We’ve already double-teamed one story today so this is pushing it, but this clip I found on WithLeather is both movie-related and the most ridiculous thing I’ve seen all day so I had to post it.
Anyway, ever wondered what would happen if two stinky ultimate frisbee players figured out how to copulate and then gave birth to a child who was more than the sum of his sheltered pussy parts? Okay, now mix in some mercury-tainted vaccines and private-school education and what do you get? Motherf#$king college kids playing motherf%*king Quidditch, that’s what.
So apparently the most sheltered retards in wannabe exclusive Northeast private schools like Vassar and Middlebury College are playing quidditch, the made-up game from the Harry Potter books. Yes, the same game that requires flying around on a broom and a tiny magic ball that flies around of its own volition. [WL]
God I’m angry. I’m going to punch every inanimate object I see, beginning with homeless people and eventually moving my way up to white babies (not that white babies are higher up, just that I don’t see black or Mexican kids playing goddamned Quidditch). This is what happens when people stop beating their kids. I don’t want to live in that world and if I have to smack your kids myself until they learn that there is such a thing as a stupid idea, so be it.
And if you’re keeping score at home, people who play quidditch just shot to the top of my list of people I want to stab, just above guys that listen to techno in their car, club promoters, white guys with dreads, and the cast of Sunset Tan. (Trannies that trick me into doing them by being super sexy have been demoted to a stern talking to)

FLIPENDO!
Quidditch is actually a very deadly game. What with the heights and hard balls and everything.
Grrr…hard balls?
And if you’re keeping score at home, people who play quidditch just shot to the top of my list of people I want to stab, just above guys that listen to techno in their car, club promoters, women named Marlene, white guys with dreads, douches that act like Klingons online, Glen, and the cast of Sunset Tan.
FIXED!
It could be worse… no. No this is the ultimate. I think they referred to this in the book of revelations. Something about 4 hoursemen, boiling seas, people not knowing fiction from reality… yep there it is: the youth will believe that college was not for learning but for making up games from children’s literature.
I would pay good money to see these fuckers actually talk to a woman that has shaved her legs and used makeup.
Duh, um, hee hee, well, er, see, uh, gee, ahem, whew, you uh, you wanna maybe come over to my place and uh, like play Pokemon or uh, maybe we can sit around and talk about, uh you know how Dumbledore likes the cock?
GRRRRRR…………Miniature golf!!!
-u
Repost from prev thread:
OK true and current story:
My employer is pissed as they want me to work 9am to 5:30pm with a 1 hour lunch. I pointed out that most days I come in at 7:15, work my lunch, and leave at 5pm (sometimes (maybe 3 or 4 times a month) 4:30). And that this works out better for everyone.
They can’t figure this out and now I am going to have to meet and explain it to them in very small words. Christ I hate stupid people…
And no, I don’t have a job where I ‘have’ to be at my desk like an Air Traffic Controller…
That dude is wearing a "Vasser" shirt. Either he is more unlayable than warped floorboards, or he is a comedic genius and I don’t get the joke. ooOOh, now I get it. He. He is the joke.
My college had a killer Calvinball team.
"yep there it is: the youth will believe that college was not for
learningdrinking but for making up games from children’s literature."College is all about prioritizing. So I’ve learned.
bryce-read my response from previous.
Lance-did you already forget my "it’s ok to fuck a tranny if you are drunk enough and/or you kill it afterwards" explanation?
TRUE FUCKN STORY HERE: Among all the East Coast schools I applied to, Vassar was the one that I was leaning towards going. Lance, thank you for showing me that my decision was the wise one.
Butters – I just wanted to let you know that your Tom Servo avatar looks kind of like a silhouette of Butters if he had a mohawk.
And a claw for a dong.
One participant is quoted as saying "We chose to bring this game to life because the Live Action Role Play and Revolutionary War Reinactment guys are dorks."
Representatives for the LARP and War Reinactment communities were unavailable for comment.
"you just have to make a choice at some point, is it about the art or the money."
These people make me wish that I could fly.
So I could steal their ball.
And then poop on their heads.
i hope somewhere in the world, somebody is playing "the most dangerous game"…suck on that dick tip vASSar: fucking pussies! try hunting a goddamn human for sport!
LARP? LARP?!?!?!
LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT! LIGHTNING BOLT!
Weight weight weight. Dub: I thought Vassar was one of those sexist colleges where penis’ need not apply, so women could hang out in the bathroom and talk about how their collective "date" is going. ?
"and i don’t have a drinking problem- drink, talk shit, fall down no problem!"
