Universal has signed a six-year deal with Hasbro… to make "at least four movies based on well-known games like Monopoly, Battleship, Candy Land and Ouija." Jesus Christ, that’s a worse idea than comic book movies and video game movies combined.
The first movie from the deal is to be released in either 2010 or 2011, with Universal releasing at least one film per year thereafter, the companies said.
I thought they already a Monopoly movie. It was called Glengarry Glen Ross. That’s why when I’m playing Monopoly with my youngest stepbrother I always look at him and go, "Coffee is for closers, you loser faggot." I don’t think he’s seen the movie, but he loves it!
Meanwhile, if you’re casting the lead in Candy Land the Movie I gotta think Zac Efron’s your first choice.
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They should make a Twister movie!
BA-DUM-CHISS!
I’m looking forward to a Jumanji movie.
I’m looking forward to a Jumanji movie.
A comment so nice, I had to say it twice.
I’ll be over in the corner if you need me.
I mentioned a Snakes and Ladders movie last week. Some exec is listening, but not thinking.
I don’t have a Clue what they were thinking about making board games into movies!
If board games are on average 10x more boring than a video game, does that mean these movies will be 100x worse than a Uwe Boll movie? Also Lance will fight him.
I couldn’t give a Parcheesi about any of this news. Also I tend to suck at pun wars.
Hey wasn’t there already a series of movies based Ouija? They starred kari Wuhrer, and went straight to Skinimax.
My wife and I enjoy playing Hot Monogamy: A Board Game for Troubled Marriages. Nobody ever wins and it’s just as unpleasurable as it sounds.
This is great news! I love
boardbored games!They should make a movie about casino table games. They could call it Casino Royale or something like that.
The Mighty Fek’lhr* would fight that aristocratic white Monopoly guy!
*Kimbo
New caption for banner pic:
Mmm…it tastes GOOD.
Guess who just got out of a LOOOOOOOOOOOONG meeting?
Hollywood has just executed the creative equivalent of controlled flight into terrain.
Ummm, sicksauce?
I really liked Oliver Stone’s Jenga movie with Nic Cage.
The Mighty Fek’lhr* would fight that aristocratic white Monopoly guy!
Donald Trump?
It Boggles the imagination!
Why would Hollywood pursue such a Trivial Pursuit?
Only Canadians play "Snakes and Ladders". Civilized people play "Chutes and Ladders". No pun here, just bagging on Canucks again.
Queen Latifah and Kirstie Alley are… HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS.
I’d be interested in a movie about backgammon, it would have luck, skill and patience all roled up to be a true classic
gamemovieQueen Latifah and Kirstie Alley are… HUNGRY HUNGRY HIPPOS
Dood, you sunk my Battleship! (reach around)
Yeah and what the Laska do they think they’re gonna accomplish by only making movies of popular board games? They should Acquire the rights to some of the more obscure but strategically superior games.
board game movies? this sounds like a Risk to me
Is whitey from the banner pic jacking off that hidden guy from Camel cigarettes?
Bai Ling and Chow Yun-Fat starring in the action thriller, CHINESE CHECKERS.
That’s a pretty big RISK
Dag nabit
Excerpt from "Battleship" script:
Captain: Are you sure about this soldier?
Helmsman: Absolutely sir, this strategy cannot fail. D2 was the best Mighty Ducks movie, so there’s sure to be a fifth of a ship residing on an arbitrary grid in a 5 by 5 square of ocean there!
It’s about time somebody made a movie based on the Batman board game.
[tinyurl.com]
Why so serious?
What’s next, a movie about a Kincaid painting puzzle?
Sorry, sounds like somebody’s in Trouble, guess we’ll just have to Risk it and get a Life.
and i’m spent
::Jacktion, wanting to get a head start on the next big Hollywood trend, pitches movies about hopscotch and jump rope::
The Universal execs who greenlit this must really suck at Life.
I have to imagine the studio’s profit margin will really go Kerplunk! after this debacle.
When it comes to puns, you guys have a great Stratego. FUCK.
A little later in the Battleship movie . . .
Captain: I’m convinced that this grid square is our only move left.
Ex-O: Don’t be foolish captain! Think about the repercussions if we misfire. Who would be stupid enough to position the aft of their ship on grid C-4?
Hungry Hungry Hippos starring John Goodman and Kirstie Alley
I like watching all you guys scrabble to make puns about new board games.
::someone whispers in Jack’s ear::
Whaddaya mean that’s not the word?
The next big movie will be about a down on his luck teenager who only dreams of one thing, becoming a contortionist for Cirque du Soliel so he can pay for his dogs chemotherapy treatments. Staring Frankie Muniz.
Didn’t they already make a movie based on the game Othello? Yeah, that one turned out kinda not half bad.
Kerplunk! What a stupid idea.
But in all honesty, all of your puns are on thin ice.
Captain: We’ve tried every possible location! The enemy craft simply isn’t there!
*sailor peeks around edge of board*
Sailor: That motherfucker has been lying about where his ships are this whole fucking time!
I’d like to see a Moustetrap movie, just because I could never get it to work.
Didn’t I outline a Battleship movie here a couple months ago? Those fuckers are listening in!
It’s a good thing we are so close to final outlines for the upcoming FilmDrunk blockbuster "The Atari Trilogy" – I wouldn’t want news of it to leak out.
Didn’t they already make a movie based on Don’t Wake Daddy?
It was called This Boy’s Life.
One of these dumb films is bound to spawn a lame Catchphrase or two.
(Jacktion!: Puppy is groin-grabbingly cute.)
*crosses fingers for Fireball Island*
My ex wife and I used to play our own version of Monopoly. I would be the faithful husband, and she would be the lying whore.
Oh, right – that wasn’t a game.
I’m pretty sure when I was little I overheard my parents watching a Mr. Bucket movie late at night through their bedroom wall.
"…balls pop out of my mouth"
Guess Who became Guess Who’s Coming to Dinner became Guess Who.
First question for the bored game movie: Is your fiance black? and/or Does he yell "Hell Naw" at movie screens?
If Yes: Is your fiance Sidney Poitier?
If No: It’s that guy from punk’d, isn’t it?
*Chodin attempts to jump into the double dutch rhythm*
Making movies out of board games is really “Mancala”…wait…um. This idea is really fucking “Mancala” to pull off…no, no, no. Mancala is a crazy – ah, fuck this and fuck “Mancala” too. Rocks and a wood board!? Yeah, real cool Africans.
Jesus with all these comments flying around, it feels as though I’ve been caught up in the crossfire!
Next up? A movie about Alf Pogs! Alf is back! In POG form!
My ex wife and I used to play our own version of Monopoly. I’d wear a tuxedo and a monacle, she’d hit me with the iron and fuck her ex boyfriend.
BTW, if any of you have ever played pogs, U R Dead 2 Him.
Let’s not forget the Tarintino narrative structure of "Cup and Ball". We see the ball go in the cup and then go back to see all the struggling.
Seduction, you should be ashamed of yourself. Namely b/c Crossfire is the worst fucking board game in history. Get back to the Battleship script. I wanna see how it ends.
I’m still trying to connect four dots with this news.
Michael Bay and Shitty LeBarf beat us to "Rock Em Sock Em Robots".
My dad played his own version of Monopoly. He took a chance by refusing to pay his rent or income taxes, and ended up in jail.
My ex wife and I used to play our own version of Monopoly. She came in last in a beauty contest and I didn’t collect $200.
My ex and I had our own version of Monopoly too, Stoney – when he landed on one of my properties, I’d pay the rent for him while he was busy reading all my Chance and Community Chest cards.
Butters, is my puppy cute enough for you to grab my groin?
The Mighty One: "Alf is back! In POG form!"
There’s a Simpson’s quote for every occasion, isn’t there? Also an MST3K one for the especially devout. This is the sum of what my young life has taught me.
Nice.
My dad always played his own version of Sorry. It was always late at night and my mom always won. After awhile I guess he got tired of it and left.
What a sore fucking loser.
It seems like Hollywood could choose to get ideas from a different Scattergorie.
P.S. Puns are rarely funny.
Jack, your puppy is cute enough to use in luring kids into the pedo-van. If you’re into that sorta thing.
Jacktion!: YES! Er, I mean, I demurely concur.
I have my own version of RISK where I’m stuck in frigging Canada freezing my nipples off and all my friends go on trips for reading week and take over the countries with lucky dice rolls.
SMB! – How do you expect to understand puns, when you don’t even understand how World War I began?
*gets to the party late, all the good board game puns have got drunk and fucked*
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!
Well you see Jack it all started with this Serbian student and Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria. Then the Americans showed up and kicked some European ass. At least that’s how I learned it in front of the TV every Sunday morning.
THAY SHOULD MAKE A GAME CALLED BIG TITS AND I WOULD BUY IT
Hey, does this mean Zach Efron can be my Mystery Date? Cause I got Ants in The Pants for him.
Maybe we could develop a FilmDrunk board game?
Hey what was that game were every time you rolled and got to move a piece your older sibling would would smack the innocence out of you and fold you screaming no-no-no-please-no into the hide-a-bed couch until mom and dad got home, and then after years of drug abuse you "accidentally" BTK your cheeting girlfriend, then get sprung on the thrill kill rush and turn that into your full time career? What was that called? Life, maybe?
Bryce, are you reading my mind?
Maybe we could develop a FilmDrunk board game?
your anal virginitya turn.JACK-I learned that shit yesterday, ‘member?
Just because you read about it doesn’t mean you learned about it.
Sorry erswi, I should’ve know better, but I always wanted that sweet leather vest that one kid wore.
Meanwhile, back un the U.S.S. Inevitable:
Helmsmen: Captain! We have a problem! I’ve narrowed their sub down to either E7 or E10!
Captain: Dammit, it’s the classic trap. We only have one shot to get this right, before inexplicably holding off on attacking until they try to attack us. Why in the hell do we do that anyway?
Just because you fucked my Grandmother; it doesn’t necessarily make you my Grandfather…
Fek, feeling a tad angry today? How unusual. Maybe you should relax and play a board game, I hear they are all the rage.
Yeah Eib, all the cool kids are inside playing Scrabble. I remember the good old days when we’d hang about on street corners and huff solvents. Hmmmm, Axe! Classy…
FilmDrunk Game ‘Chance’ cards:
Just what the fuck have I fucking said to make you fucking apes think *I* am fucking angry?
Um, i just sensed it. Im part betazoid you know
FEK- You sound a lot like Shamrock there.
Seriously though, when I think of board game movies I imagine them all like Dogville.
Jack, they didnt say it was a survival horror game!
[dirtyhairy.blogspot.com]
Alright, who’s the head of the Operation?
FUCK! I’m too late aren’t I?
And now, the conclusion of "Battleship" the movie:
(Helmsmen is slumped over his console, the captain lays dead on the deck.)
Helmsmen: Dammit, I’ve got 4 perfectly placed holes along the center of my vessel! How could they know to attack us in a straight line?
(The helmsmen slides out of his seat, as the final attack lands.)
Helmsmen: (whispers) You…..sunk…my……battleship..
THE END
Dude, Fek. How is it that you have a Ted Levine entry in your blog and I’m just now seeing it after making a Buffalo Bill reference over there?
NEW POSTAGE
Seduction – I don’t know if I’m alone in this but I am full out weeping at the ending to your hearwarming, blood-pissing masterpiece. Well done sir.
How is it that you have a Ted Levine entry in your blog and I’m just now seeing it after making a Buffalo Bill reference over there?
Contrary to appearance, I don’t spam Filmdrunk EVERY time I update my blog. :P
Should I start?
Lots of connection problems today. Did With Leather wind up on the Fox News home page again or something?
Dunno, Hugh? Should I go ask Fatt Cumford?
This is the hardest thing I’ve had to swallow since my dad…. Sorry
BTW, if any of you have ever played pogs, U R Dead 2 Him.
What if someone shoplifted $300 worth of pogs then threw them in a lake?
And the only board games worth making a movie from are Fireball Island and the stuff at cheapass.com. And why not card games? "Lunch Money: The Movie" Just a bunch of little kids kicking, clubbing, and shivving each other for pennies. That’s entertainment.
I used slammer pogs to break stuff. But didn’t play pogs. You know what game couldn’t possibly make a good movie? Stratego. Would be a shitty movie, but I’ll still kick your ass at it.
I don’t know about anyone else, but I can’t wait to see Jerry Bruckheimer’s Connect Four movie.