaaay to much time playing Commando on acid.
eib thanks for the link, i love you
You are welcom Bex, thanks.
Have a good weekend my little lambs. Daddys off to give his liver a good ‘ol rodgering.
Litl’ ‘bugger, neva’ ‘ad a chance.
[www.breitbart.tv]
I like how he had a sword. Because fuck breaking and entering to save a life with any other weapon.
Never bring a sword to a boner fight, Heather.
Seriously, never.
*Erswi enters in a sweaty profusion of cursing and obscenities, collapses in a heaping mess*
S’up niggas?
A ten foot pile of nothing, erswi. Hope you got better things to do.
The Mighty One is almost done working. Will be drunk in an hour. Time Him!
I been drinking since 10 this morning. Yup, that kinda Friday.
erswi, let’s kill every Mexican until we get Pauly.
You got a long ways.
If I was watching porn, and somebody broke in thinking that I was raping someone, I don’t think I’d let the local news interview me about it. Is that just a me thing?
Hey Erswi. I thought my Pm stalking had driven you away.
Nope Jack. This guy needs a new publicist.
"I was watching an adult movie"
Pauly, "I can has caveman" made me fall off my seat/exercise ball.
and that clown made me cry.
No prob Michelle, that’s what I’m here for. *wink*
Yeah, those LOLCats crack me up.
I mean…
GRRRRRR……JACKING OFF WITH MICROWAVED LOTION!
Like warm apple pie…
I gotta
try thatrecommend that to that lonely guy I know!my good friend joey joe joe junior shabbadoo says that it does feel like the real thing but might also give you an urinary tract infection so wear a condom
Anyone catch that article about the guy over in Japan that had over 100 sex dolls? He claims to not be able to love a real woman.
I just wondered which Filmdrunkard he is.
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand Durst!!
The Mighty Fek’lhr is
drunknot Japanese.1:02 :( Two Minutes Too Long For Drunk
2 Fast 2 Furious 4 Drunk? QAPLAH!
im gonna start getting drunk in 68 minutes from now
*Class bell rings, hallways empty. Chodin climbs out of high school locker.*
Mother fuckers, I have been in that mother fucker all goddamn day!
*Chodin stands in empty hallway.*
Why the fuck am I talking to myself?
Hey fucktards, wadeye miss. (BTW a wadeye is an eye full of jizz) I have been saving the world today and just got into my office. I have no intention of reading through all the comments so I can stay hip to the new trends. But no one will tell me. I don’t wanna be an uncool non-FD-hipster… fuck, what if a new club was made nd I’m not in-the-know. I could look like an ass. Fuck! Now I have to read the posts!
Damn You FilmDrunk sosha trendsetters!
So that concludes my work 12 pack-o-beer.
where the hell did everyone go?
I have 45 minutes until I get totally fucked up for three days. Will no one keep me company before I beat back the sober?
[www.geekstir.com]
clearly, they have issues
so i had an error today on some code i was writting, and i basically made no progress at all today because: A) i havent worked for shit B) didn’t know what was causing my error, and so I finally figured out, I inserted the test data into my old testing database, forgot about the new one, my code works like a charm and it took me close to 6 hours to figure that out, oops.
Pauly: do you sling rock? Is that your J.O.B. ?
Not crack, but I have sold coke.
Now, I’m a surgeon.
Oh yeah, sure
Well, not certified of course.
amatuer gynecologist?
I dabble, yes.
This is my birthday weekend, Mon is the actual day, but this weekend is my time to stay up for three days on blow and whiskey. …boy o boy o boy o boy o boy….
<Tapping foot anxiously and staring at the clock>
Proctology?
Happy Birthday, Crap!
Why yes, Chod. That’s why my nickname is Dr. Brown Thumb
Strange how when chod says "proctology?" it seems more like an offer than a question?
Crap, you do that every weekend. What’s the difference?
Crap, hate to break to ya’, but Birfday Dog is in Key Largo until Wednesday…beter luck next birthday.
Thanks Eib. Save the salutaions for Monday though. This weekend is my bender/me time.
…30min…
Well, after Birfday’s time in Gitmo I am suprised he would travel to that region again.
…28…
Ya know PD… you make a valid point. OOOh OOOOhh I know! This weekend I drink for FREE!!!
Liquor tastes is good. Free liquor tastes better, but stolen liquor is the BEST!
^That’s how I talk drunk.