Jacktion!: Wow, you’re absolutely right! It’s like one of those "is this a vase or two people in profile facing each other" sort of dealies. I’ll never quite look at Tom Servo the same way again.
Question: If Butters had a claw for a dong, would he be able to procreate with the chich who has the toothy vagine?
I am fine with dorks trying to out dork one another in a race for supreme dorkdom, but to delude yourself that your dorks are cooler than the other dorks… that doesn’t mesh with me. At least be honest and say "I am living up to my dork potential."
*chick, whoopsie
Thank you for posting this, Lance. Anytime that I think I’m wasting my life away, I can just watch this and know that I’m doing ok.
http://www.digyourowngrave.com/lightning-bolt/
Fek, the saddest part of that clip is the chick clapping at the end.
Lance: Although college kids playing Quidditch is somewhat sad and not a bit delusional, am I right to think that watching Glen play it would be an appropriate exception? I mean, who wouldn’t want to see that? I would watch Glen do many things….
Er…uh…GRR DUMBLEDORE’S ARMY!
I would totally mop the floor with those posers in that clip. There lightning bolt would be no match for my secret weapon: The Flying Elbow. *hint-it’s an actual full speed/force elbow to the face. But it sounds magical, so they’d fall for it.
Ever wonder how a stereotype becomes a stereotype? Thank you long haired, bearded hippy sporting the vassar t.
KILL EM ALL!!!!!!!
nommy – it is one of those colleges, EXACTLY why i wanted to go there. imagine the possibilities!
"…breath, pain, and torture, locked inside my room, i’m an insane sorcerer…"
Add to stab list: White guys with corn-rows…guh!
Bryce: My answer to your question is pie charts and graphs. They are like graphic novels for idiot bosses.
Picture books for retards for idiotic bosses?
this is awesome: all of "us" on a websit,e telling "them" how gay they are.
filmDRUNK4LIFE!!!!!
"trust me i’m a scorpio, that’s how it has to be- til i’m chillin’ with children and a house, i’m fast and free"
I am so glad to be done university this year. Secret drunken midnight dodgeball is one thing. But running around with mini-brooms between your legs, to simulate flying is retarded. The only three ways I simulate flying: flight simulators, LSD, supermans.
I stabbed Tyson Repp with a mechanical pencil in shop class. He was trying to take my triangle, and his was broken. I had no choice. Luckily, he wasn’t a snitch. See Stone and Erswi?: A draftsMan is destined to be a draftsMan.
I applied early to Vassar and didn’t get in. Now I go to another one of the "sheltered, Northeast private schools" which doesn’t have people retarded enough to play Quidditch. Thanks being a slacker in high school!
That being said, does anyone else really wish they were there, if only to tackle the tool who’s the snitch and ruin the game for everyone?
I hit Steven (last name withheld due to memory loss) over the head with a Tonka truck in kindergarten. Knocked him out cold. Bitch was trying to take my blocks.
Oh, and sweet. I’m off Lance’s stabbing list. Although I’m not looking forward to that stern talking to. See you tonight, Lance.
Onorable – I think I’d talk a girl into yelling, "That guy stole my purse!" when he ran past instead.
At the babysitters I tied my brother to a chair (with permission[from my brother, not the babysitter]) in the unfinished basement. I told him to try to get out. Retard tipped over and cracked his chin on the cement. 5 stitches.
you think after the quidditch match, everybody goes home, changes into their "plushy" attire, and then meet back up for a huge fuck fest?
guys? huh? where ya’ going?
Is it just me, or does it sound like agb is telling a story from the other day?
agb = kinky
When I was in college, my dorm mates and I had our own fun game. Everyone would be hanging out in the hallway, waiting for me to get there. As soon as I’d arrive, the game was on. The objective – get to your dorm room as fast as possible, close the door behind you, and wait for one hour. Most of the guys couldn’t wait the full hour, and I’d hear them sneaking out of the dorm after 5 or 6 minutes – but I ALWAYS won.
" my friends always win in a fight, i still jump in"
glen: have you ever killed anyone?
Those fuckers wouldn’t want nonna me. I would use my broom like a fuckin’ quarter-staff and I’d treat the game just like smear the queer. Only the queer is everyone except me.
::: i make obvious my habit to stab it until it’s had it :::
"you pop another pill to try and calm your nerves but prescriptions make the descriptions a lot worse."
Who ever posted the youtube of Christopher Hitchens, thanks. Top drawer.
