![Singer teaching Cruise the rules to \](http://www.filmdrunk.com//ul/580-Valkyrie.jpg "Singer teaching Cruise the rules to \")
Check out the Valkyrie teaser/featurette in HD from Apple here
Valkyrie is the story of German hero Klaus Von Stauffenberg, the man who tried to kill Hitler, and, uh… failed miserably. I’m curious as to how they turn 6 million Jews dying into a happy ending. But I guess that’s the magic of Hollywood!
Anyway, I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I hate Tom Cruise as much as the alien spirits in your uterus, but I’ve got a throbbing anticipation boner for this flick. Christopher McQuarrie and Bryan Singer? (who worked together on The Usual Suspects) War? Nazis? Count me IN.
What’s that? It’s not coming out until June 2008? Aw crap, well you break the news to the Make-a-Wish kids.
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God I hate pre-posters.
I wonder what that guy’s writing down…
You should, because they’re fucking pathetic douchebags.
I think our avatars looks funny together Hairy.
-s
i hate when i get on to post a comment and the count says 0. then i login to post and there are already 4 or 5 comments up. how do you people do that? it’s like you’re sneaking in the back door on me or something.
*ed. note: my back door is not open and cannot be snuck in on.
that’s what happens when you type with just your two forefingers.
mir helfen… Hilfe du !
Brian Singer and Tom Cruise can sneak into Yo’ back do’. Fo’ Sho’!
I’m sorry, Dog the Bounty Hunter was my English teacher…
n o t h i s i s w h a t h a p p e n s w h e n y o u t y p e w i t h o n l y o u r f o r e f i n g e r s
A two-four is also a case of twenty four beers. So you have fingers either shaped like a case of Labatts or you are so full of Labatts that you shouldn’t hav been able to be as coherant as you were. I hope you have case-fingers, because that would be weird. Are they shaped like the whole box, or do you have 24 fingers, each shaped like a beer bottle? Either way, slow typing is the least of your problems. If you’re still reading this, stop, I haven’t been making sense for the past few sentences.
Tee-hee, that joker, he’s so wild.
Wow. That is a really REALLY nice treeline. It’s classic even.
so…tom kills hitler in the end, right?
Tom tries to kill Hitler but fails because he thinks that he sees Xenu, and tries to kill him instead.
Oh that Hitler! He went too far IMHO…
i could swear from the recent comments that you were glen, bryce.
yeah, chodey. that’s exactly how the fevered egos in
HollywoodScientologyTom’s House would have you believe this ends.chodin – somtimes at night i lay in my twin sized bed with my ninja turtles sheets over me, and ponder how it couldve been if we were brothers. In HS you I couldve been in debate and you wouldnt have, but we would both masturbate in the bathroom. Me at tournaments and you whilst watching TRL, and in our heads we would psychically hi-5 each other for masturbating at the same time. ohhh what couldve been.
that is
notthe gayest thing ive ever said to a dudeThat guy is writing "Note to self don’t act so tall in front of Mr Cruise"
Tom looks very dashing in his pirate patch and Nazi uniform.
I think I figured out what’s happening in this picture, someone asked Singer how many times he and Cruise had sex…that day.
So, how can scientology claim to be a religion if their nemesis is their god. It’s not like they are participating in worship. What happens if one of them turns to worshiping Xenu?
hey, i honestly don’t care if he gets ol’ "hitty" in the end or not, i’m just banking on some bad-ass moto-cross chase between tom and adolf.
shit would be soooooooo dope. *kawasaki 50 engine roar* neeeee-neeee-neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee !!!
i saw wonderboys last night, katie holmes used to be so adorable
jazzhands!!
shit! Eddie Izzard is listed in the cast for this! His take on the current events are going to be hilarious!
that’s not an eye-patch string – that’s actually the crease in tom’s head where his brain pops off and his spirit can celebrate "spaceship party time".
oh tom, i fucking love you.
