Just in case you needed proof that life sucks and the world’s not fair, Heath Ledger is dead while Paris Hilton is alive and promoting a movie at the Sundance Film Festival. They’re not actually screening it, of course, but she’s there because she doesn’t have a job.
Here she gives costar Christine Lakin props for her ability to wear ugly girl make up, which Paris says she could never do. …Riiiight. You know, if there are two things Paris Hilton is capable of in this world, they’re wearing make up and looking ugly. She probably misunderstood the question though.
Can you imagine having to write interview questions for Paris Hilton? I think I would just hand her a .45 and convince her it’s a really fun new toy that squirts semen in your mouth when you pull the trigger. Please, Paris, will you promote our toy? It’s really expensive and it’s made out of poor people (that’s why it’s shiny). We think it’ll be really big if people see you using it.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/photo/257/thumb)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/06/danza-danzig-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/how-about-two-more-red-band-clips-for-this-is-the-end-filmdrunk-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/04/Bill-Murray-Alpha-House-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2013/05/pain-and-gain-clip-the-rock-sings-stryper-in-the-gun-store-150x150.jpg)
Jack Nicholson needs to have a talk with her.
Is that the Russian dude from Can’t Hardly Wait? And by asking this question, I am in no way saying that I ever watched Can’t Hardly Wait, I just walked by a TV while it was on.
Ivan Drago was in Can’t Hardly Wait?
It sprays cocaine in an appletini suspension and rainbows as well. Make sure Paris knows that.
Fuzzy dream fade in sequence.
Newscaster: "The most photographed barn in the world killed herself today. She shot herself in the head with a large calibre gun. It goes to show you people were wrong to say she couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn. Well that’s all I have for tonight’s programe. Goodnight and Goodluck."
Fuzzy dream fade out sequence.
Me: "Time to get off the Ambien"
AGB, Im sure thats what Heath Ledger said Monday night
too soon?
Ohhh, I thought it said "rough cunt". Because that would explain alot.
prolly too soon, eib. if you would consult that bile-churning oil well you call a heart once in a while you’d know that….
naw, i’m just kiddin’ honey!…it’s never to soon to rip the living shit out of hollywood’s finest, freshest, finickiest, fist-fuckin’ist, and dead-est stars! i thought that’s what we were all doing here in the first place!
i think Scientology can help paris, she displays many characteristics that someone that is filled with many body thetans does.
is that carmen from tmnt?!
I imagine fucking Paris would be like fucking a puddle. You would get your dick wet but get no pleasure. The puddle would give you as much feed back as she would. You would end up with mud on your pecker and possibly spyro-gyra as well. And all of your friends would mock you for being drunk enough to do something so stupid, and you would laugh and make a self depricating joke. But secretly inside, you know you weren’t that drunk, you were just really curious.
Aw, bne, you shouldnt flatter me like that. i could get you everywhere
April!
i know sundance has been a hollywood jerk-tahalon for a while now, but they’re not actually screening THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE there are they? sweet fucking lord…i can’t wait for the world premiere of NORBIT 2 on opening night next year.
WTF is Carmen?
Yeah, fuck him Eib. Unless Heath Ledger was not only "one of the finest young actors of our time", which is fucking asinine by the way, but he was also on the verge of curing cancer, aids and teh ghey, he can fuck off. People who kill themselves deserve absolutely none of the sympathy the receive. They are cowards. Plain and simple.
JHC, if you knew that they were going to kill you in Jerusalem, which you supposedly did… doesn’t your riding a donkey there make your death a form of suicide?
april! that’s what i meant. sorry, agb. that was a p.i. that wrote that. not i.
Of course it’s MTV "News" interviewing Fuckpuddle about her "film". Is it an MTV "Films" production? What fucking dirty balls they must have to try and screen that at Sundance…
Fucking swine.
Jesus doesn’t like suicides. It’s in the bible so its a contractual obligation.
i know sundance has been a hollywood jerk-tahalon for a while now, but they’re not actually screening THE HOTTIE & THE NOTTIE there are they? sweet fucking lord…i can’t wait for the world premiere of NORBIT 2 on opening night next year.
To their credit, no, they’re not screening The Hottie and the Nottie. Paris is just there to promote it because she doesn’t actually have a job.
"" are for fags
"That’s hot."
/gonorrhea reference
Shar Jackson is there too. Looking for the next KFed.
