EW LOSES ALL CREDIBILITY
11.30.07
Entertainment Weekly just released their list of the 50 Smartest People in Hollywood, and apparently sex with infants must make you smart, because number 14 on their list is none other than JERRY BRUCKHEIMER. You know, the outspoken Bush supporter who made a movie about a rapping kangaroo and decided that a story about pirates (those rum drinking, sword fighting, wench raping vagabonds) needed a ghost angle.
Though he does have a BA in Psychology from Arizona. And an honorary Doctor of Fine Arts (unlike my Doctor of Fine Ass degree that I earned fair and square, bro).
"Smart" could mean many things. It encompasses books smarts and street smarts, financial genius and emotional intelligence. We weren’t interested in IQ. What mattered was the originality of each person’s thinking and the reach of their ideas beyond the borders of their own careers.
It can mean many things, can it? Is "worthy of a severe beating" one of them? I’ll give him street smarts, since he can can find the underage prostitutes in any third world country within a matter of minutes, but WAIT A SECOND DID YOU SAY ORIGINALITY OH MY GOD I JUST HAD AN ANEURYSM!
I can’t wait to see their list of the 50 Sexiest Ladies in Hollywood, starring this. Oh, and if being rich makes you smart, then Paris Hilton is a fucking genius, so don’t even go there, girlfriend.
UPDATE: Evel Knieval dies whlle this monkey roams the streets, healthy as a horse. R.I.P, you magnificent bastard.
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lol, lance do you have stairs in your house?
Jesus wept
In Hollywood; Getting people to spend money on screaming piles of shit = smarts
"the reach of their ideas beyond the borders of their own careers"
75 years from now Film Appreciation students will be in awe of this man’s ability to throw money at other people’s "original" ideas. 50% of the students’ final grades will hinge on their scene-by-scene analysis of Pearl Harbor. 25% of these papers will be titled "Josh Hartnett’s squinting in Pearl Harbor as metacommentary on Japanopacific hegemony". 100% of students using that title won’t know what that even means, but neither does the professor, so they got an A-.
This list is more of a joke than that chicken who crossed the road. But they are similar, since neither of those jokes are funny. You can’t just make a list of "smartest people" and then it not include any factors that is a real judge of intelligence. Jesus, if luck and a good manager makes you smart, well then, well, I guess I’m still smart. Someone should burn people to the ground.
I mean, Burn entertainment weekly to the ground.
Ha, the Live Search on Josh Hartnett’s name brings up a picture of the dude with his eyes almost closed. Live Search for the assist.
lol, lance do you have stairs in your house?
Fuck no, I have an elevator powered by Asian chicks. But I do do a lot of lunges.
Taken from the comments section on that page:
rafe Thu, Nov 29, 2007 at 04:02 PM EST
I agree with Angelina, Cate B and Jodie are smart women. Meryl, she is a great actress, but she doesnt sound smart.
I dont agree with Ben A, or even Ben Stiller, or even Johnny Depp, I think he is more lucky than smart. Lucky that he got the part in the Pirates.
Most of them, I dont even know, so I dont think they are smart enough coz they are not even famous.
rafe is the biggest retard in the world. Even bigger than sloth from goonies. I hate idiots who don’t post here, cuz I would make them cry.
This is the Ew equivilant of giving all of Hollywood a rim job.
I think this list was Hollywood giving a big "FUCK YOU" to the writers on strike.
lets post there, and invite them here, so we all can make them cry. Increase Lances traffic and crying! Brilliant!
46. Jeff Walker, Comic-Con impresario
What the fuck is a Comic-Con impersario? Whatever it is, that guy must be damn smart, to make it onto the list somehow.
Read those comments Eib. I don’t think those commenters would like this site. Let alone have enough brains to correctly key in the web address. But, feel free to try. I will if I can think of anything I want to say about it.
k. I posted a comment inviting them here. I did my part. Maybe someone should post something as a catlyst?
NOm, I think your comment there was the best they had
ok, I did my part as well. I just really want to see you make anyone who isnt me cry.
I made you cry? Awwwwww. Never meant to do that. Was it all the sexual suggestiveness? Cuz if it was, I didn’t mean it. Seriously, theres nothing a guy hates more than blowjobs and anal sex.
Ahaha, i like the last comment I just put up on there. too bad EW has no comments of the week.
fuck this friday.
what’d i miss???
*the rest of filmdrunk lowers their head- fek continues jacking off- DB’s mother just lays there*
…okay, good. looks like i didn’t miss much.
