In what I can only hope is a lesson for young girls everywhere, it appears Freckletits’ posing naked stunt has totally paid off.
Lohan will join Jack Black in Ye Olde Times, a film that follows two rival renaissance fair troupes on the competitive circuit. …The film is set to shoot in April, with the cast also featuring Cary Elwes, Matthew Lillard, David Arquette, Ann Margaret, Orlando Jones and Molly Bryant [Zoinks! Weirdest cast ever! -Ed.]. [Source]
I wonder of Lindsay Lohan’s planning to gain a bunch of weight for this. Because, as everyone knows, Ren Faires are where fat goth chicks go to pick up dudes by confusing them with 10 inches of corset-enhanced cleavage. I mean… uh, so I’ve heard. Me? I’d rather stay home eating pussy and drinking beer than go to one of those, knowwhatahmsayin? High five? Guys still do that, right?
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It’s not a comedy is it.
The casting is.
But is she going to be naked in it?
The first time i ever emt my wife’s brother (then) girlfriend (now wife, making her my sister in law) was at a Ren Fair and she was showing off all kinds of titty. She caught me looking at her about 10 fucking times. I guess after the first four times I should have stopped looking through the vents on the portapotties there.
And is it going to be finished shooting before she drops dead in six weeks?
Ren Faire Freckletits is my stage name
My stage name is Samuel L. Jacktion!
@ Keets: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZING!!!
Seriously, is she a cheetah? Because I’d screw a cheetah if that were the case. I just need to know if I need to prepare myself for the lifelong shame of bestiality at any point.
You know, I freckle up like that too.
That’s why I stay out of the sun.
I know a fact that showing your fish and chips in a magazine doesn’t lead to fame. My friend’s mom was in Hustler’s Beaver Hunt once and all it got her was a divorce. I suppose she should have either cleared it with her husband or not let her boyfriend keep the negatives. Oh well. Live and learn I guess.
You know why Lindsay Lohan movies are so bad?
Her acting is very spotty.
I know for a fact….
I desperately need a fuckin’ drink.
JHC and I are in the same boat.
Matthew Lillard and David Arquette, huh? Were Steve Zahn and Dax Shepperd unavailable? Was Seth Green holding out for too much money? Was Rob Schneider stuck in traffic?
I desperately need a colonoscopy and a mai tai.
Do any of those names really qualify it for "Back on top project"?
Steve Zahn and Jason Biggs were cornholing each other.
JHC and I are in the same boat.
It’s a balsa wood raft floating down shit creek and taking on water something terrible.
Does this mean that we will soon see a photoshoot of LiLo as Ann Margaret in her heyday?
Spotty, you see, because she’s covered in freckles.
Maybe a remake of " Kitten with a whip"
@Burnsy
Do you take your colonoscopy with a tiny umbrella?
@JHC
…and I can’t fucking swim.
Does anyone else get the ebay banner advertising an autograph Lindsay photo for 7.99 and .85? That is comedy gold.
They should save this crap for in a few months when shes dead
Um, leave the jokes to us, Lance.
And freckles are little spots all over your skin…
John Cena plays the leader of the rival troupe. His girlfriend is played by Shirley Hemphill.
My Grandma told me freckles were little drops of angel shit.
So if she has freckles, she’s… spotty!
See how I did that?
Jacktion!-if I don’ get any love for my Ren Fair story, you don’t get any for freckles. Sorry!
His girlfriend is played by Shirley Hemphill.
We’re gonna need some chloroform and a whale gurney.
Ye Olde Times, a film that follows two rival renaissance fair troupes on the competitive circuit.
I hope they can put their differences asside long enough to save Ye Olde Rec Center.
Whoa, did I say I emt my sister in law?
Ejaculate Masturbate Kill?
Jacktion! – ooooooh, NOW I get it!
Al, was that you or Nominus saying that?
(Al unfolds paper airplane that nearly took out left eye):
Wow, the Luchador is just tearing it up, isn’t he?
- Nominus (after perusing the Jessica thread)
I love this chick…what other celebrity could I possibly run into at a 76 station, start pumping my gas and then pump their ass before the super unleaded is finished???
…well besides Oprah.
Jack, I don’t even know anymore.
I live in a sort of Ren Fair…
Nope, it’s a mental hospital.
*thump thump* Is this thing on?
I often take naked pictures of myself to get more work. The strange thing? I work as a lumberjack.
GRRRR TIMBERRRRRR!!!
So if she has freckles, she’s… spotty!
