01.31.08 CHRISTINA RICCI MOLESTERED BY CHIMP
That may seem like a cute headline, but the lede in a mainstream news article is, in fact, "Christina Ricci was sexually assaulted by a chimpanzee on the set of her latest movie."
The actress, who already is intimidated by the animal, revealed Chim Chim grabbed her left breast while she was filming ‘Penelope’. [A movie about a girl with a pig nose that looks as stupid as it sounds. Trailer here.]
"I’m afraid of monkeys, but I had decided not to be afraid of Chim Chim because no one else is," Ricci said. "I thought, ‘Everyone else thinks he’s awesome so just be cool.’
"It’s the first day of shooting and I have this kitchen scene where I’m sitting down and Chim Chim is sitting right next to me. Of course, it freaks out during the take and grabs my left breast and will not let go, and he’s so strong."
"Finally they got him off me but my fear is completely validated and I did not go near him for the rest of the shoot. Monkeys are crazy and you never what they’ll grab onto - I don’t like unpredictable animals."
Unpredictable? Hardly. That’s just what you’d expect from a monkey who got within three feet of Christina Ricci’s tits. Let’s face it, monkeys are smarter than humans and they’ve got us wrapped around the thumbs on their feet. They get to walk around naked, pee wherever they want (even in their own mouths), grab chicks’ boobs, whack off in front of kids, and no one says a thing about it. They do pretty much everything you’ve ever wanted to do without getting arrested for it. People just laugh. "Look at them, they’re just like us!" Yeah, except they get to swing from the trees eating boogers and molesting each other all day, and you’re probably stuck plugging numbers into an excel sheet. Who’s the crazy one again?
[Thanks to the deliciously ape-like Timothy for the tip]
There are 52 comments about:
CHRISTINA RICCI MOLESTERED BY CHIMP
ewwww
"If you are going to sexually molest someone, you may as well BTK them." As my mother used to say…
Oh my goodness. that gorilla has breasts!
WORLD PEACE!
….but she aint black
i masturbated to her in casper.
I’m masturbating now…
Chim Chim’s real name? Colin Farrel.
Damn dirty
titsapeDoes Christina there fucking age? That chimp was probably just trying to rip out her devil heart and eat it for the power of her eternal youth. Chimps can sense shit like that.
And before you apes start slinging shit around, I know she’s only like 30, but she has always looked 15, wierd.
Well, Ms. Ricci that’s what
black peoplechimps do.Her breasts look 30, Crap.
Fuck you guys!
http://dirtyhairy.blogspot.com/2008/01/eat-shit-freud.html
I’d fuck both those bitches.
her breasts look immaculate
Black Snake Moan
where the hell is a chick like that when you need them?
True Story: Remember when that chimp went all chimp shit on its old owners that brought it a birthday cake and ate the dudes fingers, face and package? Those people where from my town.
Her face looks eerily similar to Madea’s in the previous post. I mean Christina, but I can see your argument for both females.
FUCK! Someone, somewhere is going to realize just how fucking brilliant that "World Peace" thing is! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
I already have realized how brilliant it is fek. I already have.
Fine, fine, I will update my blog with the part where I bang a pregnant Japanese chick…
Sexually assault by chimps, eh? She’s not the only one.
**Violent air-humping motion**
I too have realized it’s brilliance, however, it is expected from the likes of you. Now if lalagb had said it, the absurd shock would have given it more umph.
True Story: The othe night I dreamt I was playing beer pong with Joe Torre.
Fact: Dremt is the only word in the English language that ends in "mt"
The same thing happened to Matthew Brodrick on the set of Project X. Him and Virgil still talk to this day.
I think the message behind the movie Project X was World Peace.
Fek’lhr, who’s Dirty Hairy and why are you linking to his blog?
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