FILMDRUNK WAY REALER THAN MTV
11.05.07Well folks, I concede that this may be overly self-referential, but I thought it might be interesting to point out that while MTV was busy posting video intros from the Fred Claus elves:
…Yours truly was getting emails from television people who shall remain anonymous like this:
Initially, I thought it would be great to kind of adapt Filmdrunk into the broadcast world (i.e., your attitude/commentary in almost an Ebert & Roper setting). One of the main selling points being that you’d be free to praise or condemn whatever movies you like. I’ve run the idea by our Legal puds and while we’re (technically) allowed to give opinion, the studios we’re in bed with would no doubt be seriously pissed if we had you on the network telling everyone how big a piece of shit Fred Claus is going to be.
That’s right, folks. I could be doing TV, but FilmDrunk is just too real, so I’ll just keep on keepin’ it real in my real-ass basement in my real-ass underpants with their real-ass ass stains. Advantage: …uh, probably advantage MTV still, huh?
![[avatar]](http://p.uproxxcdn.com/global/images/default-avatar.jpg){kind=avatar}
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/11/olivia_munn_Ratner-Crotch-150x150.jpg)
![[image]](http://cdn.fd.uproxx.com/wp-content/thumbnails/130/110/2011/09/JGL-150x150.jpg)
Lance, if they can put the piece of shit Perez Hilton on TV, I am sure they can save a spot for you.
Wow, the writers are gone for 6 hours and the studios are already out fishing…
Lance, let me be the first to say congratulations. Also, GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF MY REAL JOB!
That is all.
Lance, if they can put the piece of shit Perez Hilton on TV, I am sure they can save a spot for you.
My exact words when sending a picture were "I may not be Brad Pitt, but I’m a damned sight better looking than that fat fuck Perez Hilton."
Well, with today’s conservative and politically correct viewers there is no telling how they’d react to such blunt truth. Leave that to the web.
Well hell Lance, pass that e-maill addy onto me. I could easily tone it down and be a studio bitch for the kind of money they’d pay me.
If by some freakish chance you do get a job doing this then I want in. You can do all the work and I’ll just sit in my trailer riding the coattails of your success. How does that sound?
Do you need a Klingon assistant that reviews video games? Sounds like a good angle!
i hope you regret your decision lance. i hope you regret it!
What are my qualifications? I beat Battletoads once (just kidding).
Too bad MTV doesn’t want to play videos anymore.
I see what your getting at Lance, and Yes, I will do it!
I’m qualified too, I saw someone play Battletoads once (just kidding).
Mike says I should be ashamed of myself for remakming Fek’lhr’s post. He keeps shaking his head and quietly mumbling, "Too soon. Too soon."
fuck it lance, strike while the iron’s hot – sign the papers, get the money, get the khakis, and then get the girl.
p.s. DB’s Treasure’s mother is dead.
Alright Lance, Now we’re talking!
I call semi-official sponsorship if you go big time!
I wouldn’t watch FilmDrunk TV because I’m only in this for the immense popularity i get for my hilarious postings. 9 out of 10 people stuffed animals think i’m the second funniest person on this site (first funniest being JHC/VH/StoneSoup/Fek’lhr/Jacktion!) I didn’t want to confuse them with two many options.
I look forward to the day that we can see a CGI rendering of bryce’s grandmother reviewing movies on television.
I’m with JHC.
Remember when the only shows were things like B&B, Daria, My So-Called Life (grr..football), and videos?
Now 99% of the damn thing is shows about whiny stupid whores. i.e The Hills, My Supersweet 16, (have you SEEN the way these kids talk to their parents?? I’d have been beaten to death)
scriptedreality shows, etc.MTV sux.
I call bullshit on that Bea Dragnet, you better edit that and include me in your funniest list or I swear to god I will stab you with a tampon in the eye the next time I see you.
too many options?…i’m an ass.
