Even your grandfather has a favorite Chuck Norris fact by now, so I’ll spare you the summary, except to say that a couple guys decided to make a Chuck Norris facts book, The Truth About Chuck Norris, and now they’re getting sued.  By Chuck Norris.

On Friday, Norris sued Penguin Group Inc. and the book’s creator, Ian Spector, saying his good image is being spoiled by a book that depicts him as callous and unlawful and which he says includes false "facts" that are sometimes racist and lewd. [AP]

Gee, he seemed to be okay with this whole thing when he was reading Chuck Norris facts on TV more than a year ago, as in the above clip.  I guess Walker Texas Ranger Residuals and Total Gym Informercials aren’t paying as well as you’d think.

In a lawsuit in U.S. District Court in Manhattan, the actor, whose real name is Carlos Ray Norris, says the preface of the book refers to meetings between Norris and Spector, a Westbury, N.Y., resident and an undergraduate at Brown University, and the book also thanks Norris for "playing along." 

Whoa whoa whoa, "Carlos"?  That sounds suspiciously Mexican.

And anyway, last I checked, you don’t have to ask a guy’s permission to write a book about him.  Otherwise I’m gonna have a hard time unloading my manuscript, Nic Cage’s Forehead Causes Cancer.

This is the trailer for The Hottie and the Nottie, starring Paris Hilton and those desperate enough to work with her.  Paris Hilton movies are just above Barista on the fame ladder. 

I love these hot girl/ugly girl movies where they just put fake moles and a bad wig on some hot chick and we’re suddenly supposed to believe she’s more busted than Paris Hilton. I don’t mean I love them in the sense that I’d actually see one, but I love that they’re such a straight up Fuck You to ugly people.  You know there are some homely-yet-talented actresses out there pissed that some hot chick from Step by Step stole the ugly girl part.  The lesson here being that all ugly people need to get surgery.  And if the script calls for ugly, just show up in crocs and a penciled-in unibrow. Ta-dah! You’re gross now!

And if you’re worried about someone cutting up your face, you can always just get implants and go the Tori Spelling route.

There was a lot of excitement surrounding The Forbidden Kingdom when it was learned that it would star both Jackie Chan and Jet Li.  Now that the trailer has hit the web… not so much.

Based on the Chinese legend of the monkey king, revolves around an American teenager [from South Boston] who discovers the king’s legendary stick weapon [Ed. Note: hee hee!] in a pawn shop. He is transported back in time to ancient China, where he joins a crew of warriors fighting to free the imprisoned king. [YouTube]

Let’s see if I can sum this up in the fewest words possible. 

Oh my Gawd, I’m in friggin Chiner ova heah. This is wicked queah, I was just tryin’ da go out fer a slice a pizzer and now dere’s fackin’ Kung Fu guyz everywheres?  Dis is so retahded. Somebody put on da Sawx game.  Aw crap, I can’t watch the fackin’ Sawx cuz I’m in fackin’ ancient Chiner!   

Yes, this is a spoiler, stupid – hence the word ‘ending’ in the headline.

Anyway, RopeofSilicon today has a rundown [check it out, they have the corresponding pictures and stuff] of some of the DVD commentary from The Kingdom, in which director Peter Berg reveals that the ending in the movie wasn’t the one originally written in the script (still no word on why he chose to shoot it in the most annoying camera style known to man).

Long story short, the original ending as written by Matthew Carnahan:

The original draft that Matt wrote had a much darker ending and in that film, this character of Haytham was much more conflicted and by this point in the film he was very ensure about where he stood and which side he stood. In the original draft, at this moment, when Jamie went to say good bye Jamie hugged him and he realized that Ali [Suliman] was carrying a bomb on him and the character of Haytham detonated the bomb and the entire team was killed and it was a very powerful ending… At the end we decided it was just too much and would be hard for anyone to recover from so we changed it.

I think they made the right decision in changing it.  I’m all for gratuitous violence, but it’s kind of lame doing it at the end when it doesn’t make any sense – The Departed, anyone?  So yeah, good job on the ending, Peter Berg, but don’t think this means I’m not still gonna punch you in the wiener if I ever see you.