Chodin: You were elected "Most terrible human being in the western hemisphere". Which makes you officially the coolest and most liked person on filmdrunk. Congrats
You just can’t resist taking another cheap shot at our President, can you? Well, let me tell you this, laughing boy. If intelligence can be measured by how quickly one can find a child prostitute in a third world country, then I’m Stephen Hawking, Bush is Leonardo Da Vinci and Cheney is fucking Socrates. (Seriously, he’s got a talent for it. Some call it a gift.) Whereas you could be at the first Thailand-hosted Republican National Convention and spend three hours staring at a dimly lit opium den and STILL not see all that sweet non-gender specific ass that lies inside. So groggy… so pliant… so- Shit! Potty time.
*tears*
oh gawd…i, i really didn’t think that i would win so i didn’t write anything…
*unravels three-foot scroll*
well first i’d like to thank DB’s dead, nazi mother for always putting out. i’d like to thank my fellow filmDRUNKARDS for their shenanigans. i’d like to thank lance for always pinching me off when i’m halfway in…and last but not least, i would NOT like to thank all those over at "the site we do not speek of". thank you…thank you, praise allah – ala-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Spending your time in a way that makes me money – now you’re thinking, folks. Way to go.
Does it make me lame that I really wish I could do this?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1q7s4E94-No
Oh, BTW, you owe me 73 cents Lance.
Lance, I’ve been plugging your site for at least 4 months on other places. Well, less lately, but mainly because this is the only place I feel like going to.
how the fuck did ben affleck make this fucking list? how? HOW????
*runs into the rain, shaking her fists to the heavens, screaming HOW? How could you let this happen?! NOOOOOOO*
I just created a deeper, more emotionally overwhelming scene then Ben Affleck has been in. Ever.
and I agree with Nom that Ben Stiller shoudn’t be on there either. He should be a character /characature actor ONLY. I’m so fucking tired of the nuerotic Jew who gets into trouble and can’t communicate clearly because he’s so fucking nervouse all the time.
what
fucking
ever.
I was in a grumpy mood after being accused of being a war monger in my poetry class. Now I find it is true. I want to go to war. I want to go to war against 90% of this list. Or, at the least, I want to steal from them, because this list is more of a cross-hair of who has more successfully gotten money away from people who accuse me of being a war monger, than of any subtle thinking processes. God, I’m going to keep this list and punch their pregnant spouses, just to keep the gene pool from imploding.
let it out sista girl
There is no crying on FilmDrunk.
I think in my typo laden way I just made up a new dance, the FilmCrunk.
those people are so stupid. my head is going to explode.
if(theySeMeRiding() && theyHating())
{
ridingDirty():
}
oh man this sucks, my car has no window wipers, and its fucking raining so im trapped, trapped i tells you!!!
I HAVE NO ALCOHOL!!!
guess its jenkem time!!, i wonder if the microwave can somehow speed up the jenkem making process??
is that a poem watanabex?
Bruckheimers horse/chicklet teeth are scaring me. they are mezmerizing.
must look away
Except for the 10 who will be the pregnant spouses, although most of them are the least anger making persons on the list. I will punch those I don’t like in the uterus.
Utero-STRIKE! Hi-YAH!
no I’m just dicking around
oh wow i looked up the lyrics to ridin dirty theyre nothing like i thought they were
is the plural of uterus, uteri? Like the plural of cactus? And Jesus? If so, I’ll punch them in the uteri.
Uteri-STRIKE! Hi-YAH!
you must call it out as you punch like an anime character UTERIIIIIII-STRIKE!
It’s may Canuck accent that gets in the way.
"I’m aboot to uteri-STRIKE! Hi-YAH!!!"
so how is the weather in Canuckia?
Cold. But bearable. It’s snowed a couple of times, but nothing has collected.
Say what you want about Affleck, he’s written a script. I doubt Bruckheimer can even write an email.
When Kahless hates you and makes you gargle a gallon jug of ‘slithering diarreah’, he then kicks you in the nuts and walks over to where your head has hit the ground and says, "At least I didn’t make you watch a Bruckheimer film, eh, you kotal fuck!", and then he stabs your dick to the wall, and it is still more merciful than a Bruckheimer production.
True story: The Mighty Fek’lhr can piss in the snow and write out "NO KILL I"! GUY’CHA!
Well, The Mighty Fek’lhr is no longer a 2girls1cup virgin. DOR SHO GHA! He hopes the depraved tahQeqs on Grethor never see it!!!
congratulations fek
fuck i really really hopw thats chocolate fudge
-w +e damnit i’m just full of durst tonite
agb says:
I was in a grumpy mood after being accused of being a war monger in my poetry class. Now I find it is true. I want to go to war. I want to go to war against 90% of this list. Or, at the least, I want to steal from them, because this list is more of a cross-hair of who has more successfully gotten money away from people who accuse me of being a war monger, than of any subtle thinking processes. God, I’m going to keep this list and punch their pregnant spouses, just to keep the gene pool from imploding.