Today must be the 1st annual filmdrunk April Fools Day in Novemeber (its Guy Fawkes day no?) because there’s no way they’d let Fred Claus get made in the same world they would actually put FilmDrunk on the air
I hope she uses a cock as a microphone Jack.
lance, i really think they should film "your" show like cops: the camera could ride shotgun while you just cruise around town hollering at prostitutes and street walkers. then, every now and then, you’d pull up outside of a movie theatre and throw a pack of blackcats at everyone before you drove off.ÂÂ
p.s. my top lip smells like the corpse of DB’s mother.
oh…hairy nutsack is funny too (I think he’s Micheal Vick…and I’m afraid of black people)
and the racism comes full circle
ps- don’t be offended by my trifle of a post…you’re all funnier than me
Chodin, your top lip smells like white fish?
A FilmDrunk show would be pretty goddam hilarious if Lance could actually get all of the running gags, like the super animal friends, onto the show. Can’t you just picture homophobic turtle reviewing the next gladiator movie? I’d also love to see super random comments like he puts on the pictures. Best show ever.
Come on on you Hollywood fuckwits, Are you really afraid of some honest, hilarious criticism? So much for it being "art."
Homophobic turtle should have his own TV show.
happy guy fawkes day everyone°!!
My magic 8 ball thinks ‘outlook is good’, Lance. Maybe then you could get one of these fly ‘members only’ jackets that i have and rock out with some cool high top dunks.
Remember, Remember….
Parachute Pants would pull that whole ensemble together dub.
and some snap on bracelets
I see no reason, why gunpowder treason, should ever. be. forgot.
let’s blow something up!
You guys are all jocking on lance’s crotch now cuz you caught a glimmer of the highlife. It’s pretty pathetic. All this sucking up will seem futile in the end. That’s because Lance knows who was jocking him before all the fame, movie deals, cease and desist’s, etc. That’s right Lance, don’t forget where you came from. Starbucks.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHODIN!!!! BTW.
Would the CKT get a spot on the FilmDrunk show? Not that we deserve it, we just feel that we’re entitled to it.
Is MTV on "Cable Television"?
This shit just got real
oh trust me JHC i’m already rockin’ the "Bugle Boy Parachute Pants" and my fingerless gloves
Don’t forget
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY COCAINEANDPERCOCET!!!
Happy Birthday Choddy!
The best format for a filmdrunk tv show would be the style I mentioned about 2 months ago. And I stand by my insinuation that if done right, I could be the next big thing, and maybe even a short lived hit. And it would be original. Or not. Really, I guess it would be easier to just write it like a family guy episode. Which would suck.
Am I the only one who told c&p and chodin happy birthday in advance? You guys need to work on your punctuality.
Happy Birthday to all who have had one, and all that have any in the future.
This birthday wish expired in 60 years, when we’ll all be dead anyway or at least so old we won’t care anymore.
^expireS
Nom, but (and I hate to say it, but I have to) where we get enough manatees?
happy birthday everyone
MTV is like VH1 for posers.
My wife’s birthday is Saturday. Anyone wanna come to the party?
will there be a gang bang?
Sorry Luch, I can’t make it. I’ve got to do two shows on Saturday. Maybe next year!
The pants party?
hey thanks you guys, i loves you too: JHC, happy future birthday coming up on the 25th of december.
I, too, would like to know if it will be a gang bang.
The Mighty Fek’lhr feels a gang bang is implied.
Yeah, I’m late… Yous wanna makes somethings of it?!
It would be hard to do FilmDrunk on MTV as all of their movies suck cock.
If you did get FilmDrunk TV you could do your section and then get the top 3 Drunkard comments that sum it up. For example, "bryce says: all of their movies suck cock.”
I feel like an asshole, all hairy and stinky, for not knowing about the birfdays. I’m a terrible inter-friend.
Jacktion – what show?
Yes, but I really doubt everyone wants to be represented by someone named "bryce". To represent us all, I’m thinking Steven Wright, or David Cross. Or George Carlin. He would have to be bald. And, No Bryce, bald of pubes does not count.
Pants show?
Thanks chod. It kind of sucks having a birthday on Christmas. I get fucked on the present potential. "Let’s just lump both occasions worth of presents into one. He won’t know the difference." I’m 34 fuckin’ years old now! I NOTICE the difference! Cheap motherfuckers.