Well, sceening or not, they are still fucking swine.
Fuck. Since my pledge to boycott anything MTV promotes until they allow the video to be paused so it can load, everything they’ve been plugging is something I wouldn’t have watched anyways. But one day my boycott will make a difference in the world.
so it seems that my scientology schtick seems to have alienated you guys. it’s ok im still me.
they are still fucking swine.
I prefer the term "loving swine".
I am nearly done with my straight to DVD screenplay called "The Hottie and the Rottie". It’s a short (18 min) follow up to "The Hottie and the Nottie" in which Paris Hilton is viciously mauled by a rottweiler.
Don’t worry, the rottweiler was not harmed in any way.
That video Lance put up there is like a haunted house. It’s full of all kinds scary shit. After Paris Hilton, there’s also creepy Sarah Jessica Parker interview, and look here kids, this one will really scare the goosebumps right off your pants-an interview with Ari Gold from Entourage. Boooo scaaaary!
[www.wilderssecurity.com] my gift to you Durnkards, how to stop the recent rash of content sensitive ads in our posts.
I’d like to get naughty with the Nottie. (see what I did there? genius)
Stone, I have a screenplay called "my hottie, my rottie", and its a companion film to Zoo.
hairy. i think i’ve heard this before on this site…firefox, adblocker, done.
Funny I have a script called "The Hottie and the Panzerottie" where a sneaky Canadian slips across the border cooks a panzerotti and poors the liquid hot innards over Paris Hilton’s face and is given many awards for her actions. Slogan : Now her face matches her slut hole.
if they really wanted to get an interesting interview here, they would have used the microphone that looked like a penis.
paris: “well my new movie is really (glances down at penis mic, licks lips).. um, it’s like this movie we made about (glances down at penis mic, raises one hand to touch it, but stops herself)…um, this movie (licks lips, begins to breath very heavily)…it’s a movie about (paris suddenly climbs a light post and drops 15 feet down, directly onto the microphone).”
Thanks, Hairy!
(Does anyone have any idea what he’s talking about?)
CASH, HOMBRE!
What about a movie called The Hottie and the Scottie where Paris Hilton sticks an entire Scottish Terrier up her twat?
and poors the liquid hot innards over Paris Hilton’s face
It’ll never work – Paris won’t work with the poors.
THAT’S fucking funny, jack.
I’m fucking stuck on ‘Biscotti’, and can’t come up with anything remotely funny.
BTW – google image search Christine Lakin (the Nottie) – jesus christ…
What about a movie called The Hottie and the Scottie where Paris Hilton sticks an entire Scottish Terrier up her twat?
Now is that before or after Scottie Pippen exits said twat?
"The Hottie and the Clotty" – Paris encounters a pulminary embolism…
Christine Lakin, that’s Al Lambert from TV’s Step-by-Step. Patrick Duffy is probably kicking himself in the ass because he didn’t BTK that when he had the chance.
The Hottie and the Clottie teams million dollar baloney holster Paris Hilton up with the ugliest blood clot in the 12th grade! Hilton teaches the clot how to wear make-up and buy cool clothes and they become best friends forever until "The Clottie" finally loses it’s virginity to the star football player at the Prom, killing him instantly.
well, at least she’s a good actress. check out the house of wax jumpoff. pffff
Duke – tell me we came up with that indepenently…
My script is The Hottie and the Nazi. Fuckpuddle has an epileptic siezure brought on by Paparazzi camera flashes and dreams that she goes back in time and chills Hitler’s harshness by giving him a fabulous makeover.
Hottie and the Snottie where i attempt to go down on her. It’ll be like 2girls1finger but you know, classier.
Now is that before or after Scottie Pippen exits said twat?
Pauly, you’re thinking of The Hottie, the Scotti, and the Maserati where Scottie Pippen has his car stolen, and the thief hides it in Hilton’s cavernous fuckhole.
the hottie and the shoddy. paris’ box falls completely off the bitch.
"The Hottie and the Illuminatti" – as a practical joke, Paris is invited into the inner sanctum of the world’s most powerful and influential decision makers.
Something funny happens.
the hottie and the gotti. two ultimate douchebags find each other and ultimately cause the other’s death. like romeo and juliet…just incredibly happy and funny instead of tragic.
The hottie and the Pinciatti where Paris and Donna from that 70′s Sho…you know what? Never mind. I’ll just image search her. Donna’s hot…*druel*
The Hottie and the Potty
A love story about the Cleveland Steamer.
