JESUS CHRIST: THE MISSING YEARS
09.26.07
Drew Heriot, a guy that made his debut directing a get-rich-quick/get-religion DVD called The Secret, will helm a movie about Jesus’ "missing years", from age 13 to 30. You can watch the first 25 minutes of The Secret on YouTube (but only if you’re in the mood to have your life changed). According to IMDB, it stars Sophie Angelle as "Volleball Woman".
Heriot directed self-help documentary "The Secret," which sold more than 2 million DVD copies. John F. Sullivan and Keenan wrote the script [for the upcoming Jesus movie], inspired by two books — "The Aquarian Gospel of Jesus the Christ" (1908) by evangelical preacher Levi Dowling and "The Unknown Life of Jesus Christ" (1898) by Russian anthropologist Nicholas Notovich.
Story chronicles Jesus’ journeys from Israel through India, Tibet, Persia, Greece and Egypt as he encounters people of all creeds, classes and faiths.
Hey, I’m all for movies about the Jesus, but without thinly-veiled anti-semitism, where’s the hook? They started all of the world’s wars, you know. All I’m saying is, I’m more inclined to respect the teachings of someone who was brutally murdered. Don’t muddle the issue. [via Variety]
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I hear Hay-zoos’s missing years were a fling with Scientology. Then his dad found out and slapped some sense into him.
Jesus is a work of fiction anyway. Why should this be any different?
Jesus Christ: The Wet Dream Years.
It’s like Adrian Mole… but with an inevitable martyrdom.
All hail Photoshop King Lance!
You should change the release date to March 23rd though. Thats Easter!
Don’t all you Athiest’s realize that your "god" doesn’t exist? Wake up people, coke and pepsi are the same thing!
I get MASSIVE erections for Jesus.
I thought Athiest’s didn’t believe in any god.
yes wwbd, that was the joke.
They just aren’t sure. If you’re athiest you don’t want to commit. I think it’s a way of hedging your bets.
Wrong, that’s agnostic.
ditto
Yes, Lance is correct. For once. Way to go Lance! We’re all very proud of how you come correct.
My body is the only temple that I worship. Nightly, in the shower. Unless my wife feels bad for me. So pretty much nightly.
My body is a temple, that’s why i leave the boots on the outside. (Denis Leary.)
My body is a temple… it’s in ruins. (Somebody else.)
I’m not even very religious and that photohop pic is very disturbing.
Great Job Lance!!!
The thing about these kind of movies is that no one can verify shit, so they can put in whatever the hell they want to. Then there’s all this controversy. Controversy is the best!
Guys, I’m not sure how much emotion I can invest in a movie character knowing full well that he dies at the end. I mean that’s like rooting for Darth Vader in Return of the Jedi.
Which I have always done.
Go Sith!
Jesus H. Christ, There’s a lot of misinformation out there about you. I’d like to conduct an interview with you so we can clear up some of the rumors and outright flasehoods that have been created about you over the last 2,000 years. So with that, let’s start our interview.
Question 1: How big were Mary Magdelene’s tits?
…Too bad it isn’t based on Lamb: The Gospel According to Biff, Christ’s Childhood Pal Now that’s some funny shit!!
SPOILER ALERT! The best scene in the movie is when Jesus gets caught jacking off in the bathroom while thinking about Phoebe Cates’ titties.
Hairy nice new avatar, you know, it is terrified of Jacktion’s.
I would prefer them to treat this like the Wonder Years. Have a 33 year old Jesus narrating all his silly antics from Junior High. Oh Winnie was sooo HOT! And I’m pretty sure Fred Savage is available and could still play a 13 year old boy.
My money is that there was some homosexual activity involved in the "Lost Years." He may have run a bathhouse in Antioch for all we know. Why do you think he only knew one chick besides his moms? He loved the dudes.
There’s a reason why their lost. You dig up that shit and you’ll have a bunch of nazi’s getting there faces melted off.
Ok, I just want to tag on to Hairy’s question to Jesus. Obviously we’re all dying to know how big Mary Magdelene’s hoo hoos are, but I’d also like to know why every woman in the New Testament is named Mary? Ok? Your mom is Mary, your squeeze is Mary, the prostitute is Mary, the chick who goes to where you’re buried and finds out you bailed is Mary, the sister of some other chick (who’s name is probably Mary) is Mary. Back in the Old Testament there was Ruth and Eve and, uh, well Ruth and Eve. But then it’s just Mary Mary Mary. Is this a Jew thing?
Hey, I’m all for movies about the Jesus, but without thinly-veiled anti-semitism, where’s the hook? They started all of the world’s wars, you know. All I’m saying is, I’m more inclined to respect the teachings of someone who was brutally murdered. Don’t muddle the issue.
Lance I feel I must lodge a protest to this post. Not because I disagree with you, but because your Zionist spies have obviously been stealing my thoughts again. I’d threaten a lawsuit but since I don’t get along with Jews, where am I going to find a lawyer?
I’ve always pictured Jesus as having bigger feet. And he wouldn’t be caught dead in that fucking dress. But what do I know – I’m a devout atheist. It’s so depressing to see how many morons want to see a movie about Jesus. But if there’s enough sexual innuendo or nudity I might watch the trailer.