Crap, I too am going to have “me time” this weekend. I plan on “finding myself” at the bottom of 13 Redbull Vokas tonight, and hopefully then “reflect” face down in the street.
Redbull Vokas fuck me up.
I had Jager bombs at lunch.
Some just-turned-21 year olds moved into the house next door to mine. Everynight is partytime. Jaggerbombs fall like panties at a John Mayer concert. I only need to pop in to say "hi" to get massive quantities of booze forced on me.
My life is hard.
…17 min…
Taken into consideration that I started drinking at 10 this morning and how I’m feelin right now, I will either do 1 of 5:
1. Piss myself
2. Throw up on myself
3. Shit myself
4. 1, 2, and 3
5. Fuck a chubby bitch
…in the future, everyone drinks “Redbull Vokas”.
Pauly: you make me want to have a drinking problem…
…I respect you.
Sack up you fag! You have shit wrong there. You fuck that fat chick, piss on her cat, throw up on her, then shit on her pillow!
I knnow what you mean, Crap. Sometimes, I feel like I’m tied to the whipping post.
Pauly, is dat de guy from DOUBLE DRAGON??????????
California Sauvignon Blanc is ok, too. It gets you shitfaced, so who fucking cares???
Wally, sis tat gay 4 stuble bacon??????????
Abobo
wooooooooooooooohooooooooooooo drunk time, later assholes
I’m cornfused??
I like drinking red wines because the next day I shit purple.
Later bex, ya pepperbelly fuck!!
THe Mighjty Fek’lhr just wrote the druniekst fucking post at the Amy Winehouse thread at Turden!
GERONIMOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
The thing I’m fearing most is the time change this Saturday- I can already see it now: Chodin’s gonna’ be in the middle of an Orange County intersection, jacking off onto the crosswalks screaming “I’M FUCKING TIME TRAVELING!!!!”
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Chod, next time I am in California, you wanna hook up? For real? My aunt is a lesbian nun! (She lives in Cali, too!)
Chodin, you wanna do a line a Redbull Vokas?
You aunt is a Lesbinun?
Fek: i know…i dyke out with your aunt all the time.
and Pauly: *sniiiiiiifffffffffffffffffffffff*
AHHHHHHHH, REBULL VOKAS 4 LIFE!!!!!!
Dakota the Tranny Truck Driver is the fucking shit! S/he likes black guys because "they are hung bigger".
One time s/he put hisser purse on the table at the company Thanksgiving dinner table. She says to fucking me, "I call this my TOOLBOX! Wanna see what’s in it?"
I sez, "No thanks, ma’am, mebbe schum udder time!"
DRUNK!
…in the “future” future, REBULL replaces redbull.
RE
BULL
UH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*BLOWS BIG NORWEGIAN HORN*
HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
chod I’ll be down in OC at a friend’s Monday because I have to make a 8:00am flight at LAX on Tues, and driving from my town, through the valley and over Sepulveda at 6am would take 3 fucking hours. Then I realized that not only will I have to get up at 5 to make it from Ana, but it will really be 4am because of the time change. FUCK!
But my Aunt is cool. She bought me a Sega Master System AND a fucking Sega Genesis!!!
I beat Altered Beast on my first try!
NOT!
Crap-can you rephrase that post so humans can read it?
I am the dursting fucking champion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
But you’re a Klingon. And its a bunch of whinning about traffic in LA, so paraphrased. Fuck traffic in LA.
*Pauly sniff Rebull Vokas line with Didjeridu. Leans back while Chodin poors a six pack of beer in the Didjeridu. Pauly proceeds to chug beer until Didjeridu is empty*
My "guy" needs to hurry and call me. My weekends is waiting.
Grrrr…. dealers with lives!!
I can read it just fine! I said HUMANS, you tahQeq qovlpathjing haDiBah!
(Chod thanks you)
I’m going to PD’s place…
Lousiana doesn’t have any traffic. Except methamphetamine trafficking.
I’m in Arizona. No time change.
Oh, fuck, I hate it when dealers act like they got something more important to do than get you your fucking drugs! Last fucker that tried that with me is sitting in my fucking deep freeze!
Well, what’s left of him, at least.
I’m in Arizona. No
timechange. = BORINGDO you know what is great about Arizona? That is where I burned my leg with the battery pack of some vibrating anal eggs!
True story!
Note to self: Klingons are angry drunks.
