Someone at Elle was kind enough to send me the link to their 25 Greatest Red Carpet* Moments today. Sadly, the first picture in the slideshow said something about Barbra Streisand wearing see-through pants and now there’s vomit all over my keyboard.
Elsewhere, Time has a special section with George Clooney’s 2008 Oscar picks because George Clooney is an attractive man. I’m not going to make any predictions because nominating Atonement for best picture should kill any credibility the Academy ever had. But if nothing else, this year’s Oscars have given us the year’s funniest Funny or Die video.
See my favorite red carpet moment after the jump.
*(obligatory Lindsay Lohan joke)
I watched this video and I couldn’t stop laughing. I really like it when the cat poops.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/danza-danzig-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/Businessman+ready+to+do+the+ironing-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/how-about-two-more-red-band-clips-for-this-is-the-end-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/Oscars-Seth-MacFarlane-150x150.jpg)
My favorite red carpet moment is when I ate Molly Ringwald’s pussy.
My favorite Red Carpet moment was when the boys went to find the one kid’s father in the internment camp and the dad yells "AVENGE ME, BOYS! AVENGE ME!"
My favorite Red Carpet moment was when Sean Connery and Alec Baldwin communicate using morse code through the periscopes.
There’s really no way to follow up that Molly Ringwald comment.
My favorite Red Carpet moment was the first time I heard the original German version – LuftCarpet – on the radio.
My favorite red carpet moment was Julianne Moore and Molly Ringwald 69
or not, depending
I was going to go on the red carpet for my 16th birthday, but my mom died instead.
non-sequitor – There was a gay kid in school who had a skin condition that made his face look red all the time. Someone dubbed him "Red Faced Ass Pumper", which was funny enough. When he’d walk into the archtecture studio, someone would yell "RED!"
Another person "FACED!"
One more "ASS!"
Then everyone all together "PUMPER!"
Not the most tolerant group…
Is everyone still in the Redheaded Whore is Naked Again thread?
And Im not talking about Jacktion! this time
My favorite red carpet moment was when I went down on Ron Howard.
My favorite Red Carpet moment is when Jim Belushi first meets Arnold.
My favorite red carpet moment was when that crazy dude started shooting the stars in the head with a .50 cal from a few blocks away, then got in his 1997 blue Honda Accord, stopped off at a Taco Del Sol to grab a burrito, and hauled ass to Mexico.
Hey Lance! Is there anyway you can post my previous entry on Monday?
Boy, that’s a lot of poop for such a small cat!
My favorite Red Carpet moment was when the Soviets were chasing my friends through a field and then I popped out of the ground and shot them. I yelled, "WOLVERINES!!!"
My favorite Red Crapet moment is when my hymen broke while-st having sex on the living room floor.
My favorite red carpet moment was when I went down on Molly Ringwald… when she had her period!
My favorite red carpet moment was when I spilled that wine at a dinner party.
I hope it was for your dead homies, Jacktion!.
My favorite red carpet moment was when Joan Rivers said something about a person who wasn’t dressed well.
Burnsy, you can’t just steal my Red Dawn reference and pretend it never happened…
My favorite red carpet moment is when I bought a red carpet.
(Uncrumples paper football that bounced off wall, off head, and directly into waste basket):
My favorite “Red Carpet Moment” was when my friends got a new apartment in the worst part of town, and we go to have a party, turn on the blacklights, and BAAAM! You can see stained into the carpet the silhouette(sp?) of a person, with a blot that had puddle away from the midsection. And about 4 feet away was a similar silhouette(sp?), but this one resembling a dog.
But, the carpet was actually an off-white color. I’m pretty sure, at the time, it was “red carpet”, however. But the “moment” for me was realizing that it used to be. And that my friends’ landlord sucked.
- Nominus
stone soup- YOU RUINED MY LIFE! I WILL FIND YOU AND PUMP YOU TO DEATH.
Oops, I meant to edit out his (sp?) so as to not make him appear weak and unconfident (yes Nommy you spelled it right).
I DON’T HAVE RED CARPET MOMENTS.
My favorite red carpet moment was when Jason Statham and Megan Fox walked down together, further fueling rumors that they’ve agreed to co-star in the upcoming FilmDrunk Production’s Blockbuster "The Atari Trilogy".
