MICHAEL BAY TO FIX OUR WAGON
11.12.07
Michael Bay is sick and tired of all the info about his movies being leaked to the internet. On Transformers 2, he plans to bring the same staggering intellect and cocksure auteurship (cockteurship?) that shaped Transformers 1 to bear on neutralizing the internet rumor mill.
[In an interview with RottenTomatoes] One thing I do know is I know how to screw them up more… We’re going to leak a lot of false information all over the place. I now know their game. They’re going to get a lot of script treatments that they think are going to be the script. They will never see the script. We’ve got scripts and treatments written up that we’re going to leak. No one’s going to know. There’s one out that’s fake right now. There are going to be many others.
Oh no, not misinformation about Transformers 2! Goodness, if I was basing my opions an incorrect synopsis, why, I’d just be all… screwed up inside. I was hoping it’d be about giant robots punching each other, but now I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO BELIEVE!
Bay added, "For this misinformation campaign, I will draw upon the counter-intelligence skills I first honed in high school. I wished to procure alcohol and so, when asked to produce identification, I… get this… produced a forgery! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" [more maniacal laughter occasionally by self-satisfied burrito eating]
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COTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTWCOTW
sorry, got a bit carried away there. seriously what’s the deal baby?
BTW, I may be out of line but he is somewhat of a handsome man.
sorry chodey, i meant BTK.
There’s going to be an awesome Transformers 2 script leaked onto the net and everyone is going to praise it. It will turn out to be fake, and Transformers 2 will really suck ass.
You read it here first.
i dont think I could hate him more if i tried. Damn that Bay
Scripts are important when working with CG robots. I wonder if they’ll keep the scene with the motorcycles all jumping over flaming helicopters like GRRAAAAAHHH!
What’s important is to remember what the flaming helicopter’s motivation is. He’s so method.
i salute michael bay’s preformance – using a similar technique in highschool, i would write notes to myself about how huge my dick was, but then always sign them with random girl names.
i left those fuckers everywhere: in the hallway, on the bleachers, under toilets, at football games…the list goes on.
fucking fuck!!!!! "performance…shit hole, i was trying to say "performance".
Maybe THIS is misinformation. He’s like telling everyone that they will never see the real script, that way you will assume all of the leaked scripts are fake. Either way, I still don’t care, and would never read a leaked script. I don’t like reading things that are leaking. Except the tattoo on my wang. But that tattoo is timeless.
it is done 300 posts
does it say nom, in tiny letters?
no eib, youve got it wrong. The penis is tiny. My letters are fucking huge. Ladies, call me.
how could you fit big letters on it?
You write big letters as small as possible.
dudes: michael bay looks like michael bolton’s gay cousin ross…wait, michael bolton looks like michael bay’s gay cousin ross…wait…
So I went to that other place and saw this comment "Man that would be a nice fit )!("
I’m so glad I spend the majority of my time at FilmDrunk.
As I’ve already explained, my penis defys all fundament laws of space and time. No, really, the letter start out small, but with a little luck, and some lube, they get huge. Kinda like those little capsules that you put in water and grow dinosaurs. FYI: Don’t eat those capsules. And don’t trick your wife into eating them by telling her they are vitamins. Unless you don’t want anal anyways.
your a grower, not a show-er?
Also, sea-monkeys are exceptionally salty.
I wish the entire idea of a 2nd Transformers movie was a misinformed rumor. Michael Bay can suck my delicious nuts. I knew I should’ve taken this fucker out before he made Pearl Harbor!
I’m a show-er you my grower.
I couldn’t figure out why you added the hyphen until I typed it myself. Who the hell wants a shower? Not me.
I prefer a long hot bath. In a jacuzzi. Preferably with a lady. Call me ladies. You won’t call.
I’m a grower! Actually it starts out as an inny and then flourishes into something that remotely resembles a penis.
tick tock tick tock. There’s a so so novel by Will Self called My Idea of Fun in which a diabolical character threatens to punish someone by making them relive every single moment they have spent waiting. I check in here at 23.44 uk time and still no COW. Not only that, the goddamn fantasy footie scores haven’t been updated yet and the last game finished 2 hours ago. How am i suppose to measure by self against others? By height? Lots of comments today, Hope somebody has been keeping a record of the good ones.
Damn it. Now, the wife and kid are wanting me to "feed them". Pricks. I think charlie is right. I doubt i’ll go back through todays posts and find the good ones. They may be doomed to live on in obscurity. Later.
We would be CB, except that we have no link for next weeks CoTW nominations. Ya hear me Lance?! I want my 2 dollars.
There’s no COW because it’s veteran’s day. Now go home.
so, some writer got paid for writing the fake one and the real one and this bitch is on strike?
Fuck the veterans. And I can’t go home. Not til 6pm central. So I’m gonna bitch and whine a bit more.
who will you play with Flux?
there has to be one, or Lance would have already told us to shut up and wait until tomorrow
Everytime I hear Michael Bay talking about directing I imagine inside he’s thinking
"RRRRAAAAAWWWRRR! Blow shit up!"
Wow, I just took the longest piss in the history of me taking a piss. I think I pissed out all my spinal fluid as well.
That’s not an idea RO, that’s just a special effect.
Only if he could get Afleck to star…
later taters. i’m off to eat a steak and bang the wife (manwich and a fifi). see ya.
I was hoping everyone would go home so that I could actually get maybe 20 minutes of work done.
i’m off to eat a steak and bang the wife (manwich and a fifi)
That is SO getting nominated!
for next weeks noms I only need go the the Ernest Razorhands thread. its like mining for jewels I say
erswi, you call banging your wife a manwich? Something is not right there!
Who the fuck cares. I don’t even read the scripts of the films I work on. No one does. Not even the actors. We want to be surprised later when we don’t see the movie.
what a sad fucking commentary on the state of films that is JWIADH
i read the script to "the sisterhood of the traveling pants"…bawled my fucking eyes out!
"balled" my fucking nuts off?
I was kidding. Sort of.
…i was…not.
Who has time to read all those pages of dialogue? Do you have any idea how difficult it is to master the game of golf? It takes lot’s of practice, practice, practice. Then there are the parties till dawn with strippers and writing retard comments here on FD. If I didn’t keep a putting green in my trailer I might not ever show up to my job at all.
This is why I feel bad for the writers right now. They are being forced to walk a picket line instead of writing fake Transformer scripts and playing golf.
Is Michael Bay the guy who used to be on the t.v. show "Kung Fu"?
It’s like that on most of the threads, Eib. But I equate it to digging for gold. Wait, thats not right. Finding the good comments on that other site is like digging for gold. On this site, I feel like I’m digging for boogers. Because there is more gold than snot. Okay? Good, I’m glad you’re coming with me on this.
i have spent all freaking day waiting for cotw. sad to say. but, i am sick, and this has kept me realitively alert so as to cater to the whims of my children. and by whims i mean i gotta feed them
Don’t ya hate that, Eib? I am so sick and tired of hearing my little one scream "I WANT TO EAT!!" Well, yelling isn’t going to put food in your stomach, junior. Also, money doesn’t grow on trees, and masturbation is alot more fun when there is a female present. It’s a luxury to jerk off in the face of fortune.
true story: when I went to have my second child, the admitting nurse asked where my older one was. I said " we left him with a bowl of food and water, he should be ok. No, wait, that was the cat." she did not even crack a smile. soulless beast
I get a strong feeling that Mike Bay (what those of us in the know call him) was King Douche in his high school. He would go home and cry into his pillow for hours, trying to get the strength up to pull the wedgie out of his ass.
All the time he was plotting his revenge and swearing that someday, someday, chicks would allow him to touch their boobies and he would have the respect of his peers along with stacks of cash.
Well, it came true to a degree, but he has to use his stacks of cash to get chicks to allow him to touch their boobies, and has yet to get the respect of his peers.
And he’s still King Douche.
The only way he’ll get any respect is to commit ritual seppuku. With a rusty blade.
you call him mike? FUCK MIKE
Goddamn it, Al, now I have to google "seppuku" and "rusty". Is seppuku anything like "Hari Kari"?
Nevermind, google already answered my question. And now I know how to spell "Hara Kari" correctly. Two birds, one stone, no life.
oooOOOh, way to bash mikes, Eib. You are sure cumin along nicely. Like the unspicy spice.
disembowelment.. disemBOLLment (what everyone hope for)
Yeah Nom, you guys are rubbing
oneoff on meDor sho gha! That filthy traitor yIntagh Lance STILL HASN’T POSTED COTW???
*turns Grethor hard port*
The Mighty Fek’lhr will abduct his mother and perform vile anal experiments on her!
You know, Eib, that strikeout didn’t really change what that said. So you’ll understand when I take it literally with
or withoutstrikeout.Have fun with your mother, Fek.
What-ev, Nom. Don’t get mad just because your mom looks like Sharon Stone sporting camel toe in a one piece, SHA!
Mad? Why that’s why my friends loved talking about my mom. She was such a hit, it spawned a whole line of jokes. But only the good ones. The bad ones were inspired elsewhere. Like yours, for instance. BOOSH!???? Fuck it, DRUNK ON
Either way, Lance is an eternal micropenised, lily-livered, cum-gargling, cross-dressing, Smeagol-caressing, Bolton-listening, Ozzie-hating, McG-loving, Cavemen-watching, bareback marine porn watching, heterosexual hating, vagina loathing, self fellating, Romulan colluding, Enterprise/Voyager preferring, Duras butt-fucking, Star Wars Episode II loving, Storm Shadow loathing, Fist of the North Star ignorant, vile, disgusting, goatse HaDiBah for not posting COTW.
And I’m sure that would’ve made a COtW, if you hadn’t used "watching" in two back to back insults seperated by a comma. Also, "loathing" stands out like a sore
thumbpenis once you used it twice.The Mighty Fek’lhr is going to waporize your favourite pet, Nom. Choose carefully!
Just constructive criticism. I’ll still give you a red smiley face at the top of the page though. I never fail students, so long as they try.
You had to look up colluding, though, didn’t you, forshak?
My favorite pet is…..the mighty fek’lhr. Are Klingons trustworthy when it comes to their word, or is that Ferengi? Wait, I’m thinking of Humans.
It’s pronounced "Horseshack". And don’t call me Shirley.
The only reason I signed up to post on this fucking retarded blog was to win a cotw. Seriously. And though I haven’t said anything witty or self-deprecating or thoughtful or some other adjective, I WANT TO WIN. I WANT IT. I NEED TO.
Fuck it, I am just going to waporize yer fifi. By far a more severe punishment.
DOR SHO GHA!
My disruptors cannot penetrate your pile of gay porn to incinerate your fifi! You must really like looking at guys blowing each other!
If you really want to win, IpAB, then the only foolproof way is to buy my shoes. Because, when you’ve won as many times as I have, It’s gotta be the shoes. Hey! Who the fuck stole my shoes!?
i did, and you have tiny feet, ya homo
SCOUR!
Eibmoz:1
Nom: -like a trillion
wow, i have the urge to be not funny in anyway. are you sure these are your shoes Nom?
I dunno, do they have lights in them?
Time to go watch wrestling! QAPLAH!
first time Im on the plus side
wait a minute, they are Star Trek shoes!!! get back here ya wrestling watching bumpy foreheaded mother fer
Hi guys. No COTW?? My days is officially badness.
That was nice of you, Eib. Fek was determined to leave on a high note. Apparently, he didn’t care whose instrument was playing it either. You are too kind. Except for that comment about my shoe size. You know what they say: Shoe size is the best indicator of the size of a guys feet.
-s
can you beleive it. and no post from Lance. maybe he was eaten by sharks while surfing, oh wait, that was Bryce
Or maybe we can call him Eric the half a Bryce
no problem Nom. I had to defend my ckt brethren. but, you are a homo
Wait wait wait. You defended me by suggesting I had little shoes, and in turn, little feet? Thanks. Also: Wait wait wait, Bryce’s name is Eric? Got a Social Security Number? Don’t worry, you can trust us.
The world would be a more poorly designed place without homosexuals Nom. She’s complimenting you on the geometric precision of your cube.
Even if your cube’s on the minute side.
It’s not the size of your rubik’s cube, it’s how fast you solve the puzzle.
Laugh at the joke or the kitten dies.
I thought it was "artistly unsymmetrical". I also think one of those might be an actual word.
I hate cats, but am a sucker for being extorted for ransom. You’re funny. LOLZ like 4realz.
Darn I wish unsymmetrical wasn’t a word so I could make this comment:
I wish I had a buzzer that made the "you’re wrong, here’s a consolation prize" sound, but I don’t so now you’ll never know.
It is? Sweet. I was gonna go with disymmetry, but no matter how I spelled it (ex. Dysymmetry) it just didn’t look right. Wow. The kid is good. I know him. Seriously, I know him.
it reminds me of dysentery and no one wants to talk about that. Poop.
Again, I’m spellchecking these in my homework while sleep deprived, so there’s an even chance that the handout for my presentation tomorrow is going to have threats of feline violence and poop jokes.
I think you may have underestimated a filmdrunkards’s prowess for being off topic, and it’s affecting for everything poop.
Just pretended to underestimate. Poop is the new black. It said so in Vogue.
Why is it that the spellcheck doesn’t work in here, but works everywhere else that you can leave comments? I think it’s a practical joke that Lance formulated, then lost interest in. But at least he didn’t use a poon.
OMG. Replace "affecting" with "affection" please and thank you.
ctrl+c and cntrl+v are my best friends. They make me look semi-intelligent, minus my stutter typing and eratic spacebar-ing.
I was going to be nice and ignore that. You caught on though, good for you.
-n
My comments are overrun with apostrophes and quotation marks. And I wish my Drafting Software hadn’t already called "dibs" on ctrl+I and ctrl+B, because I have to try and remember to go back and highlight everything I wanted in a different typeface. And I usually forget and come off i
gnoimpotent.s’up fellow drinkards? how’s it coming along? still no cotw i see. lance is the new bryce.
ok, no the defense was the star trek shoes thing. bryce said earlier that he was going surfing, and i made a comment about shark attack. Eric is a reference to Monty Python
It’s okay. I forgive you.
Shit, whats the commentz of the week nomination thread url? I’ve got something I have to paste.
But what’s the "Half a Bryce" a reference to? Please, I have to know everything.
[www.filmdrunk.com]
i don’t know and i’m too lazy to search it for you.
shark attack, i could just picture him all half eaten
He was all, "I miss winter", and I was all, "Say that in 3 months and you’re a dead man". So maybe it’s karma.
i only miss winter b/c i’ve never actually experienced one. i’ve spent every winter in southern louisisana where 6" of snow for a season is a white out
watch out folks there are lurkers
OMG, theres people in the chatroom!!
I like a month of winter, after that I get a bit antsy. At least a long week of frigid temperatures kill off a few of the homeless. I mean get a job if you don’t want to be a bumsicle.
erswi, does this mean your all cool like Gambit?
chaztsy killed my browser
Want to hear how cool I am you cool kids… I have, not one, but two Gambit figurines. Call me, guys. That’s some long-distance coolness.
I’m so cool I emptied the room with a vacuum of coolness. I’m a blackhole of cool.
Black hole? You must be in outer space…where FEK’LHR REIGNS SUPREME! That will be $3.25 for the toll.
chaztsy killed my browser
In all fairness, your browser was asking for it
This is the damn’dest dating site that I have ever run across.
Agb, so do I. I love the Gambit
Meh sure cher, Ah am every bit as cool as the Gambit. Cooler even mon cheri.
You wish your Mom was Gambit! (What?!?)
Every girl wants to marry Gambit. They end up marrying Scott Summer, except instead of shooting lasers from his eyes, his mutant ability is to make all the beers disappear from the fridge.
+s
Fucking Cyclops, your going to ruin my life.
of course my mom is gambit. and my dad is rogue.
-r
+’re
Bastard.
I prefer the moniker of Bastahrd. It sounds French.
Merde.
Where’s the COTW? It’s Tuesday and I want to be judged.
so. . . no cotw it seems. ya think lance is dead?
I think he just thinks we weren’t particularly funny. Or we were too funny and he can’t decide. Rubber walls are in his future.
Ok. Bedtime. Caffeine is wering off. G’night. (bon nuit?)
bon nuit, mon cher. beau reves.
It smells like fag in here!
test
yo! I’m finally in!!!
oh, that michael bay, flying around in his cockteurship, dropping misinformation on us all. but dont worry im sending a shipment of surface to air missiles that i stole from the former soviet union. lets call them continuity bombs.