So it’s pretty much all Cloverfield all the time out here in the movie blog world. The video above is from the TED conference (which humbly describes itself as "group of remarkable people that gather to exchange ideas of incalculable value"), in which JJ Abrams describes a “mystery box” which he bought as a child but has never opened. He’s actually a fairly engaging dude, and I’m second guessing my decision to wish butt cancer on him. Sort of.
You can also read Harry Knowles of AICN’s review of Cloverfield which, shockingly, describes it as basically the most important thing to happen to the universe since the big bang (or the Jesus Christ Blues Explosion, depending on your religious beliefs).
Alternately, FilmDrunkard Will sent me this link to a spoiler of just about everything in the film from someone who saw an advance screening, including a question and answer forum.
I hope everyone checks it out, or sees the movie, or does whatever they need to do in order to get back to exchanging ideas of incalculable value. Seriously, some of the shit we talk on here is so important that I spill Doritos on my sweatpants from the sheer profundity of it all.
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Fuck, Cloverfield on FD is turning into Britney Over There.
The Mighty Fek’lhr watched Return of the Dragon last night. He likes movie with Chinese restraunts. Or anything other than Cloverfield.
I refuse to see this movie. I have principles. It’s like when someone taunts you that they have a surprise for you for like 3 weeks. By the second day you’re just like "Keep your damn surprise, gimpfuck. I’ve lived this long without it." Then you throw a piece fruit at them and squint like you’re Clint Eastwood.
*pencils "gimpfuck" in next to "bird rapist" in FD Lexicona Arcana*
I know what your thinking. Did he throw 6 loganberries or 5? To tell you the truth, in all the excitement I kinda lost count myself. So you have to ask yourself one important question. Do I really like loganberries that much? Well. Do ya punk?
Don’t forget, Fek. Bird rapist goes before brotox.
I went and read the spoiler, since I have no intention of ever seeing this crap pile. It only confirmed how wretchedly stupid this movie is.
From what I learned from Monty Python… fruit is very dangerous and not to be trusted. That’s why I’ve had scurvy five times.
Now that I know the Cloverfield monster is nothing but an overgrown child with three fingers, and lice, I won’t have to go see it. I’ve lived it.
I once had to watch my neighbor Shaquillia’s crack-baby while she went out to the club.
I want Harry to compare Cloverfield to a Birfday Beej…
Your neighbor, huh J? Don’t lie to us. Youdababydaddy!
J-Hey, how is Shaquilla? i haven’t seen her since that night…DOR SHO GHA!
Who the fuck gets a surprise present and then doesn’t open it?!
I raped guys like GayGay in
Elementary School Band CampPrison.The "fake" DH on WWTDD is a fuckin mongoloid. What an embarassment.
Would it be funnier if I said that ‘Bird Rapist’ was describing a bird that was a rapist?
:( No, that is me, erswi! >:(
(just kidding!)
Stone Soup-Don’t make Him dig the ba’Sin mallet out of your mother!
Stone Soup. Yes. Yes. It is funnier.
She’s ok Fek. Erswi, I wasn’t so much watching Leroy as a favor, he just happened to crawl up the steps of my house with a quarter bag of weed stuck to his diaper tape.
That fuckin kid! He’s gonna be president someday.
Jesus: he was probably waiting for you to pay him for that weed, that’s why you had to watch him all day/night. nothing is quite so nice as delivery service!
Did the kid have papers or blunt wraps? No child of His smokes ZigZags, nigguh!
Caption for Banner pic:
"So you’re telling me that if I have sex with a woman, you can grab her ass AND look her in the face at the same time? Wow, I might have to try that."
Man Fek, you know Our Lord and Saviour always keeps a spare pack of Phillies handy. Just in case the need arise.
im going to learn voodoo. that way i can ressurect john wayne gacy to kill this motherfucker and stop him from making any more shitty movies
The Mighty Fek’lhr is going to make a pipe out of dooter’s skull.
Alternative Banner Caption:
So you’re telling me those people out there with the enlarged chest regions, those are women? And men have sex with them? Interesting. But if that’s the case, what goes up the guy’s ass?