I hate everyone here. Including myself.
Did you see, I called Jack a redheaded whore? come on people, its a slow news day
My favorite Red Carpet moment was from Sanford & Son when he pretended he was having a heart attack.
The Mighty Fek’lhr’s favourite red carpet moment is when He went next door to play and found his neighbour murdered to death.
AND HIS GIRLFRIEND GOT KIDNAPPED!
WITH BLOOD!
THAT TASTED LIKE PENNIES!
Nom, er um, Al, whatever, is that a true story, cause its awesome if so.
my favorite red carpet moment was fidel castro tripping at the airport
Hey man, um, good to see you again. You’re looking, um, red?
Holy crap, Stoney, that’s how tired and sober I am. 20 lashes for me. Or berry bombs. Either way, I’m gonna gets me some freckles tonight.
“Hey man, um, good to see you again.” Well I’m good actually I uh figured if I can’t beat em join’ em. So I’m working at an Indian Casino outside of Tampa.
The Mighty Fek’lhr’s favourite red carpet moment is when He went next door to play and found his neighbour murdered to death.
I was murdered once. Luckily it wasn’t to death. I got better.
Eib, Nominus may send his reply over in paper vehicle fashion as his busy schedule allows and mood dictates. I’m pretty sure he’s hot for you so expect a response post-haste.
if this was the Telemundo forums you’d be laughing at my Fidel Castro joke
I hate gingers so my favorite red carpet moment. Tripping fire crotch at the premiere of mean girls…then she screamed because I have the face of the devil.
*incoming transvestite*
Bex, you are fucking funny sometimes!
*end transvestite*
If this was the Telemundo forums, we would be talking about our stories, not this forshak!
if this was the Telemundo forums you’d be laughing at my Fidel Castro joke
I wouldn’t bex. I can’t read spanish either.
Incoming transvestite? Thats what I said when I had sex with Alexis Arquette
My favorite Red Carpet moment was when Tom Sizemore lights the flare and all the Martian insects catch fire.
*incoming transmission from mexico sneaks into US*
thanks fek
* edge of my donkey turns blurry then disappears *
*deep in outerspace Fek ROFLKOTALS more at Bex*
My favorite Red Carpet moment was when River Phoenix and I were doing speedballs at the Viper Room on Halloween in ’93.
When I had sex with Alexis Arquette, I said:
"Wow, I am soooooooo drunk! I can’t believe how drunk I am!"
"You’re a guy? *whew*"
(Al receives hand-delivered monogrammed stationary that smells like Infinity for Men and has "Eibmoz" penned in caligraphy on the top:)
That was, and still is, indeed, a True Story.
Tell you what though, I’m carbon-copying this email to myself at home so I can’t forget to nominate these combined gems from the Nebraska-blasta by the name of JHC (Al has edited out the comments referred to for brevity’s sake).
- Nominus
My favorite Oscar red carpet moment was when De La Hoya dressed up as Ginger Spice.
Very nice Jack.
Oh yeah, forgot to tell you, you’re full of shit. Checked out that WWI thing and it turns out the Germans did it.
This fucking thing of Al posting for Nom is really bugging me the fuck out.
You’re either a fucking liar or a fucking idiot.
The Germans were World War II.
They were involved with World War I, though.
Wikipedia World War I. Now. I’ll wait for you.
The Russian and Cuban army would have won WWIII if it wasn’t for Jed.
Franz Ferdinand or some asshole like that got capped and started WWI. I don’t recall what role the krauts had in it, but I’m sure it was big.
Not the band Franz Ferdinand, the Arch-Duke. Although if someone wanted to smoke the band, I’d be ok with that too.
My favorite Red Carpet moment was when Bai Ling was about to give Richard Gere a blowjob, but he asked her to brush her teeth first.
I don’t know why Al just threw himself out the window screaming about enraged Klingons but… oh wait, I see it. Nevermind.
it turns out the Germans did it.
Did what? That was pretty vague. What is the point of contention here, Jack, SMB?
What the fuck is going on here? I thought Al was a chick? I also thought Al was Mr. Swearengen under a different screenname. On top of that, I swear I thought that was a chick exceptionally strong shoulders…..
AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jack was schooling me on WWI. Why? Your guess is as good as mine Fek.
as for a response Jack- A little from column A and a little from column B.
WHAT IS THE POINT OF CONTENTION?
Or do I need to rephrase it?
What is your "columns A and B"? that the "Germans" supposedly "did"?
I’m shot for the day. I can’t even structure a complete sentence. If you feel like inserting with between chick and exceptionally, go ahead. If you don’t, that’s ok too. I’m off to get my drink on.
JHC – Al is a chick. I am a guy. We are a hermaphrodite. And let me tell you, we know how to keep ourselves satisfied.
*Pauly glances over at the pile of paperwork, files, and invoices from yesterday. Gets up and sneeks off to smoke a bowl*
The point of contention is that I made a "joke" about how the ending of No Country for Old Men was referencing how Gavrilo Princip, a Bosnian Serb student, shot and killed Archduke Franz Ferdinand, heir to the Austro-Hungarian throne, in Sarajevo. Princip was a member of Young Bosnia, a group whose aims included the unification of the South Slavs and independence from Austria-Hungary. The assassination in Sarajevo set into motion a series of fast-moving events that eventually escalated into World War I.
SMB! said he didn’t understand what I said, and I told him to look it up. Now he comes back and tells me that I’m full of shit because the Germans did it.
Fek- I was saying the Germans started WWI to make Jack flip out. (P.S. mission accomplished)
He feels some Croatian guy started it…or something. I wasn’t really listening.
Shows what these kids know nowadays. They think Franz Ferdinand is a band. He’s not! He’s a Duke. A kick-ass Duke!
Holy shit guys, it’s fucking FRIDAY for christ’s sake. Put on your drinking faces and get happy with me.
*makes jerking off motion with hand*
Just for the record, Jack is right.
On talking about the worst sites on the net:
7:33 AM, February 22, 2008 Undead Zombie Horde said… Filmdrunk I know its With Leather’s brethren, but that asshole hates EVERYTHING. There isn’t a bit of movie news that he doesn’t make a snide fucking comment about. What movies does he like? If he hates everything about movies then why fucking run a movie blog? Dick. Also, the commentators are morons.
This is taken from: [tinyurl.com]
THERE WILL BE BLOOD!!!
You keep up this shit SMB, and I’m going to start charging you royalties for using that exclamation point.
Bex, I dared them to come over here and talk that shit! BOOSH!
By the way, if SuckMeBeautiful! is you, Bret, I’m gonna fuckin’ kill you.
On talking about the worst sites on the net:
I believe I was also the only choice that someone immediately defended.
But when he said that all the commenters are all idiots, nobody stuck up for us :(
Should i make the check out to that puppy Jack? !!!
For the record, even though i went to public school i did/do know how WII started. Appreciate the refresher though.
Lance your site sucks so bad i’m on it every day.
On talking about the worst sites on the net:
What a douche bag. I hate everything about him. I hope that cat poops on him but good!
For the record, even though i went to public school i did/do know how WII started.
Everyone knows how WII started.
Nintendo wanted to make a game system that everyone could play.
BOOSH!
is that a real puppy or some kinda muppet?
WWII is the new WWI
Like orange is the new black or 30 is the new 20.
It’s a real puppy, but I think its farther may have been a muppet.
[tinyurl.com]
WWII is the new WWI
You still got it wrong, dude.
And farther is the new father.
Oh Man, that dog is redonkulous. Don’t let the Germans do him!
I’ve got away to fix this Jack. I’ll email you my comments, you proof ‘em and then post when they’re fixed. Deal?
It is a very muppet-y looking dog.
it’s a perfect dog i want one of those
That dog’s coat is shiny. Have you been feeding it peanut butter, Jacktion!?
That dog’s coat is shiny. Have you been feeding it peanut butter, Jacktion!?
Yes. But he doesn’t use his hands.
MutherFucker. I just read through that link bex. Words cannot even begin to explain what I am thinking. Plus, everything coming out of my mouth right now is either in jibberish, or I’m speaking in tongues.
Further down there was this:
Second Pick time: wwtdd.com.
BRITNEY! BRITNEY! BRITNEY!
And the commentators make filmdrunk people look like damn poet laureates.
