EGGHEADS DISSECT BABIES
01.21.08
With the success of Knocked Up, Juno, and Waitress (they had to throw that last one in there so there’d be three), it was inevitable that the academics would get into the mix and tell us what we love about baby movies.
"This is a sea change," says Leonard Maltin, film historian [Ed Note: Haa!] for Entertainment Tonight. "It reflects what’s going on in the world, which is that women no longer need to feel like victims, even if something as dramatic as this has happened. For decades the very phrase ‘unwanted pregnancy’ was a synonym for soap opera. There was no question what kind of film you were going to see: It was going to be weepy. That has changed enormously. We’re now open enough in our willingness to deal with it and show that we can even laugh at it. These attitudes are in the zeitgeist, and the smarter, hipper movies tap into that."
Zeitgeist, dammit. My gratuitous big-word money was on Schadenfreude.
"It reflects a shift in morality and acceptance of young women who are not married having sex lives," says Jeanine Basinger,
lesbianchair of film studies at Wesleyan University and author of The Star Machine. "There is a difference in the cultural climate. The acceptance of keeping and raising a child if you’re unmarried, or meeting and choosing the adoptive parents and discussing it openly, is a modern phenomenon."
They go on like this for a while. I’m just a little annoyed none of these movies choose abortion. I think today’s young ladies need to know abortion is still a viable option. Or “miscarriage”, as it’s known in my hometown.

Abortion? Just like in Dirty Dancing???
With me, you chose abortion the moment you decided to be tricked into thinking I was wearing a rubber.
lesbianYou shouldn’t cross out part of her title like that. I’m sure she’s proud of it.
I bet LaQuisha Tomlinson couldn’t play Sunday because she had a "dooter’s dad-esque" abortion that Saturday.
(Think hitting Prv. Pile with soap doubled with snorting Drano)
Wow, Nom… The Brothers Grunt?
I wasn’t aware there were still traces of that floating around on the internet.
MTV’s cleaning department needs some improvement, I see.
Jonathan Swift got it right.
What’s this? You can have sex when you’re NOT MARRIED now??? I’ll have to go consult with my priest on that one…
The Mighty Fek’lhr is sure that if you shot a pregnant woman out of the airlock of a spacecruiser, that would take care of the fucking problem as well. QAPLAH!
Well, assuming you were flying in outer space and not landed on a Class M planet.
jeanine basinger’s just jealous cos her sister gets all the guys.
but for jeanine and her moustache… nothing but poon.
fungal poon…
:(
Oh, fuck off Maltin, you cheesedick.
haven’t women been having sex before marriage since the 60′s therefore bringing on the apocalypse?
i really should stop reading those pamflets :(
The point that Leonard Maltin, or as I like to call him "Lyneard Jizbeard", is trying to convey here, is that all women are slutty baby killing whores that have shitty taste in music and we should go see movies about it.
where everybody at?
For decades the very phrase ‘unwanted pregnancy’ was a synonym for
soap operaJHC.Fixded fo sho!
Buuuuuuullllllshhiiiiiiit.
Talk about all the zeitgeist you want, but in the real world Knocked Up would have ended fifteen minutes in with Katherine Heigl downing a morning after pill under the credits.
Pregnant? A swift cunt punch and/or uterus drop kick will fix that real quick.
Hey, I love babies in the same way I love jerk pork. It tastes great and I can’t resist it. But in the morning I feel bad about it and promise I won’t do it again. But I always do…
I want to see a romantic comedy about a small down abortion doctor who falls for one of his repeat clients, a young secretary who actually wants to have a kid with the "right guy" but who keeps waking up from alcoholic blackouts next to Hell’s Angels or independent league basketball centers. Then one night the doctor runs into her at the local watering hole and takes her home for a one-night stand, only to chicken out and leave before she wakes up. Then a few weeks later he’s faced with having to abort what is likely his own kid. Life Sucks, starring Robin Williams and Amanda Peet.
Hey Fek! I think Ufford may be dead! They have a thread with more than 25 posts on it and they are even straying off topic a little! He’s gotta be dead right? He wouldn’t stand for that shit….
I alsoc have the same policy towards fucking fat girls.
hey gringos, rambo open this week in the US?
WTF is a "Lesbian Chair of Film Studies"? I picture one of those camouflage camping chairs with a vibrating dildo strapped to the seat and a big ol’ stack of dyke porn DVDs on the other.
JHIADH: That sounds like my
Dad’sMom’s special TV chair. The one I was never allowed to use…Wait, what?!
Really? Who keeps Bacos in the fridge? And is that Miracle Whip? I smell a premature C-section about to go down. CUNT PUNCH!
I accidently clicked in the box prematurely. I sure wish I could get a comment abortion.
Help me out: what would be on the other side of the Lesbian Chair of Film Studies?
"These attitudes are in the zeitgeist, and the smarter, hipper movies tap into that."
