DAVE AND CHUY’S JIU-JITSU MOVIE
02.14.08
The trailer for Redbelt, David Mamet’s ode to Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu (it’s like a Brazilian wax but with more arm locks) starring Chiwetel Ejiofor (Chuy, for brevity’s sake) and Tim Allen, is now online. It opens in April.
You know, one thing I always liked about the rise of MMA and the UFC was that it cut through all the kung fu-karate eastern mysticism bullshit and proved that fighting wasn’t about who could quote the most cryptic passages from The Art of War. So I’m a little curious as to how David Mamet (who wrote The Untouchables, Wag the Dog, and Glengarry Glen Ross among other things) spent months studying Jiu-Jitsu and MMA and still wrote a movie that looks basically like The Karate Kid. A reluctant martial arts master forced to compete by circumstance? Oh my God, it’s so fresh, so innovative! This could only happen in the world of mixed martial arts!
Not to mention, fucking Tim Allen’s in it. What’s his entrance music, “Here Comes Santa Claus(e)”?
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I really can’t believe Mamet would cast Tim Allen. I won’t believe it. Can’t make me.
GREAT LOOKS LIKE DAVID MAMET IS NOW UNAFRAID TO MAKE SHIT THAT SUCKS- THANKS COCAINE!
I liked Tim Allen better when he had a coke problem.
Tim Allen is a fucking snitch, and snitches end up in ditches, Tim.
Tim Allen’s in it and it’s about something Brazilian? This isn’t the sequel to Jungle 2 Jungle is it, because the idea of Jungle 2 Jungle 2 makes me want to put someone in a choke hold. Like Tim Allen.
PUT THAT COFFEE DOWN, COFFEE’S for reluctant prize fighters only!
You know, E.T. was a snitch . . .
His funniest work to date.
http://www.movienewsandrants.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/05/140_152-tim-allen-mug-
E.T. NEVER NARKED ON NOBODY!
Speaking of yIntagh HaDiBah MMA movies, The Mighty Fek’lhr had the misfortune of seeing a preview of "Never Back Down" during UFC Unleashed last night.
From what He could tell in the commercial, Zac Efron gets in a pillow fight with James Van Derbeek, and then they offer each other reach-arounds. Very hetero.
http://www.absolutenow.com/mugshots/images/AllenTim.jpg
Speaking of UFC Unleashed last night – hi, let’s put on the worst UFC fights of the last 5 years.
I have tickets to the MMA fights tomorrow night and I am very excited about it. I’m gonna be sitting close enough to get sprayed with blood :-)
I hate the amateur MMA here. The always end up on the floor just holding each other. No ground and pound. Last time I had the whole fucking crown yelling "Fuck or Fight!".
….and yes I’m a belligerent drunk.
Me: "Oh look honey, Tim Allen just made that masculine grunting sound that made him famous. How clever."
Prostitute: "Please… I won’t tell anyone… just let me go."
Me: "You know, his middle class comedy paved the way for today’s modern ‘Blue Collar’ comics."
Prostitute: (Death rattle)
Me: "HAHA! You’ve gotta love power tool comedy!"
ET’s a finger pointer.
Tim Allen is a power tool? All these years I’ve only been giving him credit for being a regular tool…
My fondest David Mamet memory was at the end of EDMUND where Bill H. Macy and some toothless black guy ponder the meaning of life, makeout, fuck, then the credits roll.
You know, MMA fans should just skip the fighting and go straight to the drag show that’s probably being performed right next door.
If we could harnass the power of the repressed homosexual tension at an MMA bout, we would not only be energy-independent, we’d be energy-independent and fucking fabulous.
Randy Couture? The freaking guy’s name sounds like a fashion line of very expensive lingerie. Who’s he fighting for the championship, Horny Bananahammock?
I’ve got tickets to my local Friday Night Tickle Fights. The weekly winners? Law enforcement.
Speaking of gay MMA, and who isn’t these days………
That Fox News clip almost made me seizure.
How come David Mamet looks like a wood shop teacher there?
Hey, you better watch your mouth Fag! Or I’ll be forced to put on my nut-smugglers and punish you long and hard in the ring!
GRRRR REAR NAKED (PENIS)CHOKE
I also have tickets to the local Friday Night Tickle Fights, and the winners? The ones with the softest hands.
*Chodin strolls in*
Oh, so this is where everyone’s been hanging out!? Well if everybody’s in here…then who are all the people in my ass?
The people from over there.
Dun dun dun..and the
stoolplot thickens.Chod, stop squatting so close to the mexican border, they are a shifty people.
Also, you smell like refried beans.
The closest Tim Allen’s ever been to cracking skulls in the UFC, is the time he smoked crack behind the KFC.
When I was dyslexic I applied to UFC. Needless to say I was disappointed the campus was so small….and octagonal, but the gay cheerleading gymnasts made up for it.
Tim Allen only agreed to be in this movie because…
…it was the only one offered to him.
I think this movie was filmed downstairs from me.
No wait that was this one:
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1082601/
And yes I live above a secret Dojo that is run by a rabid sewer rat who thinks he is buddha.
Come on, he was tough in Wild Hogs, right? Tim Allen is a badass
Oh god, I almost puked typing that
My bf is his fan. I saw his profile with some photos on millionairefriends.com, where celebrities, pro athletes, beauty queens and wealthy singles mingle. The profile looks sincere and attractive. Maybe sometimes they really need a soul mate rather than a rich buddy. It’s said some celebs have found their perfect match there.
My bf is his fan. I saw his profile with some photos on millionairefriends.com, where celebrities, pro athletes, beauty queens and wealthy singles mingle. The profile looks sincere and attractive. Maybe sometimes they really need a soul mate rather than a rich buddy. It’s said some celebs have found their perfect match there.I eat dick.
FIXED
I’d hate to wake up with his, "bowl full of jelly".
Also, "Spartan" kicked ass. I love me some David Mamet. If you guys haven’t seen "House of Games", you should. Brilliant debut.
I always thought the Tim Allen grunt was just air being expelled from somewhere deep inside him, like when dead bodies fart.
hi, let’s put on the worst UFC fights of the last 5 years.
At least that little Tarzan-like guy finally won a decision. I decided to go watch my WWE DVDs. Kane smashed Shane McMahon in the face with the steel stairs. No judges score there, bitch!