WHO’S READY TO HATE LIFE!
02.29.08
If there are any terrorists reading this, I believe I have acquired a target for you to attack. The locations is the set of Beer for My Horses, a movie which Toby Keith is set to write, produce, and star. It is imperative that you not leave any survivors.
The title comes from Keith’s hit single, also features Rodney Carrington (also co-writer), Ted Nugent, Willie Nelson [we’ll need to give him advance warning before the attack], Claire Forlani, Barry Corbin and Tom Skerritt.
Keith and Carrington play small-town deputies who embark on a wacky road trip to rescue their girlfriends from comically evil drug lords. [Ed note: shouldn’t it be ‘sexy girlfriends’? Everything else has adjectives.]
Thankfully no distributor is on board yet. Just imagining who might want to watch such a movie was more depressing than ten paternity episodes of Maury and watching a puppy freeze to death.
Also: I don’t believe there’s ever been a worthwhile human being named ‘Toby’.
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Wait, drug lords are holding their girlfriends captive and John Cena ISN’T in it????
Oh my god, it’s ‘The Gimp’ from Pulp Fiction.
Toby? Toby? Toby Wong?
Tobe Hooper is cool. But he didnt use the emasculating Y.
Wait, so Toby Keith is doing Rock of Love now? Or is that Bret Michaels without the wig? I am so confused
Lance, please transplant the Nascar talk to this, more appropriate thread. Tnx
"I’ll put a boot up yur ass, It’s dee amican way!"
Put me in a room alone with clown for three minutes, please. Just make sure Ted "gun-holster on his guitar" Nugent isn’t there.
sunupu-clown issue already done for the day
What the fuck? Were John Schneider and Tom Wopat filming Dukes of Hazzard 3- The Wreckonin’?
My first thread Durst!
I’m gonna go beat off in celebration.
You wouldve beaten off anyway JHC, dont lie
What in the Wide World of Sports is a Toby Keith? I’ve heard of a Toby Jug. They’re very popular at antique fairs.
Toby from the Office is cool.
Banner pic-What Harry Knowles believes he sees when he looks in the mirror.
GRRR…TY D BOL MAN HAS A WOOKIE WEAVE!!!!
Banner pic-What Perez Hilton wishes he saw when he showered at the Y (on every second Tuesday of the month).
Kunta Kinte’s slave name was Toby.
Banner pic-actually Lance.
Oh Eib, you know me too well.
Toby jugs: http://tinyurl.com/2dra8b
I hear Sean Puff Daddy Combs(?) has an extensive collection and can often be seen at car boot sales on the lookout for bargains. Sold him some Carmen Rollers and a Shakin’ Stevens LP once. Vinyl. Mint condition.
There couldnt be more zippers in that picture… or spelling errors in this article.
Goddammit Charlie! I thought Toby jugs was some porno chick’s name. I am really thirsty for a beer now…
"car boot sale" I love that quant English speek. In USandA we call that "possession of stolen property."
Comically evil drug lords? That sounds too wacky! Most of the time, drug lords are consummate professionals with a level of evil one might describe as dramatic. But comically? That is too much! ROFL! My stars!
Undoubtedly someone will say "Say ‘ello to my leetle friend," and I hope it’s Willie and then he rides in on a shetland pony smoking a roach.
JHC- Ditto
This aint my first rodeo.
Beer? Don’t mind if i do.
I get offa work early, hurry home and get my dick out for what? This? Fuck you! I’m going to a hardcore porn site (no surprise there).
My mother-in-law’s named Toby, and she kicks ass. She’s a better bow-hunter than Nugent, too, I bet.
How bad is this going to be? Larry the Cable Guy turned down the lead role.
Toby from the Office is cool.
TOBY FROM THE OFFICE IS AWFUL!
No Kenny Rogers?! Well, then FUCK this homoerotic bullshit. Willie’s handlers need to make sure he doesn’t decide to do this kind of shit until after he’s gotten good and tuned up. See what sobriety can do to your life kids?
Love your avatar, CP. Did you ever see the cartoonist’s original submission? It was a pregnant woman in full burka with the bomb where the bump should be. Think even the Danish paper baulked at that one.
I’ll bet this flick is twice as good as Toby’s "I love this bar and grill" out here in Vegas.
$12 for a Jack and Coke huh? I’ll put a boot in your ass.
True Story Time fuckers:
So I got really fucking drunk one night, like we’re talking incoherently tragic. My friend takes me back to his Mom’s house (she’s hotter than Rocky Dennis’ baked potato- at 22 we were still rifling through her underwear drawer) and lets me sleep on the living room couch.
So I come too in morning and there’s a sleeping bag draped across me. “How nice” I thought to myself. Then I go to get up and find that I’m butt-fucking naked with only my shirt on. As I start to CSI the last several hours of my life, it turns out that I got up to puke in the middle of the night, threw up so fucking hard that I pissed myself and then in a fit of rage took all my clothes off and threw them in his Mom’s toilet…then she found me sprawled out like a stupid mutt on the couch.
Anyways, she was a Toby Keith fan, so as a token of apology I brought her one of his CDs the next day. She accepted the CD, but not my apology.
Erswi, come on, I thought you did that for me.
Oh, Cho, that is a sad story.
Chode, I fuckin love you man.
Eib, I always do it for you.
Fuck chod. I thought you were gonna tell me that she raped your drunk ass.
::puts dick back in pants::
*Toby Keith sits in his pickup truck with a napkin and a pen.*
Toby: “Dear Lord, please help me write this script…”
*Toby writes: EXT. TOWN – DAY. Me and Rodney’s girlfriend’s get nabbed by drug dealers. END. *
Toby: “Gee goly, thanks Lord!”