Guys, is it possible that we aren’t as great as we think we are? Even though it’s clear whose better between us and them, that still does no justice. Not as great as we think we are? Impossible. Show me a website that tops it, I dare you. Then, I’ll burn it.
I’m pretty fucking great, Nom. That, and I’m having an AWESOME Hair Day!
Nom-When we have those little homos (FD dissers) starved for days, dressed as girls, and chained to a radiator in the basement of an abandoned house, bleeding from the anus and urethra profusely, dissing Filmdrunk, and the fine, intelligent, and funny people that post there, will be the furthest thing from their fucking minds.
*DING!*
Dor sho gha! Time to go rotate the hostages!
i like your style fek
Bex, I like yours! If I ever come to Mexico, can you get me some drugs and whores? (That’s all they have in Mexico, right?)
I like your moves Bex
BTW, I bet dollars to donuts that undead zombie fag = Beyonce’s ugly fat, red-headed, dumpy brother, Harry.
Donkey’s and tacos as well. And Donkey tacos.
::runs up smelling of pineapple plane::
hey guys! you ever been to shanghai?
well have i got a story for you.
and bex. i just like drugs, yo.
DAD!
**ZAP!!!!*
I, the spirit of nominus a. domisticus, have commondeered the body of this weak-minded fool to use at my leisure, while my original body is in for repairs. Think "Stargate" the movie starring James Spader. I am fucking RA. In the future, M-F from 8am til 5pm central time, this body will be employed to do my bidding. His minions are on the march. That is all.
That means hands of the body of Summers, until further notice, please, those from the CKT.
God I love possesing peoples bodies. One day summers will wake up from the most depraved, fucked up situation ever. It will be priceless.
Last mother fucker that tried to commondeer my body, well, we had our words, a common spat. So I kissed him upside the cranium with an aluminum baseball bat
My name is mud
Good vacation B? Glad you’re back :)
Welcome to this world, pauly. Welcome to it.
Why is there no "Mr. Krinkle" character on here? Damn shame. He could tell me why.
Pauly- Worked out to that song this morning. True/gay story.
Shit burn….what’d I miss assholes????
Exsqueeze me…what I meant to say was, “Shit, I miss assholes!!!!”
The orgin of World War 1 and Jacktion letting his muppet dog lick penut butter of his sack. You know, same old same old.
Also Filmdrunk is the worst site on the interweb.
actually when we moved into our new office, my boss put the supper-tracker-ultra 9000 on everyone’s machine so i’m totally porn-screwed, chat-srewed, and watch-movies-in-the-background-screwed @ work. it’s totally not even fun anymore. fucking work.
Consider yourself caught up.
thanks, al. i would bet you 20 smokes that it’s colder here than up nahth where you are right now. i’m freakin’ ready for spring.
nerd boner alert check this image out from the watchmen movie: [rss.warnerbros.com]
glad to be back people…i shall never let work get in the way of you and i again.
damn, i’m sorry i missed the origins of WWI. i still get chills when i think about AP Euro. History. i had that class 17 YEARS ago…jesus. or should i say ‘serbia’.
that’s totally awesome, bex. that’s right off the panel of rorschach’s capture by the police when he gets sold out by…adrian(?) can’t remember… but that’s definitely whas happening. looks like they got the sharkskin mask perfectly.
and i can’t spell ‘rorchach’.
‘and so now i’m here, by myself, ah…talking to myself…
tha’- that’s chaos theory’
fuck this movie is gonna kick ass, im excited like a young school girl who got smiled at by the quarterback
bex, are you the cutie i smiled at? you sure are awfully fetching in that sombrero…
i can’t wait for this movie either. this has always been one of my favorite comix. and it took some real fan-boy desire to wait for 24 months for the bastard to finally end when it was in first printing…alan moore is the shizzy.
oh shit you read it as it originally came out? thats pretty kickass
glad to be back people…i shall never let work get in the way of you and i again.
Chodin, are you trying to point out that I am a jackass who doesn’t have his priorities straight?
alright, everyone is out having fun on friday. think i’ll follow suit. just wanted to let y’all know that i wasn’t dead or anything. erin’s birthday is this weekend and i got her an 8-piece trap set of drums, ‘cludin’ cymballs and all that ol’ shitz. i’m setting it up tomorrow while she’s @ work so when she gets home and sees it, i’m just going to drop trou. because i’ll be the world’s greatest man @ that moment.
kanichiwa, bitches.