They clain to be a religion to get a tax break
It’s sad that the only hero Germans have to look up to is some guy who never actually did anything heroic. Big deal, he formulated an elaborate plan to kill Hitler, I make those all the damn time. As soon as I get this time machine I bought from eBay working I’ll enact one of those plans.
That’s right Germany, it takes American hard work and ingenuity to go back in time and kill Hitler, you useless fucks.
The camera guy in the back with the beard is about to bust a nut from holding back the laughter.
I was rather sickend to see that on myspace they list it as an option. But is there one for Jedi?! NO! I think you better get writing an indignant email, Fek’lhr…
That camera guy looks like Speilberg. I don’t care if I spell his name wrong, he’s a hack.
brian singer’s saying, "tom, no tom- don’t fucking look at me…no, tom just, tom- shut the fuck up, just shut the fuck…i swear to god tom, say it one more time…i dare you nigga’, say it one more fucking time tom. don’t fuckin’ look at me…"
and then with his left hand he’s about to catch a caprisun big pouch.
I think you better get writing an indignant email, Fek’lhr…
Is there any other kind?
Is it just me or does this pic look like another gloriously beautiful day in the european countryside? Why is some douche holding an umbrella over TomTom? If Zoltan does return, will the umbrella shield Tom Thumb from his mind controlling death rays of pure energy and light?
That is what Christian Scientist believe in, right? Have I gone way off the farm on this comment? I feel I’ve lost some of you along the path to enlightenment.
Do you know who wins in a fight between Voltron and Xenu?
We all do.
I thought the Germans banned this movie. I actually had a lot of respect for them when they threatened to shut production down due to Cruise’s insanotardness. Oh, and for Sibel Kekilli in Gegen Die Wand.
teh, Voltron would whip Xena’s ass with Ackbar’s litesaver.
*i am so up on my sci-fi reference material. call me ladies.
Then again, Voltron would get his ass kicked for 99.9% of the fight shooting missiles and flames outta his feet, and then at the last second they would form the blazing sword and cap Xenu. Why didn’t Voltron just always do blazing sword first?
Christian Scientists are not the same as Scientology.
You don’t have to pay
as muchmoney to be a Christian Scientist.DOR SHO GHA, erswi! You have frazzled The Migthy Fek’lhr back into character!
I hear that Hitler didn’t drink alcohol because it made him mean.
Well Fek, for the same reason the Power Rangers don’t always jump into their giant robots first, they’re stupid.
Favourite fake Hitler fact:
he hated juice
shhhhh, those of you in the know about my new avatar STFU!!!!
That’s me!
maybe this photo is really from the G.I. Joe set?
hmmmmmm, "cobra commander" spelled backwards is "red nam moc arboc".
Favorite Hitler fact, he originally wanted to study architecture before failing to get into art school and designed or helped design many of the 3rd Reich’s buildings. Those that were built and unbuilt.
Jack, you hate juice? What about trailer juice? (that’s what folks in the restaurant business round here call Dr. Pepper)
I had a German Shepherd once. What a dog! He walked on two legs, and he kept asking me to unchain him, so he could go back to his family and sheep back in Germany.
How can TC look so dashing as a Nazi and look like such a spectacle in real life? Are they using CGI to make him appear to be less of a buffoon?
Tom would make a great Col. Klink too.
I feel the need…. the need to pee. Be right back!!!
Jack, have you been watching American Express commercials? They just ran that same Greman Shepherd joke last night?
I think Tom Cruise used his magic powers to create a nine-foot-tall invisible woman for Singer to play with at work.
BTW, with his arms up like that, Singer looks like Bob Geldof.
VH, I actually don’t watch TV. It’s nice to know that I can get a job in advertising, though.
WTF is bear, ninja, gunmen? I just did a Google search for it and Lance’s post is the only thing on the enitre goddam internet about it.
With his arms down he looks like Paul Rudd.
speaking of germans: they really got outraged when mel gibson went on that drunken rant, huh? well fuck it- they ARE the ones who killed jesus after all.
I work in advertising. Well, marketing really. I make pictures and get paid. It’s so fun!
hairy: it’s like "wizard, troll, elves"…only not nearly as gay.
damn church camp.
BTW, I just realized my avatar is doing heroin. I thought he was just an emo guy eating cereal. Whowouldathunkit?
I think he kind of looks like Ben Affleck, trying in vain to hold back the make believe crowds of fans running to tear off a bit of his clothing.
Fuck You Mike.
I personally have no sympathy toward the Jews. I might be biased though. I didn’t have a level when I made my cross. Get it, biased? No. Fuck.
*Singer that is.
i’m with wwbd on this one:
FUCK MIKE!
Feel free to explain wizard, troll, elves then.
While you’re at it, explain quantum physics too. Goddam eBay ripoff.
Great, you guys are finally catching on!
FUCK ME!
Wizard. troll. elves is like a D&D version of caribou, reindeer, moose. I learned to play it in my eskimo LARP.
hairy, it’s really…really…awesome.ÂÂ
two teams, seperated by a line. at the same time, both teams sprint at eachother (like at the start of dodge ball) and once they get to the middle line- you strike a pose. there’s three poses and they counter-act eachother like paper, rock, scissors. if you strike the pose of the ‘wizard’, then you beat the troll, but the elf beats you (off).
GRRRRRRRRR, CHURCH CAMP!!!!
Wikipedia says – In Norse mythology the valkyries (Old Norse Valkyrja "Choosers of the Slain") are dísir, minor female deities, who served Odin.
That should dispel those gay rumors Tom, maybe you can tackle Wonder Woman next. (not that you like tackling women)
true story: i had this one friend that was addicted to black-tar heroin, and so one time I got a hold of some acid tabs and decide to rub the tabs on his rocks of heroin. Needless to say he was yelling and screaming the entire night. (This couldve been because I was playing slayer all night too). He had the best trip EVER!***
*By best trip ever, I meant he hung himself in his closet.
FUCK MIKE??
fun fact: in LA county, if you run up and "strike a pose" at someone, you either get…
A) shotÂÂ
or
B) fucked
I should have gone with musk ox instead of moose. Musk oxen are funnier than meese.
true story: i had this one friend that was addicted to black-tar heroin, and so one time I got a hold of some acid tabs and decide to rub the tabs on his rocks of heroin. Needless to say he was yelling and screaming the entire night. (This couldve been because I was playing slayer all night too). He had the best trip EVER!***
*By best trip ever, I meant he hung himself in his closet.
I like how you Shamalalan’d that!
chodin: There is a secret move known as ‘Blue Steel’ which trumps all other poses…
FACT!
*haha! I said trump*
fun fact: In Nebraska if you strike a pose, the sheep haul ass.
Fuck it. "In Soviet Russia, pose strikes you!"
bryce- what’s the button combo for that move on spouses?
I know for a fact it’s not twist left nipple, pull hair, stick thumb up her ass.
**may not be totally true, like at all. (forgot to add)
Nazis and Pirates go together like peas and carrots. Glad some one finally got them together on film.
bryce: see the norton/farrel post 11/07/2007 10:17
It’s about fucking time there was a movie about Nazis.
Today’s Tom Sawyer he gets by on you,
with the space he invades he gets high on you!!!
*beedoobeedoobeddoo beeeeoowoeeeweweweoooo wahwahwahwahwah* (onomatopoeia )
Re: Nominus’ In Soviet Russia, pose strikes you gag.
I’ve seen variations of this, especially on WL. What’s the reference? and why is my italics button jammed?
Fuck this movie. Myspace is advertising some movie that features bears in battle armor! What could be cooler than bears in battle armor?
No, really. I want to see if we can make a list. I’ll start:
1. A standing 69.
JHC:
Chardonay, Chardonay, Chardonay, VODKA, TEQUILA, TOUCH LEFT BOOB, VODKA, SCORE!
I don’t know CB, but in Soviet Russia italics button jams you.
huh?
huh?
no?
no
2. Midget porn
3. Dinosaurs cloned to life wearing armour and battling eachother.
4. You, Me & Dupree 2
4. Midget dinosaur porn.
6. Humans controlling giant robots with futuristic weaponary battling each other.
edit^ 41/2. midget dinosaur porn
4. we can’t well forget the "infinity" jacktion!ÂÂ
7. Getting your dick sucked.
5 Midget dino on midget bear porn, with a standing 69.
8. Getting your dick sucked by a woman.
Getting you dick sucked by a midget woman
Just watched the teaser trailer. Terence Stamp is in it. Terence Stamp = Shit. Anyone else notice Albert Einstein taking photos on set around the 40 second mark. Or it could have been Sam Elliott.
9. a group of gay centaurs all fucking eachother like sodom and gomorrah.
Holy shit. bryce. I just nearly choked to death. Good show, good show.
Getting yo dick sucked for crack by a midget crack whore
charlie hustle: It’s a joke that Yakov Smirnoff does, or did. He was a short-lived popular stand up comedian with a gimmick a-la gallagher. Now, he has his own comedy theater in Branson Missouri, and I hear, he refuses to do his "in soviet russia" jokes cuz they dursted.
8. getting your dick sucked by bryce’s gran (w/o dentures)
9. Getting your dick sucked by a midget woman while standing 69′ing on a midget bear falling down stairs.
Getting yo dick sucked by a crack whore that you’re pretty sure is a woman, but not possitive.
well played JHC – the best of all worlds?!
10. midget clown porn with standing 69 and dinosaurs.
aww fuck it, getting your dick sucked wins for me
10. Raining down fire upon all who oppose my reign. Starring Oprah.
ok, 11
38. Getting your suck dicked. Also there is a midget involved somehow. And that midget is wearing a basketball jersey that has the number 69 on it, only "69" is upside down.
11. Reverend Al. . . wait for it. . . in a midget snuff film.
Gettin some stank on yo hanglow by a crack ho that looks like Oprah.
But the midget is really a giant robot warrior bear controlled via remote by aliens.
would standing 69 with a midget be a standing 34.5?
Who needs the striking screenwriters. There’s plenty of blockbuster potential right here. The time for plot is over!
also, JHC – is the bear in battle armor?
Tom Cruise is a midget that sucks dick. See how it all comes back around?
15. having consensual sex with someone besides your schwester.
Tom Cruise prefers the term
little peoplegnome.Someone needs to tell those screenwriters in california that the entire CKT is coming to take those jobs. They should prepare to say "dey took r jobs". God im fucking original.
16. having non-consensual sex when the other party is knocked out from roofies and wine coolers. huh? Lance? you feelin me, right?
I’m no math wiz, but i think it’s 51.75, cuz you’re still full size. Now that sounds sexy.
Filmdrunk – doing the writing the WGA just won’t do, for half the money, and hookers, and coke, lots of coke.
Thanks Nominus, now i know. Just been to wiipedia for more info: All of Smirnoff’s original “In Soviet Russia” jokes made use of formulaic wordplay that carried Orwellian undertones. For example, one well known joke of this type runs “In the US, you watch television. In Soviet Russia, television watches you!” The joke alludes to video screens that both reproduce images and monitor the citizenry, as in Nineteen Eighty-Four. Ah, it’s the way you tell’em, wikipedia.
ok since we are on the subject, whose dick do I gotta suck to get at the CKT on da msace?
seriously, I feel muy unloved.
Oooh, erswi just got uber-pwnd.
If Prolapse had an avatar, thus rendering him/her a voice in my head, I would be fired for gut laughing at my desk right now.
Koru is actually single too. But she has that crap where you she has to "approve" your comments before they are posted. Commie. In soviet russia, comment posts you.