One time I snorted NoDoz at a White Zombie concert. On purpose. It didn’t do what I thought it would.
I will fight you, Jolly Green Faggot!
I used to live behind the Orange Curtain, Cho. Go to Irvine and do that. Or Coto de Caza..
Crap, I actually live in the valley (keep it fuckin’ real) but I’m heading down to Hunington Beach for this thing me and my friends like to call “Being Gay Without Girls and Drinking Until We Are Fucking Dead ’08″.
Does everyone here do drugs? I don’t. Drugs kill babies. Drugs kill babies. Drugs kill babies. Drugs kill babies. Drugs kill babies. Drugs kill babies.
They call me
Mr. Drugs
Klingons are angry drunks.
On a scale from 1 to 10, that is "No shit." like one trillion! BONG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m in Arizona. No
timechange. = BORINGEverything here is JUST like the move Tombstone.
Huntington Beach is a good place to do that, Cho. I have been stupid wasted there
There were vibrating anal eggs in Tombstone? BOING!!!!!!!!!!
Go to Brewbakers and make yourself a shitload of beer, chod. It’s a good time.
Fek, are you well versed in Moq’bara?
Cho, Eib, quit fucking chatting and acknowledge His drunkocity!!!!!!!!!!!!!
So how the fuck do you play Pharoe?
FEK "That is where I burned my leg with the battery pack of some vibrating anal eggs!"
So if you call me a "faggot" I must ass…ooom it has a different meaning in Klingon.
But I will fight you Klingon or they’ll kill us both.
You are Hella drunk!! And a mean fucker! Dor Sha GA!
And, I left a comment on my thigh hurts space for you, Klingon
I knew this chick that snorted an eye booger because she had been tweeking for days, was out of shit, and figured, "There must be some gak in there!"
I don’t know how to play Pharoe. I’m a pistoleer not a gambler.
*Pauly spits into spittoon*
DING!
"the move Tombstone." That move is 2 steps 1. unwrap the frozen pizza 2. Put it in the oven.
After I watched her do it, I just took another bong rip and made fun of her because she had tweeked on her eyebrows until she had plucked them totally off.
In the future we watch moves and snort rebull and vokas.
are you well versed in Moq’bara?
He hates to break it to you, but most Klingons just get drunk and shoot things. Kind of like Iowans.
Soylent looks at Pauly D. square in his lock jaw and says that was no spittoon, that was my bucket-o-chicken. You spit on my fried chicken and dem’s fighting terms gun slinger!
Eib and Crap: I love you both for wanting to “help” me develope kidney failure this weekend. I’ve been to Hunington before though, so I’m pretty much already wearing a diaper right now.
And Pauly: at least my whore of an ex-girlfriend is in Mesa…no, let me rephrase that, my whore of an ex-girlfriend has Mesa in her.
Moq’bara: Uh if that Kling ‘en fur Kama Sutra then nope sir I like my ladies 2 ways… in the mouth and in the trunk
Go ahead, skin it! Skin that smokewagon and see what happens…
Wow, my great grandmother lived in Mesa. I dont think she was a whore though. But, how well do you really know your family?
ITS ON LIKE DONKEY KONG DANGER DAN! (timeout) I gotta use the porta john 1st….
The only thing I don’t get about that Chuck Norris card was what is X/X supposed to represent in his Power/Toughness? The Migthy Fek’lhr will assume that X represents infinity in Magic! QAPLAH!
lived: past tense of live.
Eib, with the least amount of respect- your grandmother dying instead of living in Mesa, was a really smart choice.
<pats chod on back softly sings, That’s what friends are for. But not in a ghey way.>
You haven’t lived, until you lived in Chodin’s ex-girl
I like the homeless guys in Tucson that sell newspapers. They are fun to throw empty beer cans at.
Don’t listen to crap, chod. Fek’lhr is all about teh ghey. Well, as long as you don’t mind dressing liek a girl. (Or mind if He does).
My ex-girlfriend’s pussy deserves it’s own E! : True Hollywood Story.
Chodin’s ex-gf deserves it’s own National Park, liek the Grand Canyon.
I pissed on a fire hydrant once when I was in college and walking back to teh dorms from the bar. It was the best piss ever.
Do I just type fast or something?
My ex’s deserved to get hogged out with a telephone pole, carved out with a chainsaw, and fired innto a rapidly decaying orbit.
I like the homeless guys in Tucson that sell newspapers. They are fun to throw empty beer cans at.
