FIRST 5 MINUTES OF CLOVERFIELD
12.14.07Here’s the first five minutes of Cloverfield, or as I like to call it, The Blair Shit Project. It appears to be shot from the point of view of someone with their head permanently cocked to the right at a 45-degree angle, like dogs do when they hear a new sound. They’re so cute when they don’t understand!
Boy, JJ Abrams sure has a punchable face, doesn’t he? In fact, I saw this and had to punch out the first person I saw. But it’s okay, it was just a homeless.
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Damn, man, can’t a brother get a reacharound?
If i had a video camera and there were hot chicks around, i don’t care if Godzilla is getting ready to do the boot scoot boogie on my head, i’m still going to get plenty of tits and ass shots before i go.
Maybe if you’d emailed it to me instead of posting it in the comments. Er, I mean, I’d already heard about this, so shut up!
He ain’t gonna email you!
i find most people who use initials for names are punchable. watch out e.e. cummings. you are next you small letter loving bastard. that’s right lance, poetry, again.
He looks like the kid from Jerry McGuire. Except not
librAryan. Was this shot by an off-his-meds Michael J Fox? Christ, if I attached a camera to my dog he’d do better. He is dead though, so not too many moving shots… but still less nauseating.You got a problem with me all of the sudden Lala? If you’re pissed that I didn’t call you after that night in Reno, just say so. There’s no need to bring people like E.F. Hutton and P. Diddy into our problems.
If The Mighty Fek’lhr would have punched out the first person He saw, His wife would be filing divorce paper on Him. :(
Empty Jenkem Balloon. :(
GUY’CHA! Is this thing on? *thump thump thump*
The Mighty Fek’lhr just flew in from Vulcan, and boy are his arms tired!
Hey, who’s ready to laugh???
What’s with all the ‘First 5 minutes’ thing? Did they always used to do that or is it a new? Either way it’s giving me the Fear…
JHC I’ve had a problem with you since attending St Patrick Catholic School. Way to be martyred ya douche.
PS. Happy fake early birthday.
You know, you guys are being a tough crowd this week! :P I had some good stuff about shameful bed wetting, child bondage, and going down on Aunt Flo…and nada! Has our humor become so obscene here that we are desensitized to nameless violence and disgustation?
I sure hope so!
Don’t forget the butter farts!!!! QOVLPATH!
Fuck this shit, shaky camera works for horror cause the most scary things are what you can’t see, for a fucking monster movie you need to see the fucking monster.
fuck this, I’ll just watch the host.
Oh and I’ll punch anyone just point me in their direction.
Thanks Lala. You are a true friend. Sorry about the whole Catholic School thing. If I had my way, we’d all be athiests. I really don’t like the Catholics and their snooty, holier than thou, attitudes. Except for you. I like you.
I’ll punch a kitten. Anytime, anywhere. Any takers?
Yeah, nothing like being sent to Catholic when your Mum doesn’t believe in organized religion and your Dad doesn’t believe in God, but still thinks he’s a Catholic despite not believing in the supreme being of the religion. Only got told I was going to hell a few dozen times… kind of wears off as a threat.
+school
H E Y R I C K Y , I H E A R D U F U C K E D S O M E G U Y L A S T N I G H T !
fakkin’ maick…
*engage sarcasm button*
Wow, I can’t wait to see a GayGay version of Godzilla. That is going to be sooo cool! It’s about damn time! That last one left me wanting more. Who doesn’t want to see Mathew Broderick in an acton movie?! Please Sir, may I have another? Please Sir, may I have another?! etc.
I’ll punch any animal no matter how cute, I’ll punch it right in the chops.
Hey Ricky: You can’t tell but I’m giving you the sign language sign for ‘Buggery’
girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s girl yIntagh it’s…
Bryce, Ricky can’t fucking hear you unless you talk to him like he’s fucking deaf (see: The Mighty One’s post above).
What about an orphaned baby sea otter? I’d name the otter Keanu, because it’s oh so irrational, sort of like how J J calls his tiny penis Geoffrey Rush. It’s true, a psychic told me.
Remember when someone asked Ricky why, just because he is hearing impaired, he couldn’t type in English, and he said it was because he didn’t have a braille keyboard??? WHA HA HA !!!! Whatta fuckup!
I’d punch that bitch so hard, then I’d give the sea otter the finger.