Dude, you and your wife are both awesome as shit, bne. Congratulations, because I think you just described what I wish my life could be.
yeah, bex. only two of my friends were really collecting it. so it was like a bi-monthly meeting of a bunch of lost fans waiting for the season finale or some shit. since i started collecting much later than some of the others i always got the sloppy thirds or fourths. although i don’t think there’s so much as a bend on one page of my bound copy of the entire series. only bad thing about collecting, you get fucking OCD about keeping that shit in mint condition.
Nom: I’m just saying that you could be a better boyfriend…
Well, yeah, I am inconsiderate, aren’t I? Fuck, now i feel bad….sniffle…..Grrrr..tears of joy!
thanks, buddy. i still don’t know how i’m going to hide the fact that i blew WAY too much money on her birthday this year…she does the books in this household, after all. hopefully the drum set will be a
blindingcool salve to sooth the soul of the thrifty lass.ok, i’m really going now.
…I’m glad you’re coming to your senses Nom. Trust me: when you’re at the public library using their internet connection because you don’t have a place to live or money to even pay your own bills, you’ll thank me.
ok im off have a great weekend everybody filled with jenkem fueled btk
Nom, I’m sure you’re a lot stronger than me (spiritually) – all I know is that filmdrunk keeps everyone at my work alive.
*Chodin open the drawer to his desk, stares at his nunchuks, closes the drawer*
Hostages rotated! QAPLAH!
FOTDBLMFAO! chodin, do you have a preference of which one of the 55/58 comments you want nominated? That was the best thing I’ve heard for two weeks. Although I don’t get to hear much at all lately….
eh, nevermind fuck your opinion. nominated.
Hi ma.
*Pauly chugs beer and slams can to the ground*
If I catch that mother fucker who drank my milkshake, I’m gonna KILL HIM TO DEATH!
How was your day, Pa? Did you make it to the general store like you’d hoped?
Just a thought:
Larry the Cable Guy picked up where Ernest P. Worrell died.
Know what’a mean, Vern?
…*queef*
No business at the general store today. Too much snow.
*Chodin begins to eats the theater concessions.*
Is Chodin gonna share? Cuz I don’t want to live in a world where there’s no sharing.
Al….no.
But I am going to say “eats” because I’m a fucking weetodd.
Yes, lets all gather round the circle, it’s sharing time…
One time, I killed a guy…well, he was dying when I left him anyways…
*Chodin passes the “sharing rock” to his left*
Um, Nom…. I’m not sure I want to share what you’re lookin’ to share.
… but try me.
You weren’t singing that tune earlier when I was letting you channel me. Or was it you letting me ‘channel’ you?
I hate to break this to you Nom, but I have a confession to make – I was only faking today. ALL day.
You heard me.
Lady, of course I heard you faking. If you thought I cared about that, then you just don’t get the true nature of nominus, baby.
Good one, fucker. That’s the last time I let you fly your airplanes onto my landing strip.
Awww, don’t be that way baby, you know I luv ya.
You two are gay.
*Chodin looks around the circle confused*
You guys are only talking when you’re holding the “sharing rock”, right?
Sorry guys, we don’t like to do this in public, in front of friends, but she just gets so difficult sometimes.
Nom only wants me for my ‘stache. And who doesn’t?
Is it because I didn’t swallow last time, Nom? Is that where all this aggression is coming from?
Yeah yeah, it’s always ‘last time’ from you. If you never do it, everytime is last time. AAArggggggggg
guys. GUYS. GUYS! Help! She’s gonna hit me with the "sharing rock". HELP!
Okay, well I don’t know about everyone else, but you two just helped me cum so I’m finished here.
DRUNK on mother fuckers.
I’ve told you a thousand goddamn times, you’re just too much man for me to handle.
You see? You drive all of our friends away! No one wants to hang out with us! FYI, YOU are why Bob and Sharon can never hang out anymore. Bob told me so!
Oh really? Because Sharon has a completely different take on it.
Yeah, well, you women are lying, conniving bitches. You talk behind each others backs like you’re plotting to kill each other. Geeez, I’m done. I’m just done.
