HOMOEROTIC MIDGETS REJOICE
12.19.07
Lord of the Rings-director Peter Jackson and New Line have decided that the current nine hours of repetitive, homo-erotic Lord of the Rings "action" isn’t enough, and are making a two-movie adaptation of The Hobbit.
Hey, didn’t it used to be faster to watch the movie rather than read the book?
Jackson won’t be able to direct, since his plate is full with other projects (and bacon). But Spiderman trilogy director Sam Raimi has expressed interest in the project.
Given that Peter Jackson made about half a solid movie in three Lord of the Rings flicks and Raimi made about one and a half good movies out of three Spidermans, I like our odds.
I’m predicting 25 minutes of solid Hobbit action. Mixed into two three-hour movies, of course.
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2012/01/prometheussj-Bright-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/12/hobbitwallpaperbig-150x150.jpg)
I swear I didn’t do this.
BUMP!
That’s it, we are playing the "Cast The Hobbit Movie" game!
We need:
Bilbo
Gandalf
Thorin Oakenshield
Beorn
Elrond
Gollum
Wood Elf King
Bard
Balin
Dalin
Kili
Fifi
Oin
Gloin
(etc.) on the dwarves
Gobling King
The 3 trolls
I know it’s on the other post, but I think they should cast Christopher Walken in all the roles. It is also the only reason I can think of it needing to be 2 movies, you know, for all the unneeded pausing.
Hollywood. Always betting their chips on a tested format. It’s becoming Hobbitual. Yeah, that’s the best I can do.
*BUZZ* Wrong! Be funny next time.
Nom-see my post @ 11:37
Well…the previous one…
No. Lance was late and I said I wouldn’t be funny because of that. So I’m not going to be. What’s good to eat if you have an upset stomach?
No. Lance was late and I said I wouldn’t be funny because of that. So I’m not going to be.
SO WTF is your excuse the rest of the time?
What’s good to eat if you have an upset stomach?
7UP and graham crackers
I, uh, don’t see you admitting to having nothing funny to say about this. Matter of fact, on this thread, you might say that you’ve been Hobbitually unfunny. But, I assume you’re trying to not be funny, so, Good Show, Fek!
I’m predicting 25 minutes of solid Hobbit action.
Obviously hobbits can fuck much longer than me. You give me 25 minutes for sex, I’ll give you 19 minutes of foreplay, 2 of the best minutes of your life, and 4 minutes of cuddle.
I think they should go the route of the Dallas movie – strait to satirical comedy. Ben Stiller as Bilbo, Adam Sandler as Golum, Walken as Gandalf (thanks, Lala). Maybe they can throw wrenches at each other. It’ll be a hoot.
Hey, I called Fili, Fifi! If that isn’t funny, you are a level 0 commoner!
My Mum thinks I’m funny. And cool. And not an unkind person. And a person who doesn’t not like double negatives.
why is it two movies? I don’t understand why it has to be two movies…
and I love the hobbit but I still don’t understand.
JHC, with those kind of statistics women must be crawling all over you. I don’t even know how you have the time to comment with us.
why is it two movies? I don’t understand why it has to be two movies
Hollywood is planning the most efficient trilogy in history, obviously. Unlike that goddamned harry potter trilogy, which the person I put my penis in is still making me sit through.
Nom-feel ya on the Harry Butthole Pussy Potter thing.
And I’m still waiting for an explaination of why Lance missed curfew…..?….?…..?
why is it two movies? I don’t understand why it has to be two movies
Faux midgets don’t like to be short changed. Get it.
Lala, remember my story about tesstos? I would keep an eye on the sky if I was you. I am 7’11".
I know Kaysome. But that’s how much I love you people.
for some reason I still go to see Harry Potter even though I hate the main character. He is such a whiney ass fucker.
but the movies have really shiney explosions which distracts the voices in my head…
Fek. I have a fever. You aren’t making sense to me. Dumb it down a significant amount. What’s tesstos?
All I know is that if The Crow doesn’t show up in this one to set the wrong things right, I might have to kill Peter Jackson for making The Frighteners*.
BTW, I hear he’s working on a sequel*
JHC your commitment is astounding. you clearly have earned that cold medal avatar…
Does everyone know what a tessto is? Let yer ol’ buddy summarize it for ya:
A tessto is a huge wooden club that is barbed. Normally only Minotaurs use them, but being a half-ogre (half human, half ogre), it fits snugly into my right hand. They great thing about them is that they weigh a ton, and one swing can usually smash anyone’s brains in. The other positive aspects are the barbs, swipe someone’s midsection with this badboy and yer liable to have a couple feet o’ intestines to clean off it.
Yeah. And while you’re trying to get inertia built up on that "tessto", I’ll go ahead and move inside your reach and raise my razorblade from your ass to your neck. Hey, Free Tessto!
Fek I don’t think I’ve ever heard anything as sexy as your description of disembowlment. There’s no way my bf will be able to please me now…
I stopped reading when I got to half-ogre. I’m not scared by whatever your whatevering. Sadly.
I’m on West Coast time for the next few weeks.
New post. Lance still thinks he can make it up to us. Thats so damn cute, isn’t it?
Kay-here is a big version of my avatar. COmplete with tessto and disembowelment.
http://dreaddormammu.tripod.com/slaadi.html
a sequel to Frighteners? Now, that is scary
Are you staying with Allan, Lance? Don’t take his crazy pills.
Don’t worry Eib, I’ll hold you.
**squeezes Eib tightly, then gently presses her head downward**
I’m a good guy like that.
I think they could find the entire cast for this movie on the set of a gay porn.
Holy fuck I’ve never given less of a shit about anything in my life. It’s like I’ve created a vortex of disinterest. Careful you don’t get swallowed up. And by ‘swallowed up’, I mean stabbed in the face repeatedly.
these guys should stick to stuff like Dead Alive and Evil Dead. Although, Spiderman 2 was fucking core.