No way you could punch this:
http://youtube.com/watch?v=cDS_kLj9v5Q
Just cause some things fluffy doesn’t mean I’m not going to punch it.
Furr isn’t a defense against me. especially when I’m in a bad mood like I am today.
I’d knock that fool ass Otter on it’s fluffy ass.
Then I’d tell it it’s parents were dead and it was his fault.
OK, the dead parents one was good! ROFLKOTAL!
Maybe it was the waking up still drunk thing, but all I’ve gathered from this post is something about a Vulcan getting its red wings, punching kittens in the face while Panda gets a reacharound, Lala possibly liking it up the butt, and Ricky only liking it up the butt. Oh, and something about a monster movie. Am I close?
Y’all are way better than coffee.
None of the women Drunkards wants their kittens punched? I find that hard to believe. I’m really good at it, just as bryce’s grandma.
I don’t believe you. I couldn’t live on a planet where people could punch otters. It’s inconceivable to me. I would cease to exist, as if I went back in time and killed my grandmother before she had my mother. Or some Time Cop-esque scenario.
Just ask bryce’s grandma.
I don’t mean to shit all over your exsitance, it’s not usually what I’m about but I would punch that otter right on the nose.
Fuck I’m angry today. I didn’t even get an interview for a promotion I went for. There is no justice any more. I work hard……fucking otters.
DOR SHO GHA! Lalala, The Mighty Fek’lhr already did the going back in time and giving your mother a coathanger routine this week. NEXT!
He ain’t gonna email you!
I totally got that reference, and it made me chuckle. Zack Galfiwhatshisface is my power animal.
Damn, competition’s fierce up in this bitch.
I’d rather you punched a parapalegic nun who works with albino orphans. Just saying, punching otters is the final step of the Apocalypse. It’s in the bible.
I’ll punch Ricky in his big stupid face. But only, you know… to try and fix him.
I need a new topic now. I’ve exhausted this one.
Zac Efron is His power animal.
…
… …
DOR SHO GHA!
GRRRR…STEROIDS!
Lala, you are psychic! NEW UP!
If someone could train an orangutan to fight fair, I would pay money to see one fight Kenny Shamrockhead.
I think a chimpanzee would be funny, but a bonobo would be the most hilarious thing. Penis fencing!
So I guess the answer to the question "How long will it take us to forget 911 and say ‘f-you’ to 3,000 dead people and make more destruction movie crap" is…6 years!!
Sweet.
pretty much def. going to see this movie. all there is too it. *nods*
So basically "The Blair Witch Project" meets "Independence Day"? I’ll pass.
And isn’t the head of the Statue of Liberty a lot bigger than that?
Is there something wrong with me that I want to see it? Im scared people, hold me
What’s all this "check the leaderboard" hubub about?
I hate movies like this, but I have to admit, that Statue of Liberty head thing was kind of cool. There just something jarring about seeing the Statue of Liberty out of context. It was cool in the original Planet of the Apes, and it’s cool here.
<>And yeah, that 45 degree thing was annoying. Nobody films anything like that, unless they’re a NY douchebag. Oh wait…
Well, I finally got al the way through this thing. It kept being all choppy during play, and it wouldn’t let me pause to let it load. But, I’ve devised from this footage that it doesn’t make any sense unless there is more than one monster. Two monsters makes sense, One monster is just ludicrous.
It’s that girl from Battlestar Galactica… totally kills the whole first-person/real-life footage thing.
It’s that girl from Battlestar Galactica… totally kills the whole first-person/real-life footage thing.
One thing that takes me out of it is that the guy with the camcorder keeps turning away from all the destruction shots that would possibly make him a ton of money to record his friends’ conversations. And if I correctly attributed that "I saw it. It’s alive" quote to the cameraman, then why the fuck wouldn’t he have recorded that shit?
Chris asks: "And isn’t the head of the Statue of Liberty a lot bigger than that?"
Chris, the Statue of Liberty was built on approximately a 100:1 ratio to an average woman. So her head would be about as big as 100 human heads. It looks about right to me, but I’m terrible with estimating sizes and distances.
I also think it was a nice touch that they were able to make it look like a building was really destroyed in downtown NYC, now that we actually know what it would look like. Oh wait, no. That wasn’t a nice touch at all.