Shatner finally sees Lady in the Water

What with all this Cloverfield hubbity bubb, people seem to be forgetting that JJ Abrams is also doing a Star Trek movie. In fact, there’s already a teaser for it that will be attached to Cloverfield when it hits theatres this weekend.  Someone who’s seen it posted a description, and our friends at /film were kind enough to translate from its original Klingon.

Paramount logo. Bad Robot logo. Black, suddenly some sparks (very saturated, Michael Bay looking cinematography) We hear an old NASA radio countdown: “30 sec and counting.” Close up of a timeless guy with goggles leaning down doing some weilding and sparks flying around. He lifts his googles — slightly futuristic head covering. It’s not a space suit, btw. The dude leans down and wields some more — he’s standing on big metal. “FROM DIRECTOR J.J. ABRAMS” (blue font with a nice lens flare)

Some Kennedy speech about space flight: “The eyes of the world now look to space.” People walking around the saucer section. The wielders are everywhere, showing size. We hear, “The Eagle has landed.” Huge overhead shot pans across, suddenly showing what looks like miles of scaffolding underneath. Title: “THE FUTURE BEGINS” Really impressive shot from by the nacelle(?) of people all over the ship, and you can see a huge industrialize city or shipyard in the background. It’s being built on Earth, not in space. Neil Armstrong: “One small step for man…” Camera slowly cranes up over the whole saucer section.

Then we hear then Leonard Nimoy’s line: “Space, the final frontier,” and the familiar “Star Trek” theme horns. The shot continues, revealing the writing on the top of the saucer — “U.S.S. Enterprise,” and these huge aircraft-like warp engines in the background. Technically, the first reveal of what we’re seeing. Just the Starfleet log (no title).

Title card: “UNDER CONSTRUCTION” “CHRISTMAS 2008”

I’m curious how this is going to play out – what does JJ Abrams do when he doesn’t have a secret monster to conceal?  Wipes his ass with $100s while rubbing his palms together and giggling like a crazed weasel, I’m guessing.  God I hate my life.