TYLER PERRY TYLER PERRY TYLER PERRY
01.31.08
Lately a lot of people have been asking me, “Hey Lance, what’s up with Meet the Browns? Is Madea going to be in it? I mean, they can’t have a Tyler Perry movie without Madea! What would I laugh at?”
Well folks, she’s in the poster (that is her, right?). But since she’s just a mug shot in it, I’m thinking you might be waiting to see her the whole movie and then only get a couple quick glimpses, like the Cloverfield monster.
Other thoughts – polyester pants, tuxedo shirts, guys in drag, a “B.U.M. Equipment” sweatshirt? What is this, some kind of reverse minstrel show? Needs more actors in white face. And Croc sandals.
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Just as long as they keep Mo’Nique behind closed doors, it’s fine with me
I don’t know what any of this means.
I’m scared.
Hold me.
You know when you hear about a natrual disaster halfway around the world, and you feel bad because its effects are simply not good for the planet, but ultimately you really don’t care that it happened?
This is a lot like that.
Get yourself together, L.L. Cool Jacktion!.
BUM Equipment?
Like for a Colonoscopy?
BUM Equipment?
Like a a bundle tied onto a stick?
you are correct sir!!
Its ok Jacktion! just breathe
BUM Equipment?
Like a 1983 Yugo?
You know when you hear about a
natrual disasterBaliwood movie halfway around the world, and you feel bad because its special effects are simply not goodfor the planet, but ultimately you really don’t care that it happened?This is a lot like that.
FIXED!
Okay, I’m tired of Tyler Perry. Can we please talk about David Lynch again?
BUM equipment?
Like a flaccid penis?
I just like saying ‘Bum’…
BUM Equipment?
Like boxing gloves and a wife named Adrienne?
"You’re a BUM, Rock… A BUM!"
Dor sho gha! Let The Mighty One guess:
To all African Americans of this nation!!! Thanks Hollywood for doing you this service!
*for a printable version of this "Whacky Blacky" movie checklist, please press Ctrl-P now*
In Soviet Russia, equipment bums YOU!
Ok, so, um, why is it that black men think that dressing up like a fat old woman is the funniest thing ever? seriously, did we learn nothing from Mama’s Family?
If I have a date with a
blacknegrospear-chuckerAfrican-American girl, would it be racist to take her to see The Lion King on Broadway?no, it would be racist to take her to this movie.
Or Roscoes Chicken n Waffles.
seriously, did we learn nothing from Mama’s Family?
I learned that Vicki Lawrence is hot, even when she’s dressed up like bryce’s grandmother.
Jacktion! you are even scarier than I orginally thought.
And you people dare call Jacktion insensitive… Shame.
i can’t even see the word "Cloverfield" without wanting my $12 back.
if a giant monster ever attacks new york and any of you shove a camera in my face at any point during the life threatening ordeal that ensues, i will feed you to the fucking thing myself. bunch of fucking douchebag yuppie kids talking about their goddamn feelings while a goddamn monster is fucking god damn asshole fucking jj abrams…(trails off into a mutter)
Is it racist if Rafiki the baboon is played by Patrick Ewing without any make-up in The Lion King?
I have never seen a tyler perry movie, and frankly, I won’t because I’m already tired of tyler perry movies. When will the black community accept that I hate their movie? Except BeBe’s Kids, that one was good.
Ok. I’m posting my Cloverfield review here. In pieces so it fits. It’s short, anyway.
Part 1.
——————-
Have you ever been holding a garbage hand at a poker table and choose
to bet big, only to have your bluff called? It sucks, because now
you’re absolutely committed to finishing out the hand to its
humiliating conclusion. You could have safely changed course and
folded at any point, but that would destroy the illusion. This is how
I feel about Cloverfield’s handi-cam shooting style.
I actually watched Big Momma’s House 2 the other day, the fat suit thing never gets old. Non-stop laughter from start to finish with that one…
Tyler Perry is the hardest working black person since Harriet Tubman.
Part 2
——————–
The audience is given a mercifully brief introduction to a cast of
characters that would hopefully get eaten, and then forced to spend
the next 90 minutes with them as they avoid pointing their camcorder
at the only the only thing we wanted to see. To make this angle
believable, the character chosen to operate the camera is written as
stupid enough to carry a camera as he runs for his life, without using
it to document anything useful.
Part 3
——————-
While a giant monster is destroying Manhattan, the audience is taken
on a journey through the carnage to rescue a girl who has had a total
of three minutes of screen time prior to the inception of the attack.
Our hosts for this waste of a perfectly good 90 minute digital tape
refuse evacuation because of young love and loyalty. The ultimate
reward for their chivalry was the only realistic thing in the story -
horrific pain and death.
Part 4
—————————
I am fully aware that the real story was of the human reaction to
unspeakable horror from an unknown enemy attack, which negates the
importance of the attack itself. It takes the classic Godzilla
movies’ analogous representation of the Japanese reaction to nuclear
attack and advances it to the contemporary theme of New Yorker’s
reaction to the attacks on 9-11. We get it, and the fear and emotion
are well represented. However, when you choose to make a giant
monster attack the SECONDARY story, the main characters better be
pretty god damned compelling.
Part 5 (final)
———————-
If this movie is a setup for future stories of this event’s
documentation, then I am satisfactorily intrigued. Given that our
only insights are shaky footage and a lot of screaming, there are
plenty of questions for the writers to craft answers to. Otherwise,
Cloverfield was entertaining and quite interesting – but not enough so
to overcome the distaste for the filming style and annoying
characters.