I hear she and Paris Hilton will be working together in The Hottie, The Nottie, and Spotty. It’ll be HUGE in Ukraine.
Shirley Hemphill that’s who! Go pump that gas now…I can’t get it to un-ital. So it’s with a french accent mmmkay?
You know what Fek? If chicks don’t want guys looking at their tits, they shouldn’t push them together and have their chins resting on them.
My cock is huge in Ukraine, as long as a 5 year old Ukranian child is holding it. Or a Ukranian midget. Or a 5 year old Ukranian midget…
Wow, deja vu…
What about a Stimpy fair?
/Needs Happy Hour like yesterday
Photographer: “Okay, now Lindsey, this is a tribute to a huge whore, who fucked and sucked her way to the top and then overdosed on drugs cause she was a mess.”
Lindsey: “So what do you want me to do?”
Photographer: “GET NAKED BITCH!!!!”
Burnsy – I was inches from posting the same thing – someone had to. Thanks for taking one for the team.
*Pours out his 40 on the sidewalk*
She’s like a color inverted picture of the Milky Way.
"RenFaire ’08 – Now with even MORE extraneous ‘E’s"
Were the Ukrainian inches, Stoney?
Were the Ukrainian inches, Stoney?
Da.
When I was growing up, there was a renaissance fair that came to town: all kinds of medieval freaks and inbreds…oh wait- that was the county fair.
Goddamn Carnies…
Hey guys, I have the best idea! We should all host a FilmDrunk renaissance fair. We’ll all make costumes and we’ll have prizes and we’ll have the wenches make us food from that time. It’ll be a swell time! LOL!
If chicks don’t want guys looking at their tits, they shouldn’t push them together and have their chins resting on them.
And they shouldn’t use porta-potties with vents.
And they shouldn’t be so easy to kill and rape.
If Lindsay Lohan and I had a child, people would be blinded by its pure pale-ocity.
Not me, though. I’m sure that unprotected sex with Lohan would kill me long before that child was born.
Burnsy, shut the fuck up.
Hey guys, I have the best idea! We should all host a FilmDrunk renaissance fair. We’ll all make costumes and we’ll have prizes and we’ll have the wenches make us food from that time. It’ll be a swell time! LOL!
I think that’s a DANDY idea! I hear that they’ll even let you walk around the grounds with a giant turkey leg that you can just eat as you like! Can you imagine?
Hey Glen!
How’s Tiffany?
True story: I went to Medieval Times like two weeks ago…FUCKING APE SHIT. I rolled in there, fucked up as hell with about 19 bastards. They serve you the most worthless shit for your meal and you get a goblet full of Coors to wash it down.
GREEN NIGHT! GREEN NIGHT! GREEN NIGHT!!!!!
Hey Glen: if you and I had sex together, it would be awesome!
We were going to go to Medieval Times for my 16th birthday, but my mom died instead.
I have to say, that cat is very smart. She knows it’s me when I come home. My wife says she hears the door open, looks up for a second, and goes back to sleep. If someone else walks in the door, she sometimes doesn’t look up!
God I’d hate to have smelled how ripe some of that pussy was back in the days before bathing on a regular basis was the norm.
f.y.i. – it WAS a green night.
…so we rooted for the green Knight.
We were going to go to Medieval Times for my 16th birthday, but my mom died instead.
This is from that fake Diablo Cody script, isn’t it?
Off topic alert!!!!
What’s more out of place and I honestly don’t mean this as a racist query-
Discuss
Actually Stoney, it’s from my totally real childhood. Good times, huh?
I’m going to go with black guy on a scooter. meep meep
Apparently there’s a new post, but nobody wants to share this info, but I will.
yeah, habidahs, new post. jeez
Actually Stoney, it’s from my totally real childhood. Good times, huh?
I see. Well, I gotta go shop for flowers and a card now – brb.
"Competitive circuit"? Do they compete for who has the most D&D guides memorized?
btw, has anyone figured out what the tattoo on her ass says?
"La Bella Vita" – "The Beautiful Life" in Italian.
’Cause we all know she’s SUPER Italian with red hair and freckle tits.
KILL THE HAIR!!!!!!!!!!@!@!
ooh, frecketits! I really doubt that nudity will work, I distinctly remember a certain someone stripping in I Know Who Killed Me and that movie made about ten dollars in the box office
Man she’s got a nice ass and rack.
Cary Elwes, Matthew Lillard, Orlando Jones, etc? Congrats Lindsey, you’ve earned it.
She reminded me of Marilyn though. By that I mean she looks eighty and dead. Burn!