Today the always great SomethingAwful has the "leaked" screenplay that they "found" for Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody’s next movie, "Quotey" (the quotes means it’s a joke script, people).
I’ll post the first page (click on the thumbnail below), but make sure you go over there to check out the rest. Enjoy!
[Thanks to RoboPanda for the tip]
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I may wanna bagel with my coffee
I received a script that looked like this I’d send it straight back, fucking scrawling all over it with her stupid notes. Fuck off I want to read the things.
Also from the first page I think this will be retarded.
Oh My god, i am totally buying a Sports Illustrated phone! Faster than Britney Spears can eat cheetos!
Amazing…I seemed to see she had a personal account on the millionaire&celebs dating club Meetrich.com with profile and blog when I was looking for hot dates and fun there. The blog was updated very often.
hi
It seems to be lacking the mechanical details and strong male lead like Juno’s main character, Mac. The exciting and suspense filled descriptions of his work with HVAC systems kept me on the edge of my seat.
This is so like the time a blogger leaked one of the pages to my screenplay…
Lance, leak one of the fucking pages of my screenplay, for Christ sake.
I liike how she scribbles that someone "should say this every 3-4 pages" instead of just having the characters say it, and hope that maybe the mouthbreather that’s reading it will pick up that incredibly deft piece of subtlety.
I have another great idea, Brookie-poo!!!! I should show up every 3-4 pages and punch these annoying shitheads in the mouth!!! I smell Oscar, no, wait, that’s just your panties…..
FISH BOY KNOCKED UP JANEANE GA-ROFL-O!BONG!!!-Signed, Lance Martini
I like how no one has picked up on the fact that it’s a parody–although probably all too close to the real process "Diablo" employs when she weaves her screenwriting magic.
Is it really only three pages?
Are you guys retarded? It’s a parody.
Ok – I really liked Juno. However, forced wackiness combined with impossible wit, lovable charm, and retro-chic irony will only keep me coming back for so long. If you’re gonna redo the hip posters, plastic phones, and unlikely-for-a-podunk-town first names, just give us a sequel to Juno – not a remake with different cute lines.
We get it – no one appreciated you for being different so you write yourself into your quirky characters, and you do it well. What else you got?
/serious cat
Are we pretending we don’t know this is a parody, or is she just so annoying that this is believable? Well, whatever, I’ll roll with it.
MONTAGE – Set to Elbow’s "Fugative Motel"
A.) RoboPanda chugging Manischewitz in front of an open refridgerator.
B.) RoboPanda krumping in the living room.
C.) RoboPanda calling in sick to work again.
Are you guys retarded? It’s a parody.
Um. Yes. That makes more sense now.
Then why did you BONG! His Fishboy joke, Lanky? It’s not because He got that that CCD* job ahead of you, is it? IS IT?
(*for the uninitiated, CCD is a choreographer cum director)
As is obvious from my top ten of 07 post, I also liked Juno. However, during the first 10 minutes of it I was really worried it was going to be nothing but forced cutesy dialogue for two hours. Luckily it wasn’t.
what the fuck. seriously. what. the. fuck. "like amagad, i used to like this band, but then like, other people started listening to them."
15 seconds later
"AMAGAD I SAW MY NAME IN THE PAPER UGH!!!! i SO hate myself now! BBL, gonna go hang myself. unless that’s how the popular kids kill themselves."
"hope you like my suicide!"
Wow. I haven’t felt this fucking stupid since that refusal to ‘play doctor’ for fear of getting sick back in college.
damnit you all post it’s a parody AFTER i do my rant.
I played doctor once. Couldn’t sew the bitch back up. Oh well.
I was really worried it was going to be nothing but forced cutesy dialogue for two hours. Luckily it wasn’t.
Very true. It was about 90 minutes.
Holy shit – that really got me. I actually got pissed off about the fake script being so similar!
I blame
BruckheimerAbramsRatnerLucasSpeilbergJ Neil Schuman.[img225.imageshack.us]
You know you want it!
See, this is why it pays to never see a movie until it’s in the bargain bin at WalMart. I wasn’t fooled one bit by that script, mainly because I had no frame of reference so the whole thing sailed blissfully over my head.
Someone likes Quebec bands… besides me. Grrr…Neon Bible.
Bliss is the sh!t I stacked in the toilet this morning.
The fact that Juno was nominated for Best Picture and Reitman’s faggy son got a best director nomination sickens me. And I’m a marine, god damnit! Juno can suck my brown wrinkly, delicous nutsack. Fucking whore. And Diablo Cody? She gave me the sloppiest blowjob during her "dancing" days. Best 2 dollars I ever spent.
And that first scene with that douche from the office made me want to choke out a panda cub. Homeskillet? Who fucking uses that anymore? Last time I heard that word the Fat Boys were still on the charts.
She is pretty! I saw her profile on millionaire and celebrity dating site millionairefriends.com. Charlie Sheen found his match there. Is she single?
lmao you guys rock
In case you missed my review of Juno, here it is again –
———-
Juno is about a man named Mac who deals with something many people would be unable to – Heating Ventilation and Air Conditioning (HVAC for short). The film focuses on his skills, and his devotion to the trade. This theme takes center stage in several key scenes, but is most pronounced when a woman (I believe she was considering adopting Mac’s 16 year old daughter’s unborn baby) asks him what he was ‘born to do’. Very proudly, he declares – "HVAC". This nearly brought a tear to my eye.
Other impressive moments portray Mac diligently working on what appeared to be a Fasco D166 blower motor at his kitchen table. Using only basic hand tools, we are left to simply assume he was triumphant in his repair attempts. That wasn’t where the suspense ended, though. At the end of a long, hard day, Mac is telling his troubled 16 year old daughter (I don’t remember her name) that he spent his day inside a building’s system that could only be described as "An Octopus" – CAN YOU IMAGINE? I was disappointed not to see footage of this condition.
That brings me to my only complaint. The film makers chose to keep us guessing about technical details of Mac’s handywork, and instead spent too much time with the insignificant side story of Mac’s daughter’s illegitimate pregnancy and her emotions – as if anyone would believe that a 16 year old girl would be having sex! Come on Hollywood, treat us adults with some respect here.
Juno was a good movie, overall, though I’d like to know where they got the name… The actor that played Mac can be seen as the lead character in Spiderman 3, where he single handedly runs a city’s largest and most important newspaper!
pure gold
Um, if you’re going to parody something, you don’t want to be less funny than you think the thing you’re parodying is. Watching kittens in a blender would be funnier than that "joke script"…
Honest to blog, homeskillet!!!
I just gave birth on the toilet!!
Holy shit, that’s the funniest thing I’ve seen in a week.