I got DH’s back Over There. At least for the next several minutes.
I hope Dooter shows up again today. Someone should point him in the direction of With leather also. He’d go down a storm over there. I’d predict 7 posts before he got banned and erased.
Charlie-I get banned and erased in WAAAAY less than that over there.
I’ve not been banned from anything… except a store named Claire’s… ironic, no?
Yes, but you’re an expert. Dooter is a naif. He’s blissfully unaware of his douchebagness. I see there’s already a Dooter tribute act over there. He has a full stop after his name.
FULL STOP?????? Are you British?
Yes. Ah, you Americans refer to them as periods. Messy.
I have a British friend that turned me on to "bangers and mash". She said it was normal to have a little blood the first time…
Fek, don’t get distracted. finish that skull bong.
True story: I used to have this awesome bong that looked like one of those candles melted on a skull. You could smoke wicked hahd on that fakkin thing!
H’mm. Just checked the urban dictionary to see if "bangers and mash" was a euphemism for something i was unaware of. It appears not. I’d make sure the sausages were a touch more well done than that in the future.
Is dooter ripping off Glen? (I haven’t been around to read any of his shit)
Fuck your bong, doggy style!
HAHDEN THE FACK UP! It just doesn’t get old, does it? Oh what? It did? Fuck it, I’m sticking with it anyway.
CB-it was a fucking joke
No one could ever rip off Glen. Glen is an iconoclast, an unconventional eccentric that marches to a different drummer. But we all call him Noodle Noggin.
I knew it was you, Fek’lhr
New up! Guy’cha!
Knew what was Him?
bryce: don’t you mean ‘bung’?
WHA HA HA! You yIntaghs fall for it every time!
I broke my bong. I use a Dr. Pepper can. :(
Just read the spoilers.
I don’t think I can come up with a smart comment. The Blair Godzilla Project isn’t worth my brain power. Fuck Abrams right up the ass.
Pauly-you can make a bong pretty easy out of one of those honey bears or a gatorade bottle.
I mimicked Glen once. It didn’t go over well, so I haven’t since. It’s an interesting story penned when the sun was just a suntot. And the moon just a mooncub and the earth just a pebble. Passed down through oral tales. LOL I said oral.
potato, carrot, beer can, aluminum foil, toilet paper roll, a corkscrew and some tin foil, or (my favorite) avocado, an ice pick and my snorkel. all of these things can be used for bongs. and i know what some of you were thinking: ‘yeah! bne can fit that shit up his ASS!? dud is ‘core’.’
that’s ‘dude’ by the way…shit i can’t type this morning.
I think I’ll just free-base it off the palm. I don’t wanna smoke out of anything that’s been up your ass bne. Not matter how ‘core. How do you get on ice pick up there anyway? Sideways? Wait… that kinda is ‘core.
I made a gravity bong out of an old propane tank and my bathtub. Bryce’s grandma is the only one who can hold a hit from it.
QAPLAH! Gravity bongs are the shit!
The Mighty Fek’lhr asserts that only queers like dooter use motorized smoking devices.
Fek, keep that mufuckin’ blunt in your pocket Loc, cuz Pauly-Paul is all about the Zig-Zag smoke.
Lance: give us news! These teats have run dry…
Bah! Lance must have rushed out to the sale at Big Lots for anal douche.
PD-nice Snoop quote
Fek, that’s the weed/Dr. Pepper bowls talking.
even on the west coast it’s past 0800 in the morning. lance…you sleepin’ or has Fek made the call? Big Lots for the douche? you’d be better off just staying here; i bet there’s someone that can clean that colon for you up in this booch.
He is not Herbert.
What a dickface. Dickface I say to you.
Well, since Lance Mangina will not update his blog, He updated His!
[dirtyhairy.blogspot.com];
I don’t mean to tell you guys your bidness, but glen is like hank hill’s goody goody stepbrother. Who hank would beat to death with a tank of clean burning propane.
With Lance sleeping in, I haven’t seen any news on First Sunday here. Maybe I should go check on the movie blog for the blacks. Anyone familiar with FilmCrunk.com?