On the upside, these dorks are pretty likely to rack their balls running around with broomsticks between their legs … so that should limit the numbers for future generations of Quiddith-playing mouth-breathers
Glen, you should definitely try to make the special olympics team then.
And, like I said in the crazy people and fighting polar bears thread, you still owe me 50 bucks for the quickie. I’m only charging you half price, because, you know, you’re double the man.
JHC, where the fuck did that come from? It was great!
Ya know, I typed that exactly how I wanted to, yet it still kind of sounds like I’m the queer. Damn it……
GRRRR……..FOURSQUARE!!!!
I also, for no reason, stuck a hockey stick through the spokes of a bicycle that a girl I knew was riding. She flipped over the handlebars. I just wanted to see what would happen. Ergo, I have a tendency to hurt people, without meaning to, when testing how the world works.
Imagine what would happen with effort if I ever met those people.
agb: how do you test the world when it comes to a partner and yourself in the bedroom? do you have a tendency to hurt people in there?
:::lowers head and listens intently:::
STFU gUYS I CAN’T HEAR HER!!!
As far as I know, I’ve never accidently hurt someone in the bedroom. As far as I know, I’ve never purposely hurt anyone in the bedroom either.
Ok. I’ve really been trying to come up with something funny to say about a bunch of dipshits (undoubtedly from the Dwarf Planet Dipshit – see yesterday) running around a field with brooms between their legs – but I’m convinced it’s not possible.
I am convinced that if I saw it taking place in person, I’d drive my car onto the field and try to run them over. This is saying a lot, because I really like my car.
woah, woah, woah…anti-grav tits is a girl???
*the room begins to spin – chodin grabs his head and sits down*
woah….hold on….wait.
*throws up*
Stone Soup, I call shotgun.
I’ll take, people I’d like to defecate on while they sleep for $500 Alex.
We call "shotgun" "sean Taylor" now, On.
I’ve never hurt anyone during sex, either.
I hurt them beforehand.
You need to weaken them or they’ll fight back.
Jacktion!, they really don’t fight back if they’re dead.
I’m just sayin’…
I know, Onorable.
Trust me, I know.
"my man put me on a date and i laughed, because i ain’t fuckn with a bitch less than an 8.5′"
Speaking of dead people and sex, how’s Michael’s mother doing, chodin?
They have a cross country runner play the snitch, who comes back every ten minutes to keep it honest? Put a quarter bag around that fuckers neck, and you won’t have to worry about him not getting caught.
Ever heard me say "may you fall on your face with your hands in your pockets"? On the back porch, i was headed inside, and my stepsister decided to trip me. Hands were in my pockets. Forehead—>concrete stairs—–>stitches again.
As a variation of Stone’s earlier comment, I’d like to be the
bitchsnitch, because I could just sprint to my car. The rest would be simple.You know what, I bet after the game, they use the broomsticks to sodomize one another.
Too far?
Onorable, I think we’ve got a mind link going on, because I was about to type something very similar.
That movie where Kevin Bacon sodomized the boys in lock up with a night stick still bothers me.
Quiddith-playing > NASCAR
I’d show up on the field with my Swiffer Sweeper, everyone would be jealous, and I’d leave with there girls. Then i’d ditch those nasty bitches. I only took them to make some nerds cry.
Ice Fishing in no tent and exposed to elements > Quiddith-playing
I am filtered at work and cant see the damn video, but it has to be much worse than I can imagine because I am not a mildly retarded prepper playing hobbie horse field hockey.
SMB – I love watchingn Al or Jessie going up against somebody with half a brain and a high school education, they normally get owned, but against Hitchens, that wasn’t even sporting.
Kevin Bacon has got to be a pederast.
Jacktion!,
Care to meet up and link in a different way? And by that I mean doing it. I call pitcher!
You know my favorite made up thing this time of year? Virgin birth!
I wonder … what it must feel like to wake up the next morning after winning the Quidditch championship, look in the mirror and realize you’re still that waste of carbon who was tricked by a kids book. I know … it must be what hell feels like.
That’s fine. As I’ve explained many times before, being on the bottom doesn’t make me gay, because I don’t get any pleasure from it.
You, however, are a big fag who wants to cum in some guy’s ass.
But yeah, it’s cool with me!
The Mighty Fek’lhr asserts, Eib, that the one girl on CSI was a pregnant virgin. If it was on TV, it must be true. Sinner.
Blacks would probably play this running around with a fried drumstick between their legs pegging each other with watermelon.
Kevin has played several now that you mention it Fek. Hmmm…
::: I have the omnipotent gift to lift the crowd, without havin’ to speak too loud :::
Jack, On, listen…as long as you are both really drunk and one of you dresses up like a girl, it’s cool! Otherwise you are both ir-redeemable fags.