Pennies Fek, because they will chase them into the street and hopefully get hit by a car.
Sorry fek, I was just… answering my phone!! JUBILEE!!!
On the side of Tucson I live in, homeless guys EVERYWHERE!
Chodin’s ex-gf vaaaa heeee naaaa deserves NOTHING! It…much like the rest of Mesa is a teratoma on the worlds uterus.
Wait unless your girlfriends name is Sara…i knew a brunette named Sara from Mesa…tight
Sorry soylent, my ex-girlfriend was named Hana….overly wet problem!
Spinach makes me fart too. And shit spinach.
I heard it was really dry in Arizona…hmmm learn something new every day.
I was really close to campus during my time in Tucson. Like two blocks from the Circle K/Jack in the Box near Speedway.
Wait, was it Circle K or 7/11?
I here by decree tonight Fek’lhr face night
We all make smarmy comments about his doglike appearance until he cracks and kills again! Don’t fight it, today’s your face day.
Face!
QAPLAH!!
I’m the fuck outta here. Wish me luck!
DRUNK ON!!!
I actually heard that they filmed 10,000 B.C. on location in my ex-girlfriend’s snatch.
Mammoths and all.
(I shit you not)
I know exactly where that is. An abundance of hot U of A ass there. I live on the south west side, where there is an abundance of murders/home invasions/drug busts.
I hate myself. Cries uncontrolably into t-shirt and asks god/jesus/hello kitty doll why he is so lonely.
Its a Circle K
Pauly: you and Fek have probably crossed eachothers paths in AZ. Remember that dude dressed up like a Klingon who asked if he could suck your dick for rock?
That was Fek!!!
Anyone been to Melbourne Florida? huh, well it’s totally awesome.
Ooooh, I thought he said he was Chek.
Sorry Soylent, no fucking “hey, I know that place” conversations for you.
oh fucking well
FUCK MIKE!!!
Yeah, it was hard pretending to not look like I was looking at the other girls there when I was there with my wife. I wore shades a lot.
I could fucking lay down next to that sundiall on campus and make a sundial of my own with my fucking boner from that place.
(UofA)
^ That’s what those asses look like in their U of A shorts.
Pauly: they’re all sluts, so it’s more like…
8=D – - – - (U *O* A)
Cause dudes just fuck right through those things.
You hit the dick right on the tip Chod.
I talk to myself. I think no one likes me. I stopped taking my meds. Wait, I don’t take meds. My mom tried to kill me once. I had a girl spit in my hair once b/c I called her an ugly hooker. I feer rejection more than death. I need…..
A poem called sorrow by S. Green
I remember when I had my first threesome on campus there. Well technically, it was myself, my hand and her, but she was totally passed out when I Toaster Strudel’d her face.
C U L8TR…see what I did there I used letters and #’s instead of words. Ah, self congrats all around.
Soylent…that was pretty fucking gay (right there).
How was the poem?
Pauly, is that the guy from Double Dragon?
good stuff right…regular T.S. Elliot you might say. Regular (some other guy who writes and shit) man I’m a genius.
Yeeha, Jester’s dead!
Pauly: next time somebody asks you that shit, just say your avatar is from ’300′.
10,000 bc taught me that white people live in mountains (along with mexicans, and a black kid), and if you walk down the mountains, thats where black people live. if you cross a river–evil egyptians. and wooly mammoths built the pyramids!
I’ll probably have it changed by then. You should have seen when I used a picture of me last halloween as an "Immortal" from 300 as my avatar. talk about a "panty remover".
Alright dick-sucks and suck-dicks…this bird is leaving the goddamn nest for the night.
Asalamalaka.
*Chodin stands up, brushes shoulders off, walks to edge of nest and jumps.*
Chodin (falling): “I regret noooottthhhhhhhiiiiinnnnnggggggggggggggggggggggg…”
and wooly mammoths built the pyramids!
Well THAT explains a few things…
Hey Pauly, is your avatar from Double Dragon?
Hey Jacktion!, is a pig’s pussy pork?
Boogie boogie boooooooogie!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My wick is still dry.
Empty ballsack baloon :(
There has to be some kinda emergency snatch in a glass you can break at a time like this, Crap?
<breaks glass>
Fuck! no snatch only a hose with a mushroom at the end. This doesn’t bode well.
Fuck Mesa!
Well, there’s always microwaved lotion
I mean, FUCK TUSCON!