JHC – So much for being ‘all knowing’ you fuckn hack. That’s the whole point of MySpace, to know when to tell people happy birthday. Oh and for the CKT (which none of you jackcasses have visited).
I suggest you ask for a second birthday gift on Easter.
damn, I need to go to my myspace, i guess…
Aw, shucks. Let’em keep their millions. They can’t buy integrity with their riches and fame. Just big houses and pretty things. And sex with supermodels. You’re much better off.
off topic: has anyone noticed that christmas is fuckn two months now. as soon as halloween is over, they start hocking xmas shit at you? w/e happened to thanksgiving?
MTV is the BEST! I only watch MTV. I never watch anything else. Furthermore, if FilmDrunk was featured as a review show, I would watch EVEN MORE! FilmDrunk is Hip and Ironic, much like the popular tee shirts that are so frequently worn by the 16-25yo demographic.
(Bea – that’s selling out, btw…)
did you guys know there is a Tekken movie coming out? i hope hollywood writers go on strike forever
Grrr Kick!
Grrr Punch!
Grrr Block!
Grrr Special Move!
I’m not sure that one needs writers…
Pssst… new post!
If the only way for me to know when someone’s birthday is, is by checking MySpace, then I’m afraid nobody will be getting birthday wishes from me. Just not a fan of the thing.
I fully agree with FilmDrunkard TV, but it would just not fly on MTV. They are for everything we are against! Especially since they are a network that makes their own shitty movies. I don’t see that working out. Now register FilmDrunk.TV and we’ll film this MothaFucka ourselves. I would sooner see Comedy Central picking it up. Sure they also have created a few lemons in their past, but at least they seem a little more open to self mutilation.
End of Thread.
Officially, End of Thread.
Doesn’t MTV Brands own Comedy Central?
"..the studios we’re in bed with would no doubt be seriously pissed if we had you on the network telling everyone what a piece of shit Fred Claus is."…so we won’t be doing any of that. We’ll be doing lot’s of this: Welcome to FILMDRUNK, totally owned and "pwned" by MTV! This is the one film review show that really puts it to the man! Let’s start the show! First up is Fred Claus. Fred Claus is a rollicking and raucous yule tide comedy that answers that eternal question: what if Santa had a brother and that brother was none other than brilliant comedic genius and heart throb Ben Vaughn? A non stop LOL comedy sleigh ride through box offfice wonderland! And hey-pass me the Oscar gravy! I guarantee that "Yule" love this fantastical fantasy that will keep you "Ho Ho Ho-ing this holiday season!ÂÂ
Well, there’s no comment of the week thread, or else I’d be nominating that.^ winking smiley face.
gee, I haven’t LOLed that hard in a long time
ben vaughn?
So Santa Claus’ brother is being played by Vince Vaughn’s brother? That makes Vince Vaughn Santa Claus? I knew it!
JWIADH, I was thinking the same thing. Any network that would pick it up is still going to be a Corporation. They are never gonna let you really tear into anything. Severe back handed complements would work nicely though.
…now…End of Thread.
..now…End of Thread.
I agree.
Good Day Sir!
…I
…Said
GOOD DAY!!!
Ben Vaughn? Holy shit. That’s great. A true testament to how little I care about that frikkin turd. In my defense I am a complete idiot so I can say all types of kooky shit, like, "Abraham Lincoln invented the electric chair" and "Vince Vaughn was great in the Psycho remake".
Awesome to hear. Good for you Lance. Also, Canadians still can’t access the MTV videos you post. Just FYI.
Am i the only person who finds that clip a little creepy? and by little i mean oh my god midgets!!!
Janette Krankie just discovered a new line in fetish wear.
chodin: *giggling* pssst, hey nommy, *giggle* should we tell Lance now that you’re the one who sent this email as part of our hilarious prank?
nommy: What? no, not yet
chodin: Why not?
nommy: let’s let him make more of an ass out of himself first, it’s the only way he’ll learn
chodin: good idea! *giggle,giggle*