MIKE MYERS MAKES ME SAD
02.29.08Hey! Remember the jokes you loved from the 12 Austin Powers movies? (was it only three – sorry, it feels like 12) You know, fake legs behind the head, funny accents, accidentally saying offensive things to a disabled person, Verne Troyer getting hit in the face? Well they’re back – yeah, baby! Oh behave!
But that’s not all! There’s also Jessica Alba "acting" and Justin Timberlake doing a hilarious Borat impression! If someone’s dick ends up in a box, I might just fungasm!
The Love Guru opens June 20th – be there, or be the only one in the office who doesn’t get your boss’ references.
[Thanks to my svelte research assistant RoboPanda for the tip]
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Good to see he’s progressing as a whatever the fuck he is…
The Mike Myres success formula:
Also for the love of Vishnu, stop puting Justin Timberlake in movies. I find the whiney, effeminate, pube haired bitch quite anoying enough when he is prancing about onstage miming. If he is in a movie then it is like a red warning light that I should run away as far as possible. Did anyone see Eddison (Force)? Wow, that Justin can act. I really beleived he was a hard nosed, tough guy reporter out to bring down a corrupt police force!
Really?
NO! He was a whiney pube-haired little bitch that couldn’t act his way out of a wet paper bag!
Jessica Alba=Film Killer
Morning Eib, you are up early. Alba can’t act for shit, but she is a lot easier on the eye than Justin Timberlake, but maybe that’s just me…
Nice to see Telly Savalas’ nose making a comeback. I love that bald motherfucker. Best cameo ever in Capricorn One:
Robert Caulfield: Mr Albaine, how much do you charge to dust a field?
Albain: Twenty five dollars.
Robert Caulfield: I’d like to hire your plane.
Albain: That’ll be a hundred dollars.
Robert Caulfield: You said you charged twenty five?
Albain: Twenty five dollars to dust a field, but you ain’t got no field because you ain’t no farmer, which means you ain’t poor and I think you’re a pervert!
I think you are a pervert too!
"If i was, i’d have cards printed". It’s not often one gets to quote George Burns
Get lost, Myers, you no-talent idiot.
Though I did like ‘So I Married an Axe Murder’, but I was younger then … and I loved the chick in that movie. Still, fuck off Myers.
Murderer, I mean.
FO M.
I still consider Wayne’s World a classic, and I loved the first Austin Powers. After that… well, you know the rest.
I tried to watch this trailer, but every time Mike Myers appeared on the screen my radio starting playing "What What (in the butt)" by Samwell. It’s not even plugged in.
be there, or be the only one in the office who doesn’t get your boss’ references.
I wish my boss would make movie references. Any movie – I really don’t care. Insead, every lunch room conversation involves Glen trying to fit in by attempting to discuss whatever TV show my boss is currently interested in – wheter he’s seen it or not.
Most recently – Lost. Listening to that exchange is enough to drive a sane person to begin plotting office masacres.
Dear God. Glen describing Lost to someone who doesn’t watch it? *shudder*
I suppose the first Austin Powers was OK. Mostly I remember the gorgeous Liz.
MM is such a tool to play a guru without a Hindu accent. It’s like he wants to be an offensive stereotype without actually offending anyone.
Instead, he ends up offending and insulting everyone by suggesting that we would pay something above the single disgusting penny you would have to find on the ground in front of the theater in order to
watchhave someone else describe this bag of dried dog turds in five words or less.Here’s a go:
Jessica Alba=
FilmFlaccid Penis KillerMike Myers=Brain Cell Destroyer
Justin Timberlake=Asshole Assassin
Verne Troyer=National Height Average Murderer
Dear God. Glen describing Lost to someone who doesn’t watch it? *shudder*
No – worse, I must have been unclear. Glen HASN’T seen more than 10-15 minutes (total) of any Lost episode. My boss is a Lost fan, though I’m pretty sure he thinks he understands more than he does. To fit in, Glen tries to discuss it with him, forcing my boss to describe the stories.
That alone is disturbing. To hear Glen try to respond and hypothosize about what’s going on – typically by comparing the story to shows and movies whos stars are mostly dead now – is the part that makes me eat like I’m at Nathan’s on the July 4th. My prize for finishing first? Narrowly escaping getting blood on my good pants.
They’re not even trying with this one. "Well we have all these great left-over bits from the Austin Powers series, what if we just cross out ‘Austin’ and write in ‘Love Guru’ on these scripts? We have to convince Myers, though… what’s he into? Funny accents and hockey? We can work that in, sure. Get me someone from Searchlight…"
Oh, dammit, forgot to point this one out, too:
"Now he’s coming to America… to help the Toronto Maple Leafs win the Stanley Cup."
Someone explain to me again why the writers felt they were underpaid?
FUCK MIKE!
What a way to start the day.
I mean, really, isn’t this Guru guy just Wayne from Wayne’s World with a moustache and dress? Or Austin Powers without the fake teeth and the plot?
Jessica Alba on set: "Don’t I get a copy of the script, too?"
Director: "Yeeahhh, okaaaaaay. Hey, Jessica, why don’t you just go put on this sheer dress and maybe stand over here on this little X taped to the floor. Okay, great."
JA: "Duuhhhh, okay. That would be fun, too! Hey, why is this guy checking light readings on my ample chest?"
Director: "Action!"
FUCK MIKE!
New up YINGTAHS!
Funniest gag in movie: a black hockey player.
Damn you for stealing my thunder on that one Nicky!
I’m sad there is no tag for "midget" at the bottom.
Sassy Pants I heart your avatar.
That preview made me sad too. I’m also very disapointed in myself for chuckling at the Extreme duet. You know, they’re getting back together? sigh.
Sorry, but I think it looks funny. Even Justin Timberlake ripping off Hank Azaria in the Birdcage looks funny…
are there any real black hockey players?
this looked funnier when it was called Holy Man.
Michael Myers is funny the same way Adam Sandler is funny, and by that I mean only on SNL. Let them write their own script, and it’s just more of the same. For God’s sakes, evolve America!
Poor Alba. She’s not that good, but I still want to see her naked. And yes, I know she’s preggers. I’m disgusting, I know it.
I will fully support Mats Sundin not waiving his no-trade clause at the deadline if it means him beating the ever loving shit out of anyone associated with this film.
If there not going to save the rec center I’m not interested. Peace out homies.
the bruce lee pic was awesome i wish i could have it.
I hate Mike Myers. I hate that stupid little midget. This movie looks like total shite. Anyone who goes to see it should get kicked in the nuts first.
Wow-O-Wow does that look like a steamy POS!!