COREY HAIM IS BACK, BABY
02.08.08
Corey Haim took out an ad in yesterday’s Variety that reads, (in case you can’t see the picture to the right):
This is not a stunt.
I’m back.
I’m ready to work.
I’m ready to make amends.
Defamer calls it a "nearly full-page ad", which Variety doesn’t sell, but full-page ads run $7,580 and half-page ads cost $4,610. Either way a lot of money. But probably cheaper than Haim’s daily coke habit at its peak. It’s an investment – whether it’s worth it remains to be seen.
I’ll tell you this though, the two-page spread with a close-up of my penis and the tagline "It’s Not Going To Suck Itself. I’m Through Fucking Around." sure was a waste of money. I’m thinking Highlights Magazine might not have been the best place to run it.
[Thanks to RoboPanda for the tip. I'd also like to see the inspirational poster parody people get ahold of this]
As previously noted, all Coreys or Lost Boys-related news item must be accompanied by Greasy Sax Dude (thanks for the reminder, Watanabex).
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I am getting a little jealous of Robo today.
Not to be outdone, Corey Feldman fucked a hooker on Cinemax.
I will never forgive him for Dream A Little Dream 2. He can store those amends in his ass, next to Charlie Sheen’s man gravy from 1986 [allegedly].
And, is that a little heart above the i in Haim?
I’ve seen amputees with better
handwritingpenamanship than Haim.- "a"
Don’t
Give
A
Shit
and close your fuckin’ mouth!
This is
nota stuntI am
backa has beenIm
ready towill work for drugs and donutsI m ready to
make amendsgive up all dignity I ever hadfixed
That was your ad, Lance? then who was the nice elderly man who met me at the bus depot in LA and then gave me two rolls of quarters to buy myself something pretty?
I hear all the cool kids are getting those tribal bands tattooed around their arm nowadays.
wheres greasy sax dude?
just think of how many abused housewives are going to be getting this on a card from their beater this valentine’s day.
This is not a stunt.
I’m back.
I’m ready to work.
I’m ready to make amends.
anyone else look at this pic really quick and thought it was Bill Murray?
License to Drive 2?
corey haim’s signature looks like the missing symbol from “stargate”.
Bill Murrays ad would be in Golf Digest
I used to beat the shit out of my ex-girlfriend, so I gave her a "Get Well Soon" card for Valentine’s Day.
She didn’t, though.
The signature was cleary forged by Michael J. Fox.
corey haim’s tribal-band tattoo says “this is a fucking joke, right!? right you guys?! you guys? (looks around)”
I remember the full page ad he took out in Teen People back in the ’90s. It read:
Did you see?
I totally railed that chick from Charles In Charge.
High Five.
[tinyurl.com]
wait…so you’re telling me that i CAN e-mail sam emerson, right now?
do you think he could forward on a message to the sweaty sax dude?
I hear gay porn pays pretty well. damn it, i’ve got to drop this 10K check off at the bank before they close!
mr bean great job
Hey chodin! ::waves arms overhead::
Nice job toasting Val’s english muffin! You got that fucker a cherry gig being the voice of every middle aged man’s mid-life crisis. You fuckin’ rule mang!
*chodin takes out his own full-page ad in variety*
This is not a fucking stunt.
I’m going to fuck you in the face.
I’m ready to BTK anyone and anything.
I’m ready to make amends with doctress le-oh i’m just fucking with you!
*Glen takes out a full-page ad in Variety*
I’m from Oregon.
-Glen
This is not a stunt.
I’m back.
I’m ready to work.
I’m ready to make amends.
Sharkboy would kick Corey Haim’s ass!
It smells like 1992 in here.
Oh, here you all are, I was still trying to figure out why Seth Rogan was running away from that plane.
Anyway, I give a Quantum of Fuck about Corey Haim or his lack of a career. Though I do think a nice two-week bender and a call to Dr Drew would have been a better use of his money than that ad.
I am missing all of the fun today.
Full Work Schedule :(
Having Luch around is like having someone that makes jokes specifically for me.
Jack! – You’re assuming Glen knows about Variety… Big leap.
National Geographic, maybe…
This can mean only one thing: Corey Haim & Gary Busey starring in "Stephen King’s Silver Bullet-The Musical!" Coming soon to a dinner theater near Missouri.
Full Work Schedule :(
Lay off the Hentai.
xoxxo Jack!
and….
Is he smoking a doobie in this pic?
I think it’s a clove.
Hey! I’m back too Baby!
Fortunately for me it’s from a long lunch at the Thai Orchid, not 15 years pissing my career and fortune up the wall…
Corey Haim. Lisa Rinna.
LICENSE TO DRIVE 2: LIP SERVICE
Lisa Rinna plays the dad.
Oh, here you all are, I was still trying to figure out why Seth Rogan was running away from that plane.
It’s being piloted by Corey Haim – he want’s Seth to cast him. It’s not a stunt.
I want to take all of you home and make cotton candy. It’s not a stunt.
Clove-a-juana?
Cigga-weed?
JHC – val owes everything to me…he auditioned that shit at my work and ONLY did good on it because i didn’t fucking punch him in the face before hand.
…also, the fact that he never wants to meet me helped too.
Corey Haim = Canadian
do you think corey haim has a big dick?
i’m just saying…
Demolition High
Demolition University
Demolished Career
chodin, no one who has a big dick has to try THAT hard…
Demolition High
Demolition University
Demolition Derby?