I would have some respect for these people if they were at least playing "the ground is made of lava". Someone should tell them to play that. It might give them The Juice.
I love sin!!! all of em!! I prefer to be called a blashpemous whore, Fek.
did you hear that jacktion?
*crickets chirping*
yup…ol’ Michael DeNicola’s dead nazi mother is doing just fine (thanks for asking).
new post rotting piles of forshak!
JHC-sorry for calling your Mom a slut, but come on. even you dont beleive that
Whatever, "Blasphemous Whore Fek".
Jacktion!, close, but I pull out before shooting. Pick you up around 8?
WHA HA HA!!!!!!!! WHA HHHHHAAAAAAAAAA HHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!!!!!
nommy i hope that you banged fondled tied up touched beat your step sister for that.
Oh Mary, wife of joseph, mother of sweet jesus. Oh joseph, husband to mary but not the father of sweet jesus.
Boys, stop your flirting!
fags
Oh crap, I just realized that I can’t tonight! We’re playing Rock Band tonight.
Tomorrow, then.
hell no dub. Bitch is fat.
woah, over on "that site we do not speak of" their praising JCH – even DB’s dead nazi, er-um…i mean, even DB ???
JHC…you know what i meant.
Don’t sweat it Eib. Us tall people have to stick together. Besides, Joe wouldn’t have just let her tag along for nothin’. Even biblical times bitches had to know there ain’t nothin’ called a free ride.
Ass, Grass, or Frankincense required to ride this Mule, bitch.
oh then i hope you fuckn slit her throat whilst she slept
Eh, I can’t do tomorrow. Nevermind then. I’ll just go bang one of the dead hookers I keep in my freezer.
What, I mean, I don’t have any dead hookers in my freezer? I keep them elsewhere. Grrrrr Hookers!
I wonder if the whole "savior of the world" thing actually evolved from Mary’s lie to Joseph. And that bitch had to keep piling it on as time went by. Bitches will just keep stacking lies on top of lies til eternity. And there is always some guy who will keep buying into it, because he has no choice, and he’s a tool.
Hey, Onoroble, do you just fuck them frozen, or warm up the dead vag some way?
That video just brought back this long repressed memory of the first time i went into a lesbian bar with the intention of trying to watch some live girl on girl action while i filmed it. The only couple that would even acknowledge me were a pretty odd looking pair. One of the ladies looked like Brutus the Barber Beefcake and the other reminded me of Wendy O. Williams, but i had a goal for the evening and they had agreed to let me watch but not film it, so i left with them. All i remember after getting in their Pacer was stopping at a red light, being passed this Cheech and Chong sized joint that i puked off of after hitting it just once, and then i woke up to sunlight on my face in some alley with a broomstick shoved so far up my ass i was walking like a marionette all the way to the emergency room.
Depends on the season, Eib. Depends on the season.
What did they call road-head back then?
Mule-head
Donkey-gobble
Camel-knob
None of those sounds legal.
Nom, you sound so cynical. I dont lie like that.
I actually think Joseph was the father, she just couldnt tell society that she was pregnant out of wedlock, and the whole thing got out of hand. wouldnt it be hilarious of all of these people based their beliefs and lives on a young girls lie?
Oh, wait, that still means we are all bitches. Damn
I stand by my statement. Not all bitches lie for a living, but alot do. And I hate someone who will keep lying even after they know you know the truth. I’ve demolished many of my Mother in Laws Lie-structures. Bitch will just rebuild on the same foundation. BTW Mother-in-Law is an anagram for Woman Hitler.
I feel you there, Nom. No, not the special place, the Woman Hitler.
Crapbasket:
I think they would have called it "Sucking on the Sandle Candle".
MOTHERFUCKER!!! after thousands of times i fall back. whilst cleaning the living room of discarded beer/liquor bottles i decide to get an early buzz (before i have to hear the monotonous soliloquies of my constitutional law teacher) and pick up a beer bottle and drink BAM! cigarette butt!!! JHC why do you tempt me so, WHY????!
The way you get through life without lying is lying extreme as a joke and then telling the truth that you would have lied about seriously. Example:
"Mum. I got knocked up. And I have herpes."
"OH MY GOD! ARE YOU THAT STUPID!"
"No. I just dented the car by crashing into a handicapped person."
*But with the correct spelling of Sandal.