I touched a woman once. That was before the severe facial burns.
Hey, what the hell is going on around here?
Oh, so i dont count, huh Jack?
Yeah, what is going on here?
**whispers**shhhhhhhh, im shoplifting beer from the kwik shop. Don’t get me caught
THANK GOD. Help me out here, girls.
I have been drinking Buckleys cough syrup all day so someone needs to tell me what help am required to administer. I thought Nom wrote he was shoplifting lemurs.
Lemurs live in Madagascar.
He’s been sexually abusing me for years. Now it’s all "comment on this" and "comment on that" while he flirts with all the other ladies… oh sure, he can turn on the charm for YOU girls…
I’m here for you, Al. What do you need?
Ok. I need to go lie down. Have a good weekend.
Oh thank you, my Seattle neighbour. I need someone much stronger than myself to explain to Nom that he’s not the boss of me. And I’ll put out when I damn well fell like it, not just because he took me to a really fancy dinner and expensive show and brought flowers and jewelry and took me out on his yacht for the weekend, like he does every weekend. JESUS get out of this boring routine!
"fell" = to be read with much more vehemence than "feel"
Wait, he bought you flowers AND dinner??? I can only hope the show he took you to was one of mine. You had better put out. It’s only fair.
Nom, quit bossing my PFc members around! We will spank you and hit you with pillows (and maybe, MAYBE, make out)!
It was a live sex show – was that you with the donkey?
See, I keep telling her that we should hang out with her girlfriends together. She never listens.
Donkey? No. White Pony, maybe. Get it? Get it??
I got it. Hell yeah, thats an opportunity that comes along once in a great while, chino. Good show.
Thanks. I try.
Nom, you are NOT in the PFC, erswi is our only honourary male member. But if the girls allow it, maybe you can watch as a "visitor".
So, I’ve been gone a while. What is the PFC? Or do you need to keep that on the down low?
I felt a growth on one of my balls today.
Would one of you ladies tell me if it tastes cancerous?
I’m cutting back on my ball consumption so I am afraid one of the other ladies will have to assist you. Sorry, it was a New Year’s Resolution.
Jack, since Nom and I are on the outs, I will gladly oblige.
My New Year’s Resolution was to give up Lent.
I’ve stuck with it so far.
Chino, the Pillow Fight Club already has you listed as a member. Did you not get last week’s meeting minutes? There was alot of lingerie, giggling, and tickling involved. There was a pizza boy in there somewhere too, but I’m pretty sure he’s been… erased from the minutes by now.
Jack, you are a true saint. I don’t know how you do it. I gave up Lent, too, but I’m not Catholic so does it really count?
Fuck Mike!
My New Year’s resolution was to give up sex. So far, no problem
There is now an official Pillow Fight Club and I missed it?? Goddamn. I am in need of a serious braiding and menses conversation.
Someone made the same resolution for me quite a while back, Al.
BTW, resolutions are the new gypsy curses.
I made no resolutions, because I am a lazy beatch.
You made no resolutions because you are already perfect. Just like me. Hugs all around!
((((HUGZ))))) ((((HAIRBRAIDING))))
(basking in the warming glow and glowing warmth of sisterhood)
(basking in the glow of my Bartells and James wine cooler and Jackrabbit)
Wait, did I say too much???
Chino! shhhh the boys are lurking!
My rabbit’s purple.
Purple is my favorite color!
I dont have a rabbit. I got married for the free sex.
For guys like me, who understand everything about women, it’s easy to see what they are talking about. They dropped acid. Women are so transparent.
Purple is my favorite ingredient in grape drink!
Roofie is my favorite ingredient in grape drink.
Have some grape drink, Chino. I made it just the way you like it.
Just the way I like it? Room temp in the basement? Thanks Jack!
Jack, your puppy can be in PFC. But we will check him for recording devices
fyfdyfgdgfgdgdfteyfydgfy
hey, who has AIM? PM your names if so
Baby, my aim is impeccable. In the eye, not in the eye. I can do it all.
I have AIM. I can get it in your eye everytime.
Um, okay, so that was a little gremlin that lives in mi casa. But I was totally gonna say that anyway.
OOOOOOO. Robbed jack by mere seconds!
Yeah, well, Nom, you are never on!
And Jack, yes you do. Stop it!
Great minds think alike, ma.
Fine Jack, YOU channel Nom from now on.
Uh oh, bitchfight!
fine, and Durst
I’m here Eib, I was just busy pillow-fighting with Chino. Where the hell are you??
I’m still here. Just dislodging the feather from my….
Hey, I told you not to start without me. Damn
Sorry Chino, I didn’t mean to get it in there. Let me help you.
Dig deep, girlfriend. I have a deep ear canal. Boo-yah!
COWABUNGA!
::Jack slams the phone receiver down::
That phone slam hurt my ear. What with the feathers and all.
Did I Durst this fucker?
Damn.
Jack, I peed my pants. COWABUNGA!
You so get a nom for that.
Have you ever eaten so much Trader Joe’s Spicy Chicken Chorizo that you had to change your chonies??
Me, neither. Just thought I’d ask.
You fargin sneaky bastage!
If your buddy has a butt plug cut loose up his ass, and he asks you to help him get it out, and you try but use your dick, plus he is not dressed as a girl, and finally everybody is only half drunk… is that gay?
Only if you use your mouth, Crap.
What’s a Bastage?
A bastage is the homoginized "future" version of a bastard as spoken by Lobo.
Took the words right out of my ass.
I wanna let Jacktion! lick my face.
Took the ass right outta my mouth.
That can be arranged.
Chino, you talk real purty.
4 out 5 dentist agree, A2M is awesome.
Jack, you know you love me.
So I took a test drive in a used vehicle my friend was interested in buying and I pissed off the salesman by pissing off the On-star operator.
They didn’t like my “Russian trying to find a Taco Bell for a Chalupa” schtick.
And yes, I have been drinking vodka since 3pm.
First, the operator was mad cause I tried to order the Chalupa from her. Then, when she told me that she couldn’t help me because the On-star account had been terminated. Needless to say, she had a livid, drunk, Russian on her hands.
God damn you, Pauly. I had an avatar of Kevin in waiting for when I got sick of serious kitten. If anyone should have a gay, voluntarily-mute, serial-killing, priest-fucking, ninja cannibal farmboy as their av, it’s me, you thunder-stealin’ bird rapist.
*drives away on a tractor covered wif human skulls*
*Pauly is waving away exhaust smoke that Robo’s skull tractor left behind. Coughs, a tear drops from Pauly’s eye as he watches Robo drive off. Whispers*
I’m sorry, Robo…
I’m sorry.
I change av’s more than I change my underwear. I’ll have a new av by Monday.
I can’t hear you from my Cambodian tractor. Which may look like Jesus riding a dinosaur, but I assure you that is not the case, nor is it historically possible. Are you listening, Ben Stein?
Is that Jesus on a Dinosaur?
No. No it is not.
Is that a Lickalotofpus or a Megasoreass?
(see what I did there)
Sorry. Posting from phone is like dial-up.
Nobody home? What, you people mocking me with your LIVES and all, now?
yes,Al,yes we are
Yea, ladies….the luchmeister is here for……..
….something sexy……
I like that long, sexy pause there, Luch! PFC, are you still out there?
*incoming transmission*
Qaplah! This one is for all the lady killers (BTK) out there:
Silence is golden
Duct tape is silver :x
*end transmission*
fek’lhr, dude, was that yours? ^
PFC? here I am
Hello Nom, I have missed your wisdom this week
I swear, I said that with a straight face, sort of
Sorry, but I can’t help that every time I see "PFC" I think of KFC and now I have a hankerin’ for a fried chicken mashed potato bowl.
With a bisquit and honey that comes in a packet.
Empty KFC Bucket :(
I liked the honey butter they used to have.
Me too. Heart attack in a neat little plastic package!!
Ok, I’m not even kidding here but I just saw a commercial for KFC for a sauceless hotwing. Must have!
Well, since it seems I am the only one here, I am gonna sign off. Got some Beam to drink and a movie to watch. But, seriously, who here cares about movies?!?
Eib-y (can I call you that?) have a groovy evening.
I missed forcing in my wizdom too.
Thank you Chino, and you can call me anything
Does Luch sound like Barry White to anyone else?
Honesty: He saw it on a tshirt. :(