Whenever we talk about 50 Shades of Grey, I think it’s important to remind everyone that this whole phenomenon started as Twilight fan-fiction written under the pen name Snowqueen’s Icedragon. It’s unclear whether Snowqueens had an apostrophe, but otherwise that’s 100 percent true. So anyway, those books eventually came to occupy the four top spots of the bestseller list, so naturally they were going to make a movie out of it. Which brings us to today, when 50 Shades author EL James announced that the director of Universal/Focus Features’ film adaptation would be Sam Taylor-Wood, known mainly from her indie Nowhere Boy, about John Lennon. Well, known for that, and for banging her Nowhere Boy star, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, who at 23 is half her age and was born in 1990. They are now married and have a child. I’ll have what she’s having.

Said James on her feed, “I’m delighted & thrilled to let you guys know that Sam Taylor-Johnson has agreed to direct the film of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey.’”

“I am excited to be charged with the evolution of ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ from page to screen,” said Taylor-Johnson in a statement. “For the legions of fans, I want to say that I will honor the power of Erika’s book and the characters of Christian and Anastasia. They are under my skin too.”

Taylor-Johnson joins British screenwriter Kelly Marcel, who penned the first draft of the script, and producers Mike De Luca and Dana Brunetti, who have been working feverishly for months to secure a director. “Promised Land” helmer Gus Van Sant eagerly lobbied for the job, while “Anna Karenina” director Joe Wright turned down the gig.

“Sam’s unique ability to gracefully showcase complex relationships dealing with love, emotion and sexual chemistry make her the ideal director to bring Christian and Anastasia’s relationship to life,” De Luca added. “E.L. James’ characters and vivid storytelling require a director who is willing to take risks and push the envelope where needed, and Sam is a natural fit.” [LATimes]

It’s pretty nuts that Gus Van Sant has directed two best picture Oscar nominees (Milk and Good Will Hunting) and a Cannes Palm D’or winner (Elephant, which is insane because that movie sucked) and still couldn’t get a job directing Twilight fan-fiction porn. I guess they really wanted a woman to direct it, though that wouldn’t explain them courting Joe Wright (one of my least favorite directors, incidentally). Though you have to figure, if anyone knows about some kinky sex shit, it’s a 46-year-old woman who bagged a 23-year-old. And keep in mind, not just some 23-year-old poolboy either, but a handsome, independently wealthy, reasonable well-known actor. Either she knows a few seduction secrets or she has a magic vagina. Possibly both. I’m interested in 50 Shades of Grey just to learn her secrets.

Also, up until now, I always imagined British seduction rituals all involved powdered wigs and furiously waving hankerchiefs.

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This week on the Frotcast, both Matt Louv and Matt Lieb join Brendan and I in the Frotquarters and Bret via Skype for a live edition of “Louv it or Lieb it.” Instead of telling you what we talked about, which was sort of all over the place, I thought I’d just throw in a few of my favorite moments:

Bret on online dating: (sarcastically) “I wish everything could be like interviewing for jobs. I just wish there was a site that could make my life just a constant interview, with people that don’t really want me there. Like, an online grocery store. ‘Um, I realize you were going to make some chili, but these pinto beans decided to go with a better buyer.’”

Matt Louv, while watching The Wolf of Wall Street trailer: “It’s Spring Bankers, dude.”

While discussing movies we would watch in “Punch-o-vision,” which would allow you to punch the characters:
Matt Louv: Koyaanisqatsi.Vince: Oh yeah, I would totally punch the Challenger accident.

Bret, on the impending (hopefully) bomb of The Lone Ranger: “You see, the problem is that when you’ve got an Armie Hammer, everything looks like a nail.”

Brendan, while playing our new game #Skamovies: “Skaface.”

RE: Bands based on actors, like ArnoCorps, Matt Louv: “I would start a jam band called The Val Chillmers.”

Oh snap, why didn’t I think of “KoyaaniSkatsi?”

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Last night, we had the rare situation of two Hollywood A-list superstars appearing on late night talk shows to promote their upcoming summer blockbusters while also making fools of themselves. Of course I mean that in a good way, as both Channing Tatum and Brad Pitt were in on the jokes when they showed off their softer sides on Jimmy Kimmel Live and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, respectively.

First up, Pitt and Fallon did a little rooftop yodeling while dropping a plug for World War Z.

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I’m not sure I would’ve posted the trailer for I Give It A Year otherwise, but this Anna Faris screencap seemed like a must-see. So, I Give It A Year. It’s, uh… comedy romantic someone movie make… crap, I keep losing my train of thought…

Writer/Director Dan Mazer has made a name for himself with the Sacha Baron Cohen comedies BRUNO, BORAT, and ALI G IN DA HOUSE, and is now moving on to his own features, starting with the British romcom I GIVE IT A YEAR. The straightforward pic follows the “trials and tribulations of a newlywed couple during their first year of marriage,” but with some edgier, psuedo-raunchy humor. The film is packed with a great cast, many of which who are no strangers to the genre, including Rose Byrne (BRIDESMAIDS), Anna Faris (THE HOUSE BUNNY), Minnie Driver (GROSSE POINTE BLANK), Rafe Spall (SHAUN OF THE DEAD), and Simon Baker (The Mentalist). It looks like a blast, which isn’t something I say often about this genre, but Mazer at the helm and the solid cast sell it easily. [JoBlo]

Oh and Steven Merchant, who doesn’t get his name on the poster even though he’s doing all the heavy joke lifting. Who the f*ck is Rafe Spall? Come on, now you’re just sticking random letters together.

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As seen on set here and here, The Descendants‘ Shailene Woodley was set to play Mary Jane Watson in The Amazing Spider-Man 2. But hot off the news that Sony plans to make Spider-Man films through at least 2018, the year when Andrew Garfield turns 35, comes the news that Mary Jane won’t even show up until Spider-Man 3.

…talking recently with EW, she reveals you’re gonna have to wait a little while to see her performance. You see, she’s been cut out of the second movie with part now being placed in part three — which either means it wasn’t very big to start with and will be expanded down the line, or everyone is just seeing what works on the fly.

“Of course I’m bummed,” she said. ”But I’m a firm believer in everything happening for a specific reason….based on the proposed plot, I completely understand holding off on introducing (Mary Jane) until the next film.”

The proposed plot perhaps means the long standing rumor that Emma Stone‘s Gwen Stacey is going to be killed (as she was in the comics), with MJ as Peter Parker’s shoulder to cry his webby tears on. [ThePlaylist/ComingSoon]

Yeah, I’d like to cry some webby tears on MJ myself, gnome sayin’?? OH! (*looks around for high five, smokes cigarette behind the head*)

Anyway, I’m hoping Sony takes The Hobbit approach to Mary Jane, where the characters spend the entire movie talking about going to Mary Jane’s house, and all the cool stuff Mary Jane has there, and what they’re going to do when they finally get to Mary Jane’s house, and how fun it’s going to be; and then they walk halfway there and the movie ends with a close-up on her eyeball.

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Man, don’t you hate it when you take your gun off to take a huge dump and then you dump so good you end up crapping your short-term memory and forget your gun right there in the shitter? It’s one of the biggest problems facing Florida today, along with oven meth and escaped snakes. Just such a thing happened to Tampa Sheriff Luke Hussey over the weekend, who left his gun in a movie theater bathroom, but had a happy ending when a 9-year-old boy who was there to see Man of Steel returned Hussey’s Glock.

About 90 minutes after a 9-year-old boy found a loaded handgun in a movie theater bathroom Sunday, sheriff’s Detective Luke Hussey realized he was missing his Glock.
Hussey, 38, who has been with the Hillsborough County Sheriff’s Office for 13 years, was off duty that day. He had gone to Muvico Centro Ybor 20, according to the Sheriff’s Office, about 3 p.m. and stopped in the bathroom before the movie. He put his Glock 26, a personal weapon, on top of a toilet paper dispenser — then forgot it and left.
Minutes later, Temple Terrace 9-year-old Zane Noland entered the same stall and saw the gun. He exited the stall and told his father, Wesley Noland, 48, who had taken Zane and his older brother, Ryan, to the theater to see Man of Steel on Father’s Day.
Wesley Noland, a Marine veteran, went into the stall, disarmed the Glock and called 911.
By the time Hussey realized he’d lost his gun, Tampa police had taken it. He called Sunday and asked for it back, police said, but was told only a detective in the firearms unit could release it.
The Sheriff’s Office announced Tuesday that Hussey is the subject of an administrative investigation that could result in suspension or termination.
“It’s obviously a serious mistake,” said sheriff’s spokesman Larry McKinnon. “We’re glad no one was hurt, that the gun didn’t end up in the wrong hands.” [TampaBayTimes]

Yes, it’s a good thing the gun didn’t end up in the wrong hands. (*gives gun back to cop who left it in a movie theater bathroom*)(*Yakety Sax plays*)

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