The Hottie and Pilates
A new excercise show on ESPN2, in no way involving any of the Hiltons.
You know how to make something unfunny even worse? Spell drool dreul. Where the fuck is my phonics monkey?
Donna is too hot for that skeez, SMB. We need to find her a proper girlfriend
The Hottie Gets Shot…ie
In which everyone dream comes true.
What the critics are saying about "The Hottie and the Clottie":
The Hottie: weekend at Pavarotti’s. they drag his dead ass around so they can party at his villa. remake, natch
The Hottie to Trot(tie)
In which Paris fucks a racehorse.
We need to find her a proper girlfriend
When it comes to this girlfriend, is Penis optional? Cuz I would be donna’s girlfriend. But if any guys ever call her I’m gonna beat her ass. And kill Wilmer Valderama, but that part is just for fun.
The Hottie and the despotis. Paris hangs out with the children of despots. She shows them why they hate America.
The Hottie has no Plottie
A full length movie version of The Simple Life now being produced due to the write’s strike.
How about "The Hottie and the Potsie," Paris goes to a retro diner and is crushed to death under a Wurlitzer playing "Rock Around the Clock." I bet we can get Anson Williams to work for scale.
"The Hottie and Pavarotti" – a Weekend At Bernie’s-esqu romp where Paris has to wheel around the dead opera singer’s body to fool everyone at the club. Hilarity ensues.
The Hottie with the Body
A Pauly Dangerously biopic.
The Hottie and the girl who says we have no right to judge her
The Hottie and the Karate
Will’s Smith’s remake of The Karate Kid starring Paris Hilton.
Hottie and Pilates?
The Hottie and the Karate
Will’s Smith’s remake of The Karate Kid starring Paris Hilton.
"Sweep the leg, Bitch."
The Hottie and the Small T
An excuse to crucify Hilton.
God dammit, Eib!
The Hottie and the Spottie
Co-starring Jessica Simpson who has run out of Proactiv.
The Hottie and the Bronte
A literary masterpiece… WITH HERPES!
The Hottie who got Shottie: A hero’s story
Already did your last two, Nom.
I don’t mean to come off like a kiss ass fanboi, but I swear every post JWiaDH makes could be nominated for CotW.
The Hottie and the Neurottie
Co-starring Richard Lewis.
Stinky Peet is right about me being right.
The Hottie with the Body Who has a Body
A Pauly Dangerously biopic where I BTK Paris.
yeah Stinky, he is one funny bastard
I understand that One Night in Paris is being renamed I Blow My Waddie in the Hottie.
The Hottie shows her Twatty to Paul Giamatti & Mr. T at a Party.
The Hottie and the Zloty
Doumentary verite about the Heiress’ cost of use rate in Poland and the Polacks who don’t know any better.
Jack, I heard that DVD cums with a free penicillin shot!
The Hottie and the Retahddie will be the sequel to this, set in Boston.
Ok, I thought some more:
"The Hottie and the Biscotti" – Rob Schneider is magically transformed into a crunchy baked good, and his only hope at regaining his human form is if he can convince Paris Hilton to fall in love with him in his current, delicious state.
The Hottie and the Republican Pah-tee
Paris is Ahnold’s runningmate.
The Hottie and her Body
A triumphant tale of a Girls perserverance over a stupid rich bitch
The Cunt & The Gunt. It’s a film about your wife & her mom.
Already did your last two, Nom.
Well, I can’t be bothered to read through them all, or anything I come up with will be taken.
Nommy and your Mommy
Nommy and your Mommy
Based on the true story
Fixed
That wasn’t supposed to be directed at you, Nom. It was for everybody. I’m a generous guy.
I didn’t think it was duke. Mine was also for everybody. But yes, you too. See? I don’t hold grudges.
Shit, new post.
The Hottie goes Pottie – Two solid hours of Puddlefuck taking various dumps on a glass coffee table above an Imax camera. Strangly this is exactly the same as her IMdb page.
The Hottie and the Shoddy, featuring Paris’ attempts to renovate a rundown house and flip it for cash. Hopefully the structural integrity will fail and the house will collapse around her. A comedy!
In the distance, legitimate actresses breathe a sigh of relief knowing that Paris can’t bring herself to sully her appearance with a fake mole or ugly makeup. "One fewer Oscar contender, whew!"