IESB today has a couple new featurettes (here and here) and a few images from the upcoming Ten Commandments movie, featuring the voices of Ben Kingsley, Christian Slater, Alfred Molina, and Elliot Gould.
The Ten Commandments, of course, tells the story of that one time when Moses bravely called the Hebrewites a bunch of damned dirty apes and led them out of Egypt and told the pharoahs they’d have to pry the shotgun out of his cold dead hands but got all confused when Michael Moore asked him about it later. And I think there was some stuff about witnessing false bears and not being gay in there too.
I dunno, I haven’t read the bible in a while. Long story short, Moses was the hero and everybody got all stoked and drank wine.
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Chuck Heston craps bigger than you, pal.
burning bush, that takes me back, i dated a rehead for a bit. FIRECROTCH!!!!
I wonder if the athiests are ever going to protest these movies.
I used to have an imaginary friend that I talked to and thought he’d grant me wishes. But then I grew up and stopped going to church…
*credit joke: Jimmy Carr*
COmmandment #11
Thou shalt not have an acting career if all you do is a Nicholson impression.
http://www.boreme.com/boreme/funny-2007/jimmy-carr-2002-p1.php
Hell posting that is easier than badly repeating his jokes…
I take it Sir Ben Kingsley is going to be the voice of god. Let’s see Moses try and wriggle out of this:
God: "Shut up, cunt. You louse. You got some fuckin’ neck ain’t you. Retired? Fuck off, you’re revolting. Look at your suntan, it’s leather, it’s like leather man, your skin. We could make a fucking suitcase out of you. Like a crocodile, fat crocodile, fat bastard. You look like fucking Nebuchadnezzar, you know what I mean? Stay here? You should be ashamed of yourself. Who do you think you are? King of the castle? Cock of the walk?"
Jack, i thought number 11 was "Thou shalt not press thy manhood into the colon of another man." I swear Jerry Falwell told me it was.
Moses: What would thou have me do, O Lord?
God: Cunt! Cunt! Cunt! Cunt! CUNT! CUNT! CUNT! CUNT!
^ Props to CB.
Yes, Yes, Yes!
good morning my fellow hombres and gentiles.
what’s on the menu for today [bryce's grandmother excluded]?
What the hell kind of animation is this? I’m assuming the banner pic is from the movie, and it’s disturbingly awful. Look at Moses…he’s got…lifeless eyes, black eyes, like a doll’s eyes. When he comes at ya, doesn’t seem to be livin’.
yeah, but he’s got the beginnings of a killer Jew-fro
The Mighty Fek’lhr believes there should be a commandment from God that states in clear language that all pedophiles, sodomizers, and masturbators go to hell, NO APPEAL!
Something tells me that Katie Mamlok doesn’t like Mondays.
I don’t know what it could be…
Yeah, had a look at the clips and it looks like a computer game. Biblical Sims, or Settlers. Very poor.
I though the Mighty Fek’lhr was God!
or thought. whichever
THE TEN COMMANDMENTS ARE MADE…..FROM PEOPLE!ÂÂ
^excerpt from "The Soylent Commandments"
Fek’lhr is not a god, b/c the Klingons killed all their gods. Fek’lhr is a mytho-historic figure.
ummm. . . i mean. . . GRR. . . XENA WARRIOR PRINCESS!!!!
I liked it best when Xena and Gabriel got their Lez on…
damn, i would suck the piss out of fek’lhr’s klingon dick, if my work computer had "oregon trail" on it.
f.y.i. when you reach the rivers: caulk and float that shit! live dangerously! fuck the oxen!!!
hmmm, leather-clad lesbians… got to go.
bryce is just stating what women say whenever he tries to talk to them.
bryce – I like you man, but you make it too easy!
11th Commandment? Thout shall not gleam thy cube unless ye pump up thy volume.
12th commandment – thou shalt not roll up thy KUFFS more than three turns.
wha? he sauce started it
Wow, I just made a Gleaming the Cube reference yesterday! I have summoned this! I am all-powerful!
damn malfunctioning backspace key. sauce started it, not he sauce
Jacktion! you cut me deeply, Sir.