Stone Soup
HA! This guy is a friend of mine on MySpace. His page is effing HILARIOUS!! You gotta check it out. The URL is http://www.myspace.com/p1ne3ree. SO funny!
A colorful laugh riot!
Tyler Perry is the black Dana Carvey.
Instead of chopping brocoli, he chops collard greens.
Oh, and there are some spoilers… Probably should’ve mentioned that first.
I still don’t believe there is a movie called ‘Cloverfield’ and that all the marketing, posters, clips, (and even Stone’s review) are just viral marketing for another JJ Abraham’s project…
Yeah, think about it.
cloverfield is a dream that hurley has
I’d like to say that I think I enjoyed Cloverfield. The camerawork did start to make me a little naseous towards the end, and I think it should’ve ended a little sooner. For those of you who have seen it, I think the part where they should’ve died should’ve been the end. There were a few points where the characters (including the monster once)were a little too stupid for me to suspend my disbelief, though.
Overall, I think I chose a bad time to go see a movie about pointless deaths and hopelessness. I might have enjoyed it more otherwise.
Tyler Perry, you so crazy!
Tyler Perry, you so crazy!
Don’t Jacktion!, he might use that as his next movie idea.
Overall, I think I chose a bad time to go see a movie about pointless deaths and hopelessness. I might have enjoyed it more otherwise.
I’m with ya, I usually prefer those movies closer to Christmas.
He should remake Stir Crazy, and get Martin Lawrence to ‘White-up’ as the Gene Wilder character! I smell Oscars!!!
I’m there with you SS. I didn’t dislike the film, I didn’t leave the theater with the top of my head blown off either. It a film like this there is a tenuous line betweeen accepting the suspention of disbelief that there is a gigantic fucking whatedver eating New York, and fucking that line up with gross inacurracies of basic fact. Here there be spoilers if you fucking still care. Thirty minutes after the shit flies off there is a division of the US Army in dowtown Manhatten, bridges/tunnels clogged with terrified refugies and M1A1 tanks are just rolling right the fuck over these lemmings to get to Mid-town.
I havent seen Cloverfield yet. I was going to, but SS and Jacktion have ruined it for me.
Next time they will probably tell me the boat sinks in Titanic, which I havent seen either
Black Knight…….award winning
DOR SHO GHA! The Mighty Fek’lhr cannot believe he forgot to tell you guys this, you will love it!
The Mighty Fek’lhr had a dream last night that a young and attractive psychologist was evaluating Him. She was asking a bunch of questions and typing His responses into a computer. However, the best Q&A combo was:
"Matthias, what would you say your biggest fear, or worst nightmare that could come true be?"
Without even hesitating, He answers the following triumphantly!
"World Peace."
Is that not the phattest fucking thing in the galaxy? ROFLKOTAL!
Eib: at the end of Cloverfield the monster is killed by an alliance of Autobots and Deceptacons from Transformers. Yeah, let the healing begin y’all…
I think Tyler Perry should make a black version of Shakespeare’s Othello.
GRRRRRRRRRRRRR….WORLD PEACE!!!!!!
Fek: You are walking through the desert when you come across a turtle lying on it’s back…
continued…
Then when they get to this chick you have no emotional investment in she is impaled on a piece of rebar through her fucking tit, unconscious, shockey, near death, but, they just pluck her off the thing and for the next half hour she spryly dogdes the shit. What is she from the fucking X-men? See, I’ll buy the monster, but dumb shit like that makes me think, Well, thats not very realistic.
When the credits roll I told my bud, they could make another hundred movies about this Cloverfield incident thing and build an entire mythos. Wanna bet they try?
oh yeah Crap, cloverfield 2 is already in the works
Tyler Perry should remake Blade Runner and all the simulants could be black, and wise crack and break dance an’ shit. And then at the end they have a BBQ and hug it out with Deckard…
Perry should do a mesh of BeBe’s Kids and Home Alone starring Will Smiff Jr.
no one can fuck with Bladerunner! I will cut a bitch UP for that!!
Tyler Perry should carjack someone just for fun. We all know he’s going to eventually, right? Right.
Really Eib? Figured. SS had it right, thinking about the possibilities is "intriguing." They could go many different ways in how they don’t actually tell you a fucking thing that is happening! But, that was actually the best part. It’s like the degining of the typicaal zombie movie where crazy ass shit is happening but everyone is clueless, which is always my favorite part.
Tyler Perry and Wayne Brady in a buddy flick.
FEEL GOOD MOVIE OF THE DECADE!
Uh…
FACT: Tyler Perry belongs to a underground sex movement where men dress up as fat black women and rail each other in the mud holes. These films are simply an offshoot of that deviant perversion.
oh yeah Crap, cloverfield 2 is already in the works
In the sequel, the U.S. President uses the attack as his excuse to invade Iran, ignoring advisors who swear that the country is not harboring any Weasels of Mass Destruction.
Othello, I like it, Jack!
So, if they dress up like old black women whilst having gay sex….
A Dirt Pipe Malted
Hey Stink. What’s up, over there? I haven’t even looked expecting an orgy of Shitney Gah Durchfall.
Hey! I just realized that a few of us were discussing films on a film blog website discussion board.
HAHAHA! How fucking gay is that?
Crap: That’s pretty much it, I logged in but I refuse to post any more on those threads. She seriously can’t die soon enough.
WATERMELON
Seeing a lot more of Monique works for me: ÂÂ
a) She’s fucking hilarious, especially when she sits on shit and breaks shit.
b) When she farts and says something funny I laugh until my face hurts, until my pants are soaked with piss.
c) When she stuffs food in her face it’s so goddamn funny I hit myself in the face with a fireplace poker.