If they were that smart they would tap into the Bay school of huge explosions, offensively loud music and banal cartoonish characters so that they made billions of dollars. Take that Hipster *CUNT PUNCH*
"Cunt Punch" sounds like a drink served at lesbian parties.
Help me out: what would be on the other side of the Lesbian Chair of Film Studies?
Heterosexual Standing of Audio Slacking?
God that was lame.
::cunt punches himself::
Help me out: what would be on the other side of the Lesbian Chair of Film Studies?
Keys to a Subaru Outback?
Keys to a Subaru Outback?
Sorry if I offended any of you snatch slurping dykes that actually drive one. CUNT PUNCH!
"Cunt Punch" sounds like a drink served at lesbian parties.
Only if you spike it, it becomes a lesbian party.
Help me out: what would be on the other side of the Lesbian Chair of Film Studies?
A pile of undergrad ball-sacks.
Lance makes a good point about how all of these films central characters never actually get an abortion. Brave Cutting Edge Film Makers or Scaredy Pants Poo Poo Heads? You be the judge.
Are we all forgetting that the lead character of Dogma not only had a "miscarriage," but worked at an abortion clinic? And she turned out to be Jesus or something. My point is, who really watches Kevin Smith movies after the age of 26.
i do! i do! kevin smith RULZ!
Anyone watching that Reaper? Think that starts over here soon. Kevin Smith being linked with it in the ads. A little research later and he directed the pilot and is credited as a creative consultant, whatever the fuck that means.
Dear Kevin Smith,
Eat a dick, with AIDS on the tip.
With All My Heart,
Pauly Dangerously VI
It means they think tacking his name on it will get people to watch it past the Patton Oswalt episode, despite the show being extremely repetitive and not all that funny/good. (The pilot’s good, though, so go figure.)
So, i’ll catch the pilot then forget about the rest of the series. Just to see how Ray Wise matches up in the great pantheon of actors portraying Satan.
"Cunt Punch" sounds like a drink served at lesbian parties.
If I wasn’t such a homo with a severe dislike of the c word, I’d nominate that because it made me tear up laughing.
i love ray wise. can’t ever see that man and not think of a pedophyllic, emotionally-abusive, physically perverted, poisoning, iron bar weilding leland palmer…ah, those were the good old days.
I know – someone just walked into my office demanding to know what was so funny, and I didn’t know what to say.
I saw Sherilyn Fenn in an episode of CSI:Miami recently. She was playing the mom of a teenage temptress. She looked old. Now if she looks old, how old must i look?
I’m starting a Co-ed softball team called "The Cunt Punchers". Who’s in?
perhaps the sexiest thing on video or celluloid is the ol’ tie-the-cherry-stem-into-a-knot that has become her defining clip, in my
mindfantasy.i’m on third.
bat 3rd too.
bne, I don’t know is on third.
She was born in 1965 so she was 25/26 as Audrey Horne. That is surprising. Johnny Depp banged her. That’s not surprising.
Just to see how Ray Wise matches up in the great pantheon of actors portraying Satan.
Actually, he’s the only reason I plan on watching the show again eventually. (I hear it’s not as mindfuck dumb anymore.) He’s sublime. Most of the rest of the show can fuck off, though. The only other episode I’d highly recommend beyond the pilot is the Patton Oswalt episode, because Patton makes everything better. Bird rapists? Patton makes them national heroes.
Stone: You hate the ‘C’ word? Dude, I completly agree! If I here one more tidbit about the ‘unnamed J J Abrahams project’ I’ll vomit blood.
I mean ‘hear’.
*hangs head in shame*
i THINK i(fUCKING CAPS LOCK) may have just beckoned a bunch of sorry fucks from a yahoo kansas chatroom to come here. They thought they were funny. I told them they couldn’t hang.
A Kansas chatroom? I mean, "Carry On My Wayward Son" was an o.k. song and everything, but a chatroom? Are they even a band anymore?
I thought that was Jack! from the recent comments section. Now that I see you aren’t, That was funny.
That does sound like something I would have said.
Oh, and it’s okay that none of you have the guts to nominate a comment that made you tear up/laugh loudly, just knowing that you’re cowards is enough for me.
Jacktion! is right. You should be ashamed. Now every one of you march right on over to the COTW thread and nominate me. That is what you were talking about, wasn’t it, Jack?
The Mighty Fek’lhr feels all of us Drunkards are looking past the bigger picture here. Where the fuck is that pregger chick’s fuckin’ titties??? QOVLPATH!
Monkeys cum and monkeys go
Hands on penis, BLOW BLOW BLOW!
DURST!
Those are her titties, Fek. This picture is from the sequel where she gets implants so she can get a job stripping to pay for that stupid goddamn baby she just had to have.
The Mighty Fek’lhr never thought He would have to do this to The Duke…
BONG!!!!!!!!!!
I’ll hold his arms, you flick him in his ridges while he cleans out the folds of my nutsack.
Bullshit-you gave me the "bong" last week when I was doing my brilliant as hell "Abdul the Camel Guy" routine.
