LANGELLA FILLS OUT CAMERON DIAZ’ BOX
10.12.07
Veteran creepy dude Frank Langella has signed on for The Box, with Cameron Diaz and (director) Richard Kelly, in yet another movie that could be its own porn remake.
Provided his Donnie Darko follow up Southland Tales (starring The Rock, Stifler, Mandy Moore, Justin Timberlake, Bai Ling, Vizzini from The Princess Bride, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Janeane Garofalo, Kevin Smith, John Larroquette and others) doesn’t somehow forever alter the space-time continuum as we know it, Richard Kelly’s The Box will feature Langella as a stranger who presents a mysterious box to a woman. When presented with mysterious box, I usually just yell "zoinks!" and hit it with a shovel. Chicks love that.
The Box is "based on an old Richard Matheson story called Button, Button. (The basic premise is this: You’re given a magical box and if you press the button, you become rich — but a total stranger will die.)" Just before all the possible vagina jokes short-circuited my brain, I wondered what the fuck kind of box has buttons on it. Most of my boxes are made of cardboard. Did they let Diaz name this box? I mean, are we sure it’s actually a box and not, like, a shirt, or a television remote? Because she’s really bad with household objects. One time I asked her to pass the salt and she handed me a tube of shaving cream. Who even has that at the dinner table?

THE MIGHTY FEK’LHR ALWAYS KEEPS SHAVING CREAM AT HIS DINNER TABLE.
What does Christopher Lee have to do with this?
Hmmm, how rich is rich, and how far away will the stranger be when they die?
Howie, I’m going to hit the button and go with deal because I hate most of the human race anyhow, so what’s to lose?
Ack… I… am… dying…
Thanks… a… lot… dudley…
Prick
Sorry Jac, thought I knew you better.
The good news is that your wife is set for life, as long as she has low morals.
One time at the dinner table, I asked my wife to pass the butter. She told me to get fucked.
I believe that’s called a Freudian slip, JHC.
I dunno man. After she said it, I laughed and she didn’t. She meant that shit, dude. It’s ok though. I just reached across her plate and grabbed the butter anyway. I showed her what’s what.
Maybe she was propositioning you… chicks hate it when you laugh after they ask for sex, or so I’m told.
My head floated in a sea of blackness once. It was in Baltimore when my band was on tour.
Now "asian" is the only box I have to check off.
i saw a porno once where some bald dude "headed" a chick – swear to god. i like to think that’s what it means for a "head to float in a sea of darkness".
…or blackness, but i just didn’t want to make things racial here.
i’m behind aren’t i?
not at all wwbd. i think i’m just chugging milk at the CKT by myself.
i think everybody else is dead?
Hola! It smells like gay sex in here!
I’m from Oregon?
I killed Jaction!, but it was an honest mistake, and I got lots of money because of it.
So what was going on in Vegas that kept you both away all day, only to sign in within two minutes of each other?
I got better.
VH: that’s just your top lip.
it actually smells like teen spirit in here.
Damnit, does this mean i have to give back the money?
ummm, I mean Welcome back to the living Jaction!, no hard feelings, right?
We had a late night last night! It was our monthly Knights of Columbus meeting… those get sooo out of control!
dudley - You don’t have to give back the money, just share it with me. I did die for your wealth, after all.
I’m wearing British Kights. of Columbus.
i’ve been thinking about becoming a freemason, just so that i can go to their meetings: i hear it’s nothing but group sex and stonework.
Off topic that has nothing to do with this:
Al Gore has won a Nobel Prize. God help us. He’ll be unbearable now. Like a Michael Moore with geo-thermalnuclear warheads.
bubb- that’s just a raiders jersey dude.
and that’s not a bowl of cereal you’re eating, it’s meth.WOOOOOOOOO-WOOOOOOOOO!
Don’t press that button-the bright, shiny, candy-like button!
I’ve thought about joining the Shriners. Those tiny cars are bad ass. Also nothing says "I use Viagra and won’t blow too soon" like a Fez.
JHC – and nothing says "i’m not dangerous" like a group of old dudes wanting to kick it with little kids all day.
Everytime I try to poke mysterious box, they tell me it’s a parole violation. Dat’s dat WOOOOO!
I prefer a monkey in a leopard print fez.
No offence Bubb Rubb.
Monkeys freak me out. So do Primates.
anyone else seen that cops episode, where they find that black naked dude all fucked up on drugs, and it takes like six cops to get him to the ground?
honorable mention: the episode where they’re trying to subdue a black midget, but he tries to escape by climbing a light post?
Yeah VH and wwbd, you guys sure came in late. Were you with cocaine last night? lol
I’m always with cocaine.
No, I was with cocaine till early this morning!
I loved th Twilight Zone episode, how can this take longer than 1\2 hour though?
Unfortunately, this is the closest thing to originality we’re going to get from Hollywood.
"The basic premise is this: You’re given a magical box and if you press the button, you become rich — but a total stranger will die."
Are you kidding me? That would be better than winning the lottery. Hell, I’d be cool even without the "you become rich" part. I’d run down the street CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK-CLICK.
Video game thumb – don’t fail me now!
chodin – don’t forget the cops episode where the black dude was hiding under the kiddie pool with his fuckin foot sticking out. i mean how much did he suck at hide n go seek as a child? 8. . 9. . 10. . ready or not here i. . . goddammit tyrone i can see your hand sticking out from under the car. . . stupid ninja