Landline TV’s videos keep getting better, which is nice, because they save me the trouble of expending all my energy on brilliant industry analysis and photoshopping Paula Abdul on top of Mexicans.  Anyway, this is their first video since Megan Fox is CGI, and this one’s about the special Homeland Security task force created to deal with an increase in movie quoting caused by the release of Brüno.  Haha, stupid frat boys with their beer bongs and their movie quoting.  What a bunch of losers.  (*looks around*)  (*whispers*)  Psst, Big Lebowski quotes are still cool, right?

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(careful, trailer is NSFW for brief nudity)

Deadgirl is a heartwarming coming-of-age film about the trials and tribulations* of high school, friendship, the girl of your dreams, and the zombie f-cktoy you keep in an abandoned mental hospital.  (It’s basically like Weird Science if Kelly LeBrock had been a corpse). The trailer has some brief nudity, but it’s on a dead girl, so I don’t know if that counts as NSFW.  I guess it probably does.  But what would a movie about zombie f*cktoys be without nudity?  A zombie f*cktoy movie without nudity is like pancakes without maple syrup, or a childhood without birthday parties.  Anyway, before I get caught up smelling my own farts, Deadgirl opens in limited release July 24 and was made by some people you’ve never heard of but you can read all about here.

*sidenote: isn’t a “trial” and a “tribulation” the same damn thing?  who comes up with this crap? is it just because they both start with “T”? people are stupid.

As if we hadn’t already beaten the dead Predator horse and taken a dump inside its skull and used its spine as dildo for homeless people*, Robert Rodriguez is producing ‘Predators’. The latest word is that they’ve hired Nimrod Antal, director of the Hungarian subway movie Kontroll (which was kind of neat), to direct.  Rodriguez said of the plot:

I can’t go too much into the story right now, because we’re still writing. But it still involves a very intense group of people stranded on a Predator planet discovering unspeakable horrors (that are not always from outside their group). So like the original movie, the title does have a double meaning. [via a million-word article on AICN]

Kontroll was interesting, but the list of foreign directors who made cool flicks elsewhere only to come to Hollywood and take paychecks to do garbage is long and consonant filled.  In fact, the last guy attached to this project was Neil Marshall, who followed the badass Descent with post-apocalyptic car porn Doomsday.  Anyway, I think this will be great if by “intense people” they mean Christian Bale and the silent Indian guy from the first Predator and they just growl at each other like dogs for two hours.

*though to be fair, I have heard people say AVP: R is actually pretty kickass.

One of my favorite YouTube videos of all time has to be Guido Beach, the landmark anthropological study of the douchebag and douchette in their natural habitwat.  Recently, Flubby over on KSK dug up this classic video (watch it below), a compilation of clips from the 1994 documentary Wildwood, NJ, which is basically like Guido Beach but with worse hair and stupider clothes.  Some of my favorite moments:

• :30 mark. Big-haired brunette says, “You ask me?  Women always got a strike up on men. We got our bodies. If we keep in shape. And (pointing at vagina) we always got. that. check. to. cash.”  I imagine a guy coming up to her and being like, “Eh, oh, I’d like ta cash dat check. …WIT MY CAACK!”  *grabs crotch*
• 2:00.  “I haven’t been in a fight for a while.”  (long wistful pause)  “‘Cause my boyfriend won’t let me fight.”
• 2:32. “I put some girl in da hospital.  She’s still there actually.  She tried to mace me inna face.”
• 3:40.  (same girl) “I put some girl in da hospital and she ended up dyin.  …Because she had a gun to my back, and I beat her up really bad.”

Ahh, Jersey, don’t ever change.  This should be the new New Jersey tourism video.  “New Jersey: Everyone has white trash, but ours is the greasiest.”

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Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs was a children’s book from the seventies about a town called Chewandswallow where it rained food, written by someone who was probably really high.  Sony made a movie out of it, and as you can see from the trailer below, they turned it into an origin story about how it came to be that this town rains meatballs.  Pixar seems to be the only animation studio that can do kids’ movies without babytalking, so to speak, and since I don’t have any kids that I know of, I have hard time giving a crap about a movie like this. I’ll let FirstShowing handle it:

In comparison to Planet 51 [I'll have that trailer up later today -ed.], I actually want to see this one just a bit more. Something about all that food and the comedy, it just gets me. Though I’m worried that like Sony Animation’s last movie, Surf’s Up, it won’t be as good as the trailers make it seem.

Yes, you see, the food and the comedy, it really gets him.  Fascinating, right?

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