16 1/2 points for the first one of you to tell me what my avatar is from.
First let’s zap him with our homemade "instant camera stun guns" we learned how to make on Gorilla Mask today.
That better really be on there duke.
That is Tiffany Minx smoking a cigarette with her asshole from "Abused Poopers 13".
I don’t know if that guy is for real and is therefore asking for an ass kicking, or if that narroration was brilliant comedy.
Hell yeah it’s on there. Now kids can make a stun gun from a disposable camera, have their little buddies over for beer pong and shock each others balls like a bunch of sick queers, video tape it, and put it up on Youtube. Then later, we read about them in the newspaper.
I look forward to the crying mother who will say "I blame the internet for my son’s death. I told him to love Jesus. I didn’t tell him how to fry his nuts off with the disposable camera".
Leonard Maltin is a retard, and he’s kind of become the bottom rung of popular film criticism. I wouldn’t call this a new or striking phenomenon at all. Perhaps it’s noteworthy that there are now movies being made featuring single women who have babies when one compares this to, say, the 1950s, but keeping your baby is basically what conservatives and Christians have been screaming about for years so I find it hard to buy the idea that this is somehow more "liberating" to women.
What is most surprising about the phenomenon is that all of the films are made by suppossed "progressives," and that all of them also fail to even deal with the idea of abortion as an option in any nuanced or serious manner. Perhaps they say something about the "zeitgeist," but what it says has nothing to do with what Maltin (and unknown film professor woman) are claiming.
Please excuse my above comment, by the way. I couldn’t think of a funny comment, so I just reverted to "egghead" mode myself.
No need to apologize for leaving unfunny comments around here. Just look around.
BONG!!!!!!!!!
You should however apologize for speaking in a muffled tone where I cannot hear you (in my head).
erswi! Did you get the porno title links?
There’s A2M!
Hey erswi, wanna play some beer pong & shock the balls?
http://www.cracked.com/article_15830_15-most-sexually-unappealing-porn-titles.html
Do I? No.
Those chicks on the cover of "Dude where’s my cunt?" are fucking hot! QAPLAH!
Fancy words like zeitgeist and abortion. For abortion I would have gone with an onomateopoeia like SCCCCHHHHHLLOOOOOOOORRRRRFFFF! or SHWEEEARKLEAFLAPFLAPFLAP! but then again, I’m a poet.
Guy’cha, Lalala!
Guess who’s drunk? His name rhymes with "My thigh hurts"!!!!!
C’mon. It’ll be "radical" and "off the hook" and whatever else you damn kids are saying these days. Plus my mom will make us dirt pipe milkshakes and everything.
DIRT PIPE MILKSHAKES!
PPPPPPPPPPPPTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dirt pipe milkshakes is Money Baby! Money!
I have a very strong feeling that I’m fortunate I have no idea what you guys are talking about.
I am sad and lonely
BONG!!!!!!
I am handsome and well spoken.
I am unreasonably excitable and confusingly irrational. I am Woman.
I am in discussions with the Weinsteins to option Life Sucks. Rumor has it Chris Carpenter wants to direct.
I am full of piss and vinegar. And liquor. I am Drunkard!
I meant to say Chris Columbus. And to be funny. Hold on, the Jack Daniels wants to say something…
BONG!!!!
Stinky, something about you tells me that your life is filled with more glamour and excitement than I could ever dream of. Mainly because you’re a man. I’m surprised you even find the time to comment here.
I am full of self-loathing and craziness. I am Britney.
Al: I was about to tell you how wrong you were, but then I realized I liked your version of my life better. Now if you’ll excuse me, these lines of heroin aren’t gonna snort themselves off this hooker’s ass.
I’ve unlocked the ‘arcana’ that separates snarky FilmDrunks and their ‘raillery’ from “one of the country’s most recognized and respected film critics and historians.”
Step 1: Subscribe to the “Word of the Day” email list (http://dictionary.reference.com/wordoftheday/archive/2008/01).
Step 2: Insert ‘adventitious’ $10 words into your unprompted analysis of the public psyche.
Step 3: Look smart to
well-educatededucatedEntertainment Tonight viewership!Don’t you love the extra traffic that these retards bring in their lame attempts to insult us?
thnks guys
I must be stoopid because jeanshorts sounds both pretentious and retarded at the same time to me. But I’ve made peace with that.
im just curios do any of you guys ever check out http://www.pajiba.com??
+u
Hey everyone, I just got home from work and missed COTW. Anyone got a link for me?
http://www.filmdrunk.com/post.phtml?pk=990 there you go
It’s on the front page, just down a bit.
thanks gents
Seriously, who uses words like Abortion anymore? It’s called ‘Pretendmygutisapunchingbagforawhile’
jeanshorts wasn’t being insulting to Filmdrunkards, was he/she? That’s not the way i read it. Seems like Big Leonard was the target. I used to swear by his books, no, wait, at them, as i reached for a more reassuring tome by Halliwell. That’s Leslie not Geri.