This kind of reminds me when Rush Limbough ran into Bill Clinton in a New York restaraunt (after he was no longer President) then the next day, Rush started saying how great a guy ol Bill was and almost took back all of the bad things he said on his show I killed a kid once at camp and they never found the body nobody is really reading this comment anyways
I’m not sleeping in. I had to take my girlfriend to the doctor. Betchoo feel really bad now, don’t you, a-holes? No? Well, I suppose that’s the sort of attitude this place breeds.
@Lance
I feel bad I didn’t pull out. B-B-Boosh!
How the hell would a blogger get a girlfriend. C’mon, lets be realistic here.
i felt bad last night. all the hateful and ‘wish i could meet this asshole in a dark alley’ thoughts i had about whoever created the alter-ego dooter…it was like black bile stewing in my abdomen…then i remembered that i had sushi for lunch.
the point is, you shouldn’t let foodstuffs trick you into thinking that you have a concience.
I don’t understand why Lance couldn’t have brought his laptop to the doctor’s office, but I’m new so I won’t ask. I’ll just go back to
sleepwork.did we ever find out what was in the sky last night?
was it just the jenkem kicking in or what?
I think lance might be getting the ‘im famous, i ain’t gots ta do shit!’ attitude. Don’t think it. I fear it. I’m scared. Hold Me.
Hey Scoot.
BK convinced me that it was Sirius. Which, she says, is a star that can only be seen once a year and was extra bright this year because of something that science did to piss off god.
Hey LalalabrARYAN NATION!!
Science pisses off God a lot. That’s why babies die.
So, how many of you actually went out side to try and SEE what it was, and how many of you stayed inside for the mockortunity?
Nom-I was so drunk I was barely able to stay upright in my computer chair.
::takes glasses with tape wrapped around bridge off::
Sorry my lambs, I had to make sure the employees get their paychecks that may or may not clear.
Damn, you use a computer chair? My computer chair is the Barcalounger in my living room. Get with da times, flingon.
Well Nom, when mockortunity knocks . . . I act like it’s a Jehova’s Witness. I invite it in and BTK it. Then I dispose of it in the swamps. It’s good to live in Louisiana.
I live in an apartment. No way I went outside. Also, I have it on firm understanding that I am not allowed to be funny unless I spell all the words right. Also, this comment is too long. Throttle has three ts right?
Fuck you, pedophile!
swamp nigga
I had some God-botherers come round my house last weekend. They always have an 8 year old kid with them. I feel bad for the kid…
(after I’ve killed and raped them)
Corn huskerGoat Fucker!The least you could have done would be to have looked up in the sky on your way back from the swamp. "Son-of-a-bitch! Looks like ol dude was telling the truth after all. Sweet!"
Wait, shit! You’re from Kansas. I don’t know any regional epithets for Kansas. . .
Goat Fucker!
Nom it was boredom made visual.
I thought boredom made visual was called Cloverfield.
And he brings it all back around.
For the record, I do feel bad about Lance having to take his special lady friend to the doctor.
Can they tell if a baby is black by just an ultrasound?
Stupid question, if it’s dick looks like a baseball bat…..
I brought the dad gum laptop to the doctor’s office, but the sons a bitches dint a have wairless!
Hey, Lance woke up Yingtaghs! New post.
Kansans are wannabe missourians. And I would agree that it was boredom made visual, but I was on the way to the liquor store when I saw it.
That’s ok
coon asserswi. Honest mistake."Jesus Christ Blues Explosion" is what my acid funk band used to be called before we changed our name to "Judith Light and the Lifetime Movie Network."
"Lazarus and the Skin Flutes"
Obviously from the picture he’s coming up with a sequel to Cloverfield. Fingers are so mysterious.
He is cute. It is said he has a major crush on wealthy young women on millionaire dating site WealthyRomance.com. His profile was found on that site last week.
Interesting. I think after reading your fucking dork spam I will investigate this millionaire dating site and perhaps there will be a very hot millionaire chick who wants to party with me and bear my children.
Also, I will tell all my friends about your site.