Darth Maul is playing Snake Eyes in Stephen Sommer’s GI Joe movie. Otherwise known as British Stuntman Ray Park, he’s played such memorable characters as Toad in X-Men and the Headless Horseman in Sleepy Hollow. He describes his hobbies as getting killed by good guys and not speaking. For his part, Sommers is best known for directing such festering buckets of ox pus as Van Helsing and The Mummy Returns. Okay, in all fairness, I haven’t seen either of those movies, but I also don’t have to drink ox pus to know it tastes bad. 

Snake Eyes is one of the original members of the GI Joe series. Not much is known about the ninja master’s real identity, as it has remained classified throughout the series. The U.S. Army Sergeant First Class (E-7) is known for his stealth like movements and extensive knowledge of multiple forms of martial arts. Snake-Eyes is romantically involved with fellow G.I. Joe member Master Sergeant Shana M. O’Hara, a.k.a. Scarlett.

From the Egyptian desert to deep below the polar ice caps, the elite co-ed GI JOE team, based from it’s headquarters The Pit, deploys the latest in next-gen spy and military equipment to fight crooked arms dealer Destro and the growing threat of the mysterious COBRA organization from plunging the world into chaos.” [/film]

The fact that guys like Sommers still get to make movies is just mind boggling to me. I swear to God, Hollywood execs would hire a crocodile to babysit a pile of horsemeat.