DAVID CROSS FIGHTS BLOGS WITH BLOGS
01.02.08
In a recent blog, David Cross addressed his participation in Alvin and the Chipmunks, and how Patton Oswalt kinda sorta but not really dissed him for it in his blog. Here’s a snip (more after the jump):
Up to working on "Alvin" I had not worked in six (SIX!) months. That is an eternity if you’re an actor. Think about not working for two months with no hope of anything on the horizon. Now triple that. It was the longest period without work since after "Ben Stiller" got cancelled (the show, not the man) and I was going nuts. I was depressed and difficult to live with. I was VERY happy to have the work. Again, no regrets.
One thing to note here is that we know that they approached at least me, Patton, and Brian. Three non-traditional funny guys who can do something with the part that isn’t on the page. I’d say the people involved with the film (at least on the creative end) have pretty good taste. They could have offered the part to Anthony Clark or Jim Breuer or Dat Phan, but then they wouldn’t be able to balance out the empty void that Jason Lee brings to the film.
It’s a fairly interesting read, and not surprisingly, more cleverly written than say, a Courtney Love blog. But you can pretty much sum it up with "I needed money and I was bored." We get it, bro, get over yourself. Hey, remember when people used to settle disputes with pistols at dawn? Thank gosh for civilization, blog duels are waaay more interesting.
"Dear Internet: Steve is a stinky jerkface. The End." I love the smell of catharsis in the morning!
I live in NYC for a reason. I enjoy it here. I have numerous creative friends and we share much of the same sensibilities. We rarely, if ever, talk about "the business", which I really like. Something that people constantly talk about in LA, which I really don’t like. This comes with a cost of course. It’s expensive to live here. I have a pretty modest lifestyle, I live in the same relatively small 1100 sq. foot apartment since I moved here. I don’t own a car, don’t go out "clubbing", and don’t really own anything of much value. I am in no way hurting for money but I guarantee you that I have much, much less than you think. The reason I bring this up is because two years ago I decided that I wanted to get a small place upstate. Nothing fancy, a small cottage on at least a couple of acres near some water where I could get out of here, get some fresh air, buy a smoker, make some b-b-q and hang out with my dog on the porch. I looked informally for a long time but never found anything that I liked in my price range. Then finally, after much disappointed searching, I did. It’s a small cottage on 5 1/2 acres in the middle of the woods in Sullivan county. It has a largish stream running through it and best of all it’s in the middle of nowhere. No town, no nothing. Two hours outside the city and only about a ten minute drive from the Delaware River. Perfect. It was a little more than I had budgeted for but it was definitely worth it. I asked the owner if he’d take some of my credibility as payment. He looked at me as if I was an alien with A.I.D.S. speaking some intergalactic gobbledy-goo. I had to patiently explain to this country bumpkin about my indie hipster cred, and I would now like to cash it in. This rural rube was so backwards and ignorant that he couldn’t even conceive of how financial markets work and simple free market capitalism. I tried again to explain the concept of the value of "credibility" and "artistic integrity" but he refused to take it in exchange for the house. This guy was a fucking idiot! But what could I do? He wouldn’t take no for an answer. If I wanted that cottage I would have to pay him money. Sigh. So I used my "Alvin and the Chipmunks" money to pay for the down payment. Seriously, I totally did.

He also talks about this on http://www.bobanddavid.com
The Great Blog War™ has begun.
pew pew pew
Oh, I see this is from the website I mentioned. Carry on.
alas, my own blog entitled “i haven’t worked in six years because i’m a piece of shit and lazy, and oh yeah, i have multiple sclerosis too…fuck my life” still lingers unnoticed.
chodin, i refresh your blog 5x every minute bro; i’m waiting for an update.
Anthony Clark would blog about the vicious burn, but he’s too busy having unprotected anal sex with power tops right now.
girl you know it’s-girl you know it’s-girl you know it’s-girl you know it’s-girl you know it’s-girl you know it’s-girl you know it’s-girl you know it’s-girl you know it’s-girl you know it’s-girl you know it’s-girl you know it’s-girl you know it’s-girl you know it’s-girl you know it’s-
DUBDUB4LIFE NUKKA!!!!!
whew, guys i just got off the phone with my schools financial dept. they expect me to pay full tuition for nxt semester tomorrow! debt a wonderful thing. so come tomorrow i will march through those doors and valiantly bend over and pull my pantaloons down and pay the piper.
dub, make those fuckers pay (in the vengance sense, not the financial). you should challenge those tools to a match of ‘SMACKDOWN” on sex-box…winner takes all, especially the loser’s asshole.
choders, if i were to challenge them to ‘smackdown’ they would indeed take my asshole. id have make my lil bro play as a proxy.
dude! my lil bro got ghIII again for xmas, you know what that means? thats rite, ima exchange that bitch for cod:4!