Good luck with that. Can the Canadian armed forces take out the people on this list, one at a time? I’m not asking if you can make that happen, I’m asking if they’re capable of doing it. I have my doubts.
Look here Nominus and Eibmoz, on behalf of all the EW.com readers, I’m here to give you a proverbial tongue-lashing (but written in stead of spoken). You two are nothing but a couple of blowhards. Take that1 I am eagerly awaiting your responses.
Nominus said:
Does it make me lame that I really wish I could do this?
No, your thought process and demeanor make you lame. Also, that tatoo of a unicorn helps.
I meant tattoo, bitch.
unless Nom, has a philipino midget in a white suit fallowing him around his back yard, then he has a tatoo
or if he has to russian teen runaway faux lesbians then he has a tatu
motherfuck!!! TWO 2 ii i meant TWO instead of to
Watanabex.durst = true;
<img src="http://rds.yahoo.com/_ylt=A0WTefNFnFFH_kUBxjijzbkF/SIG=127v09fjk/EXP=1196617157/**http%3A//www.tucoo.com/photo/dog4/images/Dog_0156.jpg">
The funny thing is that The Mighty One posted about gargling ‘slithering diarreah’ BEFORE he saw 2girls1cup. WTF?
maybe you are psychic fek
Oh Jack, so full of
shityourself. Bring it on. And yes, I am a blowhard, no one has complained yet, so there.Just to balance this whole thing out
http://tinyurl.com/you9sp
Checking in. I just got my laptop recovered after it was FUCKING STOLEN BY A SECURITY GUARD last Tuesday who was hired to make sure none of my stuff got stolen.ÂÂ
Jerry bruckheimer once got off while watching me dressed as a rum drinking ghost who was raping a pirate. It was wierd at first, cause the sheet was making it hard to see and sutff.
Also, JWinaDH, the irony factor is blowing my brain.
The fact I am holding my own computer in my own hands is blowing my brain. It got stolen in downtown L.A. One in a million that I ever saw it again.
Before making this horrifying mistake, EW was indeed the very definition of credibility. If you looked up the word "credibility" in a dictionary, there you would find a picture of a copy of Entertainment Weakly, with the "girls" from Sex & The City on the cover. That’s an example of how credible they were. Everyone loved EW, and it will be missed by all, including homeless people who used it for food, drug dealers who used the pages for dope envelopes, and especially parents who used to beat their damn kids with it.
I have a tattoo of UniCron, not a Unicorn. I also have a UNsquadron Tattoo. Bex: That really is a midget following me. But to his credit, he has no choice, I have him on a leash.
I just saw Charlie Bronze’s comment on EW. LOLing.
Too bad we cant nominate that for a Cotw.
I think we should nominate that. J!’s was funny as hell 2. Thats what I call teamwork.
PS- Eib, I love you, and want you to adopt my kids. winking smiley face.
It’s Sunday, and The Mighty Fek’lhr is:
Empty jenkem balloon. :(
However, the good news is:
More jenkem, balloon full! :D
It’s Sunday and The Might Dub is:
Motherfucker! >:\
However, the good news is:
MOTHERFUCKER! :D
It’s Sunday, and The Mighty Fek’lhr is:
Empty karaoke bar. :(
However, the good news is:
More empty karaoke bars. :( :(
Sorry. Even worse news, I copied an pasted and forgot to replace "The Mighty Fek’lhr" with "Jacktion!" :( :( :(
Grrrrrr….Flaming Munchkin Spasms!!!!!!!
well i went and saw bee movie last night, i dont know how they did it, but hollywood made these damn bees too jewy
empty jenkem balloon :(
here, i thought jenkem was some sort of star trek b,s, but alas wikipedia has once again quenched my thirst for knowledge:
Jenkem (also jekem) is a narcotic recreational drug composed of noxious gas formed from fermented human sewage. (piss and shit+sun=psychadelic)
I’m going home and trying it!!!!! THANK YOU Fek’Ihr, THANK YOU!!!!!
As No Country For Old Men doesn’t open over here until next fucking year i decided to watch a streamed copy of it. The guy who recorded it must have done so using his cellphone, that he bought six years ago. So, apart from the unintelligible dialogue and blurred choppy pixels, it was pretty good. Not Fargo or Big Lebowski good (or great, even), but good nonetheless. Great to see Kelly Macdonald again. Can’t wait to see it properly. May even buy the book, just to see if it ends that way too.
me, I watched southland tales again, eastern promises, and benders big score. Nothing new, except I noticed in benders big score, there was a calendar that says "FAMILY GUY! 12 Laughs a Year!"
um…you’re welcome?
It’s Sunday, and I am:
watching movies (La Vie En Rose, 28 Weeks Later)
not doing my essay that’s due tomorrow until tomorrow
still in my pyjamas
wondering how much lazier I can get before bedtime