K, you’re not in the CKT yet? Who the fuck did I just allow to friend me? I’ll be back in a bit.
i hope you’re proud of yourself jacktion! – you have single-handedly taken this thread from "shit"…to "the thunderdome"!!!!!
TWO MEN ENTER, ONE MAN LEAVES….TWO MEN KISS, ONE MAN QUEEFS!
can’t wait
Yeah, how did you get my myspace page, if not through the CKT. Is some traitor selling our info? Lead us to him, Koru, and you will have made your bones.
I have a tendency to do that.
I’ve fired the first shot in most of the pun wars.
better than the first pun in the shooting wars.
oh god, I don’t wanna be a commie bastard. Let me fix my shit.
The reason I changed to wait for approval b/c I had some asshole DJ sending me all kind of bullshit that took up the whole damn comment section.
see you fuckers at ski school.
#27-A movie about a rusty old spaceship full of dishonoured Klingon warriors that drop the soap all the time and circle jerk to Smallville reruns. Oh, and the commanding officer speaks in the third person.
Or, you could just let the terrible comment I tried to post be approved.
Dammit Fek, you are gonna get me fired. And I do not wanna end up like Vegas. Who would?
I DID approve your post Nom… a while ago. Try to keep up
Dammit Fek, you are gonna get me fired.
Bah, The Mighty Fek’lhr fires flagellum like photon torpedoes from His schlong all the time, why should He care if YOU get fired?
But, if i stay in a perpetual state of ignorance, i can make an ass out of myself all the time, Koru. And without reprocussions because I didn’t know. It was an accident.
So whois Christine?
i think we’ve narrowed it down Luch. she is either Koru or a killer 58 Plymouth Fury with red leather interior and a penchant for violence and AM radio.
…..someone’s standing behind you
ahh.. actually I am both!!!
Didn’t Tom Cruise play a midget wearing armor in Legend? Other than that, I think his character was gay, there was a flying horse with a schlong sticking out of its forehead and I believe I recall some grab assing between two gnomes (one of which could have been Tom, I’m not too sure on that score.)
"I’m curious as to how they turn 6 Million jews dying into a happy ending". Easy. Just show the movie in Palastine.ÂÂ
[www.thelion.fm]
link for the radio show tomorrow
Peter Griffin woulda eaten the kids…
Kosu, that’d be mine. See you soon ;)
Err! It sounds like Martini is about to be interviewed by a bunch of guys that homophobic turtle is quite suspicious of.
Doctor Thunder? DJ Tommorow? Fags!
Dude, you’re going to college? I didn’t make it past middle school and I have better grammar then you. Douche. I have no life. Dicks.
Martini is the queen of photoshop.
Birthday Dog is boring. Homophobic Turtle is where it’s at. I think I’m the only one listening? This is sad.
I need to smoke pot. This is making me mental.
How many people are interviewing you Martini? A dozen? Your head must be whirling from the super intelligent kick ass questions! They’re bouncing around more then I do.
Kurt Russell is the man of the day for busting Goldie’s ass. C’mon Martini…get nasty.
Are these douchebags gonna start giving you a hard time? Fuck them…they’re a bunch of boring cunts. Give em a hard time Martini…save yourself!
There you go!
I fucking hate Requiem For A Dream. Total shit.
You did a great job Martini, dealing with the shit questions they were asking you. Fucking PA lame asses. I should know, I live here. Cock!
Jesus, I might as well have gone with DJ Tries Too Hard. Excuses: There were like a million people interviewing me and I was trying to hear them through a cell phone; it’s really early; I had to take a dump the whole time… WHATEVER! SCREW YOU GUYS FOR JUDGING ME!
You should have taken a shit during the interview and mentioned it mid way through. I would have loved to hear you explain the proper way of wiping your ass during questioning of Guy Ritchie. You should of just stayed up all night and got drunk…like me.
Damn, I missed the interview? And it was unintentionally hilarious? FUCK
martini i expect a fuckn transcript or something. r.p. perhaps you can provide it for us.