Re the Courtney Love thread: Just made myself laugh at one of my old posts. God, i used to post some good stuff on that site. Good times.
You might say that David is a bit Cross about this! Ahahaha. I try to make myself laugh sometimes.
Personally, if I walked in on a scene like the above picture, where Simon appears to be ass-ramming Alvin, I doubt I’d be smiling the way David Cross is.
patton oswalt > david cross
I have numerous creative friends and we share much of the same sensibilities.
Fag.
Dor sho gha! No one told The Mighty Fek’lhr that David Cross was in a movie about Emelia Earhart! What a
douche licking kotalhero!The Mighty Fek’lhr was in a historical movie once, too: The Fisting of Anne by Frank #4-POOT ZE COM AN ZE FACE! He was Nazi Dildo-Brigadier 3.
Fek. According to my book "Adventure Stories For Girls" her name is Amelia Earhart. I know that seems unimportant, but I’m bored.
hey… David Cross…
I still don’t care.
ps it’s good to be back
…
What did you say, Lala? The Mighty One is having a hard time hearing you over the roar of His chainsaw! GUY’CHA! That reminds Him of His favourite racist joke:
Little black kid says to the white kid, "My dad got a new car and the horn goes, ‘Honkey honkey honkey!’, LMAO!"
Little white kid says to the black kid, "Well, my dad got a new chainsaw that goes, ‘RRRRUUNNNNNNN-NIGGER-NIGGER-NIGGER RRRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNN-NIGGER-NIGGER WWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!’, ROFLKOTAL!"
Dor sho gha! Since He has been in New Hampshire and eating clams and drinking home-brew, His bowel movements have been less "Aslan is on the move" and more like a bastardized pairing of "Kuato Lives" and "The mating call of the barking spider".
That is all!
Off Topic: Holy crap, no one see Atonement. Most annoying, boring ass movie ever.
But it’s the most heart wrenching romance since Titanic!
Jesus, who wants a wrench in thier heart anyway!?
Sorry Crossy, you can’t smarmysarcasm your way out of this one pal. YOU DID THE CHIPMUNKS MOVIE.
David,
Have you asked yourself exactly why you haven’t worked for 6 months? It’s because you suck. You may have been funny years ago but you have sucked that teet dry and have to ride the underbelly of fellow comedians for sustenance now. Bit parts in movies do not a comedian make, unless you’re that fat guy from Broken Lizard.
Werd
Fuck David Cross. Mr. ‘Death Before Selling Out’ sells out like a mother, and tries to laugh it off. At least Lee hasn’t spent decades posing – and apparently old David has. Eat shit.
So Lance – read yesterday that the tracking shot on the beach at Dunkirk in ‘Atonement’ is supposed to be amazing. What did you think?
Atonement? Bah! The only movie out He even feels like ever watching is that new one with Depp.
I took my wife to see sweeney todd, fek, and I had a great time. But only because I got into an altercation with another movie-goer. I felt like justice that day. It was great.
So Lance – read yesterday that the tracking shot on the beach at Dunkirk in ‘Atonement’ is supposed to be amazing. What did you think?
Yeah, there were a lot of "amazing" shots. Too bad most of them didn’t have anything to do with the fucking story. You know in the preview how the younger sister wrongly accuses the dude of something and he gets taken away? Virtually nothing happens after that. It’s all a bunch of filler shit that’s completely tangential to the actual story. And it’s that much more annoying because it’s filmed in that "grand epic" style, meanwhile you’re wondering "Wait, what the fuck’s going on here? Is anything actually going to happen?" And nothing does. The end.
The sad thing is that Cross was probably just practicing for his future as a gofer for Alvin & the Chipmunks when they do an arena tour or Alvin On Ice!
Fair enough – wasn’t trying to challenge your bottom line on the film, was just curious about that scene. Sounds like a suckfest, which I did suspect in truth.
He’s the Steve Carton of comedy