Women lie? Well there goes Hillary’s vote. I’m writing in Fek’Ihr on my ballot in 08′
The Mighty Fek’lhr will run His illustious campaign on two words:
GunBirth Control!Geh…fuck it…
Fek, how about mandatory birth control?
And why was it always just "lay with a woman" why not "Make thee like the dogs" or "yea, and their legs were like the sheers for the lamb" or just "anal against the shower wall."
Fek: How about a plan to undurstify this country by the end of your first term. It’d work, cuz people will think you seem smart using a word they never heard.
Crap:
It was really just a way to convince women that it was a sin if we stayed to cuddle.
Truth be told, THe mighty Fek’lhr would just start nuking
minoritiesother countries and let Kahless sort them out.Fek, if you do advocate birth control, possibly mandatory, then showing this video will most certainly win you the election.
The Mighty Fek’lhr would also legalize drugs. And prostitution. And mopery. Take that
Anne FrankHelen Keller!dub: i feel ya’ brother. i’ve tried to rescue many-a-wounded soldier…i guess maybe the lesson is "leave a dying man dying" ?
I can’t wait til the CERN collider comes online and within the next few years kills us all, or worse, destroys the Universe. Way to go, science!
The Mighty Fek’lhr supports 10,000th trimester abortions.
Bees are going to kill us. I’m serious.
The Mighty Fek’lhr is a proponent and advocate of gay rights. Gays have the right to shut the fuck up.
Don’t you mean "lack of bee’s" is going to kill us, AGB?
Yes Nom. But I like to be positive. Bees are going to kill us.
The Mighty Fek’lhr would not only keep the ‘Pledge of Allegiance’ the way it was meant ("Under God"), but would elaborate it with some pornographic filth as well.
The Mighty Fek’lhr would appoint Conan The Librarian as Chief of Justice.
The Mighty Fek’lhr would change ‘No Child Left Behind’ to ‘If Your Dumb Ass Can’t Make It, You Are Fucked’.
The Mighty Fek’lhr would change the legal age to purchase and consume alcohol to 18 (months).
The Mighty Fek’lhr would make Chris Crockerism an offnse punishable by death.
Fek, what’s your position on Tariffs?
what’s your position on Tariffs?
Good jobs at good wages!
Duderonomy 3:16 to 4:20;
And being the good wife she lay there taking his manhood in many holes. there was much jizzing and praising to God. Then being the good wife she did make a sandwich. Then she did turn the TV to sportscenter. There was much rejoicing. And he being a good husband and thankful for his wife, did lay in the wetspot so she could slumber. Then in her sleep he would spill his seed to skinimax’s Juggy Carwash on her back. For this transgrassion he was smitten with a cramp in his leg.
The Mighty Fek’lhr
Thinks he a Kilngon, but still less retarded than Bush!
There’s your slogan. Let’s do this!
or Thinks he’s
whichever
The Mighty Fek’lhr would eradicate the stigma surrounding the word ‘nigger’ by forcing every public speaker to say it at least 20 times per sentence.
Can I call dibs on Secretary of the Interior? Your mom’s interior. BaBam!
The Mighty Fek’lhr would molest an intern with a cigar, just to prove a point.
As long as we’re bringing in the apocolypse, I want to be Pestilence.
The Mighty Fek’lhr would stuff Britney, LiLo, Paris, Marlene, and that douche from WL into a cannon and fire it against a brick wall.
Aw, not LiLo! At least make her do hardcore porn first!
The Mighty Fek’lhr would change the National Pastime from baseball to MMA.
famine. I’m tired of fatties everywhere I look.
New post, Yuenglings!
The Mighty Fek’lhr would build a massive wall along the Mexico and Canadian border to prevent the rich white guys fucking this country from escaping His abuse and criminal taxation.
could you also build a bubble around your country so your pollution doesn’t end up in my lungs?
The Mighty Fek’lhr would let kids in lock up sodomize Kevin Bacon with really big pineapples.
The Mighty Fek’lhr counters your offer, AGB, with building a bubble around YOUR country, so the USA can continue to pollute at least the rest of the world.
The Mighty Fek’lhr would hold a massive peace conference in the Middle East. It would basically go like this:
TMF: Stop all of this retarded religious war crap or I will nuke the Middle East off the face of this fucking planet, tahQeqs!
Guys in turbans:….
BOOM!
The only way to make the title more controversial would be if it read:
"DOESN’T ANYONE BEAT THEIR KIDS OFF ANYMORE?"
How is this any LESS GAY than Touch Football?
Or any football for that matter?
When was the last time any of you commenting/the OP saw daylight? Or your own genitals?