He-Sauce? By the power of CONDIMENTS! I HAVE THE MUSTARD!
YESSSS. that’s what I want. A shitty movie with the CGI of a Playstation 2 game about a fictional story about a fictional god.
It’s all gravy.
No idea what that means but i like it.
Thou shall not allow thine babies to grow up to be cowboys.
Thou shall not claim to have smelt it, lest thou be said to have dealt it.
Thou shall not sleep until though hath arrived in Brooklyn.
Thou shall press five if thou wishes to leave a callback number.
Stone – I have a oproblem with "Thou shall not claim to have smelt it, lest thou be said to have dealt it."
I find that "He who hath denied it, most verily hath supplied it" to be far more accurate.
^problem
Thou shalt dial the number yourself and not be connected by the operator as it doth cost more.
Thou shalt not lend thine friend thine credit card in a strip club.
Thou shalt not call thine ex-girlfriend after 6 drinks.
Thoust shall kneel before Zod.
Good call, Jack.
I’ve got one – Thou shall not kill.
That was a good one Glen! Ha Ha! (sarcastic) You’re on your game today!
::walks away shaking head::
Thou shalt not be a wanker!
Thou should be paid more for doing less work
Thou shall not decrease the speed of thine bus below 55 once thou hath acheived that speed, lest thou riskith blowing up thine bus and its occupants.
Thou shalt not shitteth where thoust eateth.
Once thou hast goeth black, ye shalt not goeth back.
Thou shalt not let thy meat loaf.
@ Glen:
"Nice drop-in, Monty… that broadcasting school REALLY paid off."
If it weren’t for church some kids would never get any hot penis action.
^That was a quote from T.V.’s Andy Rooney.
Thou mayst tune a piano, but thou shall not tune a fish.
They always make Moses movies about the bondage in Egypt and the escape across the Red Sea but they don’t do sequels to tell us the rest of his story. Read this bit that comes later, straight from the Bible, and tell me that Moses isn’t the baddest ass that ever walked on the planet.
Numbers 31:9-18
The sons of Israel captured the women of Midian and their little ones; and all their cattle and all their flocks and all their goods they plundered. Then they burned all their cities where they lived and all their camps with fire. They took all the spoil and all the prey, both of man and of beast. (skip a bit, brother) Moses was angry with the officers of the army, the captains of thousands and the captains of hundreds, who had come from service in the war. And Moses said to them, "Have you spared all the women? (skip a bit more, brother) Now therefore, kill every male among the little ones, and kill every woman who has known man intimately. But all the girls who have not known man intimately, spare for yourselves."
The Ten Commandments II starring Clint Eastwood as Moses. Directed by Quentin Tarantino. Please Lord, make it happen.
I suppose the ability to part the sea can lead to a bit of a power trip…
I met a Jewish person once.
Me too. If you ever see one again Glen, watch your back. Trust me.
Erswi- thought number 11 was "Thou shalt not press thy manhood into the colon of another man." I swear Jerry Falwell told me it was
it was "Thou shalt not press thy manhood into the colon of another man, unless you first buy him dinner, get him drunk, have proper lube and promise areach around." of course , he is dead, so you wouldnet need to do all that now. he’s ripe for the taking
Glen is hilarious. Posting the obvious, deadpan observation is just fresh, comedic genius. I hope next time he starts with "Wazzzuuup" and ends with "I’m Rick James bitch!". Also, if his avatar was the Budweiser frogs, that would just be so funny. Oh! Also, "Pet Peeves: Stupid people". Ha ha!
I don’t think Glen would get those jokes.
is it sad that the burning bush is the most impressive part? I’m 90% sure that the producers have dirt on these actors cause even I wouldn’t stoop as low as to make a god movie shittier than the Veggie Tales.
This just in: Christian Slater will never achieve the coolness he managed to assertain in the brilliant movie Kuffs. "I said howl, not fart."
Long story short, cartoons are retarded and this computer 3d animation bullshit is worse.
"Thou shalt not let thy meat loaf."
HAHAHAHAHA!!!!