MovieWeb writes, "Joan Collins has just signed on to play Lady Delia Morrison in Robin Hardy’s anticipated Wicker Man sequel, Cowboy’s [sic] For Christ."
To which I went, "Whaaa? A Wicker Man sequel? Wasn’t that a Nic Cage movie?" For which a quick look around RottenTomatoes will get you reviews like "a disastrous miscalculation," "utterly misconceived," "a stupid, stupid movie," and "the worst ever." But apparently, this is a sequel to the 1973 British original on which the 2006 Nic Cage abortion was based, and not a sequel to the 2006 abortion itself.
Robin Hardy wrote and will direct Cowboys For Christ, which will reunite Hardy with starring actor Christopher Lee. Cowboys For Christ is a story about a gospel singer and her cowboy friend, both virgins, who set off from Texas to enlighten Scottish heathens about the ways of Christ. They are welcomed on the estate of a genial laird [a Scottish word for Lord], again played by Lee, whose intentions turn out to be less than honorable.
Little known fact: Cowboys for Christ was the original title of Brokeback Mountain.
PS – Who’s Joan Collins? She’s dead, right?
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Titanic-Hate-mail-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/Nic-Cage-Pepsi-Denim-Jacket-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/MAC_and_Me_photo_625px-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/02/Pew-pew-murka-150x150.jpg)
Cowboys for Christ, followed by the Judd Apatow joint Honk If You’re Horny, starring the cast of Anchorman and Super-Bad.
How do you make a sequel when the leading star burned to death at the end of the movie?
Did Lance once post a pic of Peter Weller as Robocop sans helmet for a comparison with the freakish Nic Cage? Everytime i see this ham that’s the first image that springs to mind. His ass is not ageing like wine. The hair dye job is ill advised too.
Yeah, but my script pitch of "Cannibal Christ for Cowboys" was promptly shut down? Really, Hollywood(land), really?
I hate wicker chairs; whenever I sit in one naked, some errant branch always stabs me in the junk. Totally ruins the vibe in parent-teacher conferences.
And that poster totally makes me flash back to a bad trip I had at Burning Man. Everyone sounded like they had a terribly inauthentic Kentucky accent and I wound up stabbing a hippie over and over while screaming "WHY COULDN’T YOU PUT THE BUNNY BACK IN THE BOX?!?!"…which incidentally, is the same thing that I overheard when I walked in on my grandparents having sex. I really don’t think a sequel is in good taste.
Cowboys For Christ is a story about a gospel singer and her cowboy friend, both virgins, who set off from Texas to enlighten Scottish heathens about the ways of Christ.
And this is a sequel to Wicker Man because? Is the big reveal that Christopher Lee is actually made of wicker? Wicker with intentions that are less than honorable? Dare I say evil wicker? Or at least cheeky wicker?
Meanwhile, Jamie Kennedy is putting the finishing touches on Whigger Man, the sequel to Malibu’s Most Wanted. Now there’s your A-Lister, Vanity Fair!
Cowboys For Christ was going to be the motto for George W’s campaign for a third term. He was disappointed to hear someone used it for a movie. And that he couldn’t be president again.
GUy’cha! Hopefully Christopher Lee will use the voice of Saruman to make Nic Cage take a swan dive off a skyscraper.
According to CNN, Heath Ledger was doing squats and handstands while naked. Fek, you know what I’m talking about.
Dor sho gha, J! If a bottle of nefarious pharmeceuticals happened to be open and close to his ass…
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m going to go with wicker-poisoning. It’s the silent killer.
He is a very great man, I like him so much. I saw that he is in the top 50 men list of askmen. He should be the TOP1 in my mind. And i heard that he appeared on a millionaire&celebrity dating club MeetRich.com with a personal account there.
Is it real or just a rumor on internet?
BONG!!!!!!!!!!!!
kentjjet is the reason they find emaciated, abused and dead domestic animals in the garbage.
kenttjet is worse than Ann Coulter.
I think Kentjjet is a great man also. I saw that he is in the top 50 men list on the NAMBLA website. He should be TOP1 in my mind and in my basement. And i heard that he appeared on a millionarie&celebrity BTK club TaintStabTheRich.com with a personal account there.
Is it real or just the most annoying fucking thing I’ve ever seen?
They say you’ve made it big when you get spam commenters. They also say chronic masturbation is nothing to boast about. They’re idiots.
Fek – please add "Taint Stab" to the glossary. Thanks.
kentjjet voted for Hillary
kentjjet let the dogs out
The Mighty Fek’lhr will only add "Taint Stab" if someone writes a gruesome definition for it.
Taint Stab n. See "Lisa Rinna’s lips"
RObo with the early lead!
Taint Stab v. what occurs when they let Michael J Fox trim Tom Cruise’s taint at the Scientology prayer meeting.
Taint Stab: 1. verb: To thrust, plunge, or jab (a knife, pointed weapon, spiked brass knuckles, playful tongue) into the genital region’s nether-world from which no light or hope may escape. Also, when performed with a silver Dunkin’ Donuts swizzel stick (and adorned with a Thundercats Pog), it is the only known way to render Tom Cruise mortal. (variant – Taint Punch: noun, Drink served at the final Scientology meeting.) Also, generally considered the most hilarious way to win the Special Olympics 100m hurdles.
Ok, Rot has to win. that was well researched and thoughtful
Taint Stab n. an act common in prison. When an inmate hasn’t showered and the taint begins to build up smegma. The smegma is collected until the wad is big enough to fashion into a shank or shiv. Sharpened on the concrete floor of the prison, the prisoner can deliver a fatal blow from the taint shank into the victims taint. When the prisoner is done stabbing the victim, he yell’s "COWABUNGA" and beats victim with the phone receiver.
Sorry, I type slow when I’m stoned
I looked up the etymology in the OED and it says that the origin of the word is to be found in the work of the 12th century poet, Marie de France. Following in the tradition of the trobairitz, Marie penned the seminal work, La Vie sur la Tainte in which she lavishly praises her lord’s "ticklish bit right at the bottom of the codpiece." Marie was later executed for her bad breath and inability to rhyme.
Dear Rotwangchung,
You’re the best.
Love,
Pauly Archibold Barnabas Dangerously IV
Right backatcha…in a totally hetero…but, let’s face it, slightly curious…kind of way.
I’m still holding out for a Clowning for Christ movie. Is Mel Gibson available?
[clowning4christ.com];