Lance- You’re nuts. There isn’t a bad character on that show.
Chod that is one awesome fucking story
Chod- Your ideas intrigue me. I’d like to subscribe to your newsletter
The title comes from Keith’s hit single [Ed note: someone forgot an 'S'!]
Beer for Mys Horses?
Lance, he’s a hick, not a Wop from Queens.
Zog big country music fan.
No tell Zog heart, Zog achy-breaky heart. Zog no think Zog heart understand…
That’s not country Zog. That’s crap!
Fek, I know this is late and that you hate it when I speak for Nominus, but fuck it, I’ve been on a particularly aggrevating phone call for over an hour and I’m not hunting down Marc Summers just for you.
Nom suggests "The molesticle molestipole" for your list.
Oooh, Zog have friend in low places, where whiskey flow and beer chase Zog blues away… Zog ok…
Holy fucking REDEMPTION!!!!!!!!!!
Iceman is coming back this afternoon!!! This is my chance to finally toast that english muffin and show him Rachel Bilson’s pussy bone! I’M GONNA’ GET YOU MOTHER FUCKER!!!!!
(after failed IGS for burka bomb pic) No CB I haven’t seen it.
erswi That’s What?!?
Oh, oh, oh, Zog wanna be free-yeah, to feel the way Zog feel…
Man! Zog feel like a woman!
Lance- You’re nuts. There isn’t a bad character on that show.
He’s a great character. I meant like, if it was real life? I would hate him.
*I’m a sad sad man*
zog kinda reminds me of bubba from ducktales
I sure hope Val isn’t in the building at the same time as that Lawrence kid. If so, you’ll have to BTK the kid first chod. I’m sure you’re a good lookin’ guy, but Val would definitely rather eat him than let you suck his dick.
Zog reminds me of the power drill kid from the wikipedia page for “down syndrome”.
Beer for Mys Horses? Lance, he’s a hick, not a Wop from Queens.
No, I meant they forgot the S in "hit single". As in, "Shit single"? But you know, JHC, be careful what you say about WOPs. Remember who you are – that’s biting the hand that feeds.
JHC is just chafed that the last time he tried to enjoy a nice spicy meatball it kept falling through his hands.
Lance- I’d hate everyone on that show in real life. We are now in agreement.
Zog- What the fuck are you?
Hey chod, ask him how he resisted the urge to constantly tea bag that midget in Willow.
Getting horses drunk in movies is legal now?? Here comes the ‘Sex in the City’ trilogy boxset.
Beer for my Horses? Is this a movie about taking Sara Jessica Parker and Julia Roberts out for a drink?
I wish I wasn’t such a mixed bag of ancestry. I’d give my left nut to be called a racial slur. Mutt just doesn’t have the same kick as _________.
To all girl Zog love before
Girls travel in and out Zog door
Zog glad girl come along
Zog dedicate song
To all girl Zog love before
Woman.
JHC: I have to wait until Wednesday to suck the blood from Andy Lawrence, but Iceman is coming this afternoon (supposedly)…I’m starting to believe that he doesn’t even fucking exist. If by some fucked-up surprise I actually did get to shake hand, I think I’d pull the ol’ “hair wipe” move right at the last second and then look my boss in the eyes and say, “you can have em’ “. Then I’d spit in an imaginary spittoon and make a *PING* noise with my mouth.
I can’t belive that nobody has said that they would like to be able to queef a Toby Queef song. Where are the call backs? Lisa Rinna would not approve.
Of fuck…it’s Heather.
*Chodin freezes like a statue*
Jacktion, we have missed thee
Jacktion! is far and away the punniest fucker ever.
My vision is not based on movement. Besides, I can smell the scent of adolescent vagina pouring from your finger.
"[Sources here and here] "
I was really hoping that the sources were for: "Also: I don’t believe there’s every been a worthwhile human being named ‘Toby’."
Not that I don’t believe you, I just appreciate other people’s hatred of Toby.
Zog- What the fuck are you?
Please allow Zog introduce Zog. Zog man of wealth and taste.
I never thought your vision was based on movement…I just figured that you weren’t too bright and that I could trick you into thinking I was a mannequin or something.
Hey what does that Axl Rose wannabe in the banner have to do with beer drinking horeses anyhoo?
Zog good boy
I can’t wait until the heather/chod fuckathon. Those kids are in looooooove.
Not possible. Mannequin’s have bigger packages.
Where are the call backs? Lisa Rinna would not approve.
Did someone say Lisa Rinna? The last time I saw her, NASA was presenting her with a citation for having "Features Visible From Space".
Dammit. Pretend that apostrophe’s not there.
That’s why you’d think I was a mannequin: I have NO package.
queer.
Craptastic: Except unlike Axl Rose, Toby Keith actually releases his crappy albums.
New post, Dursters.
You forget Kunta Kinte, from Roots. They called him Toby, and he rocked that shit. Then again, it wasn’t his real name.
Toby boy’s just one of those guys to big and scary-looking to be called on his shit. If he was four feet tall he would keep his little mouth shut. It’s unfortunate he looks like a mongoloid, he would gain some humility otherwise.
Oh, and he’s a clown. Clown issue aint over yet, punks!
Wow, Toby looks as gay in the banner pic as he does wearing that smashed up
brokeback"cowboy" hat. Immaculately trimmed 1/16" beards are for boy bands and pole slobberers.Fuck, I forgot. My uncle was just on leave from Afghanistan… he said Toby Keith came over and absolutely refused to take off his armor. Chicken shit mother fucker was afraid of getting shot indoors with a group of army men…. retarded.