I tried to fuck my microwave once… once…
What happened? It wanted to cuddle afterwards? Then wondered why you don’t call anymore?
All my homies laughed at micro. But they are dicks like that.
Pass out now… yes must pass out…
Ungawa, Gay C Slater, is your avatar from The Dictionary of Unfortunate Ideas or Double Dragon?
I dated a microwave once. Everything was fine until the night I used aluminum foil as a condom…
So you guys think he’s just a "guy" from Double Dragon. He’s not just a "guy", he’s boss. But there is much more to Abobo that we don’t know.
As taken from Abobo’s biography: Double Dragon: After the Battle
Born in Thailand, I ws often scoffed due to my misshapen head. The kids made fun of me because I already had a mustache at 3, and my head was huge. At 10, I turned to a life of crime, running cock fighting circuits, and brothels. Which eventually led to dabbling in herion transport and terrorism.
By 25, I had already done 5 prison terms and when released from jail on murder charges, I went on the run and moved to USA. While in New York, I joined the "Black Warriors". The Black Warriors are the largest criminal organization in the city, led by machine gun-toting crime boss Willy Mackey.
There were two brother Billy lee, and Jimmy Lee, ran a dojo downtown and were roughing up some of Mackey’s guys in the neighborhood. So we got the order to kidnap Billy’s girlfriend, Marian. That’s when the real story begins….
She was an Emerson micro. I called her Susan.
Hi Boys and Girls. Miss me yesterday?
*Radio in the middle of nowhere begins to transmit a signal…*
Hieverybody, I am still fucking goddamn drunk from last ngiht…I was shoving people at the bar like a mother fucking hockey player. Some girl showed the world her boobies, but her boyfriend was a cronic meth eater so I Swayze’d away from that shit.
Tlak later if I can remember how.
…faggots.
For the sake of the knowledge of this site I have seen this film. Do Not See This Film.
Mama’s got a sweet box, Daddy never sleeps at night
She goes in and out and in and out and in and out and in and out
She had an easy-wipe surface, 10 power levels and a big-button touchpad. :Sob: Oh, Susan, I miss you so.
Did the plate rotate?
Oh, yeah. All. Night. Long.
I met her at Target. She wasn’t all snooty, like KitchenAids and Jenn-Airs. Fact is, she was a little cheap. But, man, punch in the right buttons and she was hot. And she liked it with the light on.
Damn i miss some funny shit going to bed early
It’s a sad commentary that my sex fantasies center around household electronics.
I guess you never “Licked a spoon clean” Will.
Spoons? Yeah, lots of times. This ain’t my first rodeo. Beaters too. Until that time I was drunk at a birthday party and I tried to lick the beaters and the mixer was still running.
Dude. I’ll never do that again.
Oh, enough of this wisk fulfilment.
I…er…Nope. I got nothing.
sexual seduction..
*incoming transmisison*
Qaplah, forshak-lapping hadiBahs!
*end transmission*
Hey, no one told me there was an entrance exam here. While
looking for pornresearching important stuff on the internets, I found a site that informed me my correct avatar should be the Birthday Dog. And after I went to so much expense and time finding the short bus.Sign me confused.
you know what i call the homeless? jews.
God I hate you guys.
wrong nommy, wrong. god hates you!
TRUE STORY time: I woke up this mnorning with a fucking aching head. I’ve got blood pouring out of my fucking head because I got throwen into a wall after I slapped some fool in the nuts with my fist. I also was waiting in line at a club and I said to some black guy, "…so you love chicken and waffels." to which he says "doesn’t everybody!?!?" – goddamnm I am fucking dead oand drunk still. I lov eyou all like fucking faggots.
DRUNK on.
Lance, where’s my sleeping bag, hombre?
chodin, i cant wait to tear it up with you!
in soviet russia, christ was before YOU
New avatar time! (alignment with daylight savings time change is unintentional)
That avatar didn’t work out very well for you last time, stoney boy. But, I guess if I played by those same rules, all pictures everywhere would have been dursted by me by now.
I liked the waffle for a while… it wore off.
I’m watching an old XMen cartoon where evil Canadians kidnap Wolverine. LOL. We can’t even win at hockey anymore. Stupid Leafs. Empty Jenkem Satchel.
Stupid Canucks too, AGB. Playoffs are looking more and more like a pipedream for us too this year.
I liked the waffle for a while… it wore off.
So…you waffled on it?