Paula Adbul has a new single out
Corey Haim is ready for his next job
New Kids are going on tour again
1992 called and it wants its headlines back.
if you chopped off corey haim’s fucking head in the woods, and EVERYONE was there to watch…would it make a sound?
Oh my god!
BRENDA KISSED DYLAN!!!!!
That is the crappiest looking senior picture I have ever seen. And I had mine taken with a skateboard, so, this is pretty crappy.
if you chopped off corey haim’s fucking head in the woods, and EVERYONE was there to watch…would it make a sound?
Yes. Applause. Finally.
Have you guys heard of this band called Nirvana? Really unique sound…
He must have had the withdrawal shakes when he signed his name. It’s a "C". How hard is it to make a C in one smooth, fluid stroke? Not hard.
Jay Leno is the new Johnny Carson?
PEROT FOR PRESIDENT!
Potato vs. Potatoe
Hey Nom, my "C" is hard.
bridget fonda is so hot right now, shes gonna be huge!!
1992 nearly killed me the first time. Let’s not go back to it now.
Of course it is Pauly. Thank my skill of inserting soft subliminal massages into everything I desire to say.
Thank my skill of inserting
Thanks
1992 nearly killed me the first time. Let’s not go back to it now.
Who are you Rodney King?
Am I the only one who thinks he’s hot.
I’m sorry, I almost got through that with a straight face. Bahahahaha mouth breather
My skill of inserting says "You’re Welcum"
You know who doesn’t miss 1992?
Reginald Denny
My mission this weekend is to find Prayer of the Roller Boys on DVD.
That white guy on In Living Color is a funny fucker!
i like corey haim’s style-
next time i have to sign something, i’m going to do it with an etch-a-sketch too.
DAY OF THE ROPE, DAY OF THE ROPE
GRIFFIN, GRIFFIN
i’m using the BEST proxy at work right now. everytime i refresh the page, a half naked picture of eminem pops up on my screen. pretty sure my boss thinks i’m gay.
HERE’S TO MY PROMOTION!!!!!!! WHOOP-WHOOP!!!!
God I hope they make a feature film using The Next Generation cast……
You know, I’m trying hard to try to think of something witty and/or funny, but really, all I can come up with is that I want to borrow Fek’s bat’leth and stab Corey Haim’s taint until there’s nothing left but a bloody mess the consistency of tapioca and shattered dreams.
That’s kind of funny…right? right? Guys?
/opens a tab in Orbitz and looks up cheap fares to L.A.
I want to be in the dog pound so bad.
:swings fist in small circles: WOOF WOOF WOOF!!!!!
The only good thing about 1992 was Get A Life.
Rotwangchung: i want to blow your avatar. amazing…simply perfect.
I had a three-way in 1992.
:stares wistfully out the window:
I have to go kill my girlfriend. Be right back.
1992 started the career of Joey Buttafuoco.
maybe this could be an alternative to the BTK [en.wikipedia.org]
I have to go kill my girlfriend. Be right back.
Then you’ll have to start back at one….
(Flashes forward to 1999)
corey haim looks like a giant 9-year-old with a fucking aging disorder.
The Enema Bandit? That’s fucking saweet Bex.
Was Herman’s Head on in 1992? That show was fun.
It’s all for you Chodin. Everything’s for you. Like those midgets I sacrificed to the Aztec water god, Chalchitlicue….that was for you too.
I have to go light some black candles at my Chodin shrine now. Oh, and kill my girlfriend. BRB.
*chodin walks over and picks up rotwangchung; a standing-69 fuck-a-thon ensues*
*chodin sets rotwangchung back down*
peace be with you.
I had a three way in ’92 also.
Well, I call it a threeway. I was beating off, and forgot to turn the picture of my grandparents around on my nightstand.
Can I get a ruling on this? I really want to be able to say I’ve had a threeway.
And with you. Now if you’ll excuse, I have to go deal with a small problem…it rhymes with schmolapse.
Only if you hit the picture, J. Or filled your belly button.
fuck
No threeway for me then.
Hmmm…well, in the unlikely even that you were dressed as Elvira and had a vibrating anus egg in PLUS listening to Vanilla Ice….that would be the only other way to score a "trifecta".
Fek’lhr: Hmmm…well, in the unlikely even that you were dressed as Elvira and had a vibrating anus egg in PLUS listening to Vanilla Ice….that would be the only other way to score a "trifecta".
Fine, make it easy for him. Sheesh.
"The Illinois Enema Bandit" is a great Zappa song. During the intro, Don Pardo points out that Michael Kenyan did time for the armed robbery, but not the enemas, as he put it "…Apparently there was no law against that".
Where’s your life going when Jeff Conaway is the younger healthier looking version of you?
Corey was not a bad guy on set, but it annoyed me when he’d play lesser-known Sheena Easton B-sides while we’d tag-team Starr
Figured a corey haim thread warranted these
[www.youtube.com]
[www.youtube.com]
this is great news for the world i hope that wen lost boys 2 comes out he goes to the premiere and says "its shit becuase im not in it"
Didn’t he do this same thing with the full page ad about 10 years ago? Seriously. That worked out well for him. No reason to not try it again.
Didn’t this guy get ass raped by Michael Jackson? Sorry man but you can not resurrect your career if it died before I even had pubes.
FIST!!!
SHIT! doc lisa!!!
:dub dub runs away with his penis ‘tucked’: