Mike White, the really pale dude from School of Rock (pictured), and Napoleon Dynamite team Jared and Jerusha Hess (who are Mormons, scientifically proven to be the whitest religion, even whiter than Southern Baptists and snake handlers*), will be collaborating on the upcoming comedy Gentleman Broncos.

The Hesses previously collaborated with White on Nacho Libre (fart noise).

The film returns to the indie NAPOLEON roots and follows a high school outcast who’s an aspiring fantasy author. He attends a fantasy convention to show off his work and finds his supposed masterpiece – "Yeast Lords" – ripped off by legendary novelist Ronald Chevalier, who has turned desperate for ideas.  [JoBlo]

After a lukewarm response to their last movie, this could be the Hess’ last chance to prove they’re not a one-trick pony.  Meanwhile, the guy who played Kip offered to blow me for crack money.  I let him do it, but I didn’t give him the money because what do I look like, an enabler? 

^{*The Heaven’s Gate cult also briefly challenged for the title}

This is the Russian trailer for Cloverfield. It’s pretty much like the American trailer, but with the dialogue turned off (Russians don’t tolerate much lip flapping in their movies) and a little more footage.

Footage which is like trying to watch the Zapruder film from inside a washing machine.  Dude, did Kennedy get shot?? I don’t know, but I just puked on myself!

I hate this movie already. I hope JJ Abrams gets butt cancer.

Paramount Vantage has posted the script for There Will Be Blood online, so you can go there and read it, if you’re so inclined.  Though I’m not sure why you’d read the script when you can just watch the actual movie when it comes out.  (Whereas you can read scripts for movies that may never get made right here on FilmDrunk).  

It’s like some backasswards version of Cliff’s Notes for smart people.  You think you’re freakin better’n me, Poindexter? With your reading and your wordlovery?! Well now I’m wearing a beret and smoking a pipe.  Yeah.  Who’s the smart one now, assface? 

An "avid reader" of named "Nelson" sent me this picture which may or may not be "real", but depicts the "Cloverfield monster". 

As you can see from the detail, it’s basically a whale with crabs, like your mother (saw that one coming, didn’t you…).

At this point, I could tell you why I find this totally lame/awesome in the context of various movie monsters and their particular strengths and weaknesses, but then I’d have to kick my own ass.  Any way you slice it, it’s still a movie about a giant monster.

And that’s not nearly as cool as a tiger escaping from the zoo and attacking three guys (killing one).

They suffered "pretty aggressive bite marks," [police spokesman] Mannina said.

Man-eating tigers 1, JJ Abrams 0.

UPDATE: According to commenter Bandit2037, "It’s not the monster, a guy named Doug Williams drew it for a Cloverfield contest."  Should we trust him? Sure, why not.

This is the new R-rated trailer for Semi-Pro.  It’s rated R because they say "dick", "weiner" (twice), and "cock" (three times). Of course, they don’t actually show any – sorry ladies. If anonymous emails have taught me anything, it’s that ladies love pictures of man genitals.

Anyway, Semi-Pro hits theatres February 29th – that’s Leap Day!  Isn’t that funny, a basketball movie coming out on Leap Day? 

Yup, that’s all I got.  This one just sucked the funny right out of me.