Hey, get off the top of me lady.
Stone, is your avitar that a guy from Double Dragon?
If you’re saying you expect to be on top ALL the time Nom, I have issues with that. Boring missionary issues.
I went golfing still kind of drunk from last night, and rolled a golf cart. Didnt mean to. Just came in “too hot” going down a hill.
I was trying to buzz the tower and permission was not granted.
Nice Top Gun reference Pauly.
"Boring missionary issues."
Al, you a Mormon?
I’m a born-again slut, Chod. And very popular.
I have masturbatory issues of Penthouse.
Stone, is your avitar that a guy from Double Dragon?
It’s actually a graphic of a drummer at a drum set, designed to resemble the handicapped symbol.
I stole it from someone selling it on tee shirts. They stole it from who knows where…
I have masturbatory Tissues
ofFOR Penthouse.FIXED!
My avatar is a cat-chick (woman variety chick) hybrid who skateboards. Clouds and rainbows optional, but preferred.
I knew that Stone. It was suppose to be a joke about….
Aww fuck it.
All I can recall from last night was a big, middle-aged, sloppy drunk, Puerto Rican woman hitting on me and saying things like “We’re meant to be” and “Don’t change for anyone” and trying to get me to leave with her.
I knew that Stone. It was suppose to be a joke about….
Aww fuck it.
My sarcasm processing capacity has been disabled, sorry… I’ve been hanging drywall all day.
Oh yeah, and the wind blew off a big section of the shingles on my house yesterday. Ironically, we’d just agreed to a price for a re-roof to happen next week.
Interesting that you brought up Double Dragon, Pauly. Is that the guy from there in your av?
Had she caught me ten beers later, I would have got fellated.
4 Sho
See – I was not here on Friday – I missed the running joke…
… or has that joke been done to death now. I’m adjusting to the time change, don’t mock me.
I showed up two hours late to rehearsal today because I came home drunk last night, and moved the clock an hour in the wrong direction.
Stone – I wasn’t here on Friday either, but I did everyone the courtesy of catching up. I suggest you do the same. But I can commiserate on the drywalling.
All I know about drywall is how to put people through it.
No time change for me. It’s all the same here in AZ.
Who are these freak states who just randomly decide to go against what the rest of the WORLD is doing?
I’m a loner, a rebel. No one but NO ONE, tells me what time it is
i don’t do courtesies for people either. If you said something and I wasn’t here, it doesn’t count.
I like the way you roll, Pauly. You can come beat up my enemies for me any time.
If I’m in the mood for sex and you’re not here, I’ll take whoever else is. Not my fault you had to go have a life somewhere for a while.
Gladly, Al. It’s been months since I last fought.
My last fight was in a bar. One my friends got hit with the cash register and it dislocated his shoulder.I got hit in the face with a leg to a bar stool, but not before I knocked out 3 guys. It was too fun. I was laughing the entire time because some old ladies were throwing liqour bottles at us from behind the bar. My laughing made them even more mad which made me laugh harder. Circle of hilarity.
I shot a man in Reno, just to watch him die.
I killed a drifter, just to get an erection.
Oddly enough, my last fight was in a bar too. I was playing pool with a friend when two dildos said it was their table. I tried to negotiate a settlement, but my friend began whaling them with his cue.
He got a torn shirt. I got a broken nose. Blessed are the peacemakers my ass.
The meek will inherit nothing and like it
I killed a drifter, just to get an erection.
Pauly, you killed Phil Lunderman? I thought he died in a car accident. Too bad. Under the Boardwalk is one of my favorite songs.
Al: "Who are these freak states who just randomly decide to go against what the rest of the WORLD is doing?"
If the rest of the world says being pantsless with your dick hanging out of some Cthulhu boxers while gleefully killing city folk with a tractor for He Who Walks Behind the Rows (aka "Bob") is wrong, then fuck being right.
Ph’nglui mglw’nafh Cthulhu Iowa wgah’nagl fhtagn!
Robo, it’s just a hunch, but I’m guessin’ you’re in one of those freak states. And are you saying there’s something wrong with being pantsless? Cuz I’m not wearing any pants right now.
I’m not sure what the last incoherent part of your comment means, but I agree unconditionally.
Will you fuckers please shut the hell up? I’m trying to jack it over here.
Duke, how am I supposed to get off if you keep interrupting like that?
DAmn you Robo, for cracking me up this early in the morning. On a Monday